To Keep or Not to Keep, That is The Question

**littlemissmuffet** · 08-08-2012, 09:18 PM

Personally, I wouldn't even consider it after all she's done for you.

Also, if the parent's primary reasons to move their child is because of grass and some photos.... those aren't the kind of parents you want. Yikes.

It's NOT the parent's decision, if you tell tehm right off the bat that you don't have a permanent space available.

**MissAnn** · 08-09-2012, 03:44 AM

Originally posted by Sparrow

I just started my daycare in July and I have one dcg so far that will be full time starting in September. I also have a dcb that is here for August only. His regular provider is on holidays for this month and asked me if I would take him. So, here he is and he is awesome, his mom is great and uh oh, I think they may want to switch him to my daycare.

As much as I want to, it would not be a good thing for a relationship with the other provider. She has helped me so much to get me started: giving me advice, giving me toys and being my mentor... I feel sick about it.

There are some really good reasons for them to switch though. For one, she has no grass, just pea rocks for the kids to play outside. I have a HUGE fenced yard with grass. And, I post pictures and sometimes videos every day for the parents to see on Facebook.

I realize it will be the parent's decision of who cares for him, but, I have to live here!! It's just a small town and I don't want to be known as a 'kid stealer' and have her and all of the other providers not trust me to be their back-up.

Ugh!

I've been in this position before. When I opened up my program, within a year 3 kids from my previous daycare came to me. I did not pursue them....they called and asked. Yes, I felt bad but I needed the kids! I have a few other friends who have family daycare programs and we discussed the possibility that this will one day happen between us. We made a deal to try not to take it personally, this is business. To me.....to grass is a big thing. I would not put my child in an "all pea gravel" daycare. I also post pics and videos on Facebook and the parents love it! Good luck and keep us posted!

**Annalee** · 08-09-2012, 04:24 AM

I have an "all pea gravel" playground and I love it. The grass seemed to always be wet in the morning but the pea gravel is not so we can go outside every morning. Plus, I had to meet "resilliant surfacing" requirements in TN for licensing and assessment and grass does not count here for that. The parents in my program had a fund-raiser for me to get the funding for the pea gravel. Pea gravel does have it's advantages!

**Springdaze** · 08-09-2012, 04:43 AM

i would feel bad too, but if you are going to take a month off, thats the chance you take. Thats why I dont like to take off!

**momofsix** · 08-09-2012, 06:06 AM

If you provider friend/mentor is the one that asked you to keep him for the month I would definitely NOT take him. She referred them to you for a month because she trusted you as a back-up.
I wouldn't lie to the mom and say you're full as obviously you're not. If she asks, I would just tell her that it would be a violation of your friendship with other provider to take her child. That should be something she should actually respect.
Who knows, maybe she will refer you to other families! If she really likes you I'd also ask her to write a reference letter for you.

**MaritimeMummy** · 08-09-2012, 06:31 AM

I guess I am the only one who would do it.

I have a lot of provider friends who live in my town. VERY small. We are all discreet with children's personal information and we don't disclose even their names to each other. These friends of mine are very close in relationship to me, we were friends before we started home day care.

Assume a parent approaches me and says, "my DD currently goes to X for day care but I would like to bring DD to you". I'd be okay with that, and quite frankly, so would my friend.It's a business, it's nothing personal, it's not like you're out to get her. Obviously your friend isn't providing the type of care this DCM is looking for, and she sees what she needs in you.

**DayCareDynasty** · 08-09-2012, 06:48 PM

I really sympathize with your situation regarding the DCB. I also took on a DCB for a provider who was not only my colleague but lived directly across from me. She went on vacation and referred the parents to me. After being in my child care for about 4 days, the dad drops him off one morning super excited! Saying, "he is learning here, you teach!" I replied yes, we have an early learning program. He said, we went to the pool yesterday and he pointed to the number 3 but called it E... He said, he and his wife were so surprised and happy (even though he wasn't entirely right) so they want to enroll him in my day care! I didn't know what to think.:confused:

Long story short, I talked to my neighbor and she said, if the parents feel my setting is better for their child, she didn't have a problem with it. Although she expressed the loss she felt was providing care for the dcb since he was 7mo.(he was now 2) The family did start with me 2 wks later. Looking back on it now I am not sure I would make the same choice but how can you force parents to stay where they no longer want to.

**DaisyMamma** · 08-10-2012, 04:51 AM

No way, that would not be nice. Other DCP would be rightfully angry. Tell mom you would love to have him, but explain the situation.

**DaisyMamma** · 08-10-2012, 04:53 AM

Maybe you could call DCP to discuss it?

**JenNJ** · 08-10-2012, 06:02 AM

I would do this:

1. "Parents, thanks for the compliment. I hope you won't mind, but if you would like to switch, I need to speak with Sally about this. She is my mentor and I wouldn't want anything to ruin that relationship."

2. Talk to Sally. She deserves to know and one way or another it will come out. She will appreciate your honesty no matter the outcome.

**littlemissmuffet** · 08-10-2012, 06:26 AM

Originally posted by DayCareDynasty

I really sympathize with your situation regarding the DCB. I also took on a DCB for a provider who was not only my colleague but lived directly across from me. She went on vacation and referred the parents to me. After being in my child care for about 4 days, the dad drops him off one morning super excited! Saying, "he is learning here, you teach!" I replied yes, we have an early learning program. He said, we went to the pool yesterday and he pointed to the number 3 but called it E... He said, he and his wife were so surprised and happy (even though he wasn't entirely right) so they want to enroll him in my day care! I didn't know what to think.:confused:

Long story short, I talked to my neighbor and she said, if the parents feel my setting is better for their child, she didn't have a problem with it. Although she expressed the loss she felt was providing care for the dcb since he was 7mo.(he was now 2) The family did start with me 2 wks later. Looking back on it now I am not sure I would make the same choice but how can you force parents to stay where they no longer want to.

You're not forcing anything on the parents. I'm sure that you and your neighbor aren't the only daycares in your town. And if they were so unhappy with their former provider, they should have started looking before she went on vacation and another oppurtunity presented itself. Some parents are just never satisfied with anything and end up daycare hopping!

**DayCareDynasty** · 08-10-2012, 06:47 AM

Originally posted by littlemissmuffet

You're not forcing anything on the parents. I'm sure that you and your neighbor aren't the only daycares in your town. And if they were so unhappy with their former provider, they should have started looking before she went on vacation and another oppurtunity presented itself. Some parents are just never satisfied with anything and end up daycare hopping!

I dont think they were unhappy. They just saw something in my setting that she was not offering. When he was an infant that provider fit their ideal family child care but that must have changed somewhere in there. They did go back and visit the provider occasionally and her and I never stopped communicating, and exchanging ideas. This is just a decision we may face at some point as a provider and we all will handle it differently.

**renodeb** · 08-10-2012, 08:44 AM

I have one very good friend (also a provider) who lives 10 minutes from me. We made a promise to each other a long time ago to never take what happens in this business personally. Ex: recommending kids to her that end up not working out for one reason or another, or a client switching dc's (hasnt happened yet). So far so good. I did have a bad experience with being friends with another provider and I got burned, when I met this (now good friend) I told her all about what happened and thats when we made the promise. I have been just thrilled to be able to help her fill some spots with people I recommended to her. (and she has been very greatful to).
If you end up taking this child as a regular, I would let the parents be the ones to tell the other provider. A month off is a long time, things change. Dc can be a cut throat business if you let it. I can tell you that I had pee gravel for a long time and it really banged up there knees. How well do you know this provider? Do you know for sure that they want to go to you? I wouldnt go to the other dcprov until you know for sure.
I personally find it hard to make friends with other providers, where I live everyone seems so closed off. I refuse to let this job isolate me though. I guess I really have two real provider friends, the one I mentioned who lives by me and the other lives in the next town over. I like that b/c we dont have to feel weird about dc issues like this. Chances are they would have to give two weeks notice. I would wait and see what they really decide. Let us know!

Deb

**Happy Hearts** · 08-10-2012, 09:05 AM

I have decided not to accept their offer should they ask me.

To Keep or Not to Keep, That is The Question

To Keep or Not to Keep, That is The Question

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