Parent Gave Notice. HELP!!!

[Unregistered]

I recently received notice from a daycare family of mine that they are leaving and going back to their old provider. I have a mix of emotions and have been a wreck all weekend.

1. I am relieved their kids are leaving because they have been the worst I have ever had. I have had to completely restructure EVERYTHING in my daycare bacause of them.

2. I am sad that the kids will not be getting the follow up on their developement. DCM they are moving to I know well, she is a put up and shut up to keep their money kind of person. Also doesn't know much about typical development so both kids (major unacknowledged delays) will not be adressed by either DCM or parents.

3. I am terrified about losing their income. I have bills to pay and they are a HUGE part of my income. I have ads out, did before they even left for other reasons and no interest. This is what has consumed my thoughts the most.

4. I am concerned/wondering if I pushed them out. It is clear (to me and LOTS of other people) their kids have lots of issues going on. Mom takes everything I say as a slam or me nit picking on them. I encouraged (a number of times) that the oldest go to preschool, which mom did commit to. I have also suggested getting the other kiddo checked out be early intervention. Did I push them out or is this a case where they just don't want to believe anything is wrong so they moved on to avoid reality?
Is is better to just ignore issues like this so I don't get dumped on and left or is this just a part of daycare? I had someone leave me last year after I addressed some concerns. She said she thought "I didn't like her or her kid". Am I doing something wrong here?

HELP. I feel like a crazy person. Like I am being torn in so many directions. I am even considering quitting daycare. Drama like this isn't worth it really. Am I just being a nerd and shouldn't think twice about this family?

[Sunchimes]

I don't know whether it is wrong to address concerns or not. I have never had any developmental issues with my (grand total) 4 dck. But, I always mention things like sneezing a lot-allergies may be winding up, shoes seem to be pinching, having trouble with potty training and skinny jeans. DCP have so far taken it in the spirit it was given--we have a partnership to raise the best, smartest, healthiest, most polite kids in town.

As for the last family, I say let them go and don't look back. If you are confident that you were polite and respectful and weren't implying anything bad about the kids, then don't worry. It's sad about the kids, but the second most important rule in DC, right after backbone, is that you can't save them all.

Good luck with the search.

[My3cents]

Your going to quit because a couple of parents left you? You wear many hats in this job. You have to know what hat to wear and when. For me putting the kids best interest is first at hand. Parents don't like to hear it. You have to have savvy about it. I don't always have it just right, I am human after all. You learn along the way. I am older then most here and I am still learning along the way. Figure out why your doing daycare, if it is strictly money- prob not the best reason, because the money part is not always the best. I am guessing your doing it because you care about kids. You have to have a backbone and you have to be able to know when enough is enough. Advertise and get new kids that are a better fit for you and don't look back. Expect respect and give respect too and you will be on your way to having a great daycare. Make sure you have a policy/hand/rule book and contract and stick with it.
I wish you the best-

[MizzCheryl]

Any time you address delays it is a touchy subject. Some parents take right to it and want to get help for their child but others take it personally. I even had a parent that got would not see delays I pointed out get angry when the dial screen testing for kindergarden showed their child needed speach. I told them but they refused. They just take it personally or have blinders on.

Listen, You could make them all happy all of the time but You would be the biggest door mat in the world. You could tell them all what they want to hear and do whatever they want. But where would that leave you.

It stinks when client leave but you have to realize that it is just part of the Biz.
Have confidence in yourself and a positive attitude. Every time you cat\ch yourself thinking, this was my fault, instead say this was their choice and new opportunities are headed for me.
It is only DRAMA if you let it be. Believe you me I have termed the drama queen of the century and she thew a tantrum bigger that any kid could have ever thrown. If you don't feed it it will die.
Positive thinking and focus of new possibilities. Live and learn.

[LittleD]

Be relieved the stress is gone, feel sad but not guilty they are not getting the help they need, start looking for other children to feel the spots.

You can"t save them all.

[cheerfuldom]

Its hard to address delays with parents.....BUT it sounds like there was a lot more drama than that going on. There is only so much you can do to try and make something work and clearly, it wasnt working. What is done is done. The best thing is just to learn from the experience and move on.

I have always had a hard time knowing when to approach delays and such with parents. I have found that most parents do not take the conversation well at all so I really have gone to not saying anything unless the parents voice a concern first or unless the delay has become an issue within my daycare. I would love to be able to just be more open with the parents but like others have said, its tricky for sure. I had a daycare child that I knew for sure had numerous issues going on. Any approaching the subject really was not well received and I backed off the issue, over and over. Finally, at 18 months old, the child was not even pulling up and the ped. got involved. It could have been addressed much sooner but the parents werent open to the conversation with me and the ped. did not see this child until 18 months. Again, there is only so much you can do in cases like this. Its up the parents to make the final decision about when and how the delays are addressed, whether we agree with them or not.

[Truly Scrumptious]

Some parents just don't want to deal with the fact that something could be wrong with their child.
A provider friend of mine had a little boy in her care several years ago, and she became concerned about his vision. She had several conversations with his family about it, but it fell on deaf ears.
After he started kindergarten...the provider heard that his kindergarten teacher had talked with his parents several times about his vision and suggested he get his eyes checked. They did not.
When he was in the first grade, the provider heard that this teacher also discussed the issue of the boy's vision and strongly suggested he have his eyes checked. They still would not take him. Finally, the principal called the parents into his office and told them that if they didn't take the boy in to have his eyes checked he was going to report it to CPS.
They took him and he did need glasses.....You know that expression from the past...Coke Bottle Glasses? By that time, that's what he needed.

[jen]

OP,

I want to really make a point that I am not directing this so much at you, but to the issue of providers and the issues of delays. If you look around the forum, there is a constant string of suspected delays and disabilities.

1. Parents are EXPERTS on their children; the moment we think we know more or know better, we are on a slippery slope. If the parents pick up on that attitude, they will shut down.

2. Few of us are truly qualified to draw opinions on the matter of developmental delays, autism, adhd, or any other disorder. Educational psychologists, pediatricians, and special education teachers would never make a determination regarding a child without gathering information about the child's behavior across several settings. As childcare providers, we generally only see kids in one setting. The same kid may be completely different in other settings. We just aren't qualified or in a position to be suggesting any disorder. The best we can do is be specific: Hey Mom, generally kids are walking by 14 months, Timmy is 16 months and hasn't quite gotten there yet. He may very likely just be on his own clock, but you may want to double check with the pediatrician. Never, ever...Timmy should be walking, he barely speaks and he really should be eating solids. I think he has a developmental delay...which leads me to...

3. If you make mention of a concern, be specific when speaking with the parent regarding any potential problem; gather up your information and share it with Mom and Dad. It is always a bad idea to hit them up once a week or even once a month with a "concern." The only time you should do this is if you are considering termination and you want to make sure they know whats coming. Otherwise, the parent is going to feel that the provider "doesn't like" the child and is "picking" on them.

I'm sure you had nothing but the best of intentions for these kids and hopefully they will get everything they need. I wouldn't feel in the least bit bad. Live and learn, you did what you could for the kiddos.

[Unregistered]

I am a licensed early childhood teacher with lots of special ed experience. Dck has no intelligible words and is well over 2 yrs old. Along with walking issues, flapping etc. Doesnt even try to talk unless prompted to practice a word and yet its still unintelligible. Not something anyone with a heart can ignore.

Parents also disrespected me and every rule I have. I have wanted to term a long time.

Maybe I am just too soft hearted and when someone says this and that -to point the issues another way- I take it personally unecessarrily.

I will be happy when their notice period is over. As long as I can find some new families to replace their income....