Not sure daycare is for me

[Unregistered]

I'm registered, logged out. I've been doing daycare for a while now and am starting to feel that it isn't for me. When I get to feeling this way I convince myself I just had a bad day and that I can do better and I'll feel better but this is happening too often. I started my daycare to stay home with my kids. I had no experience and no idea what I was getting myself into. I've been successful as far as finding good families and I'm making enough money. However, I just don't think I have the patience or skills to deal with kids. I don't really like watching kids other than my own. I can do it with a smile on my face and the kids are happy but I feel like they are missing out on a better, more permanent daycare by keeping mine open.

I need to keep it open another 6 months or so but then I'm thinking of closing down. I'm feeling so guilty because I have families that will be really upset when I tell them. I also know that my DH will be disappointed. He was very understanding and patient when I made the decision to do daycare. I transformed our house, I spent a lot of money setting up, and I left a successful career making much more money. So to quit after just a couple of years would be hard. We're in a much better position financially than we were when I started so I won't be faced with putting my kids in daycare fulltime, maybe just two days. Plus my youngest would be preschool age so I feel she might really enjoy and benefit from spending some time away from me and preparing for school.

I guess I don't really have a question. I just wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere and maybe get advice or validation. I haven't dared to say anything to DH or anyone else yet but this just keeps nagging at me.

[Happy Hearts]

This is a good place to vent and write down your thoughts. I really don't have any words of wisdom for you but I can empathize with you. I hope you get the peace you need to make the right decision for you.

[Kaddidle Care]

Vent away.

I've always found that when I'm questioning whether to stay at a job or not that jotting down a list of pros and cons helps a lot.

Work to live, don't live to work.

You really need to decide if you like it or not. I recently quit the Center I was working at for 5 years. There were many reasons, not just one but I felt 5 years was enough. Now I hope and pray I can find something else in September.

After watching 2 boys goofing off in the back of a Sam's Club grocery cart the other day I can safely say that right now.. other people's children no longer amuse me.

Since you have a set up already maybe you can do a little Preschool (I don't think you need a teaching license for Preschool) a few times a week between 9-12. It would give you function to the remodel and a limited amount of time with the children which you may enjoy - yet a lot of time alone with your own children as well.

[EchoMom]

I'm not trying to convince you to stay open as a daycare, you have to do what satisfies you. However, I will just play devil's advocate and say that I think the expectation can be really high on anyone who works in a child related field... We're supposed to do everything for altruistic reasons and just love love love kids. Much of that is true, however, it is also a job and if you're providing good care for them, they're safe and happy and doing fine, maybe you're expecting too much from yourself? You don't HAVE to love them and enjoy them as much as their parents do, they AREN'T yours no matter how much time you spend with them. And honestly this might be a little mean, but if their own parents loved and enjoyed them as much as you do your own they probably would have chosen to stay home with their own kids too.

Mighit be an unpopular opinion and not sure I'm getting the wording I want, but I'm just saying if you're doing a good job caring for people's kids maybe you're expecting too much more out of yourself?

[countrymom]

I'm not trying to convince you to stay open as a daycare, you have to do what satisfies you. However, I will just play devil's advocate and say that I think the expectation can be really high on anyone who works in a child related field... We're supposed to do everything for altruistic reasons and just love love love kids. Much of that is true, however, it is also a job and if you're providing good care for them, they're safe and happy and doing fine, maybe you're expecting too much from yourself? You don't HAVE to love them and enjoy them as much as their parents do, they AREN'T yours no matter how much time you spend with them. And honestly this might be a little mean, but if their own parents loved and enjoyed them as much as you do your own they probably would have chosen to stay home with their own kids too.

Mighit be an unpopular opinion and not sure I'm getting the wording I want, but I'm just saying if you're doing a good job caring for people's kids maybe you're expecting too much more out of yourself?

I understand what your saying. I also have to add that maybe your in a slump and need to revamp some things in your daycare. Or maybe you need to get away for a couple of days. I find that I can't be in my house 24 hours a day, so sometimes I go to tim hortons and sit in there and drink a tea.

[itlw8]

I find great training with lots of new ideas gts me hyped up again

But do not feel bad if you want to go back to your old career. Childcare does not have to me your lifetime love. It does not make you a failure.

[cheerfuldom]

I'm not trying to convince you to stay open as a daycare, you have to do what satisfies you. However, I will just play devil's advocate and say that I think the expectation can be really high on anyone who works in a child related field... We're supposed to do everything for altruistic reasons and just love love love kids. Much of that is true, however, it is also a job and if you're providing good care for them, they're safe and happy and doing fine, maybe you're expecting too much from yourself? You don't HAVE to love them and enjoy them as much as their parents do, they AREN'T yours no matter how much time you spend with them. And honestly this might be a little mean, but if their own parents loved and enjoyed them as much as you do your own they probably would have chosen to stay home with their own kids too.
Mighit be an unpopular opinion and not sure I'm getting the wording I want, but I'm just saying if you're doing a good job caring for people's kids maybe you're expecting too much more out of yourself?

agree with this EXPECT for the bolded. It is completely unfair to say that parents do not stay home because they do not love their kids as much as someone who finds a way to stay home. That is a whole nother thread but I hope that someday, you are more compassionate in your thought process of other parents....its a very hurtful statement to make.

outside of that bolded comment, I agree with this poster. Perhaps your expectations are too high? I am not Mary Poppins, there are some kids that I do love and others that I care for with a good attitude. I dont expect my daycare to be as awesome as a stay at home mom's situation....there is no way I can provide that to 7 or 8 kids under 5. But I can provide somewhere safe, clean, wholesome for the kids and if I have done that, then I fell that I am successful. It sounds like everything is working okay and maybe this 6 months will help you progress in your thought process about daycare and find a way to make it work after all. No body loves their job all day every day but as long as you can muscle through that and meet the kids needs, I think you are doing just fine.

[MNMum]

I hear what you are saying and sometimes have similar feelings. Everyone has their strengths with children. It can be easy to look at someone else who really seems to enjoy other people's children day in and day out. It can be easy to compare yourself to a childcare educated professional who is running a home daycare. I could be wrong, but I bet most home daycares are being run by people who have a desire to be home with their own children and are fumbling along the way. As long as you program is providing a stable environment, where children can play together (and are thus learning), are getting proper naps and being fed nutritious meals - these are the important things. I think we all have ways we could improve our days for the children in our care. Focus on the things you are giving these kids. And look at how they are thriving.

As far as the longevity of your program and worrying about how the parents will feel. Do what is best for you and your family. Ideally a child would be with their parents until they go to school. 2nd choice they stay with the same primary provider for birth-5 years. Realistically we live in a static world. Parents move, providers retire/close, groups of children don't mesh. Luckily, our children do adapt. Don't beat yourself up.

[SquirrellyMama]

Is it possible for you to just let some of the kids go? I'm not sure how many you have but maybe if you only had 1 or 2 kids in your care for a while. I had a daycare several years ago and ended up burnt out because I took on too many kids. I'm back after a 6 year break and now I know my limit.

K

[My3cents]

agree with this EXPECT for the bolded. It is completely unfair to say that parents do not stay home because they do not love their kids as much as someone who finds a way to stay home. That is a whole nother thread but I hope that someday, you are more compassionate in your thought process of other parents....its a very hurtful statement to make.

outside of that bolded comment, I agree with this poster. Perhaps your expectations are too high? I am not Mary Poppins, there are some kids that I do love and others that I care for with a good attitude. I dont expect my daycare to be as awesome as a stay at home mom's situation....there is no way I can provide that to 7 or 8 kids under 5. But I can provide somewhere safe, clean, wholesome for the kids and if I have done that, then I fell that I am successful. It sounds like everything is working okay and maybe this 6 months will help you progress in your thought process about daycare and find a way to make it work after all. No body loves their job all day every day but as long as you can muscle through that and meet the kids needs, I think you are doing just fine.

I was taken back by that statement also. Good parents work too! Not everyone has to be a stay at home Mom or Provider to be doing the best by the kids. Sorry I didn't like this either.

If your heart is not in it, then it is time to move on and do what makes you happy. Do daycare for the right reasons not for the wrong reasons. Be ok to say that it is not for you. They say we have to try something like five different things before we find a career that we really love and enjoy.

[EchoMom]

Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant it to. I didn't mean all parents, but it is true that some people don't love their kids as much as others do, but I more meant to say the degree that parents ENJOY time with their kids. I am thinking specifically of many interviews I've done where the parents say I love my kids but I could NOT spend the whole day with them. Their kids would drive them nuts to be with all day, but I enjoy 99% of my time with my ds and I'm with him all day every day, he's never had a babysitter ever.

My own dh admittedly doesn't ENJOY our ds as much as I do. My dh has told me that he finds him kind of boring, he can't multitask, and it's not his natural tendency. (which believe me, hurts my feelings and has made some conflict!).

SOME parents (and I'm thinking of specific examples) do prioritize their lifestyle over their kids because they enjoy the lifestyle more. One exmaple, a family that lives on the river in a big house, drives a BMW, and work ALOT. I know they love their kid, but I think they also love their lifestyle and have chosen not to give it up in favor of staying home with baby. That's their choice and they're entitled to it, but I don't think you can make those choices and still say your child is your number one priority. Our prioritites is where we spend our time, resources (emotional, financial, etc.) Another example, a family that has nice cars and just moved into a brand new big house in a nice area and went on an 8 day vacation leaving the baby at home with relatives. They say how hard it is to leave the baby, and another baby on the way too, but yet they don't make the choices to live on less so that mom could be home with them more. Her actions don't match her words.

But it's true and I apologize, my statement was too broad and blunt. My husband and I live on one extremely modest car only, share an extremely modest house with my mother, and I still can't afford to ONLY be a SAHM, so I turned my life upside down to start my business so that I could make the money we need but still be with my ds. It would hurt my feelings if someone said I dont' love my ds as much as them because I don't ONLY stay home with him and can't devote ALL my attention to him.

But I THINK we can all agree that there are SOME people who don't love their kids as much as their jobs/lifestyle, and SOME people maybe even many people who don't enjoy their kids as much as someone who chooses to be with their kids 24/7.

[cheerfuldom]

Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant it to. I didn't mean all parents, but it is true that some people don't love their kids as much as others do, but I more meant to say the degree that parents ENJOY time with their kids. I am thinking specifically of many interviews I've done where the parents say I love my kids but I could NOT spend the whole day with them. Their kids would drive them nuts to be with all day, but I enjoy 99% of my time with my ds and I'm with him all day every day, he's never had a babysitter ever.

My own dh admittedly doesn't ENJOY our ds as much as I do. My dh has told me that he finds him kind of boring, he can't multitask, and it's not his natural tendency. (which believe me, hurts my feelings and has made some conflict!).

SOME parents (and I'm thinking of specific examples) do prioritize their lifestyle over their kids because they enjoy the lifestyle more. One exmaple, a family that lives on the river in a big house, drives a BMW, and work ALOT. I know they love their kid, but I think they also love their lifestyle and have chosen not to give it up in favor of staying home with baby. That's their choice and they're entitled to it, but I don't think you can make those choices and still say your child is your number one priority. Our prioritites is where we spend our time, resources (emotional, financial, etc.) Another example, a family that has nice cars and just moved into a brand new big house in a nice area and went on an 8 day vacation leaving the baby at home with relatives. They say how hard it is to leave the baby, and another baby on the way too, but yet they don't make the choices to live on less so that mom could be home with them more. Her actions don't match her words.

But it's true and I apologize, my statement was too broad and blunt. My husband and I live on one extremely modest car only, share an extremely modest house with my mother, and I still can't afford to ONLY be a SAHM, so I turned my life upside down to start my business so that I could make the money we need but still be with my ds. It would hurt my feelings if someone said I dont' love my ds as much as them because I don't ONLY stay home with him and can't devote ALL my attention to him.

But I THINK we can all agree that there are SOME people who don't love their kids as much as their jobs/lifestyle, and SOME people maybe even many people who don't enjoy their kids as much as someone who chooses to be with their kids 24/7.

Thanks for clarifying. I agree that the first statement was too broad and too blunt, like you said and I also agree that there are parents that do not prioritize things in such a way as to provide the time and commitment that a child needs. I think we all know parents like that.

[justgettingstarted]

Thanks everyone. I've been reading and thinking a lot about your comments. Unfortunately, I can't let any kids go or do a preschool program (although that sounds really fun!) because I just wouldn't make enough money. However, I definitely agree that I am expecting too much of myself and my program. I offer lots of "extras" and plan a lot of activities. The prep work is taking too much of my personal time and I run myself ragged during the week trying to keep up with cleaning and the basic care of the kids all of which are still in diapers.

I was doing some brainstorming of ways to lessen my load. I'd love to hear what you think or if you have any other ideas. First, I'd like to eliminate breakfast. All of my kids arrive between 8:30 and 9 and I'm currently providing a substantial breakfast (scrambled eggs, pancakes, oatmeal, etc) as well as an a.m. snack. Do you think parents would expect a rate decrease if I went to a larger a.m. snack and expected them to show up already having had breakfast?

Second, I was considering eliminating daily care reports for kids over two. I know all of my families enjoy getting a care report each day but after the age of two do they really need to know how many diapers they had and exactly what times they napped? I also write my menu each day on a white board so they would have that information anyway.

Third, I'm thinking of moving my closing time up from 6 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. All of my kids are scheduled to be picked up by 5:30 but a few have been stretching it since my late fees don't kick in until closing time.

I'm hoping these changes will help me feel more in control and less overwhelmed so that, even if I do close in 6 months, those months are more enjoyable for me and the kids.

[Blackcat31]

I'm hoping these changes will help me feel more in control and less overwhelmed so that, even if I do close in 6 months, those months are more enjoyable for me and the kids.

Absolutely do what ever you can to lighten your load as you will find that sometimes those little changes make HUGE differences!

I would eliminate breakfast. I require parents to have their child eat something before arriving and then I offer a morning snack to tide them over til lunch time. And NO, I did not decrease my rates simply because I stopped providing breakfast.

8:30-9:00 is normal school arrival and breakfast is not served at school at that time so I feel justified in my change to no breakfast at daycare anymore.

I pre-plan my menu monthly and send (through e-mail) the monthly menu to parents. I let them know that sometimes we do tweak it and have Monday's planned meal on Tuesday etc but for the most part they get the general idea.

I also think it is a great idea to eliminate the daily reports for kids over 2. I only do daily reports for infants and even then only until a regular routine is developed and the parent isn't so concerned about number of feedings and BM's during the day.

I would talk with parents at pick up and mention quick simple tidbits from the day but daily reports after infancy is just way too much and I honestly think parents won't care. If something big happens during the day, you can talk with parent at pick up or through e-mail or phone call later.

I would absolutely move my close time. Condsider moving it to the time the last parent works or go to contracted times. Before I went contracted times only, all parents left their kids until I closed. Now, I have them pay for the extra time if they want their kids to stay after they are off work and wouldnt you know it 75% of my kids are now gone by 4:00 and I am left with only 2 families (3 kids) that actually need me until 5:00. Makes clean up and the end of the day go more smoothly to not be super busy right up to closing time.

Small changes definitely make a BIG difference, so I would start with the 3 changes you mentioned and see if that helps.

Give yourself a date in the future, say 60 or 90 days and re-evaluate how you feel after you made the changes. You will know your answer then.

[cheerfuldom]

Do all that you described! No more breakfast served, no more daily reports. I dont do them for anyone unless they are a new infant. I would also move up closing time since you know for sure that all parents can pickup by that time. I would not change rates to reflect the change in breakfast.