Preschool Age Temper - Appropriate Action?

[AfterSchoolMom]

Just wondering what, in your opinion, is the best way to handle a four year old that tends toward physical/verbal displays of temper as a means of venting their anger? Not full on tantruming, but, for example - something doesn't go their way, so they being to scream or whine loudly (unacceptable behavior in my house). They go to time out in the "screaming/crying spot" until they can calm down. The screaming/whining stops, but while there they're going "HUMPH" and "UUUGH" and beating their fists in anger on the chair/table or kicking/stomping feet, etc. I find this behavior almost more disrespectful and rude than the screaming, because this child in particular is very intelligent and verbal and KNOWS that what they're doing is wrong, but it's more of a power struggle issue.

Should the continued displays of temper be allowed (while in the crying spot) or curtailed? It's my isntinct to say that they can't get up until they can show calm, respectful behavior. However (and this may be a ridiculous question) is it unhealthy in any way to take away all means of venting anger? "Use your words" doesn't seem to get anywhere, despite the child's verbal skills.

[itlw8]

Everyone gets angry but we all need to find a way to deal with it... talk with the child to come up with some ideas that are ok.... maybe in th calm down spot you could put a basket of silky and squishy toys. those often help calm down children.

[AnneCordelia]

Kids here stay in the thinking spot until they are ready to join the group, which means being polite and cognizant of others. This means no rude noises or behaviours. I am happy to sit with them if they want to talk, and I do make a point to talk while they are in good spirits about appropriate behaviour if they are angry. Its ok to be angry...that's why we have the thinking spot with pillows. Its not ok to be rude to others because you are angry. :-)

[Heidi]

Kids here stay in the thinking spot until they are ready to join the group, which means being polite and cognizant of others. This means no rude noises or behaviours. I am happy to sit with them if they want to talk, and I do make a point to talk while they are in good spirits about appropriate behaviour if they are angry. Its ok to be angry...that's why we have the thinking spot with pillows. Its not ok to be rude to others because you are angry. :-)

In fact, I tell them "when you are calm, you can join us"

Yes, it's ok to be angry, sad, mad, frustrated, or whatever. It's just not ok to make everyone else suffer too.