My Own Kids Disturb My Program

[Guest]

Does any one else have this problem. My kids mess up my day. My son (5) will yell or run, just be crazy to get everyone else crazy. He likes the mess around with the boys and gets them all wild up. My daughter (2) is mean to the other kids, pushes, doesn't follow the rules of the dc. They make up their own rules and get the kids to go along. I would love to just let them do their own things but come back and kinda tease and they are the same ages as the kids. I don't want to say because they are my kids or this is their house they can do different things. I do this to be with them.

Do you have this problem? I am counting the days until the 5s go to school. I just hope the damage isn't done and I can redirect them.

[Heidi]

I'd tell you 5 yo that while he is in the daycare room, he needs to follow daycare rules. If he can't do that, he needs to spend some time in his own room. He is old enough, and should not be acting like this. At 5, he can also have consequences, like loosing a favorite toy for a few days.

Your 2 yo I would handle the same way you do any other 2 year old. Redirection, positive guidance, and consequences. Same as any other kiddo in your group.

[brookeroo]

I have a son who is almost 5. I have all younger kids though infant to 2.5. It totally messes up my day when I have him or an older drop in because he's (they're) constantly opening my gates or leaving the bathroom door open, leaving the basement door open, ect. It's kind of a hazard really with as many young ones that I have.

I have naps in our bedrooms and since they sleep up there I don't want him going up there waking everyone up by playing or making noise. So I make him follow the same rules we have or he goes to grandma's next door. Edit: Or he gets time outs or something that drives him taken away. (No outdoor time, no DS, no staying up late, goes to bed early, ect...)

I started my daycare at the end of March. We have kept him in his old daycare facility because they offer preschool and kindergarten. If he doesn't attend the daycare through the summer he loses the spot for their preschool...so i've kept him home periodically but I definitely feel good that he is with kids his own age and has a little freedom. I think if he were here I would be more frustrated with him more often...not at his fault of course but just with the situation and lack of ability for him to have his own space. He is only 4.5 after all... It's tough not to be too tough on him because I have high expectations for my own children. I expect great manners and behavior. I'm pretty strict. My husband says I run a boot camp but they listen well and my son is a mommas boy anyway so I must be doing something right!

[athomemommy]

Thanks for getting back to me. We use the whole house right now with 8 kids they room we have set up is too small with a 10 yr, 3 5 year olds and 4 2 year olds. I think he would rather spend some time in his room but maybe if it was each time he acted up he wouldn't like it. As for my daughter redirecting does not work. she just kinda smiles and plays I am to cute card. I am thinking about a time out with the gate up in her room so she can't get out. the other kids will sit in a time out she won't and it doesn't seem to faze her but her room where she can't see the others may. what do you think about the gate.

[Heidi]

Thanks for getting back to me. We use the whole house right now with 8 kids they room we have set up is too small with a 10 yr, 3 5 year olds and 4 2 year olds. I think he would rather spend some time in his room but maybe if it was each time he acted up he wouldn't like it. As for my daughter redirecting does not work. she just kinda smiles and plays I am to cute card. I am thinking about a time out with the gate up in her room so she can't get out. the other kids will sit in a time out she won't and it doesn't seem to faze her but her room where she can't see the others may. what do you think about the gate.

the only bad thing about her room and the gate would be you're making her room a negative thing then, and it may end up causing bedtime issues for you. Is there another place you can put her?

Wow...that's quite a group! So, they dck's go into your kids rooms, too? I think I'd be outside every possible second with a group like yours!

[athomemommy]

the only bad thing about her room and the gate would be you're making her room a negative thing then, and it may end up causing bedtime issues for you. Is there another place you can put her?

Wow...that's quite a group! So, they dck's go into your kids rooms, too? I think I'd be outside every possible second with a group like yours!

No Its not in my kids room.. It is in a room the same size. My kids share a room right now. I look forward to the older ones going to school.

I wish I could find some resources and raising your kids in a family child care setting. Because I am sure I am not the only one. I feel like I nag all the time. I just want them all to have a good time.

[athomemommy]

we do spend A LOT of time outside but its been so hot its hard.

[Heidi]

Do you think because most of your group is older, you could try a more democratic approach? Maybe you could have a "meeting" with the older ones at nap time one day and you could ask them what THEY think the rules should be. Make a big poster together. I bet if they have some input...and you ask them to help you, they just might. Worth a try, anway.

[athomemommy]

Heidi Thats a good idea. Should I let them pick consequences too.

Back to my two year old what else can I do when she is mean... She doesn't care if I take away a toy, she will find something else. ( maybe not even a toy at all) redirecting and guideing sometimes lead into a bigger fit. I have a corner that the others go to.


I just feel like I have a lot of patience and it is tested all day by my own kids and I then I am not very good with the others and have no patience left.

[Lilbutterflie]

Thanks for getting back to me. We use the whole house right now with 8 kids they room we have set up is too small with a 10 yr, 3 5 year olds and 4 2 year olds. I think he would rather spend some time in his room but maybe if it was each time he acted up he wouldn't like it. As for my daughter redirecting does not work. she just kinda smiles and plays I am to cute card. I am thinking about a time out with the gate up in her room so she can't get out. the other kids will sit in a time out she won't and it doesn't seem to faze her but her room where she can't see the others may. what do you think about the gate.

I have been open for 3 yrs; I have two children (ages 7 & 4). I can tell you the most important thing to keeping my children from acting out is to treat them how I would any other child in my care; and be super consistent.

For your 5 yr old, definitely let him spend time in his room if he is acting out. Then after 5 minutes, go to his room and talk to him about what he was doing wrong. If he keeps acting up, take a priviledge away from him. Be consistent.

For your 2 yr old, you say she won't sit in time out. You will need to fix that. Put her in the same timeout space as the other two year olds, and stay close enough to her that you can redirect her back to the spot if she gets up. If she gets up, calmly take her right back and start the timeout all over again. Rinse and repeat until she can stay there on her own for 2 minutes. She gives you the look of "I'm too cute" b/c she knows she can get away with more than the other 2 yr olds. You have to be super consistent and remember to react to her negative behavior the same way you would react to another 2 yr olds behavior. And don't forget to reward every little bit of positive brhavior you see!!!

I leave my kids' rooms off limits to other daycare children; and my kids can retreat to their rooms at any time they want to in order to be alone. However, anything in the daycare space they have to share with others and follow the same rules.

[Heidi]

Heidi Thats a good idea. Should I let them pick consequences too.

Back to my two year old what else can I do when she is mean... She doesn't care if I take away a toy, she will find something else. ( maybe not even a toy at all) redirecting and guideing sometimes lead into a bigger fit. I have a corner that the others go to.


I just feel like I have a lot of patience and it is tested all day by my own kids and I then I am not very good with the others and have no patience left.

I agree with Littlebutterfly's ideas, too. As for your daughter...try with all your might to under-react to the negative and react to the positive. Also, try using the most positive ways to disipline her by telling what you WANT instead of what you DONT WANT. For instance, if she is hitting, tell her "gentle hands...dd...use gentle hands" brush her arm gently while saying it. Then, ask her to show you gentle hands..brushing your arm. Say "good job...you are using gentle hands" Positive direction and reinforcement.

I have a little guy here who sometimes seems very rough because he has poor motor control. He seems like a bully, but in reality, he has poor control and poor spatial awarness. I try not to make him feel bad or be confrontational. Instead, I remind him that he can be gentle...or careful. We are also working alot on taking turns...he struggles with the concept alot!

My sister is experimenting with if it's a verbal action....it gets a verbal reaction. So saying mean things to your friend means you apologize verbally. A physical thing means you apologize and give a gentle hug. I'll have to ask her how that's working.

[cheerfuldom]

How many of the big kids will be back in school come fall? Daycare environment is tough on big kids because they do get bored and normally, bored kids act out.

As for the 2 year old, you are going to have to crack down on her. Address her behavior just as you would a daycare kid and get her inline. Its not going to magically change on its own.

I know its tough with your own kids in care. I have a 1 year old, 3 year old and 4.5 year old. The 4 year old is SOOO ready for school. The 3 year old is a challenge to say the least. I definitely understand your position.

[dave4him]

I know how you feel, a while back my five year old daugther decided to through a rebellion and take half the kids to her room to start her own daycare! It didnt last long, was funny.

But seriously it can be hard for your own kids to see you as the teacher, just have to show them there is a time for fun and a time for learning. Good ideas so far

[Heidi]

I know how you feel, a while back my five year old daugther decided to through a rebellion and take half the kids to her room to start her own daycare! It didnt last long, was funny.

But seriously it can be hard for your own kids to see you as the teacher, just have to show them there is a time for fun and a time for learning. Good ideas so far

LOl @ Dave's daughter...she sounds like a smartie. A 5 year old heading a coup attempt! Good luck in 10 years Dave!

[Daycarelady1979]

I feel ya!! My son is 9 & I've been doing daycare his whole life...I hate to say it, but most days he's the worst one! The biggest problem I have right now is the food. He is a very picky eater & won't eat anything I serve the daycare kids. Plus he's on a totally different sleep/wake schedule so when we're having lunch, he's just having breakfast. He constantly sits down in front of the kids with a snack & then they beg me for what he's having. He feels like it's "his" house & "his" food & he can eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. It's so annoying. He is old enough to know (and follow) the daycare rules but nothing I do (or say) seems to matter. Ugh! Is summer break over yet????