How to handle a DCM who wants to be a friend

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  • MaritimeMummy
    Play-at-Home Mummy
    • Jul 2012
    • 333

    How to handle a DCM who wants to be a friend

    I have a mother of a DCG that is trying very hard to be my friend. I am friendly with all the parents but I am still professional, as I don't want to let them forget that this is a business I am running.

    Anyway, this mother started out requesting friendship on Facebook. Which against my better judgement, I approved, but truth be told I don't have anything incriminating on there and don't really update statuses anyway. So that wouldn't have been a problem in itself BUT she came the next day and made such a huge deal about how she felt nervous because she didn't want to overstep her boundaries so if I didn't want to approve her I didn't have to, just delete the request, etc etc. I told her it was fine, not to worry.

    Then a few weeks ago she was talking about how she started walking because she needed the exercise, but that the lady she walks with takes it too seriously and she can't keep pace. Being nice and making conversation I said, "I know what you mean, I can't keep up with my husband when we go for walks." She responded immediately that we should go together, that we could go alone or take our kids, whatever, she didn't care. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I just said, "maybe some weekend down the road, I will let you know because we are very busy on the weekends with family stuff". Anyway, last week she dropped off her daughter and showed up in her walking clothes and asked if I wanted to take the daycare kids for a walk! I only have a double stroller so I can't go for walks off my property if I have 3 kids who need to be in a stroller, and that day, I did. I apologized and again, said I would let her know if there would be a day that would work for me to go for a walk. She agreed and asked for me to call her when I could go.

    She has been talking about her slushie machine now for a long time, and told me if I wanted to borrow it for the DCKs that I just needed to let her know the night before and she'd bring it to borrow for the day. I was actually going to take her up on this offer but didn't let her know this, because I wanted to wait for a day when I had a full house and everyone could enjoy it. the other day she brought it, I didn't even say anything to her about it. Again, I was waiting for a day when I had all the DCKs, and this particular day I only had my own two children and her daughter.

    Every time she drops off her daughter in the morning it always turns into this huge personal discussion about her business and her family and asking how my family is and how's my grandma doing...very personal stuff. Meanwhile I don't mind her staying but she stands right at the door that is in the kitchen, and all the kids are in the living room where I can't see what they are doing. I try inviting her in but she just says, "oh no, I have to go..." and gets sidetracked and keeps talking. Then her older daughter (almost 6 years old) gets out of the car and comes in, and goes in the living room with the little kids and yes she plays with them, but there is 3 years difference between her and the oldest child, who is my own daughter, at almost 3 years old, so no, I am not going to leave them unsupervised.

    I just don't want to hurt her feelings because she is very nice and very caring and would do anything for anyone, but at the same time I don't feel that this CAN or SHOULD develop into a personal friendship, and should stay a friendly business relationship.

    What do you think? Would you broach the subject with her or would you just keep being friendly and skirting her when she wants to do something with you?
  • texascare
    Daycare.com Member
    • Mar 2011
    • 203

    #2
    It is hard to keep it professional when they are so chatty. I had several try to add me as friends on FB and I told them that I keep it professional and I don't add parents on FB. You just never know IF you do post something how if any she could take it. It could be anything like drinking a glass of wine to a political statement that you make. I would tell her that alot of parents have asked to be your friend on FB and you have decided to keep it professional and not add them so you (in fairness) are taking her off FB. You can reword that!!!! Also if you are too friendly with them they will get you every time. I have seen it here many times--give them an inch they take a mile. Just try your hardest to keep it s short and simple with her. You can be friendly but not BFF's.....

    Comment

    • renodeb
      Daycare.com Member
      • Jan 2011
      • 837

      #3
      Thats a toughy, the problem with fb now is that if you unfriend her now she will know. I would think that if you keep skirting her for so long she will just give up on the being your friend thing. We must keep that boundary of professionalism (Im sure thats spelled wrong). This is our livelyhood after all.
      Debbie

      Comment

      • EchoMom
        Daycare.com Member
        • May 2012
        • 729

        #4
        I'm still new to running my business so I could be very wrong, but if you actually do enjoy her I would take her up on the walking.

        And I'm FB friends with all my parents because I like to see pics of the kids when they were babies/before I met them. Also, I want to know if any of the parents bash their "babysitter" on FB! :P

        Comment

        • mrsp'slilpeeps
          Advanced Daycare.com Member
          • May 2011
          • 607

          #5
          I am friends with one of my DC parents, but only because our sons get along so well. We have been to thier family functions only because they consider my family to be family! The dck's still know my rules when they come to day care though.

          Comment

          • cheerfuldom
            Advanced Daycare.com Member
            • Dec 2010
            • 7413

            #6
            Its up to you where to draw the line with your daycare families. You have to be the one that gives her a clear boundary line because right now, you are sending her mixed messages and so you cant blame her that she doesnt understand how you really feel.

            If you cant do walks with her, just say "I thought about your suggestion to walk together but I am going to have to decline in effort to maintain a professional relationship with my daycare families"

            If you dont allow older kids in the playroom, tell her!

            Its up to you to change things.

            Comment

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