I am a registered user but logged for privacy from dcps.
Sorry this is so long.
I am in a funk. I realized it last night when, after I had finally gotten my own children to bed, I just felt like I was really bored and alone with life. There is no more excitement, and I have completely lost myself. I wake up with my own kids, then do daycare all day, resenting it the whole time because all I want to do is be a SAHM and do fun things with my own kids. At the end of the day, all I want to do is crash from exhaustion. I get my kids dinner and put them to bed by 7:30, just so I can salvage some sort of time to myself. But dh is home around 6:30ish, and he wants to watch TV, so that is what we do every night until I pass out exhausted in front of the TV. This is my life. Every day.
I have friends but everyone is busy with kids. I have been with my dh for 15 years, since High School, so honestly I have lost my individual identity. I am just a mom and a wife. I dont even know what I like anymore because I have totally melded myself into his interests, from movie choices (he always says I choose crappy movies) to hobbies, to even home decoration. If I suggest something to do he always says, "go ahead, I am not stopping you," but then wants me to take our 2 kids with me, which isnt always fun for me. He wants to stay home on the weekends, and all I want to do is leave, because I am here all day, every day. So I can either leave the house and never see my dh, or stay home and spend some time with him. I dont mean to make him out to be some controlling bad guy because he isn't, but I just feel so lost. I miss "me."
I dont like doing daycare. I am sick of breaking up fights amongst the kids, playing the "when will the parents arrive today?" game, having to chase after money that is owed to me, having to clean my house a million times a day. Honestly though I dont think I would be happy doing anything but being a SAHM. I find myself getting so irritated with the dck's, and wondering what the heck is wrong with their parents that they are not teaching them to be good people. I think, "Why the heck is this kid coming to MY home, destroying MY property, hitting MY kids?" Were they not taught better? Why are they not listening to me? Why do I have to say the same thing a thousand times? The rules are not changed!
I feel like, since I get no breaks from my own kids, that they are more of an obligation to me than something that I can enjoy. I find myself turning the TV on more and more just so I can have some time away from them. I never get a chance to miss them. I feel like my husband is useless. I have to tell him everything to do or nothing would ever get done. I have tried letters, chore charts, asking nicely, nagging... you name it. He always says yes but never follows through. He thinks he is amazing because he goes to work and comes home and spends 30 minutes with the kids before they go to bed.
I am in the process of moving my 1 year old to her own big girl bed because she kept diving out of her crib. She keeps getting out of her bed, and I have to pick her up and put her back in every time. I am trying to be consitent. DH will not help, so lately I have been spending 2 hours a night putting her back in the bed every time. I know she will get it eventually, but I am tired. He says to just shut her bedroom door and let her fall asleep wherever- but she will play until 11pm and wake up at 6 and I will deal with the wrath of her sleepiness all day- not him.
I am just bored with life and want to have fun again. I want to enjoy my husband. I want to enjoy my kids. We are broke right now too, which cuts down on the activities I can do. I need to get out of this funk before it takes over me. Does anyone else ever feel this way? How do you get out of it?
Sorry this is so long.

I am in a funk. I realized it last night when, after I had finally gotten my own children to bed, I just felt like I was really bored and alone with life. There is no more excitement, and I have completely lost myself. I wake up with my own kids, then do daycare all day, resenting it the whole time because all I want to do is be a SAHM and do fun things with my own kids. At the end of the day, all I want to do is crash from exhaustion. I get my kids dinner and put them to bed by 7:30, just so I can salvage some sort of time to myself. But dh is home around 6:30ish, and he wants to watch TV, so that is what we do every night until I pass out exhausted in front of the TV. This is my life. Every day.
I have friends but everyone is busy with kids. I have been with my dh for 15 years, since High School, so honestly I have lost my individual identity. I am just a mom and a wife. I dont even know what I like anymore because I have totally melded myself into his interests, from movie choices (he always says I choose crappy movies) to hobbies, to even home decoration. If I suggest something to do he always says, "go ahead, I am not stopping you," but then wants me to take our 2 kids with me, which isnt always fun for me. He wants to stay home on the weekends, and all I want to do is leave, because I am here all day, every day. So I can either leave the house and never see my dh, or stay home and spend some time with him. I dont mean to make him out to be some controlling bad guy because he isn't, but I just feel so lost. I miss "me."
I dont like doing daycare. I am sick of breaking up fights amongst the kids, playing the "when will the parents arrive today?" game, having to chase after money that is owed to me, having to clean my house a million times a day. Honestly though I dont think I would be happy doing anything but being a SAHM. I find myself getting so irritated with the dck's, and wondering what the heck is wrong with their parents that they are not teaching them to be good people. I think, "Why the heck is this kid coming to MY home, destroying MY property, hitting MY kids?" Were they not taught better? Why are they not listening to me? Why do I have to say the same thing a thousand times? The rules are not changed!
I feel like, since I get no breaks from my own kids, that they are more of an obligation to me than something that I can enjoy. I find myself turning the TV on more and more just so I can have some time away from them. I never get a chance to miss them. I feel like my husband is useless. I have to tell him everything to do or nothing would ever get done. I have tried letters, chore charts, asking nicely, nagging... you name it. He always says yes but never follows through. He thinks he is amazing because he goes to work and comes home and spends 30 minutes with the kids before they go to bed.
I am in the process of moving my 1 year old to her own big girl bed because she kept diving out of her crib. She keeps getting out of her bed, and I have to pick her up and put her back in every time. I am trying to be consitent. DH will not help, so lately I have been spending 2 hours a night putting her back in the bed every time. I know she will get it eventually, but I am tired. He says to just shut her bedroom door and let her fall asleep wherever- but she will play until 11pm and wake up at 6 and I will deal with the wrath of her sleepiness all day- not him.
I am just bored with life and want to have fun again. I want to enjoy my husband. I want to enjoy my kids. We are broke right now too, which cuts down on the activities I can do. I need to get out of this funk before it takes over me. Does anyone else ever feel this way? How do you get out of it?
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