Am I In The Wrong?

[queenbee]

I have a parent with 3 kids in my daycare (4mo, 4yo, 6yo). The 4yo and 6yo are school-agers and are only here for the summer.

Last Monday, 6yo brings in a bag filled with barbies, two stuffed animals that she sleeps with and 4 books. The bag stayed on her hook all day with no mention of anything in the bag besides getting the stuffed animals for naptime. Tuesday, same thing. Bag comes in - nothing is every mentioned. Wednesday, Thursday - same thing. Friday the 6yo forgets the bag in the car and is upset that she doesn't have anything to sleep with.

This Monday comes and 6yo brings in a smaller bag with 6 books, 2 barbies and one stuffed animal.

Mom says: "Molly told me that you haven't been making her read her books. Can you make sure she reads to you today for at least 30 minutes?"

I said: "I wasn't aware that she needed to read each day. We don't allow any outside toys or books so the books stay in the bag until pick-up."

Mom sighs loudly and exits. Tuesday comes around and the bag is back I was busy changing diapers in the changing room and didn't see the trio arrive. One of my assistants welcomed them into the gate and she tells me that DCM told her to "Please have Molly read to you today. She is really behind on where she should be. We don't have any time in the evenings for her to read so it needs to happen here."

I emailed Mom during naptime on Tuesday and say:

Dear DCM,

My assistant informed me of your request this morning at drop-off regarding Molly and her required reading. Our daily schedule is followed to the minute each day and we cannot accomodate a 30 minutes session of individual reading with just one child.

I would suggest spending some time with Molly each evening after pick-up and having her read to you or perhaps even her siblings. Maybe she can take advantage of the car ride to and from daycare to catch up on her reading. Unfortunately, I cannot devote time specifically to Molly for 30 minutes each day as it is unfair to the other children who also need my attention and supervision.

Please contact me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
Queen

Mom emailed back with a brisk "Sure, thanks", and so far the bag has been brought back to daycare for the past two mornings. Mom has not mentioned it but dcg has told me each morning shortly after drop off that her mom said she needs to read today.

It is NOT my responsiblity to make sure dcg reads for at least 30 minutes each day. Not only do we not have time for it as our schedule during the day, but I do not feel that I should be forcing dcg to read during the day while her friends play and have fun. Summer is about fun and we have fieldtrips nearly everyday. With 16 children ranging from 4mo - 6yrs, it is not possible especially in group care.

Am I completely in the wrong or does Mom need to stop trying to pass the responsibility off to me?

All input is welcome!

[Blackcat31]

Mom needs to stop pushing HER duties off on you. (Unless homework or school work is offered as part of your services)

I would allow the child to read to you 30 minutes per day for an additional fee to cover a helper or assistant to care for the other children while my attention is soley on this child.

If you really feel like you want to accommodate the child, have her read outloud to all the other kids for 30 minutes instead of you.

[momofboys]

It is not your responsibility & parents need to make time to do this on their own. She needs to read to mom, dad or siblings at home! You are completely right to call her out on it!

[Truly Scrumptious]

Nope...you are not wrong for feeling this way. It is definitely not your responsiblity.

[momofboys]

Mom needs to stop pushing HER duties off on you. (Unless homework or school work is offered as part of your services)

I would allow the child to read to you 30 minutes per day for an additional fee to cover a helper or assistant to care for the other children while my attention is soley on this child.

If you really feel like you want to accommodate the child, have her read outloud to all the other kids for 30 minutes instead of you.

ITA with what I bolded above!

[sharlan]

IMHO, Mom needs to stop passing off her responsibility to you.

I can understand how impossible it is for you to devote a 30 min block of time to one child - 2 mins here, 3 mins there, yes, but not a full 30 mins.

What about naptime? Can DCG read quietly to herself while the others are sleeping?

[SilverSabre25]

Good grief my first thought was "Um, that's YOUR job, lady!"

I can't imagine not taking the time to read with my own child and I would never foist it off on someone else!

[cheerfuldom]

This is her job. She cares just enough to foist it on someone else but not enough to make time to do it herself? She has 3 kids and cant find the time yet you are supposed to with 16 kids?

I think you handled this wonderfully. She is being passive aggressive by sending the bag and instructed her daughter when she already has an answer from you.

[Bookworm]

What exactly does Mom have to do when she gets home where she can't take 30 mins to read with DCK? Why do people have children when they know that they can't/won't take the time to raise them?

[queenbee]

What about naptime? Can DCG read quietly to herself while the others are sleeping?

She's the first one asleep, last one awake. She also sleeps like a dead person I also don't do naptime activities as alternatives. All my kids (except my most recently enrolled) sleep like champions happyface

What exactly does Mom have to do when she gets home where she can't take 30 mins to read with DCK? Why do people have children when they know that they can't/won't take the time to raise them?

She has 2 step-children and each day is a variation of karate, guitar practice, dance, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, tap, and on and on She wants her kids to be "well-rounded". She can certainly skip or ditch an activity and spend that quality time reading to her child.

[Hunni Bee]

Im sure you have books in your daycare.

I would tell the mom that books are available for the kids to read all day, but the bag from home needs to stay at home. You dont run a tutoring service. If the girl wants to spend 30 minutes a day reading to herself, that's fine but I wouldn't hold her back from having fun.

I had this same issue back during the school year when the mother of one my Headstart kids demanded that I make her three-year-old sit down and do a homework packet every day. The dcg wanted nothing to do with the boring worksheets because a. she's three and b. everyone else was playing. Plus, the other kids weren't being adequately supervised. Well I was forced to do it because my director will do anything to please the parents

[Bookworm]

She's the first one asleep, last one awake. She also sleeps like a dead person I also don't do naptime activities as alternatives. All my kids (except my most recently enrolled) sleep like champions happyface



She has 2 step-children and each day is a variation of karate, guitar practice, dance, ballet, gymnastics, soccer, tap, and on and on She wants her kids to be "well-rounded". She can certainly skip or ditch an activity and spend that quality time reading to her child.

Children can be well rounded without having a different activity each day. I've been noticing in my center that "outside activities" are used as a substitute for parental involvement. They usually schedule activities as late as possible so when it's over, it's a quick trip Mickey D's, maybe a bath then off to bed.

[SilverSabre25]

That's so sad. I'm glad that even given some of the questionable decisions made by my sets of dcps at least they all spend good time with their children.

Could you meet mom partway and have dcg read to the younger kids at storytime? I bet that would be super fun for dcg and the little kids would get a kick out of it, too. Ten or fifteen minutes and then mom has a lot less to do.

Though she should totes read in the car. Sounds like they are in the car a lot.

[daycarediva]

I would hand the bag back to her and tell her to call Sylvan! I have four kids of my own and never managed to not get things done in the evening. Some people are just ridiculous.

[saved4always]

What a sad statement of her relationship with her child that she cannot (more like "will" not) devote 30 minutes to being mommy and give her child that undivided attention to read to her each day. I feel bad for the little girl that her mom does not want to spend even 30 minutes with her in the evening.

I agree with eveyone else...this is NOT your job. This is a mom who does not want to mother and is passing her job onto you. Definitely passive agressive as someone else here stated to still be sending that bag and sending messages through her daughter.