Potty Training, Over 3 Yrs, When Do Boys Catch On?

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

My daycare boy is 3 years 4 months. I have been working with his potty training for a few months now but he is still peeing/pooping in his diaper at 3 years, 4 months old. The parents are still keeping him in diapers, although I have requested underwear yet they don't pack any (and like many others, not sure how I like the idea of underwear until he has no accidents, but I thought it might help him??).

In your experience, what is the latest boys usually "get it" with the big potty? The latest my kids were trained was 3 years 3 weeks old, but they are girls.

[kitkat]

My current dcb is 3 yrs 3 months. He is potty trained, but he still won't independently tell me he has to go. If I ask, then he'll say yes or no. Pooping has been another story, but we're working on that. Another dcb I had was at least 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. In both cases, the parents wanted the child potty trained, it was just the child moving at his own pace.

[itlw8]

my little friend with special needs was 3 1/2 but everyone else that the parents also work at home with them usually between 2 1/2 and 3

Sticking them in training pants to finish off speeds it up girls and boys. That and I put them in charge of going not waiting on me to ask. They just go.

[WImom]

I have a DCB that will be 4y in Aug. and has no interest. He doesn't even tell me when he poops and if we are outside I don't smell it and it goes up his back. I really feel at this age the child should be uncomfortable with a poop filled diaper espcially a leaking one.

I tried having him try on the potty when all the other kids do (He is my only one in diapers) but he never went. Would sit there but didn't go so after 3 months of that I gave up. He has a sister who is 5y and is potty trained and I think she was early too, she's atleast been potty trained here since she started two years ago.

I'll be watching this tread since I feel like he really should be getting it and he's not!

[BumbleBee]

4 years 7 months was the latest for a boy. He too never cared that his diaper was full. One day he decided he wanted underwear on and that was the end of diapers.

If you want to do underwear without the accident risk, you can put a diaper over the underwear. If the parents ever send some.

[clep]

As long as the child has someone cleaning him up and keeping him comfortable this is how things will stay. It isn't always that they aren't getting it, but that he is not encouraged or presented any expectation consistently to get the child out of the comfort zone. I would put the child in diapers full time and get on the method below. Kind of like starting from scratch.

I would also be letting the parents know that they have a choice....get on board with me to aid the child in learning about the potty, or keep him home and potty teach him there. I do not accept a parents expectation that I put more consistency and effort into their child than they are.

This is what I do:

Week 1: Keep child in diapers. Have the child start taking their stuffy to the potty at the sound of an alarm. Every half an hour for the morning. Every hour for the afternoon. Go in with them and provide the stuffy praise for a job well done. Have the child teach the stuffy how to wipe if applicable and how to wash their hands. If it is a boy teach the stuffy to lift the seat etc. Exactly how you would teach the child. Make pooping a part of it too. Make sure stuffy gets stamps on his hands for peeing successfully, not just for trying. Create scenarios where stuffy will not make it to the potty etc and have child teach stuffy different ideas to ensure he will make it to the potty.

Week 2: Keep the child in diapers. Have the child teach stuffy it is time to tell him when he has to go. Make sure stuffy pees in his pants that need to be cleaned up. I usually put underwear on the stuffy. Start talking about the idea of the child doing a great job like his stuffy soon at the potty. Provide some praise at the excitement of him doing it successfully and getting stamps.

Week 3: Parents start the process at home on Saturday. No diapers or pull ups are an option at this point or in the future.

Day 1: With mom and dad they set an alarm for every half an hour and provide LOTS to drink for the child. Same process as for the stuffy mentioned earlier.

Day 2: Same thing but the alarm is gone in the afternoon. Parents let child know they must tell them when they have to pee. Parent does not change the child should they pee in their pants. Child does it completely by themselves.

Day 3: With provider same thing. Provider does not change clothes for the child should they pee. The child does it completely by themselves.

By day 5 child should be fully potty taught.

Before any process is going at all I ensure the child can independently put their pants on and off the right way.

I do not use the word "accident". I just say uh oh, you peed in your pants. Here are some new ones for you.

I want the child to feel uncomfortable peeing in their pants and they don't get that from pull-ups so they are not welcome. Also they are a glorified diaper and probably don't feel too different to a child. The child needs to mentally understand the difference to make the process more real to them. It must be confusing for the child to be in a diaper for the first two years of their life and then have the expectation they now go to the potty while still in that diaper.

I keep it very positive, stay consistent and allow the child to learn from their mistakes.

If a child comes to me with parents that are trying to potty teach them and they aren't using this method, I share it with them. After a change such as moving caregivers children tend to regress so I usually suggest halting the process and having them start the new method. I have never had a parent reject the idea yet.

Never had this method fail yet either. Good luck.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Potty every hour to every hour and a half.

Give "gummies" when he has a dry diaper (then transition to "gummies" when he uses the restroom in the toilet). Gummies = 1 small fruit snack piece per time

Seriously. For my stubborn ones this is the only thing that gets them going. ::

[renodeb]

I wouldnt say a child is really potty trained until they independantly go or tell you they have to go.
I had a boy whose mom forced him to start potty training and never really caught on although she swears he is trained. He would stand right in front of me and pee or poop instead of going to the potty or telling me he needed to go and for weeks and weeks would either run and hide or poop in his pants righ in front of me when the potty was inches away. I put him back in pullups almost right away because I didnt want him going all over. Mom and Dad both swore up and down that he was only having accidents here and they couldnt understand why he wasnt going potty here when he was at home. Well recently he left my care and he still isnt potty trained although mom swears he is. He is 4 now and still has to be reminded or he will just pee his pants.
Moral of story, there is no hard and fast rule about when a child will catch on although I would hope by 4 y/o he would. I would say somewhere in his 3 y/o year he should start getting it. I would say no underware until he is more solid with using the potty.

[WImom]

4 years 7 months was the latest for a boy. He too never cared that his diaper was full. One day he decided he wanted underwear on and that was the end of diapers.

If you want to do underwear without the accident risk, you can put a diaper over the underwear. If the parents ever send some.

Goodness - You mean to tell me I might be in for another 7 months!

[momma2girls]

I wouldnt say a child is really potty trained until they independantly go or tell you they have to go.
I had a boy whose mom forced him to start potty training and never really caught on although she swears he is trained. He would stand right in front of me and pee or poop instead of going to the potty or telling me he needed to go and for weeks and weeks would either run and hide or poop in his pants righ in front of me when the potty was inches away. I put him back in pullups almost right away because I didnt want him going all over. Mom and Dad both swore up and down that he was only having accidents here and they couldnt understand why he wasnt going potty here when he was at home. Well recently he left my care and he still isnt potty trained although mom swears he is. He is 4 now and still has to be reminded or he will just pee his pants.
Moral of story, there is no hard and fast rule about when a child will catch on although I would hope by 4 y/o he would. I would say somewhere in his 3 y/o year he should start getting it. I would say no underware until he is more solid with using the potty.

I totally agree with you!! I have a very strict policy for potty training in my contract.

[melissa ann]

My ds was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. Very frustrating, to say the least. The biggest diapers barely fit him. He is a smart child. He knew the abc's, counted to 20, knew colors, shapes etc at age 2. Wrote his name at age 3 and could operate the dvd/tv/vcr and navigate the computer. Yet, he would not show any interest in going potty. When he was 3, he did try to go, but he said his pee pee was working and he would cry. Finally, at 3 1/2 he tried to go and did. He was so excited that it was finally working. Once he went that first time, he was goo. He might have had 5 accidents if that.

On a side note, I had a dcg who was 2 when she was potty trained. However, she didn't know her abc's,couldn't count, etc until she was 4 and even then she still know her all of the abc's and had trouble writing her name. But she hated to wear diapers.

It just depends on the kid. I was taking a lot of heat from family because my son wasn't potty trained. I told them he will get it eventually. My son and dcg are 2 months apart so I frustrated that this girl was trained and my son wasn't. But I never showed it to my son, that would have been too much pressure for my son.

[Jenniferdawn]

I will be following this as well. My dcb turned three last week. He supposedly potty trained before I started watching him but had two accidents within the first three hours, so uh, no, not potty trained. Now refusing to go at all. I've thrown in the towel at this point and telling the parents we are going to back off for a while cause its just a battle of wills. Not too thrilled about hearing how late some of your little guys have been. I wouldn't mind doing the stay in underwear and clean up the messes except that all I have is carpet and I'm not about to get pee all over it. Ug! This has been a hot topic for me!

[Blackcat31]

I will be following this as well. My dcb turned three last week. He supposedly potty trained before I started watching him but had two accidents within the first three hours, so uh, no, not potty trained. Now refusing to go at all. I've thrown in the towel at this point and telling the parents we are going to back off for a while cause its just a battle of wills. Not too thrilled about hearing how late some of your little guys have been. I wouldn't mind doing the stay in underwear and clean up the messes except that all I have is carpet and I'm not about to get pee all over it. Ug! This has been a hot topic for me!

Have you tried using plastic pants to contain any accidents but still allow the child to wear underwear?

I have great success with this and encourage my DCF's to skip the Pull-ups and use plastic pants with super absorbant trainer pants.

It is also very common for a child to be fully trained in one environment and not trained at all in another so it could be that the child was in fact trained but just not sure what the routine is yet at your house.

I am surprised too about the number of late trainers, but then again, I have seen ALOT of things change (and not always for the better) in the last few decades of parenting and child rearing.

BOTH my kids (a son and a daughter) were fully trained at 21 months for my DD and 24 months for my DS and I didn't bribe, reward or punish them.