I Said No! Whoa Backbone!

[littlemissmuffet]

I don't necessarily think parents are selfish, I just think that unless you have a job (like daycare etc.) it is just really difficult to see past your own needs and the world in which you live.

That is pretty much the definition of selfish.


Definition of SELFISH

1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

2: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>

3: being an actively replicating repetitive sequence of nucleic acid that serves no known function <selfish DNA>; also: being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication <selfish genes>

— self·ish·lyadverb
— self·ish·nessnoun

[littlemissmuffet]

I agree that this parent is selfish.

By him coming in and "asking" (when we all know damn well that he truly believed the OP would never say NO to him) for a 30 minute late pick-up with barely any kind of notice when most companies don't organize a quarterly overtime meeting without considerable advance notice shows he has zero respect for the provider. He EXPECTED her to say "Yeah, sure, no problem" and do it. If he didn't EXPECT her to say yes, why did he walk away from her a mumble under his breath "Oh, I just thought this one time..."
She said no. He should have said "Hey no problem, we'll figure it out", not try and guilt her. That IS selfish.
I have seen way too many parents not even bother exhausting all other options before coming to me and asking a child to stay later, simply because it's more convenient and I'm already watching them, what's a few more minutes. That IS selfish.
For the mom to then email you and question you on your policy of extended hours at $10/hour IF agreed upon was also selfish. All she read was extended hour of care for next to nothing! She completely disregarded the "IF AGREED UPON" portion. What exactly needed to be clarified about this policy???? SELFISH, indeed.

[Blackcat31]

That is pretty much the definition of selfish.


Definition of SELFISH

1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

2: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others <a selfish act>

3: being an actively replicating repetitive sequence of nucleic acid that serves no known function <selfish DNA>; also: being genetic material solely concerned with its own replication <selfish genes>

— self·ish·lyadverb
— self·ish·nessnoun

Yeah, you are totally right....that does fit the definition of selfish.

I guess I was looking at the motivator more than the actual act...kwim? I don't think parents are INTENTIONALLY being selfish.

[Truly Scrumptious]

I agree that this parent is selfish.


I have seen way too many parents not even bother exhausting all other options before coming to me and asking a child to stay later, simply because it's more convenient and I'm already watching them, what's a few more minutes. That IS selfish.

You are so right...happens to me too!

[Bella99]

I probably would have just agreed to. 15-30 minutes is hardly much, it's a cartoon with a coloring book while you clean up from the day. 10$ is 2 starbucks coffees

[littlemissmuffet]

I probably would have just agreed to. 15-30 minutes is hardly much, it's a cartoon with a coloring book while you clean up from the day. 10$ is 2 starbucks coffees

The OP is already WORKING a 55 hour week (I'm betting this is strictly hands on daycare time with children present and doesn't include the countless hours of cleaning, paperwork, shopping, etc.) - 15 to 30 minutes might mean the world to her and her family.

It's not necessarily the fact that the parent asked - it's that both mom and dad wouldn't take NO for an answer. You simply cannot expect that when you ask for something (even if money is attatched) that you will get your way.

[DaisyMamma]

HA! to me a couple of minutes is 5 MAX. ! Silly parents
It's hard to not keep talking and adding on an explanation, once you say no a couple of times you get used to it. happyfacehappyface

To a parent 6:15 or 6:30 IS only a couple minutes late... so you didn't REALLY say no.

I would def. charge him, and next time he asks, just say "no" with no explaination. The more you say, the more they can twist and pull the meaning of your words, kwim?

[MyAngels]

I probably would have just agreed to. 15-30 minutes is hardly much, it's a cartoon with a coloring book while you clean up from the day. 10$ is 2 starbucks coffees

Oh heck no, 15-30 minutes of my time is worth a lot more than that .

Not to mention that "just this one time" could easily become "just this one time this week." That's a slippery slope I'm not willing to traverse.

Good for you, OP, for using your backbone! happyface

[my3ps]

It's crazy what 30 minutes can mean. I changed my closing time at the beginning of the year and now close at 5:30pm instead of 6pm....oh WOW I regained my sanity! 30 minutes to me and my family is huge! Good for you OP!

[nanglgrl]

I totally understand! But you know how it goes....

Provider says "a few minutes"

Parent hears "a half hour"

Provider says "no illnesses"

Parent hears "except what tylenol will help"

Provider says "no sippy cups from home"

Parent hears "juice jug from the gas station on the way is OK"

Provider says "no toys from home"

Parent hears "paper clips, hairbrushes, coins from my purse are not toys"

Provider says "your child needs diapers"

Parent hears " my child needs diapers next week after I go shopping on the weekend"


::::::

You just made me laugh so hard. I want to make this into a poster and hang it in my daycare.

[Preschool/daycare teacher]

A provider also never knows when "15-30 min late" will actually turn into 30-45 min late by the time a parent shows up. So I'm a firm believer in "no" to late. It has happend too many times when I'm closing, and to me even 5 min late seems like forever. There's always traffic or some other unforseen obstacle that seems to come up. I can just imagine dcd walking in at 6:45 and saying, "The meeting ran late and I couldn't call since I was in the middle of it, and then traffic was awful on the way here!" Which could be true and could easily happen, but that provider has still had to put in a longer day than she'd wanted to and her whole family has now been greatly inconvenienced.

[EchoMom]

UPDATE!!!! So today DCD was NOT late, but he did confront me about the situation! He wasn't nasty or yell or anything terrible like that, but he was manipulative and sublty bullying me. He asked me again about the extended hours policy (which by the way he never asked if he could pay me for the extended hours option, he just asked if it was okay if he was thirty min. late!).

DCD kept pushing me talking about my contract says he can have extended hours and I explained that it says "if agreed upon" that it's if I agree, if I'm available and am up for doing it. He kept pushing the issue and I said, "DCD, I am not OBLIGATED to work after hours for you." (Whoa! I said that?!) I was very professional, not nasty or anything, but FIRM.

Then he went on to say that if my policies change I need to tell them so they know. I said, "Yes, as I told your wife in email, I do not have any policy changes at this time but there will be changes in effect Jan.1 to the policies, rates, and contract." Then he said, "Yeah, so what are the new rates going to be????"

I was scared to death to say it because I didn't want to talk about this so soon since it's not until January. Currently infants are $150/week. So I had to gather up all my courage not to waffle about it and just say flat out, "$200." He said, "Whoa!!! Right up there with everyone else huh???" And I said, "Actually the 2 daycare centers just one block from here charge $263 and $253 per week so it's still a deal. Yes I'm raising them because I have a waiting list and inquiries for infant care constantly. I provide excellent care in a Montessori way."

Well, he was pretty much shocked about the rates and the heat of the conversation was slowly building so that was it and he left. I was shaking after he left I was so nervous to have to be so bold.

So.................... Guess what!!!!!!! He texted me a couple hours later tonight and APOLGIZED for being short with me!!! I can't believe it!!!!

So what do you all think happened?? He said "I thought about our conversation earlier and I want to apolgize for being short with you." This is a family that had a very similar thing happen way back when we signed contracts together. He tried to manipulate and bully me into an arrangement I wasn't comfortable with. I emailed them after and said I didn't think it would be a good fit, cancel agreement. The mom emailed me back basically groveling and compromised so as not to lose me.

So do you think the dad really apologized on his own? Or do you think he told his wife about the talk and she made him apologize?

What an emotional rollercoaster!!!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

UPDATE!!!! So today DCD was NOT late, but he did confront me about the situation! He wasn't nasty or yell or anything terrible like that, but he was manipulative and sublty bullying me. He asked me again about the extended hours policy (which by the way he never asked if he could pay me for the extended hours option, he just asked if it was okay if he was thirty min. late!).

DCD kept pushing me talking about my contract says he can have extended hours and I explained that it says "if agreed upon" that it's if I agree, if I'm available and am up for doing it. He kept pushing the issue and I said, "DCD, I am not OBLIGATED to work after hours for you." (Whoa! I said that?!) I was very professional, not nasty or anything, but FIRM.

Then he went on to say that if my policies change I need to tell them so they know. I said, "Yes, as I told your wife in email, I do not have any policy changes at this time but there will be changes in effect Jan.1 to the policies, rates, and contract." Then he said, "Yeah, so what are the new rates going to be????"

I was scared to death to say it because I didn't want to talk about this so soon since it's not until January. Currently infants are $150/week. So I had to gather up all my courage not to waffle about it and just say flat out, "$200." He said, "Whoa!!! Right up there with everyone else huh???" And I said, "Actually the 2 daycare centers just one block from here charge $263 and $253 per week so it's still a deal. Yes I'm raising them because I have a waiting list and inquiries for infant care constantly. I provide excellent care in a Montessori way."

Well, he was pretty much shocked about the rates and the heat of the conversation was slowly building so that was it and he left. I was shaking after he left I was so nervous to have to be so bold.

So.................... Guess what!!!!!!! He texted me a couple hours later tonight and APOLGIZED for being short with me!!! I can't believe it!!!!

So what do you all think happened?? He said "I thought about our conversation earlier and I want to apolgize for being short with you." This is a family that had a very similar thing happen way back when we signed contracts together. He tried to manipulate and bully me into an arrangement I wasn't comfortable with. I emailed them after and said I didn't think it would be a good fit, cancel agreement. The mom emailed me back basically groveling and compromised so as not to lose me.

So do you think the dad really apologized on his own? Or do you think he told his wife about the talk and she made him apologize?

What an emotional rollercoaster!!!

Wow.

[saved4always]

I totally understand! But you know how it goes....

Provider says "a few minutes"

Parent hears "a half hour"

Provider says "no illnesses"

Parent hears "except what tylenol will help"

Provider says "no sippy cups from home"

Parent hears "juice jug from the gas station on the way is OK"

Provider says "no toys from home"

Parent hears "paper clips, hairbrushes, coins from my purse are not toys"

Provider says "your child needs diapers"

Parent hears " my child needs diapers next week after I go shopping on the weekend"


::::::

::::::::::
That was hysterical, cuz it is often too true.....

[saved4always]

UPDATE!!!! So today DCD was NOT late, but he did confront me about the situation! He wasn't nasty or yell or anything terrible like that, but he was manipulative and sublty bullying me. He asked me again about the extended hours policy (which by the way he never asked if he could pay me for the extended hours option, he just asked if it was okay if he was thirty min. late!).

DCD kept pushing me talking about my contract says he can have extended hours and I explained that it says "if agreed upon" that it's if I agree, if I'm available and am up for doing it. He kept pushing the issue and I said, "DCD, I am not OBLIGATED to work after hours for you." (Whoa! I said that?!) I was very professional, not nasty or anything, but FIRM.

Then he went on to say that if my policies change I need to tell them so they know. I said, "Yes, as I told your wife in email, I do not have any policy changes at this time but there will be changes in effect Jan.1 to the policies, rates, and contract." Then he said, "Yeah, so what are the new rates going to be????"

I was scared to death to say it because I didn't want to talk about this so soon since it's not until January. Currently infants are $150/week. So I had to gather up all my courage not to waffle about it and just say flat out, "$200." He said, "Whoa!!! Right up there with everyone else huh???" And I said, "Actually the 2 daycare centers just one block from here charge $263 and $253 per week so it's still a deal. Yes I'm raising them because I have a waiting list and inquiries for infant care constantly. I provide excellent care in a Montessori way."

Well, he was pretty much shocked about the rates and the heat of the conversation was slowly building so that was it and he left. I was shaking after he left I was so nervous to have to be so bold.

So.................... Guess what!!!!!!! He texted me a couple hours later tonight and APOLGIZED for being short with me!!! I can't believe it!!!!

So what do you all think happened?? He said "I thought about our conversation earlier and I want to apolgize for being short with you." This is a family that had a very similar thing happen way back when we signed contracts together. He tried to manipulate and bully me into an arrangement I wasn't comfortable with. I emailed them after and said I didn't think it would be a good fit, cancel agreement. The mom emailed me back basically groveling and compromised so as not to lose me.

So do you think the dad really apologized on his own? Or do you think he told his wife about the talk and she made him apologize?

What an emotional rollercoaster!!!

Good for you for standing your ground and telling him how it is! My guess is mom made him apolgize. She was probably sweating bullets that he messed up thier awesome daycare deal. Sounds like you can fill thier spont in an instant so don't take any bullying from that DCD! I loved that "obligated" part, by the way.