I Said No! Whoa Backbone!

[EchoMom]

So my pick ups are all at about 5-5:30pm but one family is 6pm at the latest on their contract. Today DCD was about to leave then got out of the car to come back and say, "Oh, I forgot, I have a quarterly meeting tomorrow, is it okay if I pick Baby up at 6:15 or 6:30?"

I said No before I even thought about it! Ack! I'm usually VERY accommodating of schedule changes, but not this one, not staying open later than the latest already! I said, "Oh no that's pretty late. Sorry, is there someone else who can pick her up? Most of my families pick up by 5:30 and after 6 is just too late. A couple minutes would be alright but anything more is just too late." He walked away slightly miffed saying, "Oh, I just thought this one time..."

I shouldn't have even said a couple minutes is okay, but man, I can't believe I said no! Plus, what the heck?! He forgot to ask me until the day before??? His wife always gives me weeks ahead notice whenever she wants to change the schedule by a bit, but that's always during the day not late after.

I got an email from DCM asking me to clarify my policies because when they signed up 6 months ago I said I offered extended hours at $10/hour if agreed upon. She wasn't nasty and we emailed nicely and ironed it out. I just simply explained that I just don't offer that anymore. No one has ever needed it and I already work 55 hours a week and I'd rather have the time with my family than the extra $10. Whoa, I said that?! Oh my! Backbone!

Now the hard part, I've never ever charged a late fee, I've been too chicken to do it. But I specifically told DCD that anything more than a couple minutes after six would be too late. So now, if he does it anyway, I'm going to HAVE to charge him because I specifically said no... I'm curious to see who picks up DCbaby and when. Ah!

I HATE the business side of this!!! Ugh!!! Makes me nervous!!!!

[melskids]

To a parent 6:15 or 6:30 IS only a couple minutes late... so you didn't REALLY say no.

I would def. charge him, and next time he asks, just say "no" with no explaination. The more you say, the more they can twist and pull the meaning of your words, kwim?

[Mom&Provider]

Good for you!

I had to laugh at the pp'er too...of course parents only think its a few minutes late to come that late!! LOL! I mean, you don't really have a life outside of caring for thier child do you?! LOL! Good for you in sticking to your rules! happyface

[EchoMom]

You're right, I shouldn't have said a couple minutes, it's just hard to say no and I got nervous! We'll see what happens today...

[saved4always]

Don't let mom throw that part of your contract at you...you said it says "if agreed upon". Well, you don't agree on your side so tomorrow is a "no". I would just be ready for mom or dad to try to fuss about that clause. And I would put out a notice to all as an addendum to your policies that you no longer offer the "extended hours". Just to keep this from happening again. I have never been open to working later. Good job on saying "no" right off! happyface That is so difficults sometimes....I know I wan to please people so I really have to work on that "no".

[melskids]

I totally understand! But you know how it goes....

Provider says "a few minutes"

Parent hears "a half hour"

Provider says "no illnesses"

Parent hears "except what tylenol will help"

Provider says "no sippy cups from home"

Parent hears "juice jug from the gas station on the way is OK"

Provider says "no toys from home"

Parent hears "paper clips, hairbrushes, coins from my purse are not toys"

Provider says "your child needs diapers"

Parent hears " my child needs diapers next week after I go shopping on the weekend"


::::::

[SilverSabre25]

Go you!! Feels so good, doesn't it?

I do offer extended care to families who need it, but that's partly because of the clientele I serve right now--families with nontraditional needs (not 9-5 M-F for both parents every week). So I'm often willing to accommodate odd hours, but when I don't want to, I phrase it like there's something that particular day that's a problem-- "Oh, no, I'm sorry, not Thursday; we have something going on that night."

That way I don't have to make the parent feel rejected. Not that it's always a bad thing, but you know how dcps are...sometimes it's all personal to them.

[Hunni Bee]

I totally understand! But you know how it goes....

Provider says "a few minutes"

Parent hears "a half hour"

Provider says "no illnesses"

Parent hears "except what tylenol will help"

Provider says "no sippy cups from home"

Parent hears "juice jug from the gas station on the way is OK"

Provider says "no toys from home"

Parent hears "paper clips, hairbrushes, coins from my purse are not toys"

Provider says "your child needs diapers"

Parent hears " my child needs diapers next week after I go shopping on the weekend"


::::::

I couldn't have said it better myself. I love it!! ::::::

[Truly Scrumptious]

Parents are selfish and think the whole world revolves around them and their "precious".
They always think that their lives are far more important than ours.
I know it's hard to confront parents because we don't want to create an awkward situation. But, providers can't allow themselves to be a doormat.

Most of us don't do child care for the fun of it. It's a living. We rely on the income for our families. So, anytime we have to enforce a rule, we take the chance of losing a family and with that, losing income.

Well my family might have to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until I fill a slot, but my parents are going to follow the rules are they are out!
Its been a process getting comfortable doing this, but now that I have....it's actually easier than I thought.

We all know we can pretty much deal with anything the kids dish out....it's the parents that make our job hard. Jeff Johnson (a provider and author) told us once in a workshop he was teaching....that he thought the greatest invention would be to make a giant tube (like the ones the banks use for deposits) and the parents just put the kid in and "shoot" them into the day care at drop off and we "shoot" them out at pick up. (Same for payments).....I agree.

[Blackcat31]

Parents are selfish and think the whole world revolves around them and their "precious".
They always think that their lives are far more important than ours.

I don't necessarily think parents are selfish, I just think that unless you have a job (like daycare etc.) it is just really difficult to see past your own needs and the world in which you live.

I think that being a child care provider takes a special kind of person and one of the traits of that "special kind of person" has is being able to really think perspectively from not only our own views but from other people's viewpoints as well.

I think that parents SHOULD be concerned about their families first and foremost but I also think it would be awesome if they were able to put themselves in my shoes or other people's shoes once in a while too but since that doesn't come naturally to everyone, we kind of have to teach them how to do that....and if we can't teach them how to do that, then we need to be continually "on them" about our rules and policies so that we aren't going crazy and living in the venting thread.....kwim?

Either way, I think it was awesome that OP stood her ground and put her family first (I think these same kinds of "special people" tend to be natural givers and put other people's needs before their own) so good for you OP. happyface

Once you do use that backbone, it does become easier and easier and soon, you do it and don't even realize you do.

[EchoMom]

LOL Blackcat, "living in the venting thread.." LOL Too funny!

[melskids]

Blackcat is right.

It's not just daycare parents, but friends, family, husbands , etc. If we don't communicate our needs openly and honestly, and be upfront with people (respectfully and professionally, of course) then how are they going to know?

[clep]

Blackcat is right.

It's not just daycare parents, but friends, family, husbands , etc. If we don't communicate our needs openly and honestly, and be upfront with people (respectfully and professionally, of course) then how are they going to know?

This is true in most cases. A few it has not been.

I have a large, very clear contract. I go through it very clearly upon the meet and greet. I find that even when they agree to it and it is very clear, parents can at times try to negotiate or even demand different terms based upon their "feelings".

True story: I had two children in my care for about a year. Parents are nice, children are nice. They paid on time. A few glitches with lack of boundaries with the parents letting their children run the show, but nothing major. I have a trial contract and if all goes well after that, parents sign a permanent contract. At that time they pay the first and last month's fees. These parents decided to provide me only two weeks notice that they were leaving so she could be a SAHM. I was so happy for them, but that does not change the fact that it is very hard to fill two spots in two weeks. I let them know they can provide the proper 30 days notice and apply their last months prepaid fees as in our contract or provide the two weeks notice and forego their last months fees. They expressed how much they needed the money as they are losing her income but understood. They gave me notice in writing and it was very nice, sharing what a wonderful provider I have been etc, etc.

After they were gone I received an email stating a large amount of false claims with child neglect and abuse being among those claims. They would however not go any farther with the claims if I agreed to give them 1400 bucks back!!!! Actual blackmail and in writing. Ahaha. I reminded them of the wonderful notice they gave me, that they left their children in my care for the last two weeks before they left and that I do not cave to blackmail.

Never heard from them again. Goes to show though that even with a contract people still demand what they want. That was my worst case so far, but several it has happened through the years that people want what they want so they will manipulate and do whatever they can. One of the main reasons actually I am closing down my day home.

[Truly Scrumptious]

Blackcat is right.

It's not just daycare parents, but friends, family, husbands , etc. If we don't communicate our needs openly and honestly, and be upfront with people (respectfully and professionally, of course) then how are they going to know?

Oh....you are exactly right. The problem with day care parents is that even after providers have "let them know" they will still push the limits if allowed.

[Springdaze]

I just get upset because I get that we are in the business of watching kids, but after hours when I ask someone to watch my kids or help ME, I hear crickets!