When DCPs Want to "Hang Out"

[DaycareMom]

I only have 3 families that I care for. One of the families is leaving at the beginning of next month and have never asked me or my family to do anything outside of watching their daughter.

The other 2 families are always asking me to hang out on weekends and bring my kids to their house and do sleepovers and what not.

I have been able to avoid it for the most part but i am running out of excuses and feel bad to come out and say "I don't hang with clients" since I only have 2 DCKs.

I don't really want to mix business with pleasure ...

What would you do in this situation? Advice please!

[Blackcat31]

Unfortunately, you will probably have to come right out and say it. I know it is uncomfortable but as a provider who NEVER mixes business with family, I know how you feel. I love many of my DCP's and would probably have been friends with them had I not been in business with them...kwim?

I know it works for some and that is awesome but it just isn't me so I don't mix. I usually just say that I prefer not to mix family and business but when the time comes that I am no longer providing daycare services to them, I would love to get together some time and wouldn't mind one bit if my kids were friends with theirs and had sleep overs and such....I just can't do it while I am their child care provider.

None of my DCP's have had issue with that and most have actually said they agree and see why I do things that way. In the meantime, I make small talk and cultivate the start of what could be a great friendship for when the business relationship is over.

[Heidi]

I try to keep the lines drawn, but sometimes, because I live in a small community, it's hard to do that.

My first client since going back to daycare last February is the younger sib of my 15yo's close friend. I can't really expect my 15 you to "break up" with her friend because dcb (2) is a here now. We just do our best...

[DaycareMom]

Thanks for your suggestions!

Anyone else have some ideas? Or maybe do hang out with your clients and it worked out for you?

[clep]

I don't hang out with my clients. One of my clients has an older son the same age as my son. I arrange for the children to hang out but am sure to let parents know if they are taking my child, I am having a child free day. Alternately if they are leaving their child with me, I congratulate them on the adult time and tell them to take advantage and bye bye.

If a parent asks me to go over for a bbq I just thank them for the time away from my child and ask when they want me to drop him off and pick him up. If they say I am invited too, I let them know since I work with children all the time, I really like my weekends to be with minimal children and as quiet as possible, but thanks for the invite.

[Heidi]

We have invited one of our dcf's over for a barbeque type thing, and they came. That's been once in a year and a half, though. I also had a Christmas Party last year, and all the dcf's came, but that was a daycare thing.

My friend used to have her preschoolers sleep over at dck's houses and have dck's sleep over, because the kids where all such good "friends". It caused her TONS of trouble because it really blurred the lines. She'd take a vacation day and people would show up at her door, thinking they were exempt somehow because they were "friends". Nooooo....

[DaisyMamma]

I don't hang out with my clients. One of my clients has an older son the same age as my son. I arrange for the children to hang out but am sure to let parents know if they are taking my child, I am having a child free day. Alternately if they are leaving their child with me, I congratulate them on the adult time and tell them to take advantage and bye bye.

If a parent asks me to go over for a bbq I just thank them for the time away from my child and ask when they want me to drop him off and pick him up. If they say I am invited too, I let them know since I work with children all the time, I really like my weekends to be with minimal children and as quiet as possible, but thanks for the invite.

Good advice. I try to do it just like this.

[EchoMom]

I could be making a big mistake since I'm still new to having my home daycare, only 6 months in business and I don't want to offend anyone, just sharing my experience so far. My husband and I are Christians who really try to make God our first priority. To us, the daycare is a way for me to stay home with my son, make a living, and also a ministry opportunity to be a good witness and share the gospel with people when we're able. So we know we're taking a gamble, but we intentionally are building relationships with our families. We invited them all to our Memorial Day cookout where lots of church friends, family, and work friends were at and talked to them about spiritual topics amongst other things. My husband has poker nights at the house and he always invites daycare dads to come, 2 of them have come twice. We try to go to anything we're invited to of theirs as well. A baby was baptized and we stopped by with a gift to their house for the party. This weekend we're probably going to see a kid at the fair for his dirt bike race.

It does make me nervous hearing from all the veteran providers here saying to keep it seperate seperate seperate, but for us the ministry opportunity is most important. If I have to take a hit or end up losing a family it would be worth it if I knew it was for the sake of the gospel.

Don't want to hijack the thread, but in addition to the OP's question, does anyone else have a spiritual purpose in their business as well?

[pootmcgoot]

Nope. God doesn't enter into my business ethics. He may steer my moral compass but business wise he stays on the "personal" side. If I worked at McDonald's I wouldn't minister to my customers. And if one ministered to me I'd be appalled by the breach of personal boundaries. Then again my faith is very private and I am of the live and let live camp.

[Sprouts]

I could be making a big mistake since I'm still new to having my home daycare, only 6 months in business and I don't want to offend anyone, just sharing my experience so far. My husband and I are Christians who really try to make God our first priority. To us, the daycare is a way for me to stay home with my son, make a living, and also a ministry opportunity to be a good witness and share the gospel with people when we're able. So we know we're taking a gamble, but we intentionally are building relationships with our families. We invited them all to our Memorial Day cookout where lots of church friends, family, and work friends were at and talked to them about spiritual topics amongst other things. My husband has poker nights at the house and he always invites daycare dads to come, 2 of them have come twice. We try to go to anything we're invited to of theirs as well. A baby was baptized and we stopped by with a gift to their house for the party. This weekend we're probably going to see a kid at the fair for his dirt bike race.

It does make me nervous hearing from all the veteran providers here saying to keep it seperate seperate seperate, but for us the ministry opportunity is most important. If I have to take a hit or end up losing a family it would be worth it if I knew it was for the sake of the gospel.

Don't want to hijack the thread, but in addition to the OP's question, does anyone else have a spiritual purpose in their business as well?

That's great and that's what Christians are called to do, spread the good word.

My husband is more of the witness here, in my contract I state we are a Christian household and god/Jesus may come up and if they are comfortable with with that.

I don't push it or try to convince parents , but I don't keep it private either. If parents aren't comfortable with that, then that's fine, this might not be the best place for their child then, well it might be , but just not in their point of view

I know some providers use Christian preschool curriculums , I don't personally but that's great especially if you want to advertise as a Christian home child care.

[Michelle]

I take all my kids to VBS (with parent permission) and some of the parents over the years ended up joining that church, getting saved and their lives were dramatically changed after that!

So, yea go for it, just don't shove it down their throat!

[Blackcat31]

I could be making a big mistake since I'm still new to having my home daycare, only 6 months in business and I don't want to offend anyone, just sharing my experience so far. My husband and I are Christians who really try to make God our first priority. To us, the daycare is a way for me to stay home with my son, make a living, and also a ministry opportunity to be a good witness and share the gospel with people when we're able. So we know we're taking a gamble, but we intentionally are building relationships with our families. We invited them all to our Memorial Day cookout where lots of church friends, family, and work friends were at and talked to them about spiritual topics amongst other things. My husband has poker nights at the house and he always invites daycare dads to come, 2 of them have come twice. We try to go to anything we're invited to of theirs as well. A baby was baptized and we stopped by with a gift to their house for the party. This weekend we're probably going to see a kid at the fair for his dirt bike race.

It does make me nervous hearing from all the veteran providers here saying to keep it seperate seperate seperate, but for us the ministry opportunity is most important. If I have to take a hit or end up losing a family it would be worth it if I knew it was for the sake of the gospel.

Don't want to hijack the thread, but in addition to the OP's question, does anyone else have a spiritual purpose in their business as well?

It definitely isnt a hard fast rule. If making child care families part of your family works, then by all means you should absolutely do it!

If I could have done that, I probably would have gone that route too but for me, I am licensed for 14 kids and honestly when I first opened I had every bad client you could imagine. It had a profound effect on my outlook of being a child care provider and so I became very separate from the families I had in care so that I didn't get caught up in their drama...kwim? If I had, I can only imagine how long (or how little) amount of time before I was taken to the cleaners, taken advantage of and used.

So as a way to protect my sanity, my family and to stay clear-headed about what my job really was/is, I decided to not mix daycare with my private life.

This last decade of being in the business has been the polar opposite of what the first decade was. I now have families who are great! Very respectful, fun, involved...I don't know...more normal if you will. Families I can totally see being friends with.

However, now my own kids are grown and gone from home and it is just my DH and I and we are really enjoying this alone time in our lives where the focus is on just us and not our children (no grandbabies yet) so I really hate to drag "my work" home with me and since my DCF's all have young children, we are in different places in our lives and don't have as much in common as we used to.

That is my perspective on mixing business with private. You can see why it just didn't work for me. I had to really cultivate that backbone in order to be successful and when when building that backbone, I just couldn't allow myself to be ****ed into the emotional part of the job at the same time.

I also think that had I done child care in my own home, I may have felt a bit differently but since my daycare building is separate, it was only right (for me) to keep my work separate from my home-life.

What you and your DH do though sounds wonderful and very supportive and welcoming for familes. I am sure the families that choose you for their provider do so BECAUSE of that foundation of love and interaction through God that you are practicing and living! lovethis

Bottom line is do what works for you!

[bunnyslippers]

I do hang out with some of my daycare families. I live in a very small town, and some of the families I care for are teachers in the school my son will be attending. We are all the same age, and I used to be a teacher. Our husbands all get along, too. I have never had it become an issue. I also care for my neighbor's child, and they are, literally our only neighbors. We were friends before she even had her baby.

It works well for me. I have actually made some very good friends through this business.

That being said, I also know which families I could never hang out with socially, and I just don't mix with them outside of business.

I think it is fine to trust your own judgement and do what feels best. I also don't think your rules about mixing business and pleasure have to be the same for every family.

[JenNJ]

I hav some clients who I hang out with and those who I don't. My daughter is 3 and 2 of her best friends come here for daycare. These three girls grew up together. They dance together, go to one another's birthday parties, and we do the occasional girls day out. These girls will likely be together from birth all the way up to senior yer of high school, so to shut the moms out just because they are my clients would be silly. I have 15 more years of interacting with them.

Another client of mine is a teacher. Her son and mine are close friends. He has aged out of daycare, but her younger child comes here during the school year. She takes my son on outings and playdates during the summer since she knows I am stuck at home. In turn, I take her older ds for sleepovers and playdates. It works well and she is another golden client.

I consider their moms my friends and they are all exemplary families to have in daycare. It isn't a hard and fast rule, it is a case by case basis for me.

[Willow]

Some of my daycare parents are phenomenal friends of ours. In fact, my very first daycare family ever asked me to be godmother to their child (they have almost no extended family), and their two youngest girls are going to be flower girls in my wedding in two weeks. A year ago I moved over and hour away and obviously no longer provide care for their family yet we're still incredibly close and I believe will be for the foreseeable future.

As long as you're a decent judge of character the risk is pretty low that it's going to cause any problems. A lot of parents really like getting to know their provider on that level, it makes them feel more comfortable leaving their child. All of my families have appreciated that we form what is tantamount to a familial relationship over a business one.


There are certain families I wouldn't feel comfortable crossing that line with and others I don't even think twice about doing so. It's all in how you choose to operate and how you feel about each individual family.