Need Advice About DS

[Breezy]

My almost 17 month old DS is so mean to daycare kids!! I know its jealousy and I try and devote special times with him. I dont make him nap at the same time as everyone else so I often forgo my own break time just for quality time with him.

Today he tried to grab DC baby and pull her out of my lap while I was feeding her, he kicks, he hits, he has tried to hit toys over heads. But today is the straw that broke the camels back. He took a large toy that attaches to the walker we have and dropped it on DC babys head!!! I was laying her down in the baby gym on the floor next to me so I could play with him and while I was situating myself he did it so fast I only caught it a little and It did hit her. She cried for a bit but is fine. He went right to his crib for a time out.

I dont know what to do. I never leave them out of my sight and usually baby is always up off the floor but she is so little she needs to be with me at all times.

The older kids he pulls hair and is just plain mean! I know he probably is sick of sharing me, his house, his everything but this needs to stop or I am going to have to close down!

He is whiny all day and always wanting to be In my lap or next to me. He doesn't even really want to play anymore he just wants attention from me. He Is an angel when there are no kids here.

Any advice?

[countrymom]

I don't use cribs or any sleeping areas for time out. Put him in a corner when he does something bad, and no he's not too young. I had a spitter today and she's 15 months old (very smart little thing) who thought it was funny to go around spitting on people, ops acually horking and spitting she knew I ment business when she was sent to the corner.

also, I don't do special with my kids because then they will want special all the time. I treated them just like the dck's (the only difference was that mine could go to their rooms) I still treat them like my dck's and they are older. When everyone goes home then we do special stuff like we go for a walk, or to timmies for a donut or we sit and watch tv together. Also can he be your helper maybe that might cut down on the jealousy.

[Breezy]

Looks like I am failing him on all fronts! thanks so much for the advice!

[cheerfuldom]

Looks like I am failing him on all fronts! thanks so much for the advice!

No one said you were failing. you are taking his behavior too personally. kids act crazy and try things and test things.....it doesnt always "mean" something. It doesnt mean that his is bad or that you are not a good mom or anything of the sort. It most likely is just him hitting the phase where he is flexing his toddler muscles. Sure he may be jealous of the other kids but also, he may be supervised a little less when you are distracted or feel overwhelmed by the activity during the day or a variety of other issues.

I think right now is the time to take the emotions out of it and view his behavior more at a distant. How would you handle this if it was from a daycare child? Are you giving him excuses for his bad behavior? Are you feeling guilty that you are doing daycare and mistakenly try to compensate for that? Are you spending enough time teaching him how to play appropriately? (instead of just reacting after the fact) Is he well rested and occupied? is he receiving consistent consequences for bad behavior? clear and simple instructions for what you want him to do during each part of the day?

I am telling you that almost every mom goes this thru stage where their baby turns full on toddler and really ramps it up around other kids/in public/etc. Its a normal phase of life but that doesnt mean that it is acceptable behavior or that there is nothing you can do about it. Dont waste time getting hurt over it, overally emotional or trying to figure out every "why" behind the action. Just do what you can as far as preventative measures and then consequences if he still decides to break the rules. Stay patient and consistent and calm and you all will get over this hurdle, I promise. Hang in there!

[Wigglesandgiggles]

I am generally not a spanker, but I would probably give 1 quick swat on the bum for that if my child was being violent like that. Not to hurt my child, but to bring some serious attention to the situation.

Or straight to bed. Not a time out for a minute or so, but a go to bed until you've slept.

Or as PP suggested, a real time out, on a chair, corner, in a spot marked with a rug.

I think you will need to also model approptiate behavior for him. Show him gentle, talk about being gentle, practice gentle.

[Lilbutterflie]

Believe me, I could have written your post!! You are NOT a bad mom, and you are not alone! I started doing my daycare when DS was 18 mos, and he would hit, scream, push, etc...

The biggest piece of advice I can offer is to treat his behavior the EXACT same way you would if he were one of your daycare kids. Keep your emotions out of it as best you can, and be consistent.

My DS is 4 now, and he is soooo much better. Although he does have a temper from time to time, he now plays well, keeps hands to self, shares with others, and is generally a good kid! Right now my biggest issue is him raising his voice with me, talking back, or disrespecting me by sticking out his tongue. We are working on it. The point is, they all go through phases; and with children of daycare providers the phases somehow seem to be exaggerated; perhaps due to jealousy or frustration with sharing their home and their parent with other kids.

[Kiki]

I agree with others, remove the emotion from it, and treat it like you would with a dck. You really aren't doing anything wrong, my youngest DD will be 4 in October and still has her 'MY Momma' moments with the other kids, I just keep up on telling her that I am everyone's friend, and I can't be just hers, and she usually leaves it alone. I do strongly suggest a time out that isn't his bed though.