It Is Worth It, It Is Worth It.....

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I keep chanting these words in my head. I just went back to daycare a few months ago after working out of the home for a while and LOVE every moment I can be with my kids and the freedom daycare gives me to be with my kids when they are sick.... and the freedom to get caught up on housework during naptimes. There are MANY benifits that I enjoy with daycare.

HOWEVER, I have a difficult time with parents that are off on vacation or days off and still bring the kids to daycare even if they have nothing else to do. I know they pay for it, but it's just a personal issue I have, it really bothers me to pieces. When I was working out of the home, a day off was joy to me to spend with my kids. It really sickens me that others don't feel as greatful and I can't get beyond that.

It makes me feel so bitter inside at the parents, I wish I didn't feel this way but I have a hard time accepting the fact. I had to vent, feeling bitter this week as this same family fails to bring important items for their kids to daycare with several notes sent home as reminders, as if their kids are the last things on their mind for the day

[Blackcat31]

Being a child care provider means you HAVE to be accepting of other people's parenting styles.

The world is full of people who do things their way and you will never find a parent who does things your way unless they are a child care provider too....kwim? You value time with your child and chose a career that allows you to be with them. Other parents value being able to work and NOT spend 24/7 with their child and there is nothing wrong with that.

There is nothing wrong with the fact that you don't approve either as we all have our own personal feelings but honestly, if you are going to provide a service then you can't complain about who is buying it....kwim?

It is like owning a convenience store and selling cigarettes. I HATE them but they would generate income so obviously I would sell them. I could choose not to sell them and not be part of that whole concept but then I would lose out on the income that would be made because of that choice so I have to decide what is more important to me. Making money or standing my ground based on what I feel. Either choice has it's own effects and outcomes.

If you really don't approve of parents using child care and not spending time with their child you could put in your contract that you only provide services to parents who are working but even if you do that, there is no guarantee that the parent isn't simply finding someone else to care for their child when they are off and there really is no guarantee you can be sure that the parent is or isn't actually at work......

You also have to be "working parent" friendly as well and NOT charge for when parents choose to keep their child at home if they aren't at work.

It is an age old dilemma that honestly cannot be changed when ALL parents value different things and have different styles of parenting. You will either have to learn to not let it be your issue or you will not make it very far in this business.

I don't mean to come off bluntly or rude in any way but like I said, it takes all kinds of parents to make the world go round so it is what it is I guess. In a perfect world, ALL parents could stay home and raise their children because they all really want to but then there would be no need for child care providers at all....

[cheerfuldom]

I think black cat said it all. As daycare providers, part of the job is accepting the kids and parents we work with for who they are and not trying to change them. Sure there are little tweaks here and there to help the relationship along but overall, they have to accept you as who you are and you have to accept them. I have yet to hear a good way to police parents to NOT sending kids to daycare if they aren't at work...there is no way around it. I think we all have a few things that are hard to accept. We see things happening, we feel that it is like watching a train wreck about to happen, we want to say something or change people....thats not our job. You offer to take care of kids for a certain amount of time for a certain pay. You cant be judgmental when parents take advantage of that.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

No offense taken, I get it that all people think differently and not everyone thinks as I do. I have had wonderful parents in the past who you can tell take great pride in family time....it's just sad and bitter for me that others don't. If we could all stay home with our kids, I would be without a job, so I am thankful for my job but will not change my view of thinking on the topic.

[Country Kids]

Its hard I know! I remember my hubby would want to take the kids to his moms for the day so we could "clean and catch up". I was always very mad when he said things like that as it wasn't his mothers responsibility to watch the kids so we could clean.

Our moms never took us somewhere else so they could clean! It shocks me. I have had moms at drop off say "OK, see you later. I'm going home to clean." Then I look around at my house and would love to have a day in the middle of the week to "clean". I never have a chance to clean without at least 4 kids here every single day!

I think moms have it very easy now and don't realize it. They can just drop off their children at childcare when they need to. The thing though is moms before us probably had more me time because very few women worked out side of the house. I remember my mom going to the neighbors and drinking coffee on the front porch and just getting to talk. I think that woiuld be absolute bliss.

[countrymom]

I have good families now, but I had "those" families. Drove me crazy. I think its because when I needed time off I would get grief from them. I also descovered how self absorbed parents acually can be. I think I felt used when they did this.

[Crazy8]

Blackcat said it soooo well. Her first statement being the most crucial.... Being a child care provider means you HAVE to be accepting of other people's parenting styles.

I know you are just venting, and many of us have the same issue and just shake our heads. When there is a major safety issue involved we need to speak up but when it comes to smaller parenting style issues you have to be able to grin and bear it. Honestly, for your own sanity you need to find a way to get passed this.

I will say one of my very best friends was the type that dropped her kids at daycare ANY chance she got. She specifically scheduled all of her paid time off (and she had quite a bit of it!) so she could have "free" days home without kids. I ALWAYS had issues with it, but as a friend I bit my tongue because it probably could have put an end to a otherwise great friendship. Well now her kids are older high schoolers and you know what??? They are GREAT kids, good students, well mannered, they love and respect their parents and others, etc. So, you know what... it worked out for them. It was the way she was best able to parent. On the flip side, I know a few moms who are home for the summers with their kids and I think the mom and kids would be better off if they did go to daycare at least part time!!!

[momma2girls]

I definately feel the same way. I have a parent that never takes a day off here at daycare. If I ddint take off for the Holidays and my vac. days, the children would come every single day, no matter what!!! It's very frustrating!! I have provided great care for over 9 yrs. now. I had daycare with my oldest child, and I wouldn't have dreamed taking my child to the daycare on my days off, unless I had a dr. appt. where they couldn't come with me. It's defiantely different nowadays, than way back when!!!

[My3cents]

Being a child care provider means you HAVE to be accepting of other people's parenting styles.

The world is full of people who do things their way and you will never find a parent who does things your way unless they are a child care provider too....kwim? You value time with your child and chose a career that allows you to be with them. Other parents value being able to work and NOT spend 24/7 with their child and there is nothing wrong with that.

well said-

I suggest it in my handbook. When your not working or going to school, your child should be with you. I parent the way I chose and I must let others do the same, even if I don't agree or like it very much. Everyone is different and the importance level they have on life. I don't have an issue with a parent that wants to stop at the grocery store on the way to get little susie, or take a day for self time. Just tell me. I want to know where to reach the parent in case of an emergency. Cell phone or not. Don't tell me your at work when your home or out shopping all day- Respect-

Hubby wanting the child to go to grandparents to clean........ tee hee. What is he cleaning exactly? lovethis I see it more as hubby wanting the child to spend time with extended family and have time alone. Now you do have parents that flat out just don't care or have a clue. I want to say that most parents are not like that.........please let it be the majority!!!

[Breezy]

I know how you feel and would feel the same way if I had a parent that did that numerous times. I totally understand mommy burnout. I am guilty of going through it right now a little but spending no time with your child on your days off is excessive to me.

My mother in law and step father in law are coming to visit next month and MIL has been begging for an overnight with DS since he was born every time we visit or she visits. I havent taken her up on it yet but I will be when she comes this time.

DH and I will be going to stay in their hotel for the night and she and her husband will stay here. One night with just me and DH in the quiet sounds amazing!! Not having to listen to the monitor all night and wondering when DS will wake up?? Heaven!!!!

[cheerfuldom]

I know how you feel and would feel the same way if I had a parent that did that numerous times. I totally understand mommy burnout. I am guilty of going through it right now a little but spending no time with your child on your days off is excessive to me.

My mother in law and step father in law are coming to visit next month and MIL has been begging for an overnight with DS since he was born every time we visit or she visits. I havent taken her up on it yet but I will be when she comes this time.

DH and I will be going to stay in their hotel for the night and she and her husband will stay here. One night with just me and DH in the quiet sounds amazing!! Not having to listen to the monitor all night and wondering when DS will wake up?? Heaven!!!!

this is different. No one is going to fault a parent for devoting some time to their spouse or some time to refresh themselves. I think we all know the parents that the OP is talking about.....people who are never around their kids unless they absolutely have to be. They may just be going home from work every day at 3, watching TV and then getting their kid at 5:30 like the rest of the parents....its no wonder that we providers wonder why they cant come early and do something special with their kid just every once in awhile?

[Breezy]

this is different. No one is going to fault a parent for devoting some time to their spouse or some time to refresh themselves. I think we all know the parents that the OP is talking about.....people who are never around their kids unless they absolutely have to be. They may just be going home from work every day at 3, watching TV and then getting their kid at 5:30 like the rest of the parents....its no wonder that we providers wonder why they cant come early and do something special with their kid just every once in awhile?

Oh yes I totally know its different. I was just gushing because I am so excited!!!

[Unregistered]

so I'm stuck with him the entire week?

I planned a week vacation to Disney for my family and parents were informed months ahead of time. The week before our vacation I noticed one of my dads was coming with the mom when they dropped off and picked up their son. Afraid that dad had lost his job I politely said, "What are you doing here again? Did your schedule change?" he then informed me that he had the week off for vacation (mom doesn't work but child comes to daycare all day, every day). I then said, "why didn't you take your vacation next week when I'm gone?" You would have thought I slapped one of them by the looks on their faces, dad asked, "next week is your vacation?" when I replied "yes" mom said she had no idea and didn't remember me ever saying anything about it...they both actually looked like they wanted me to cancel our expensive vacation just because of them, when they saw the look of "no nonsense" on my face mom actually said, "so I'm going to be stuck with him (her son)the entire week?" I about died but there was nothing I could do. Thankfully even though I told my parents in person and sent home a note I had also sent an email so I resent it to her so she couldn't pretend that I hadn't told her about it.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

dad asked, "next week is your vacation?" when I replied "yes" mom said she had no idea and didn't remember me ever saying anything about it...they both actually looked like they wanted me to cancel our expensive vacation just because of them, when they saw the look of "no nonsense" on my face mom actually said, "so I'm going to be stuck with him (her son)the entire week?" I about died but there was nothing I could do

Ha, just wow!

As a parent just coming out of the workforce after a break from daycare, it sure was WAY easier working out of the home, nobody to worry about except for me and my family and my schedule was set. I sacrificed a lot of other annoyances to be back with my kids....it IS worth it, I was just venting and ya, will always be upset when I'm tied down while others are out enjoying life..maybe it's a little jealousy but I have always felt guilty when leaving my kids with someone else if I am not out working, even if I was paying for the service. More so when they were younger and harder to care for.

Certainly it would be a much easier life paying someone to keep my kids when I was not working, but I would miss out at creating memories with my own children, even if it was just a walk around the town or trip to the library.