New DCD Just Shushed One Of My Assistants

[queenbee]

This afternoon at pick-up, new DCD came to pick up DCB. As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway waving to the kids, saw him and called Dcb's name. DCD shushed her immediately because, assuming, wanted to surprise or "sneak up" on DCB.

My assistant called me 15 minutes later and let me know this. She was very offended and wanted to know if she should be or was she blowing this out of porportion. She noted that it wasn't a friendly "shhh", but a quick hard "SHHH".

I immediately sent this email to DCD:


DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

[cheerfuldom]

wow, girl, you dont mess around!

some people are just not very socially aware. I guess I wouldnt view it as that big of a deal but I have a high tolerance for some things. Either way, if your assistant felt disrespected, it is important to support her and make sure Dad knows that coming in, in a rude manner, is not acceptable. Its a shame you have to police parents on issues of common courtesy.

I have a DCD that always knocks like a cop trying to break down the door. Some people are just rude in a million tiny ways.

[Lucy]

This is just the way I would look at it. I'm not being judgmental against your assistant or you. Please don't take any offense.

I don't think it was that big of a deal. I don't think the dad had any disrespectful intent. He wanted to surprise the boy. You didn't say, but maybe mom normally picks up, and this would've been a treat to have dad come. I can see why he would want to "sneak up" on the boy. Had I been the assistant, it may have taken me aback for a couple seconds, but I would've seen it from his side, and been like "no big deal".

I also feel the letter was a bit much. Threatening him with termination because he wanted to surprise his son? Again, totally not judging or trying to be harsh, but you asked how WE would feel, and this is how I see it. As the parent, I would've been offended by the letter, personally. I'll bet the parents tell family and friends the story of how "Dad only wanted to surprise Jimmy, and they threatened to TERMINATE him because he asked the asst. not to spoil the surprise. Can you believe the NERVE??" I'm just saying that maybe it was blown out of proportion a little bit.

Just my little ol' opinion. Not bashing anyone.

[momofboys]

This afternoon at pick-up, new DCD came to pick up DCB. As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway waving to the kids, saw him and called Dcb's name. DCD shushed her immediately because, assuming, wanted to surprise or "sneak up" on DCB.

My assistant called me 15 minutes later and let me know this. She was very offended and wanted to know if she should be or was she blowing this out of porportion. She noted that it wasn't a friendly "shhh", but a quick hard "SHHH".

I immediately sent this email to DCD:


DCD,

My assistant just informed me that you 'shushed' her when you picked up DCB this afternoon. I guess you wanted to surprise him. Whatever the reason, I do not feel that was okay and my assistant was very offended by this. We keep pick-ups quick in order to keep pick-up time from becoming congested and we alert the children that their ride is here as soon as we see a car pull up or see a parent. This is what we do for each child and family so that pick-ups are speedy.

Please refrain from shushing either of my helpers again. I view 'shushing' as a form of disrespect and is grounds for termination as per our contract.

If you have any questions regarding this matter, you may email back or call me after 6pm this evening.

Thank you,
QueenBee

Since when is it okay to SHUSH another adult?

Awesome! I totally heart you!

[EchoMom]

I agree with Lucy. It is just my opinion, but I think the response, especially the letter was way overboard and if I were the parent and I would be like, "Whoa! What the???"

[seebachers]

SMH............blown way out of proportion

[safechner]

Sorry I have to say I agree with Lucy. I am sure he didn't mean that way because he just wanted to surprise his son. I would let it go for now.

[queenbee]

DCD called about an hour after I sent the email. He profusely apologized for doing what he did, and while he did just do it to sneak up on DCB, he can see how it came across to my assistant and he stresses that it will never happen again. He also wanted her number so he could apologize to her.

Wasn't about to give him her number for multiple reasons, but I told him I'd pass along the message and let her know. He seemed genuine enough, but nobody gets my assistants numbers.

Just to note: I wasn't "threatening" him with termination. I "warned" him that this could be classified as disrespect and THAT was grounds for termination. I could care less if he was trying to sneak up on his kid, but anything less than complete and utter respect for either of my assistants ruffles my feathers big time.

I can easily replace a family. I CANNOT easily replace an assistant as great as my two. I chose to back up my assistant and it paid off well

[sharlan]

I think, being the first time, that your assistant and you, blew this way out of proportion. I think the email to the father was a little over the top.

If I was the father, I would be wondering what else you would over react to.

[Blackcat31]

I also have to agree with Lucy as well.

It would have been an entirely different ballgame had the DCD shushed the assistant while in conversation or in another context, but wanting to sneak up and play with his child is completely within reason.

Seeing a parent want to be playful with their child is refreshing. I have seen a lot of parents have no sense of humor or any delight in seeing their child after a long tiring work day.

The letter is also a bit harsh as this ws something I may have casually mentioned to DCD as a comment (in regrads to assistants feelings) rather than a reprimand for negative behavior etiquette.

I also kind of think the assistant needs to learn acceptance and tolerance as parents all have different kinds of values and manners and it wasn't as if he swore at her or made some sort of rude gesture. It was shushing as in "please don't give me away" NOT "stop talking to me".

In a different scenario, I may have totally agreed with you but I just feel this particular situation has been blown out of proportion.

As a DC parent, I would have been calling around immediately for a new daycare after being given that letter.

[Blackcat31]

DCD called about an hour after I sent the email. He profusely apologized for doing what he did, and while he did just do it to sneak up on DCB, he can see how it came across to my assistant and he stresses that it will never happen again. He also wanted her number so he could apologize to her.

Wasn't about to give him her number for multiple reasons, but I told him I'd pass along the message and let her know. He seemed genuine enough, but nobody gets my assistants numbers.

Just to note: I wasn't "threatening" him with termination. I "warned" him that this could be classified as disrespect and THAT was grounds for termination. I could care less if he was trying to sneak up on his kid, but anything less than complete and utter respect for either of my assistants ruffles my feathers big time.
I can easily replace a family. I CANNOT easily replace an assistant as great as my two. I chose to back up my assistant and it paid off well

I am glad that this worked out ok.

I am happy to hear you support your assistants as much as you do. MAkes for a great boss

However, I don't think this was disrespectful at all given the circumstances.

Considering the circumstances of what was happening, IMHO, I think your assistant needs to grow up and not take things so personal.

She may be a great assistant but she needs to learn how to read a situation and analyze it for what it is.

The shushing was a plea to not give away his (DCD) presence so he could be playful with his child no less........NOT a blatantly disrespectful sign for "stop talking" between two adults. I really just think your assistant made way too big of a deal out of this.

But anyways, glad it is over and is behind you....and everyone can move on happily.

[Country Kids]

I'm so glad this worked out for you. I reread your letter a few times and can see clearly what was going on and why your assistant would be offended. One the dad was just walking into your childcare room (not sneaking). Doesn't really sound like he was going to surprise the child at all. Also, instead of shushing her, he could have held up a finger to his lips to let her know.

I think by his response back, he knew the way he did it was wrong. He could have argued the point, said she was wrong in complaining, etc. He didn't and took full responsibility so it sounds like it was done a little hard.

[queenbee]

I am glad that this worked out ok.

I am happy to hear you support your assistants as much as you do. MAkes for a great boss

However, I don't think this was disrespectful at all given the circumstances.

Considering the circumstances of what was happening, IMHO, I think your assistant needs to grow up and not take things so personal.

She may be a great assistant but she needs to learn how to read a situation and analyze it for what it is.

The shushing was a plea to not give away his (DCD) presence so he could be playful with his child no less........NOT a blatantly disrespectful sign for "stop talking" between two adults. I really just think your assistant made way too big of a deal out of this.

But anyways, glad it is over and is behind you....and everyone can move on happily.

My assistant is 48yo. Hardly someone who needs to "grow up" I doubt she'd take this personal, but I guess my other families who have been with me long term would have never dreamed of shushing her.

And not to sound ****y, but my daycare isn't something parents like to give up easily I've never had a parent leave under any other circumstances than moving away, job loss or kids heading to kindergarten. I've only had to term once since opening and those two open spots didn't last more than a day.

[Blackcat31]

I'm so glad this worked out for you. I reread your letter a few times and can see clearly what was going on and why your assistant would be offended. One the dad was just walking into your childcare room (not sneaking).

OP said, "As DCD was walking up to our daycare room, my assistant who was just about to leave home was standing in the doorway" which doesn't say anything about walking INTO the classroom...but walking UP TO the doorway since assistant was standing in the doorway.

Doesn't really sound like he was going to surprise the child at all.
Assistant "assumed" DCD was going to surprise child. He may very well have wanted to discuss something or say something that he didn't want his son to be around to over hear. Who knows as he never really said what his intentions were. Assistant only assumed.

Also, instead of shushing her, he could have held up a finger to his lips to let her know.

Isn't a finger to the lips "shushing"? I see the two things as being the same.

I think by his response back, he knew the way he did it was wrong. He could have argued the point, said she was wrong in complaining, etc. He didn't and took full responsibility so it sounds like it was done a little hard.

I also think dad's response back wasn't admission of guilt for knowing he did something wrong, it may just have been a way to make sure he has daycare still and doesn't want his son to lose out on something (daycare) that he loves. It might also have been an apology for upsetting the assistant, whether he agreed that his actions were disrespectful or not. He upset her, so he apologized for it.

Who knows.....he could be searching for new daycare right now as we speak because of this whole thing.

[Blackcat31]

My assistant is 48yo. Hardly someone who needs to "grow up" I doubt she'd take this personal, but I guess my other families who have been with me long term would have never dreamed of shushing her.

And not to sound ****y, but my daycare isn't something parents like to give up easily I've never had a parent leave under any other circumstances than moving away, job loss or kids heading to kindergarten. I've only had to term once since opening and those two open spots didn't last more than a day.

Sorry, I shouldn't have said "grow up" but should have said "lighten up".

and in reference to your "****y" statement (which I DON'T mean rudely ) I just responded to Country Kids about that same thing. DCD may have apologized so that he doesn't lose excellent daycare services. I mean that complimentary.

He may feel he HAS to apologize whether he feels he did anything wrong or not because he doesn't want to be termed. I can totally see how that would effect his actions and bring on an apology from him.

anyways like I said.....I am glad it worked out and is over with.