What The Heck Is This All About And What Can I Do About It?

[cheerfuldom]

I have an issue going on with one of my DC kids. She is 22 months and has been here since newborn age. Never had any huge issues outside of a crying during nap time phase at around one year old. That went on for awhile so I do know that she is incredibly stubborn when she wants to be. I ended up having to do hard core CIO....tuck her in to nap and let her scream the whole time and get the other kids napping in an entirely different part of the house. The crying wasnt too bad outside of naptime but it was certainly there. We will call her A.

So, the issue being, I have a new part time girl here that is 2.5. She's been here for a month and overall, very well behaved, no huge issues, plays well with the kids. We will call her B.

So now, whenever B comes on her part time days, A just flips out and turns into a major brat, reminding me of the time when she had a huge brat stage I described above. A cries for the tiniest thing (somebody bumped me and I fell on my bum, whaaaaa!) and has huge sobbing tantrums about every 20min. At this point, B is not doing anything to her nor is anyone else but if something happens while B is here, A cries.....the days when B is not here, A rarely cries or has any tantrums whatsoever. this morning was so bad, A is now in an early nap and crying off an on. I never put kids to early naps but it was really bad this morning.

Any ideas? B is a nice kid but for some reason, shaking up the dynamics of the group and A cant handle it. Our routine is the same from day to day and B gets no extra attention or anything else. I don't know what to do besides make sure A is okay/safe and then ignore the tantrum just as I would any other tantrum.

[Blackcat31]

I am thinking that for some reason (and not necessarily a logical one since we are talking toddlers... LOL!) but A is threatened by B's presence and feels somewhat unsure or insecure whene B is there.

I think you are correct to ignore the whiney tantruming behaviors A displays in protest but I wonder if maybe you could find a way to help A and B be friends. Maybe pair them up during an activity or have them sit next to each other at lunch or craft time. Make it so that A sees how much fun B can be.

I have two similar kids. N is 3 (but acts more like a 2 yr old) and J is 2 (but acts like he is 3) and for some odd reason when they are both here (one is 3 days and one is 5 days a week) N gets all goofy about stuff and has some behaviors that are just plain out there. NEVER happens unless J is present.

N will go out of his way to fight, bug, bother, annoy or just irritate J and he is normally not at all like that. The only thing I can figure is that he feels threatened or insecure about J's presence in care and see him as some sort of interloper... LOL! I usually keep them separated and have them play in different groups but this summer, I decided enough is enough and they don't have to be friends but they do need to get along and be cordial to one another.

Now I purposely have them do things together or sit next to each other or be "walking buddies" with the pretense that if they don't do it together nicely, neither one gets to do it and will both be separated from the group. I am not sure if it is the right thing or the developmentally appropriate thing to do but I too, am at a loss and refuse to let two toddlers basically make the day horrid for everyone else.

I will definitely be watching this thread to see if anyone has had this same situation and what they do about it too.

So the best thing I got for you is that you are not alone.

[cheerfuldom]

Thanks for the ideas! Its something to consider. A is very comfortable here, to the point where I think she thinks this is HER house and probably seeing B as an intruder. But I need her to get over it because I have a new baby come Nov (my own child) and plan to start one or two kids late summer/early fall. The funny thing is that I had another part timer, similar ages, and A never acted like this with the other one. Plus I have an occasional visit from other kids, like former daycare kids, and A doesnt act like this for them either. Its just B. And like I said, B is very nice with her and plays well with the other kids.

[My3cents]

A see's B as a threat and when C comes along, it will be different because C is a baby.

Work B up to be a wonderful thing that A can love. Team building. I am willing to bet that A is an only child?

B is taking away from A, you. At least that is how A views the situation. Normal. For whatever reason she doesn't care for B. Give it time for A to see that B is just not going away and prob they will work it out on their own, in the meantime build it up how having friends is such a wonderful thing and you have some great learning experiences ahead of you-

[Country Kids]

My group works something like this but heres the weird thing. I can take any one or two out of the equation and the group dynamic is great. I put them all together everything is a fight, meltdown, crying, out of control mess. I just don't get it!

[Small Town Provider]

Country kids my group is the same way! I thought it was one kid in particular but it seems that its just the group when they are all together. It doesn't matter which one is out sick, the group just behaves better.

[Country Kids]

Country kids my group is the same way! I thought it was one kid in particular but it seems that its just the group when they are all together. It doesn't matter which one is out sick, the group just behaves better.

It was good to read your post! I thought I was the only one in the world with a group like this. Thank you so much-