Beyond Irritated With Spoiled Kid, What To Do

[DaisyMamma]

As we all do, I have other kids to care for and this kid still hasn't caught on. Will he ever? Had him since 4mo and he's now 18. He will trip, I mean, stumble a little (not fall and scrape himself up) and he will stand there and cry, expecting to be picked up and coddled. Ugh! I tell him 'you're ok, keep going.' Or if he has thrown himself on the ground I say 'get up, youre ok, come on, its ok'.

It's getting to me badly today. The constant whine and cry about nothing what so ever. He has an older sibling here now that its summer and at every whimper its "awe, are you ok?" And picks him up . So obviously this goes on at home by sibling, mom and dad. Sibling even mentioned that he's carried all the time at home.

What to do? How to mention to mom how unhappy he is here because he is so spoiled at home?

[Blackcat31]

As we all do, I have other kids to care for and this kid still hasn't caught on. Will he ever? Had him since 4mo and he's now 18. He will trip, I mean, stumble a little (not fall and scrape himself up) and he will stand there and cry, expecting to be picked up and coddled. Ugh! I tell him 'you're ok, keep going.' Or if he has thrown himself on the ground I say 'get up, youre ok, come on, its ok'.

It's getting to me badly today. The constant whine and cry about nothing what so ever. He has an older sibling here now that its summer and at every whimper its "awe, are you ok?" And picks him up . So obviously this goes on at home by sibling, mom and dad. Sibling even mentioned that he's carried all the time at home.

What to do? How to mention to mom how unhappy he is here because he is so spoiled at home?

Ugh, I feel for you...that is always a tough one. No matter what you do it isn't going to matter a whole lot if the parents are reinforcing the whiney-type behavior at home.

I think maybe it is time to sit down and have a serious discussion with the parents about heloing their child feel more independent and more emotionally secure. I understand he is really at a tough age where he is sort of stuck between being a baby and being a bigger kid and I think how he is behaving (as well as the parent's behavior towards him...holding and coddling so much) is also pretty common.

Maybe try to suggest to them ways they can help him learn to be confident and practice his self-help skills. I have had kids like that in care before and it is tough to deal with sometimes as it is frustrating.

[Willow]

Can you ask parents questions so they aren't as inclined to become defensive?

"All of my other one year olds when they do something like stumble over their toes hop right back up and go on about their way, but when toddler does he gets unusually upset over such little blips, do you have any insight as to how I can help him recover more quickly? He just gets so upset, I don't know how to help him and it's bothering me. I don't want to coddle him because it's really little silly things that if I did it would just teach him to fret over everything. I'm wondering how you help him pick himself back up at home, any tricks or tips?"

[cheerfuldom]

I would tell the older sibling that she/he is not to pick up the baby at daycare. That should help some of it.

I would also very gently let mom and dad know what you are seeing and what you will be doing at daycare to promote independence. Be very careful about approaching it in a way where they might be offended or feel that you are telling them what to do.

[DaisyMamma]

Can you ask parents questions so they aren't as inclined to become defensive?

"All of my other one year olds when they do something like stumble over their toes hop right back up and go on about their way, but when toddler does he gets unusually upset over such little blips, do you have any insight as to how I can help him recover more quickly? He just gets so upset, I don't know how to help him and it's bothering me. I don't want to coddle him because it's really little silly things that if I did it would just teach him to fret over everything. I'm wondering how you help him pick himself back up at home, any tricks or tips?"

Good idea. Ask parent what to do, instead of telling them what NOT to do. I can handle that!

[Willow]

I have one toddler who kept getting runs from all the juice his parents were giving him. He always came with a cup and she'd have another waiting in the car for him at pick up time that he'd run straight to. I tried dropping hints by immediately putting the cup back into his diaper bag and telling her I just gave him a giant glass of water or milk at pick up time so he really shouldn't be thirsty but all of it fell on deaf ears.

One day I asked her:
"Do you have any idea what's causing kiddo's really runny poos? I'm not even giving him juice at snack time at this point because all the sugar in it has got to be making it worse, are there any other foods you know of that he might be sensitive to that I should be avoiding as well? I'm starting to wonder if he needs to see a doc, maybe something's wrong?"

She said she didn't have a clue but the countless juice cups stopped coming the very next day and his bm's immediately turned normal

[My3cents]

I like being more direct with parents as Blackcat31 stated. Sometimes, often you can talk till your blue in the face-

I would tell the older child to not pick up the baby- Explain to that child why in simple form. Your brother needs to learn to be ok by himself when he has little tumbles, so please don't pick him up. It is ok for you to be concerned and tell me that.

I often find that you can't change what is happening at home. They want to pick up little Boo Boo for every stumble and bumble- let them. At home it is there call, but at daycare it is mine. Just keep reassuring him he is ok and do what you do for the others- he will eventually get it. I say all of this after you have tried talking with parents.

Kids are smart and know there is a difference between home and daycare, even babies know this.

Good luck its can be draining-

[DaisyMamma]

All very good ideas ladies and I thank you, because now I have some good starting points that will get me to where I need to go in order to help this poor little guy. He is truly unhappy, especially if he is tired. But aren't we all unhappy when we're tired! LOL

As per the runny bms comment, it made me realize, once again, the parents don't know what you don't tell them. How you tell them is what is so tricky!