Helpless Children

[MissAnn]

Just needing to vent a little....not a big one...just a little one.

I wish I had more balls to speak up to parents. For instance...this morning a 3 year old came in. She clings to her mom and her mom sticks around...obviously making it a worse situation. If mom would just go, little girl would get on with her day. Little girl finally pouts....I have to go poo poo. I said....well, go ahead! Mom follows her! ugh.....this girl has been going poo poo and wiping herself for quite some time. Then mom STAYS and sits on my couch...little girl clinging to her.

Yes...I know what I should say.....she will be fine as soon as you go. I'll text you later and let you know how it went.

Do you guys feel the same?

[Blackcat31]

My set up allows parents to drop off and then they are sort of "blocked" by my half door from entering intot the rest of the house. I would never bar a parent from entering the whole house, but I love my door/gate because it does discourage that type of situation from happening.

When I do have a child who acts all clingly and the parent makes it worse, I do speak up and say something along the lines of "I know it is hard to leave mommy Johnny but mommy needs to go to work......I will call/text mommy if we really need her" then I wave to mommy and send her on her way.

If I had a mom who came in and sat down, like your example I would probably call her while she was on her way to work and politely suggest that perhaps transistion/dropp offs would work better for her child if she made them as quick as possible and didn't linger. I would totally empathize with her and let her knwo I fully understand how hard it is to leave your child but that it really is in her child's best interest to leave quickly.

If she persisted and the behavior didn't get any better, I would actually outright tell her that she can't drag the drop offs on for so long as it isn;t fair to her child, me or the other kids. If it didn't improve, I would seriosuly consider terming. NOT becuase she drags drop off on forever, but because after all that and no compliance, I would take it as a refusal to work with me and do what is in the best interest of her child and doing what is best for the child is the ultimate goal in any situation.

Hang in there. Maybe try calling her and talking to her instead of having to talk to her face to face...sometimes doingit on the phone eases the uncomfortable factor.

[cheerfuldom]

I do drop offs and pick up at the front door, parents dont come in.

[SunshineMama]

My handbookk has a section that basically says, the quicker the drop off the better, and if there is an extended issue I will call the parent.

All my kids do the "cling" routine from time to time, and before the parents are even out of the driveway they are running around playing happily. I will sometimes text the parents pics as proof that they are fine.

They just know how to work their parents- kids are smart.

[MissAnn]

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Do you think it's kids manipulating parents.....or kids feeding off parent's anxiety....a combination of both....or something else.

[Blackcat31]

Thanks for all the suggestions.

Do you think it's kids manipulating parents.....or kids feeding off parent's anxiety....a combination of both....or something else.

I think it is a combination of both. For some kids it is the parent and for others, it is the kid so it definitely depends on each individual situation IME.

[Bookworm]

It sounds like the mom needs reassurance that DCG still loves her and that she is DCGs favorite person. Once she gets DCG to cry before she leaves, her job is done and yours just started. This used to tick me off until I decided that I won't stop any activity that I'm doing with the group to fight with a 4 yr old with a clingy mom. It took mom about a week to realize that her behavior will not interrupt our activities. Now she brings her child in and after a minute of small talk, she leaves. Just let mom know that you have children ready and waiting for you and she can't hang around because you have work to do. Take DCG by the hand tell mom to have a nice day and walk away.