Beyond Extreme Potty Mouth! Would You Keep Him??

[Mary Poppins]

So I have a bit of a dilemma.. (long, sorry!)

My adorable little pt 16mo guy has developed a very colorful vocabulary. He is only with me every other week (or so) due to a custody arrangement and gma brings him to me. She pays me for a full spot but he is basically drop-in and I go long periods between seeing him sometimes.

When he isn't with me or gma he is with his bio mom who apparently thinks it is "cute" to teach him to say very naughty things. Not long ago we *thought* he was saying some bad stuff but now, as his language skills are developing, it is quite clear what he is saying.

Example: today he said the "d" word too many times to count (sometimes with God at the beginning), called all of the girls and women in my home (including the baby) the "b" word and even used the dreadful "n*gga" word too!!

I hadn't seen him in a week and was shocked at how much, how often and how clearly he said these things!!

So.. I had no choice but to separate him completely because I have babies and toddlers who are learning to talk and will mimic him, not to mention the older children who will definitely tell their parents "_______ said ________ today!!".

I have never met bio mom but from convos with gma it is obvious she isn't going to change her behavior so I am at a loss. He isn't going to "outgrow" this, right? Not if she is goading him on. Gma told me he uses other phrases like "I'm gonna kick yo' a**".

UGH!!!

I hate to term him, but I don't know how to work through this or if I even can?? How can I undo what is being reinforced for days or weeks at a time between the times I have him??

Gma is at a loss too and I feel badly for her but I told her I have to protect my business and I can't risk losing my other awesome families (who would be LIVID if their kids started repeating this stuff!) because of his potty mouth. I mean if it was one word here or there or a mispronunciation of say the word "truck" or "sit" it would be one thing... but this is extreme!!

Today gma really let me know how much she wants him to stay with me and she thinks it's just a phase he will outgrow (??). I told her I would think on it over the weekend and decide whether I can keep him on but my heart tells me this just isn't going to work.



Has anyone else dealt with this?? WWYD if you were me?

[Unregistered]

Even at the age of 5, if words like that are used in school, punishment follows.

If you haven't already, give the family a verbal warning. Tell them what has been occurring and ask for reinforcement to eliminate it.

If it happens again, a written warning will need to follow identifying if it happens again thereafter, he may be suspended and or terminated from care and follow through with those disciplinary measures.

Until the parents stop, the child wont. You need to be prepared to suspend (and make them pay for this time) or terminate. Unfortunately a boy at 16 months doesn't know any better but the parents sure do!!

[Kaddidle Care]

I've never heard that kind of language coming from one that young. Wow! I think a warning in the least is in order. Last thing you need is your whole group with a vocabulary like that. EEK!

[sharlan]

Gee, I'd have to say you have one of my former kids except I termed the family 6 years ago.

The 2 yo spent most weekends in the ghetto (we're talking the ghetto ghetto) with family friends. The vocab this guy had was unreal. Everybody thought it was so cute when he'd walk up to somebody and say, "I gonna kick yo' a$$!" or "C'mere bit@@" And yeah, the n word was a favorite. He always said these things while laughing, but I didn't find it too funny. I termed the family for other reasons, but wonder what happened to the kids.

[MizzCheryl]

It's really sad. I had a kid judt like this. Came back from mom, Gma brought him, ran thru the yard s creaming Fu__ing Sh_t at the top of his lungs. Gma was still here and she warmed his bottom. But still his behavior got so awful I could not handle him. He would call the other daycare parents names like jerk and moroon. He would slap me on the behind and call me names. Poor Gma was doing the best she knew how to do but the little fellow was in a bad place. He could be so sweet and them be soooo mean. I hope it works out.

Since he doesn't come all the time could he take a break for a few weeks? Or could you send him home if the cursing starts up.

[DaisyMamma]

How can they possibly think that is cute?
I would give them and verbal and written warning, clearly stating that innappropriate language is not permitted, regardless of age! And that he will be terminated if the behavior continues.

[MN Mom]

If only we were allowed to do soap in the mouth or hot sauce on the tongue......

:-( I honestly don't know how to handle it without the use of those types of deterrents, and I've never run into the problem of kids I'm caring for using potty talk.

I once said the "F" word to my mama and she put a drop of Dawn on the tip of my tongue and had me continue to hold it out while it stung, and boy did it ever taste BAD. I never swore at her again!

[MizzCheryl]

But 16 months is soo young to be cursing. Goes to show you he is intelligent. Too bad his mommy is a bad influence. Can gma get him full time?? If he could get away from mom it would be best.

[Blackcat31]

He is doing this for the shock factor more than anything. I would guess that Grandma gets upset (and possibly you as well) and rightly so whenever he spews out a curse word. I would even suspect that any older children near him might also give him a gasp when they hear words thay have been taught never to say.

This little guy is entertaining the world around him and receiving reinforcement for doing so. Even negative reactions are reinforcement to a child this age.

I would suggest sitting down with grandma and coming up with a plan TOGETHER, as it won't work unless you are BOTH on the same page. The plan I would use is the second a curse word comes out of his mouth, do NOT gasp or say anything that shows a reaction. Pick the child up and place him in a PNP or time out chair. Use a word phrase (Both of you must use same word/phrase) such as "NO!" or "BAD word!!" and nothing more. Don't make eye contact, other than when saying the word/phrase to him and don't say or do anything other than say your word/phrase to him VERY sternly and firmly and then place him in the PNP/Time out chair.

Leave him there for a few minutes and then let him out to play with the others. Do not talk with him about the incident after he has left the time out chair/PNP. Do not say anything more as he will perceive that as attention.

Rinse and repeat until he stops saying the bad words.

I do hate to say this but it is going to take ALOT of work and repeating this method until it "clicks" for this kid but it CAN be done with consistency and routine. He is perfectly capable of learning what is and isn't acceptable behaviors at your house and at grandma's no matter how much his mom continues to teach him this filth.

Kids ARE capable of separating rules from one environment to another...even at his age.

You just have to make sure you AND grandma do not waiver in the plan you have both agreed to. Soon you will both see a decrease in his cursing and before long he will not do it at all. I just cannot stress enough how important it is to work TOGETHER and to be swift and immediate (without any reactions) to the child when putting him in time out/PNP.

Rinse and repeat until desired results.

Oh and if you aren't sure about any of it, tell grandma you are willing to work on this using this method for XX amount of time and if you see no results than you will have to do what is best for the group and term if there is no progress.

My DD spoke in full sentences and had complete conversations at 13 months old so this little guy may be small age-wise in numbers but is obviously very big (mature) in the brain/development area.

[renodeb]

I think you just answered your own question. I have found that once those words are introduced to a young child it is very hard to stop it. There little brains are like tape recorders. I would term. This is behaviour that is a risk to your whole group.
Debbie

[MyAngels]

He is doing this for the shock factor more than anything. I would guess that Grandma gets upset (and possibly you as well) and rightly so whenever he spews out a curse word. I would even suspect that any older children near him might also give him a gasp when they hear words thay have been taught never to say.

This little guy is entertaining the world around him and receiving reinforcement for doing so. Even negative reactions are reinforcement to a child this age.

I would suggest sitting down with grandma and coming up with a plan TOGETHER, as it won't work unless you are BOTH on the same page. The plan I would use is the second a curse word comes out of his mouth, do NOT gasp or say anything that shows a reaction. Pick the child up and place him in a PNP or time out chair. Use a word phrase (Both of you must use same word/phrase) such as "NO!" or "BAD word!!" and nothing more. Don't make eye contact, other than when saying the word/phrase to him and don't say or do anything other than say your word/phrase to him VERY sternly and firmly and then place him in the PNP/Time out chair.

Leave him there for a few minutes and then let him out to play with the others. Do not talk with him about the incident after he has left the time out chair/PNP. Do not say anything more as he will perceive that as attention.

Rinse and repeat until he stops saying the bad words.

I do hate to say this but it is going to take ALOT of work and repeating this method until it "clicks" for this kid but it CAN be done with consistency and routine. He is perfectly capable of learning what is and isn't acceptable behaviors at your house and at grandma's no matter how much his mom continues to teach him this filth.

Kids ARE capable of separating rules from one environment to another...even at his age.

You just have to make sure you AND grandma do not waiver in the plan you have both agreed to. Soon you will both see a decrease in his cursing and before long he will not do it at all. I just cannot stress enough how important it is to work TOGETHER and to be swift and immediate (without any reactions) to the child when putting him in time out/PNP.

Rinse and repeat until desired results.

Oh and if you aren't sure about any of it, tell grandma you are willing to work on this using this method for XX amount of time and if you see no results than you will have to do what is best for the group and term if there is no progress.

My DD spoke in full sentences and had complete conversations at 13 months old so this little guy may be small age-wise in numbers but is obviously very big (mature) in the brain/development area.

I agree with this. As long as both you and grandma are on the same page, you have a shot at stopping this behavior. This method will also show your other kids that the language is not acceptable, and they'll be unlikely to pick it up.

If it doesn't stop, you can always term later.

[SilverSabre25]

He is doing this for the shock factor more than anything. I would guess that Grandma gets upset (and possibly you as well) and rightly so whenever he spews out a curse word. I would even suspect that any older children near him might also give him a gasp when they hear words thay have been taught never to say.

This little guy is entertaining the world around him and receiving reinforcement for doing so. Even negative reactions are reinforcement to a child this age.

I would suggest sitting down with grandma and coming up with a plan TOGETHER, as it won't work unless you are BOTH on the same page. The plan I would use is the second a curse word comes out of his mouth, do NOT gasp or say anything that shows a reaction. Pick the child up and place him in a PNP or time out chair. Use a word phrase (Both of you must use same word/phrase) such as "NO!" or "BAD word!!" and nothing more. Don't make eye contact, other than when saying the word/phrase to him and don't say or do anything other than say your word/phrase to him VERY sternly and firmly and then place him in the PNP/Time out chair.

Leave him there for a few minutes and then let him out to play with the others. Do not talk with him about the incident after he has left the time out chair/PNP. Do not say anything more as he will perceive that as attention.

Rinse and repeat until he stops saying the bad words.

YES this--and I am not going to hesitate in taking it one step further and saying that not only is he enjoying the negative reinforcement, that he gets POSITIVE reinforcement from his mom and maybe her friends in the form of laughter and encouragement.

[daycare]

I had a child years ago that loved the shock and awe of saying bad words...

So what I did was taught her some new GOOD words that she could say....When I heard her say the new words that I taught her, I would praise her like no tomorrow. i would laugh and giggle and give her all the attention in the world. If she said the bad words, I paid no mind. It took about a good full week to break it. She was also part time and very inconsistent with her schedule.

Her first day back, i would have to start right away with how is my little silly billy and then we would laugh and laugh.

Just like others said, it is more for the reaction than anything and of course this little one does not know what they are saying...

[JustAMom]

This is behaviour that is a risk to your whole group.

I agree. What happens when the other kids start to pick up these same words? You could lose other families because of it. If the family isn't willing to work with you to make the behavior stop, I'd cut them loose.

[cheerfuldom]

I would term. Gma already said that she thinks this is a phase and she is not taking your concerns seriously. It is just going to take one time for one of your other kids to go home with a bad word and then you will have a real issue on your hands. If this was a full time kid, then yes, I might try to work through this but being a drop in child, I would not take the risk of depending on Gma to handle this.