"Training" a 3 Year Old to Listen..How do You do it?

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I could really use some help. How do you "train" your younger daycare kids to follow simple directions if they tend not to listen to you? I have been using time out but that is simply not being effective for this child so I was looking for ideas that may be effective.

My daycare boy turned 3 last month...I will give him simple directions such as "close the door" and he continues to ignore me, I will get down to his level and make sure he has eye contact with me and again tell him to close the door and he won't, just goes on about what he was doing as if he didn't hear me (although I know he does).

Another example is he will get my cell phone and I will tell him to put it down on the table and he ignores me. Or just anything in general, if he is not supposed to have it I will tell him to put it back, or simple commands to put in on the table.

He won't follow simple commands and is always over extending his boundaries even though I clearly set his boundaries and reinforce them, he ignores them.

SOOOOO, just looking for some help and guidence as to how you train your younger daycare kids to listen and follow directions effectively. Thank you :-)

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Anyone have any input? When your daycare child refuses to listen, how do you handle it?

[Zoe]

So the child is three? Deliberately not listening to you means a loss of freedom for him. He is your shadow until he can listen. He must be away from the other kids, all the things he isn't allowed to touch, etc until he can obey you. Make it not fun to disobey. He might be playing off of getting attention from you by not listening to you.

He must sit by you at all times until he can learn to listen. As he starts to display proper behavior, then give him more freedom to play with the group little by little.

[daycare]

Anyone have any input? When your daycare child refuses to listen, how do you handle it?

hi there,
So I have this same exact issue........
I was wondering with your issue is it only when you tell him NOT to do something or to complete a task he has no interest in or is it always?

I have a DCB that also turned 3 last month that does not listen at all. He can not follow simple directions that even my 19month old can. Example this morning we played a match game where the kids were to match up the colored cards. This child could not do it. Instead he would find something in the room that was yellow and say it goes here. He did not even take note that all of the other kids were doing it and copy what the others were doing. He can not follow through with anything.

He talks very well, but not ability to listen what so ever. I think that this might be because he is not listened to at home.

I even try to use very very simple words like instead of saying please go and wash your hands, I will just say WASH HANDS...................... This child is very behind and I am working hard at helping him.

Maybe try to shorten the number of words that you use when you talk to him. LIke instead of saying JOHNNY close the door please, just say CLOSE DOOR....

With the phone, just say, PHONE DOWN NOW....

I hope that others chime in too

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

thank you Zoe, I will try that....in the morning when I have to get the school kids ready I have had to have him sitting most of the time or he's climbing on something or touching something he knows he shouldn't.

I will make sure I keep him by my side at all times instead of just when he does something wrong and have him slowly earn back freedom when he can handle it. :-)

[momofsix]

Wow, at 3 he should have been "listening" loooong ago!
Is this something new?
Did he listen before and now suddenly stop?
Could he have some delays or are you sure this is just purposeful not listening?

My response to you would depend on the answers to these questions.

[Ariana]

This is eactly what I do and I will use your scenario:

"John close the door"
Get down to his level and ask him to "please close the door for me"
Give a warning "John I am going to count to 3 and if you do not close the door I will have to come HELP you close it".....
wait a few minutes
Start counting loudly and sloooowly giving him time to comply "1.....2.......3"
Then go and take his hand gently and help him close the door. He may tantrum and freak out at this point but continue to help him close the door with hand over hand direction.
Do this each and every time he doesn't listen and soon by the time you give a warning he will listen. This is what I've done with every child I've ever worked with who has had a listening problem and it's worked for me so good luck Don't get angry and be calm and assertive!

Once they begin to listen praise their listening skills "thank you John for listening to me, you're a really good helper by doing xyz".

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

knodding my head daycare, this is exactly my daycare boy...it's all day long with any command, even simple very short commands. And he has no issue sitting in the time out chair and will do it without resistance, so it just doesn't seem as if it phases him and feels ineffective because right after time out he will do it all over again.

He's very curious, he wants to see and touch everything, which I can understand as kids get curious...however I want him to learn boundaries...such as if he opens my front door to see what is going on and I tell him to close it (I have central A/C and like to leave the door closed), I will redirect him to the window to see out but he will continue to open the door several times a day almost every day. This is not the only situation, there are many more through the day...it boils down to the listening skills and trying to find an effective method to get him to listen because when the kids get out of school for the year, he will not be my only focus through the day.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Don't get angry and be calm and assertive!

Once they begin to listen praise their listening skills "thank you John for listening to me, you're a really good helper by doing xyz".

I love this advice because I remind myself frequently with my own children as I feel getting angry only aggrivates any situation and never helps. The biggest success to effective discipline is to keep your cool as an adult to teach kids to keep control of themselves. It certainly gets tough at times, but sometimes adults need a time out also to remain calm and think about their reaction first. Great advice!

[daycare]

knodding my head daycare, this is exactly my daycare boy...it's all day long with any command, even simple very short commands. And he has no issue sitting in the time out chair and will do it without resistance, so it just doesn't seem as if it phases him and feels ineffective because right after time out he will do it all over again.

He's very curious, he wants to see and touch everything, which I can understand as kids get curious...however I want him to learn boundaries...such as if he opens my front door to see what is going on and I tell him to close it (I have central A/C and like to leave the door closed), I will redirect him to the window to see out but he will continue to open the door several times a day almost every day. This is not the only situation, there are many more through the day...it boils down to the listening skills and trying to find an effective method to get him to listen because when the kids get out of school for the year, he will not be my only focus through the day.

wow I think we have the same kid... This kid also is not affected by a time out at all. The rest of my kids here at my house would be devastated if I even mentioned that they would have to sit in a time out. Not this one. NOThing CALMS him or derails him from what he wants to do. after a cool down period, he will go right back and do it again.

I have gotten to the point where I am doing as the other poster said and I have to hold his hand and show him how to do everything step by step. If I say go get yours shoes on, I treat him just like I do my littles and take him by the hand and take him over to his shoes, tell him step by step, sit down, put your shoes on, now go outside.........

I have tried the other method that is my life motto in DC.......those who dont listen, dont get to have any fun....BUT as we know, this does not work for all kids.....

[Lilbutterflie]

First thing that comes to my mind is to check his hearing. Perhaps he literally is not hearing what you are saying and that is why he has a hard time following directions. One of my dcb's was like this before he came to me; and it turns out he had a 50% hearing loss in both ears and needed to have his abnoids removed & tubes put in his ears. He is doing much better now at age 5, but he has a LOT of catching up to do before kindergarten.

Once hearing is crossed off as a potential factor; if he ignores your command after getting down to his level and getting eye contact; take his hand and make him do it. Take his hand and make him close the door, or take his hand and make him put on shoes/socks, etc... Tell him next time you would like him to do it by himself without your help.

[Countrygal]

I have one as well..... I know what has caused his "issues". He is the "baby" at home and everyone does everything for him. Even his sister who is only a year older, but way older in actions.

I have simply made him do it right THE FIRST TIME or he doesn't participate.

"everyone please get your coat and shoes out of your cubbies and bring them to the table" (NOTE: I do not say get your coat and shoes - I am VERY specific about what they are to do and where)

If "Johnny" doesn't get his, he has a 4 minute "think time" while everyone else goes outside. After the 4 minutes I say "Johnny, what did I ask you to do?" He responds "I don't know". I respond well, let's think a little longer and see if you can figure it out. After this he usually "gets it" right. "get my coat and shoes". Then I praise him and tell him to please obey and then we can go outside.

If, after the second time he still does not know then I'll tell him: "I told you to get your coat and shoes". "Did you do that?" Johnny: "no" Me" are you happy that you are not outside playing with the others?" Johnny: "no" Me"let's think another 4 minutes and see if you are ready to obey yet and go outside" After 4 minutes Me: " would you like to obey me now? Johnny: "yes" Me: "OK, let's get our coat and shoes on and go outside".

Not exactly a time out, but an "extended time" to think about what he has/has not done. For me it has worked. This little boy has come a long way in six months. He can now put on his own clothes, listens about 1/2 the time, and is advancing well in other areas such as eating neatly, clearing dishes, picking up toys, etc.

All I can do is share what has worked for me. Hope it helps a little!

The most important thing I would emphasize is that there are NO warnings or repetitions of a request. If he does not obey the FIRST time he needs to have a "think time" to figure out what he would like to do.

[SunflowerMama]

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[Pestle]

This is eactly what I do and I will use your scenario:

"John close the door"
Get down to his level and ask him to "please close the door for me"
Give a warning "John I am going to count to 3 and if you do not close the door I will have to come HELP you close it".....
wait a few minutes
Start counting loudly and sloooowly giving him time to comply "1.....2.......3"
Then go and take his hand gently and help him close the door. He may tantrum and freak out at this point but continue to help him close the door with hand over hand direction.
Do this each and every time he doesn't listen and soon by the time you give a warning he will listen. This is what I've done with every child I've ever worked with who has had a listening problem and it's worked for me so good luck Don't get angry and be calm and assertive!

Once they begin to listen praise their listening skills "thank you John for listening to me, you're a really good helper by doing xyz".

So. . . John learns that he can ignore you until you divert all of your attention to him and eventually do the job yourself?

I ain't got time for that. :: My 3yo gets to sit in the Boring Chair in the middle of the room when she's decided not to participate in the tasks of life. As soon as her butt hits it, she freaks out--"No no see me do it me clean up!"--but I don't let her get up until after the other kids and I have done our part of the task she refused to participate in.

She hates that. But for things she needs to do herself--I just put her toy up until she goes back and closes the door.