Your Own Child In Day Care

[jokalima]

Hello,

My son is one of my DC kids and honestly it has been a bad experience. He is just to much for me to handle with the other kids, I can control the other ones but not him. He is a handful and IDK what to do. People tell me it happens a lot with providers won children. Some one has this problem? What can I do to help him adjust to DC? I've been doing DC since he was 5 months old so I think he should be use to it by now. I get really desperate at times because of how he acts, screams and just wont listen to me, he wants his way or scream, scream , scream but so hard that I think the neighbors are going to call 911, honestly. I tried everything that works with the other kids but with him it just wont.

[KEG123]

My son is exactly that way. Well, I opened the daycare when he turned 3 and he just turned 4. He is just a big bully and is super terretorial and possesive over his toys. He does fine when he's not on his "turf." Sadly he'll be going to preschool this fall...

[jokalima]

My son is exactly that way. Well, I opened the daycare when he turned 3 and he just turned 4. He is just a big bully and is super terretorial and possesive over his toys. He does fine when he's not on his "turf." Sadly he'll be going to preschool this fall...

That's exactly how it is, couldn't find the word but territorial and a bully describes it pretty good.

[Kim]

My daughter has a really hard time with me having a daycare. She's 5 now but her worst was when she was 3-4yrs. She's gotten better but there are still days that are difficult with her. My son is 8 and has no problem. I found that setting aside time for just she and I really helps. Naptime is our special time. She gets to pick what we are doing- tea party, coloring, movie, whatever. It also has helped to switch from sharing our house with daycare kids to having the daycare area separate in the downstairs only. If my kids need a break they can go upstairs. Any toys they don't wish to share stay upstairs too. They need to know that they are my kids and that our relationship is special and different from the relationship I have with my daycare kids.

Hope it gets better!

[MNMum]

Sounds similar to our house. My son is 2.5 yrs, I started daycare when he was 22 mos. He is like you describe your son. Some things that have helped: allowing him to go to another part of the house apart from the daycare kids - sometimes by his choosing, sometimes if his behavior warrants separation. The thing that has helped the most is my other difficult preschooler left 2 weeks ago. I've already noticed a huge difference in his response to my directions. I think that realistically, I should keep my numbers small, preferably under 4 children, while my own children are in the mix. Also, I don't think I can care for another child that has a similar disposition, near his age. Maybe he could be called spirited. He gets along great with the other 3.5 yo boy who is very quiet, cool, and collected. Luckily, my toddlers are opposite dispositions as well, hopefully it stays that way!

[SunshineMama]

My kids are the worst ! Ur not alone.

[dave4him]

My own dont like to listen to me, but i figure its better for me to be there to guide their tushies in the right direction then otherwise. But yes, its a normal factor for all i think

[jokalima]

Well is good to know :confused: Because at one point I felt so frustrated not knowing if there was something wrong with my boy. What I have noticed is that when I stopped trying to force him to be one of the DC kids he works better, if he wants to go to the living room I will let him and then keep the other ones in the DC area, the problem is that they want to follow him and it turns sometimes in to a struggle. but good to know I am not alone

[jokalima]

Oh and then when DC is over he is a good little boy, my husband thought at the beginning I was exaggerating because he did not see this type of behavior until a took video of him with my phone and showed it to my husband.

[cheerfuldom]

Well is good to know :confused: Because at one point I felt so frustrated not knowing if there was something wrong with my boy. What I have noticed is that when I stopped trying to force him to be one of the DC kids he works better, if he wants to go to the living room I will let him and then keep the other ones in the DC area, the problem is that they want to follow him and it turns sometimes in to a struggle. but good to know I am not alone

There is nothing wrong with letting your son do things that the daycare kids cant do. He is not at daycare, he's at home. I just tell the daycare kids no and thats that. They are used to seeing my three kids come and go while they have to stay right in view. In my case, a lot of it is for safety and liability reasons. Even my 12 month old roams the house and the preschool age daycare kids are not allowed to. I take care of everyones needs but I dont try at all to make them be friends or make my kids do the exact thing as the daycare kids.

That said, my middle daughter was really bad with the tiny terror/bully behavior. Part of it is me pausing and taking the time to correct and teach properly. I find that I do get overly busy with the daycare kids and do not address her behavior as needed. The rest of it is just that she needs a lot of space and activity that the other kids (including my other two) dont seem to need. She is always better behaved when I wear her out first thing by going for a long walk. Lots of outdoor play, lots of chances to get that physical energy and stimulation she needs....jumping, swinging, sliding, climbing. Something else that works well is giving her a separate activity even when we are all together. The reality is that she does not play well with others and there are times when I need to give her a specific space and activity and encourage the other kids to leave her alone for awhile. Some kids just cant handle the constant group togetherness that is required at daycare. To be honest, if she ever had to go to daycare, she would get kicked out for fighting, screaming and biting. She's my hardest kid by far! But with the tips above, it has improved greatly.

[MNMum]

Well is good to know :confused: Because at one point I felt so frustrated not knowing if there was something wrong with my boy. What I have noticed is that when I stopped trying to force him to be one of the DC kids he works better, if he wants to go to the living room I will let him and then keep the other ones in the DC area, the problem is that they want to follow him and it turns sometimes in to a struggle. but good to know I am not alone

When the dck's see my son going into the other room, I just remind them that "he lives here, he can go anywhere in the house". Haven't had an argument to that yet!

[jokalima]

I am so happy to read what you guys are saying. Because I do tell the older kids that my son lives here and that he does not understand the difference between house/day care but I felt that i was doing something wrong. I had this stupid rule when I opened the DC that I would not do any difference between my child and the other kids and I regret that so much now, I feel I lost some very special moments with my son because of this. Now I am trying new things, I let him sit on my lap in group time and spending more time with him, I've just made so many mistakes with this mommy/day care thing and I just want to be agood mom.

[MNMum]

Don't be too hard on yourself. There are so many parenting moments that you could look back on and say, geez, I could have done that better. You were doing what you thought worked best at the time. Now you are looking at today's reality and adjusting it to fit your kids needs. Sometimes I find myself thinking, if I was a SAHM I could have done this...but then, my child wouldn't have daily playdates, and I wouldn't have the opportunity to help them form their social interactions with other little people. As parents, or childcare providers, I find we are constantly adapting our program to work best with the current kids and their current stages, including our own children.

[countrymom]

I wouldn't say that my kids had special rules, it was the fact that this is their home. I think thats how it needs to stay in balance. Now even with food, my kids are allowed certain snacks, but they have to eat it in their rooms because they are not for the dck's. I just explain to the other kids that they live here and this is their house. It does get easier the older they get.