I Am Just Plain Angry.... HELP!

[Countrygal]

I have a 4 1/2 yo, fairly advanced for their age. But I just found that she destroyed a BRAND NEW toy that I just purchased about a week ago. She ripped it up!!! It was a laminated lacing set and she ripped off all of the lamination and tore off half of the color on the set!!! If she were two, or even three, I might expect it, but this child has been in preschool and, like I said, is fairly advanced.

I just don't even know where to begin. A time-out just doesn't seem like anywhere near the punishment to fit the behavior. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but this was a purposeful act of destruction.

What do you do in an instance like this??????????

[Heidi]

Talk with the parents about replacing it, and make her "earn" the money to pay her parents...

[sharlan]

The child would be restricted to non destroyable baby toys for the rest of the day. I would also present the ruined toy to Mom for replacement.

[GretasLittleFriends]

I have a clause in my contract that addresses intentional destruction. It reads:

I believe children are responsible for their actions and we teach them to respect other peoples property and the value of those items. Any damage to my home or personal belongings that is due to roughness, tantrums or purposely broken or damaged by your child will be replaced or repaired at the cost of the parents. I will repair or replace broken daycare equipment and toys due to normal wear and tear.

I think this fits into what you described. If you are uncomfortable charging the girl/parents, I'd at the minimum "ground" her from certain activities until she is able to prove that she can behave appropriately. I would make her earn some of those privileges back.

[saved4always]

I think the parents should have to buy the daycare a new one. Time out for the dcg and maybe not allow her to play with the "big" kid toys for a period of time so that there is a consequence for destroying toys. She is too old to break a toy on purpose like that.

[Heidi]

I have a clause in my contract that addresses intentional destruction. It reads:

I believe children are responsible for their actions and we teach them to respect other peoples property and the value of those items. Any damage to my home or personal belongings that is due to roughness, tantrums or purposely broken or damaged by your child will be replaced or repaired at the cost of the parents. I will repair or replace broken daycare equipment and toys due to normal wear and tear.

I think this fits into what you described. If you are uncomfortable charging the girl/parents, I'd at the minimum "ground" her from certain activities until she is able to prove that she can behave appropriately. I would make her earn some of those privileges back.

I like that! May I add it to my handbook?

[Countrygal]

I have a clause in my contract that addresses intentional destruction. It reads:

I believe children are responsible for their actions and we teach them to respect other peoples property and the value of those items. Any damage to my home or personal belongings that is due to roughness, tantrums or purposely broken or damaged by your child will be replaced or repaired at the cost of the parents. I will repair or replace broken daycare equipment and toys due to normal wear and tear.

I think this fits into what you described. If you are uncomfortable charging the girl/parents, I'd at the minimum "ground" her from certain activities until she is able to prove that she can behave appropriately. I would make her earn some of those privileges back.

I LOVE this!!! It is going in my handbook IMMEDIATELY!!

[daycare]

I have a 4 1/2 yo, fairly advanced for their age. But I just found that she destroyed a BRAND NEW toy that I just purchased about a week ago. She ripped it up!!! It was a laminated lacing set and she ripped off all of the lamination and tore off half of the color on the set!!! If she were two, or even three, I might expect it, but this child has been in preschool and, like I said, is fairly advanced.

I just don't even know where to begin. A time-out just doesn't seem like anywhere near the punishment to fit the behavior. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but this was a purposeful act of destruction.

What do you do in an instance like this??????????

not to sound rude, but how is it that she was able to deface an entire set? was she being supervised?

[Lucy]

I think the parents should have to buy the daycare a new one.

That was my initial thought, but then I thought about if I said that to one of my parents, they might be likely to wonder how the girl could pull off that much destruction without being noticed. In other words, they would ask me why I wasn't watching her closer! I'm not saying that's right or wrong, but I think I would just end up ****ing it up because I wouldn't want the parents to think I wasn't supervising properly. It has nothing to do with the Provider, but it's just how parents react a lot of times.

[Heidi]

here is the version I've added:

Occasionally, things do get broken when children are playing. That is certainly understandable. However, I do believe children need to learn to be responsible for their actions. Therefore, any damage to my home or personal belongings that is due to excessive roughness, tantrums, or purposeful destruction (not due to normal wear and tear) will be replaced or repaired at the cost of the parents.

Thank you Greta!

[Countrygal]

Thanks, all! I really appreciate the advice, as I was not sure if I was overreacting.

Here's what I think I am going to do THIS time:

The dcg responsible is going to choose one toy of HERS of equal or greater value to donate to the daycare. AND it has to be one in good shape that she likes to play with. As an alternative, the parent may pay for it, but we must work up a "work schedule" to pay for the toy. Those are my two options to present to the parent. since a child of this age would have difficulty working off $20.00, I'm going to opt for the first one if they agree.

[Blackcat31]

not to sound rude, but how is it that she was able to deface an entire set? was she being supervised?

That was my initial thought, but then I thought about if I said that to one of my parents, they might be likely to wonder how the girl could pull off that much destruction without being noticed. In other words, they would ask me why I wasn't watching her closer! I'm not saying that's right or wrong, but I think I would just end up ****ing it up because I wouldn't want the parents to think I wasn't supervising properly. It has nothing to do with the Provider, but it's just how parents react a lot of times.

I hear what you ladies are saying but I don't necessarily agree...the child in OP's post is 4.5 years old. I have two DCK's who are 4.5 yrs old and BOTH are going to Kindy this fall. I think 4.5 is plenty old enough to know better than be so destructive as well as be old enough to play without direct supervision by the provider.

I also understand that the parents "might" try to use this same line of thinking but really at that age, she should be able to play PROPERLY with a toy or activity and not destroy it. She is going to have to do it in Kindy within a few months too so I sincerely hope the parents wouldn't be still trying to use that excuse....if they are, then I would think school should be super fun for this child.

[Heidi]

The supervision question did come to my mind, as well, BUT...

I have met Country Gal, and I KNOW how much time she spends interacting with those kids. She teaches them so much about nature and the outdoors!

That and the fact that she only has 3 dc kids, so you would think that she could turn her back on a 4.5 yo without that sort of behavior.

We do all have to go to the bathroom now and then, or make a meal!

[Countrygal]

not to sound rude, but how is it that she was able to deface an entire set? was she being supervised?

Sorry, missed this post.

They were having free play, while I was making lunch, I guess. I say I guess, because she has told me it was during free play and that's usually when they have free play. She just sat quietly and pulled the faces off of the lacing cards. This was a nice set, too - not cardboard.

I do not supervise them every second, especially during free play. They are 3 1/2, 4, and 4 1/2. I have an "open concept" house plan so they are never out of sight. But honestly, I wasn't even thinking about this type of destruction! I worry more about jumping off furniture or arguing or hitting. I never thought this dcg would do something like this!

I spend hours every day "supervising" these kids, but IMO, they are old enough to learn to play nicely together for periods of time while I am right there in the same room with them. I do the same thing outside. We have lots of outside "activities", but often I let them "just play" and I do something outside, like weed my garden or paint the sand and water tables I've been given. They are always in "sight and sound" but I am NOT always sitting there with them. They are old enough that, at the last daycare my gs was at, they were allowed to play outside by themselves at that age! How do they learn if we never give them a chance to fail.........

[Countrygal]

I hear what you ladies are saying but I don't necessarily agree...the child in OP's post is 4.5 years old. I have two DCK's who are 4.5 yrs old and BOTH are going to Kindy this fall. I think 4.5 is plenty old enough to know better than be so destructive as well as be old enough to play without direct supervision by the provider.

I also understand that the parents "might" try to use this same line of thinking but really at that age, she should be able to play PROPERLY with a toy or activity and not destroy it. She is going to have to do it in Kindy within a few months too so I sincerely hope the parents wouldn't be still trying to use that excuse....if they are, then I would think school should be super fun for this child.

Exactly....... I agree completely.