I Have Become My Worst Nightmare

[Unregistered]

I want to quit so bad!!! The problem with this profession is, and I won't mince words, it ****s. All I want is my home back, new furniture that isn't slobbered on and covered in boogers. Peace. Quiet. No whining, screaming, biting, fighting....did I mention screaming?? I've never been more depressed, dejected, frustrated, tired and feeling guilty for all the above feelings... The only thing that would make me feel more guilty, is not being here when my kids get home from school. I know people do it but I would feel like the biggest failure if my kids had to come home to empty house. :-( Actually, I already feel like a failure because I can't seem to hack this profession anymore. Where'd my patience go? I used to have what I thought was an endless supply!
Sorry for being a downer. I needed to vent.

[Blackcat31]

Aww, ((((hugs)))) hang in there. There is definitely an up and a down side to this business.

Wish I could say or do something to make it better for you!!!

Hoping the feeling passes and you will see the up side as more prevolent than the down side.

Other than that.....vent away!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Is it possible that you are actually suffering from depression? Please see a Doctor.

[B Lou]

Venting is always good. I have a good friend(Blackcat) that I vent to on a daily basis.
Hopefully you will start to feel better soon.
I agree being here when my own kids would come home from school was the best. As they are all out of the house now, I still am able to choose what days off I want to go spend with my Grandson.
Just remember, you are in charge. Take some time off. It sounds like you need it. ((((HUGS))))

[boysx5]

I think at times we all go through it when I do I treat myself to something special

[Heidi]

it's definately part of the job!

It's almost the weekend...are you getting a long one???

[dEHmom]

Sorry you are feeling this way. I have gone through the same.

I would suggest looking into some "me" time. Do something you enjoy, be it napping, reading, baths, gardening etc. Take some time off work, and enjoy it.


Also, I know it's hard to do and much easier said, but try to stop thinking about it. The more you look at the negatives of it, the harder it is to get out of the lull. Think about the things you are grateful/thankful for that this job provides you. Examples: being home for your kids, not having to scrape ice off your windshield in the morning (if you live somewhere like that), being part of these kids lives, etc.

Try mindfulness. When the negative thoughts come up, just acknowledge that they are there, and then let them go. Breathe 4 counts in, hold one count, 4 counts out, hold 4 counts, repeat 2 more times for a total of 3 through your nose.

Think happy thoughts. Negativity attracts negativity. If you think bad things are going to happen, they will. If you think the kids are going to drive you nuts, they will.

hopefully this passes and you can find your love in it again. If you don't think you want to do this anymore, might be time to find a part time job during the day that does allow you to be home for your kids.

[Unregistered]

Thank you!

Thanks so much for the encouraging words. Its amazing so many of you have actually felt this way as well. I have thought maybe I do have depression but somehow I only feel this way when I'm working so its probably not. A Doctor would probably prescribe me something I don't need or want or tell me to get a new job. haha
I do have a 3 day weekend with pay on Memorial Day coming up so I will look forward to that. Its been rainy and yucky the last couple days too which doesn't ever help. I've hooked the kiddos up with play dough and we'll try to keep things happy until naptime.
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. It helps so much!

[CheekyChick]

If I didn't have assistants and office that is somewhat quiet, I would go NUTS. You are NOT a failure. This job is not for the faint of heart. It's tough.

Is there any way you could work a part time job at your children's school? You would be on their schedule which is exactly what you want.

[SunshineMama]

Sounds like you're ready for a vacation don't feel bad, we have all felt like tht at one point. Term your biggest problem child- you will be surprised how one child messes up the dynamic of the whole group.

[Lilbutterflie]

Sounds like you're ready for a vacation don't feel bad, we have all felt like tht at one point. Term your biggest problem child- you will be surprised how one child messes up the dynamic of the whole group.

I was about to say exactly this! Take some time off for a vacation- you need it. If there is one particular child that is causing your stress- think about downsizing and terminate. You would not believe how your outlook can change with a little R&R and changing your group dynamic!

[bunnyslippers]

I feel like this every single day lately. It definitely sounds like you need a vacation. And sometimes it is all right to just hate what you do. It's called work for a reason - not everyone is happy all the time in their career. Try not to beat yourself up about it, and try not to let it stay with you after the kids leave at night. I find that to be the hardest part - putting my job away at the end of the day. It takes a lot of effort, but if I can try and keep my work day to just my workday...I find it a little easier. Hang in there - you are NOT alone in how you feel.

[DBug]

About a year ago, I was at that point too. I am completely committed to being home when my kids are home from school, but the dc kids were driving me insane. Like, literally .

After telling my husband I needed to quit doing daycare, he helped me look at various alternatives to quitting. I could have termed the craziest kids, cut back on my hours, get an assistant, etc. The option that made the most sense was cutting back my hours. I went from a 12-hour day to a 10-hour day, and that made a HUGE difference! I lost 2 kids (from 1 family) in the process, but one of those kids was the primary cause of my insanity. I also talked two p/t families into going f/t, which gave me an excuse to discontinue "special" care for a friend. I was getting totally burnt out providing "special" for this one family. I love them dearly, but it was an extra strain on my energy, etc.

Anyway, after making those changes, I suddenly had more time, energy and patience to deal with those crazy days, sharing my home, and for parenting my own kids. It made a world of difference!

Are there any changes you could make? Even something like creating a way to hide the playroom toys on weekends so that you feel like you have your house back?

[Abigail]

I think it also depends on how many kids you have and the ages. Me, I was really frustrated with too many young infants so now I just have ONE and really am happy about that! It also depends if parents treat you with respect and all mine do so I love that too!

About the house being loud and messy. My house is quiet because I stressed that from day one. I only have a few children though, not 10 kids in the house. I kept my daycare separate for the reason of having personal non-daycare space. We don't have kids of our own so after working a 10-11 hour day i don't want to look at toys or kids artwork on the walls anymore, I will just walk upstairs and it's all personal adult-friendly home.

[krnlvsus]

Dont feel bad, I share those same feelings..even guilt. I desperately want out of my house but I feel bad because my youngest child is 3. I want to be with him and I want to be the one who raises him but I can't stand to sit in this house day after day. I feel trapped in my own home. A year and a half ago I decided to change my life. I started taking night class so I can one day be a teacher. It will take me forever but one day I will reach my goal.
Good luck to you..I hope you feel better!

~K