Interviewing Family With Child That Has Been Termed...Advice Please!!

[bluemoose_mom]

Quick back story: I'm a new in home provider, but have 5 years experience in center care. I've only been open for a month and a half, only have one daycare child. I live in a small town (1600 people) and am new to the area. Child care is in desperate need, but since I've only lived here for 5 months, no one knows me and doesn't want to go with the new provider.

I have an interview with a family on Tuesday whose child (3 years) was termed from their current provider. Mom said the little boy was having fits, and not listening but what she would define as "normal" 3 year behavior. She admitted that some days are tough but that overall he was a normal 3 year old boy. This is a new provider for them, he's only been there for 2 months. His old provider closed her daycare, and according to mom, she said that the old provider never had any behavioral problems. Both mom and old daycare provider said he wasn't perfect, could be stubborn, but was manageable. Mom said that it's possible that he's bored (translate's to me as he's a hard to manage child...but it's possible) Mom sounds crushed that her child is going through this. She willingly gave me her current provider's number (when I asked) and said that I could call. I'm going to call the current provider tomorrow and get her side of the story.

Couple of questions...What should I pointedly ask the current provider? Should I call the old provider, and if I should, what questions should I ask? What should I be on the look out at the interview? Mom was very candid, and honest with me. I told mom on the phone that in turn I was going to be honest with her, and I wanted as much information as possible going in so I could avoid having to come to her in a month and tell her it's not working either.

I feel like I'm rather desprate to get a good client base, and this could give me a good oppurtinity to get that. Or I could have to term in a month, and that could be bad for my reputation.

Any advice would be welcome!

[sharlan]

Talk to the provider and ask what her issues are with the child. Meet the child and see how he acts with Mom. IMHO, children act up more when Mom is present though.

Children that age who are bored, will act out. Any attention is better than none in their eyes. Just because she cannot handle the child doesn't mean that you can't and vice versa.

Not every home is right for every child and not every child is right for any daycare situation.

Should you take the child, give yourself two weeks to make sure the child will fit in your group.

[Solandia]

Well, having mom be honest and supportive to her kid is a huge, awesome thing. You need to be honest with yourself on behaviors that you can and are willing to handle. Do older kid tantrum stress you out, micromanaging/redirecting a 3-4yo's behaviors and responses to seemly nonsense issues or being hyper?

Also, keep in mind that many home providers see very typical normal 3-4yo boy behaviors as out of control and unacceptable. Especially if those providers typically have a nice mix of calm little girls and/or laid back boys. A noisy, higher energy boy would be a shock & they totally blame either the parent or the child. I have found that there are many home providers cannot handle (or just do not want to deal with) very typical boy behaviors.

Several of my dck's over the past 10yrs years were 'kicked out' of various daycares before they came to me. I am talking little guys not even 2yo. Most of my dck's I had since they were born, but virtually all of my non-newborn dck's(ALL BOYS) were kicked out...one was 14mo as I was his FIFTH daycare. Yes, he was hyper as hell...but not mean at all, very sweet...just had to micromanage him and direct his actions and he was wonderful. Think Dennis the Menace x2. BUT...I am very good with ADHD & more rowdy boys...we have tons of outside time (like 8hours per day in summer, 4 hours in the dead of winter),very strict mealtime schedule/low sugar/high protein meals & snacks, no juice/only water. Zero tolerance for behaviors-no warnings for known issues/straight to consequences.

Obviously, I love my boys. lovethis But occasionally, I am around my friends' little toddler & preschool girls who play so nice and calm, no constant car noises or trains crashing off the edge of the cliff, or hair-raising screaching from the dino who ate the barbie's hair. It is almost too calm and a bit disconcerting.

[SunshineMama]

Get the old providers contact information and make sure you have a 2 week clause that gives you the right to cancel for any reason. Just because they were termed doesn't always mean the kid will be bad news.

I termed a kid for coming constantly sick and the parents refused to take him to the doctor or keep him home. I feel bad for his next provider because I know that the kid will be healthy for a week or so, then he Will be back to being sick and the poor next provider is going to be in for it I know the parents will lie about the whole situation, which is why I suggest contacting the old provider and making sure the stories match.

[Blackcat31]

Ya know there is a perfect fit for every child and this child simply may not have had the opportunity to have been in that situation yet.

I actually think some of my best and golden families have come from other providers who termed them and gave me a head's up to the problems they encountered so I knew what to expect and what to curb right off the bat...kwim?

I would call the other provider but in no way would I let her side influence me as to whether or not I took on this new child. For one, the mother seems to be very honest with you and very upfront which to me says ALOT and I appreciate that she is honest as that tells me that she is willing to work with you.

The behaviors you described also seem to be pretty common for a 3 year old who has been taken from the care situation he was accustomed to and placed in a new environment so that part wouldn't worry me at all.

I say to take him and see what happens. I am sure you are a good provider and sometimes taking the ones that may not seem "perfect" turn out to be perfect just because you were willing to give them a try.

[Unregistered]

I just termed a boy because of his behavioir. I know his next provider and have talked to her (not gossiped or vented) when she asked about him so she knows what to expect. She'll have a much easier time then I have because she had loads of experience with children having emotional, bladder, and mental issues.

I've not had a child quite like that one and told DCP's for months that he needed some early intervention. Their denial will hopefully be knocked out when he starts school this summer.

You are lucky mom is on board with her parenting. Maybe he is just a normal little boy and the last DCprovider wasn't the right fit.

[Michelle]

Well, having mom be honest and supportive to her kid is a huge, awesome thing. You need to be honest with yourself on behaviors that you can and are willing to handle. Do older kid tantrum stress you out, micromanaging/redirecting a 3-4yo's behaviors and responses to seemly nonsense issues or being hyper?

Also, keep in mind that many home providers see very typical normal 3-4yo boy behaviors as out of control and unacceptable. Especially if those providers typically have a nice mix of calm little girls and/or laid back boys. A noisy, higher energy boy would be a shock & they totally blame either the parent or the child. I have found that there are many home providers cannot handle (or just do not want to deal with) very typical boy behaviors.

Several of my dck's over the past 10yrs years were 'kicked out' of various daycares before they came to me. I am talking little guys not even 2yo. Most of my dck's I had since they were born, but virtually all of my non-newborn dck's(ALL BOYS) were kicked out...one was 14mo as I was his FIFTH daycare. Yes, he was hyper as hell...but not mean at all, very sweet...just had to micromanage him and direct his actions and he was wonderful. Think Dennis the Menace x2. BUT...I am very good with ADHD & more rowdy boys...we have tons of outside time (like 8hours per day in summer, 4 hours in the dead of winter),very strict mealtime schedule/low sugar/high protein meals & snacks, no juice/only water. Zero tolerance for behaviors-no warnings for known issues/straight to consequences.

Obviously, I love my boys. lovethis But occasionally, I am around my friends' little toddler & preschool girls who play so nice and calm, no constant car noises or trains crashing off the edge of the cliff, or hair-raising screaching from the dino who ate the barbie's hair. It is almost too calm and a bit disconcerting.

That is too funny!! You are awesome!