Baby Cries All The Time

[krnlvsus]

I am babysitting a little boy that just turned a year old. His parents said he has never been to a babysitters house before so I expected this to be a little hard for him. It's been three weeks now and the baby still cries all the time. He wouldnt take naps unless I was holding him and he wouldnt stay asleep unless I held him while he slept. I asked the mom about his sleeping habits at home, she said they dont have a bed for him, the baby sleeps in bed with her and the dad and during the day he sleeps on the couch.
I started doing to Ferber Method to teach him how to soothe himself to sleep. I am seeing some improvement in his naps, now it only takes him an hour to fall asleep, before he wasnt napping at all. When he is awake he clings to me and if anyone looks at him, he cries. If I put him down he crawls around falling me while crying. I tried ignoring him, playing with him, taking him outside, talking to him, etc...nothing helps. He wont eat either, he only wants his bottle.
My 3 year old is starting to stress out over the crying, he walks around with earmuffs on or he will go outside so he doesnt have to hear the baby cry. I dont know what to do. Any advice?

Thank you

[Michael]

Welcome to the Daycare.com Forum! I upgraded your status. You can post freely now.

[cheerfuldom]

I am babysitting a little boy that just turned a year old. His parents said he has never been to a babysitters house before so I expected this to be a little hard for him. It's been three weeks now and the baby still cries all the time. He wouldnt take naps unless I was holding him and he wouldnt stay asleep unless I held him while he slept. I asked the mom about his sleeping habits at home, she said they dont have a bed for him, the baby sleeps in bed with her and the dad and during the day he sleeps on the couch.
I started doing to Ferber Method to teach him how to soothe himself to sleep. I am seeing some improvement in his naps, now it only takes him an hour to fall asleep, before he wasnt napping at all. When he is awake he clings to me and if anyone looks at him, he cries. If I put him down he crawls around falling me while crying. I tried ignoring him, playing with him, taking him outside, talking to him, etc...nothing helps. He wont eat either, he only wants his bottle.
My 3 year old is starting to stress out over the crying, he walks around with earmuffs on or he will go outside so he doesnt have to hear the baby cry. I dont know what to do. Any advice?

Thank you

Sorry hun. No easy options with this type of thing. Your daycare is polar opposite of everything he gets (and has gotten for a year) at home. You either put in the hard work for re-training him which means a lot more crying or you let him go and tell his parents it is not the right fit. Dont feel bad if you dont feel up to what it is going to take to get him over this.

Here is what I would do....stop dragging out the transition and just put him full on to your daycare program. On a side note, I would only do this for a full timer. Part time cryers are almost impossible to change.

1. No more holding AT ALL unless is his not crying and you are playing with him. No more carrying around, period.

2. No more coddling to bed. Put him in a separate place where he can cry it out. Tuck him in and leave him there for the full nap time. Peek in on him but not to where he can see you or it gets him amped up with more crying.

3. If he is following you and crying, create a separate play area where he has his things and cannot come after you or disturb the others kids.

On a side note, we providers here have discussed co-sleeping numerous times. There is no way that he is going to happily go from co-sleeping to sleeping on his own without a lot of crying. It really isnt fair for the parents to set him up to fail at daycare by holding him and bed sharing. It is VERY rare that this type of parenting style meshes well with daycare so please dont be too hard on yourself if this is not working for you. If the parents do not want to help transition him, then it may be better for them to get a nanny or SAHM sitter that will be able to give him a lot of one-on-one attention.

[Willow]

You know what makes me so sad, is that AP (attachment parenting) techniques are SUPPOSED to create a child who is more secure in any environment, not less.

I co-slept with my kids, used slings and was uber responsive to crying, and they didn't turn out like that at all. They are very confident and independent, especially when comparing to their peers.

There's a fine line between doing something like co-sleeping and being attentive, and spoiling a kid into oblivion when it comes to sleep routines and babying a kid into complete dependence on his parents.


I just recently took a very temporary drop in (not something I usually do but the family of a daycare family were stuck so I relented for once). He was 15 months and the only person who had ever watched him was grandma. I had an inkling it was going to be bad when mom came to interview and every single time he whined she'd pick him up. I thought though if I gave it a few days.....

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

From day one to day 14 he screamed. the. entire. day. It got so bad some of my other kids started dreading coming here in the morning. I tried to address it with mom, who chalked it up to him not being used to the place. I finally called her to come get him because I absolutely couldn't take it another minute. She mentioned then how sorry she was fully acknowledging that neither she, nor her husband or grandma EVER put him down. They still fed him 100% (was less messy) they held him when he slept (because he's so cute when he sleeps!) when he played (he likes to interact!) when he cried (because who can resist soothing a child's tears) when he wasn't crying (why not be happy together!) I'm surprised the child knew how to walk as it sounded like he was never on the ground!

She jokingly wondered out loud if I'd ever take him again because he was so awful. I (only sort of) jokingly said back, nope! There isn't enough money in the world! hahaha.... I wondered to myself how on earth he was going to cope when he got into school someday. Not to mention I'd be bald if I had to deal with that everyday at home!


OP - I wouldn't subject your three year old to the ridiculousness any longer. I'm usually all about trying to find a way to work with parents but if what they're doing is the opposite of what you can or want to provide it's just going to be too confusing for the kiddo to overcome. He's going to continue to make you miserable until you say enough is enough. Whether enough means getting the parents on board with a one year old no longer needing a bottle, largely feeding themselves, becoming more independent by not holding him so much and getting him used to his own bed -or- stopping providing care for him altogether...only you have the answer to what you think is right.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[Heidi]

You know what makes me so sad, is that AP (attachment parenting) techniques are SUPPOSED to create a child who is more secure in any environment, not less.

I co-slept with my kids, used slings and was uber responsive to crying, and they didn't turn out like that at all. They are very confident and independent, especially when comparing to their peers.

There's a fine line between doing something like co-sleeping and being attentive, and spoiling a kid into oblivion when it comes to sleep routines and babying a kid into complete dependence on his parents.


I just recently took a very temporary drop in (not something I usually do but the family of a daycare family were stuck so I relented for once). He was 15 months and the only person who had ever watched him was grandma. I had an inkling it was going to be bad when mom came to interview and every single time he whined she'd pick him up. I thought though if I gave it a few days.....

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

From day one to day 14 he screamed. the. entire. day. It got so bad some of my other kids started dreading coming here in the morning. I tried to address it with mom, who chalked it up to him not being used to the place. I finally called her to come get him because I absolutely couldn't take it another minute. She mentioned then how sorry she was fully acknowledging that neither she, nor her husband or grandma EVER put him down. They still fed him 100% (was less messy) they held him when he slept (because he's so cute when he sleeps!) when he played (he likes to interact!) when he cried (because who can resist soothing a child's tears) when he wasn't crying (why not be happy together!) I'm surprised the child knew how to walk as it sounded like he was never on the ground!

She jokingly wondered out loud if I'd ever take him again because he was so awful. I (only sort of) jokingly said back, nope! There isn't enough money in the world! hahaha.... I wondered to myself how on earth he was going to cope when he got into school someday. Not to mention I'd be bald if I had to deal with that everyday at home!


OP - I wouldn't subject your three year old to the ridiculousness any longer. I'm usually all about trying to find a way to work with parents but if what they're doing is the opposite of what you can or want to provide it's just going to be too confusing for the kiddo to overcome. He's going to continue to make you miserable until you say enough is enough. Whether enough means getting the parents on board with a one year old no longer needing a bottle, largely feeding themselves, becoming more independent by not holding him so much and getting him used to his own bed -or- stopping providing care for him altogether...only you have the answer to what you think is right.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

ditto ditto ditto!

When my (now 20 yo) son was 4, I had a baby like this in care. She lasted 3 days. Business or not, this is still your child's HOME. He should feel safe and comfortable in his home!

[krnlvsus]

Thank you all for your response. I am taking your advice and not giving into his cries which isnt easy by any means. I feel awful for this little boy and I feel bad that I do not want to watch him anymore. I am thinking of giving the parents a 2 week notice but I want to wait until after memorial weekend and once they pay me. They are behind by 3 weeks. They are supposed to pay everything they owe by the end of this week. I usually have nerves of steal and am able to tolerate a lot but my oh my! I have never seen or met a baby with so much anxiety and I've been doing this for 6 1/2 years! I completely agree that he needs a nanny to come to his home where he is comfortable.

[cheerfuldom]

you are watching him without pay so far? that is not a good idea......I would absolutely not let him come back until he is paid in full and at least one week in advance. I have a bad feeling that they are going to wait until you term and leave with a months free childcare.....

[Michael]

Some helpful Tags

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=crying+-+all+day

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=cio

[momma2girls]

I have had to let children go, because they had seperation anxiety!! UGHH!! Not fun at all!! It's not fair to you, the other children and their parents!!!

[SunshineMama]

You know what makes me so sad, is that AP (attachment parenting) techniques are SUPPOSED to create a child who is more secure in any environment, not less.

I co-slept with my kids, used slings and was uber responsive to crying, and they didn't turn out like that at all. They are very confident and independent, especially when comparing to their peers.

There's a fine line between doing something like co-sleeping and being attentive, and spoiling a kid into oblivion when it comes to sleep routines and babying a kid into complete dependence on his parents.


I just recently took a very temporary drop in (not something I usually do but the family of a daycare family were stuck so I relented for once). He was 15 months and the only person who had ever watched him was grandma. I had an inkling it was going to be bad when mom came to interview and every single time he whined she'd pick him up. I thought though if I gave it a few days.....

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

From day one to day 14 he screamed. the. entire. day. It got so bad some of my other kids started dreading coming here in the morning. I tried to address it with mom, who chalked it up to him not being used to the place. I finally called her to come get him because I absolutely couldn't take it another minute. She mentioned then how sorry she was fully acknowledging that neither she, nor her husband or grandma EVER put him down. They still fed him 100% (was less messy) they held him when he slept (because he's so cute when he sleeps!) when he played (he likes to interact!) when he cried (because who can resist soothing a child's tears) when he wasn't crying (why not be happy together!) I'm surprised the child knew how to walk as it sounded like he was never on the ground!

She jokingly wondered out loud if I'd ever take him again because he was so awful. I (only sort of) jokingly said back, nope! There isn't enough money in the world! hahaha.... I wondered to myself how on earth he was going to cope when he got into school someday. Not to mention I'd be bald if I had to deal with that everyday at home!


OP - I wouldn't subject your three year old to the ridiculousness any longer. I'm usually all about trying to find a way to work with parents but if what they're doing is the opposite of what you can or want to provide it's just going to be too confusing for the kiddo to overcome. He's going to continue to make you miserable until you say enough is enough. Whether enough means getting the parents on board with a one year old no longer needing a bottle, largely feeding themselves, becoming more independent by not holding him so much and getting him used to his own bed -or- stopping providing care for him altogether...only you have the answer to what you think is right.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I also co-slept and did AP parenting for my children. However, I transitioned them to a regular routine at 12 months of age, so they would get a taste of the real world. There are age appropriate parenting styles- picking up a 5 month old while crying is okay to me... doing so for a 12 month old who just wants attention is not.

Parents should parent their child however they deem appropriate, however if you choose AP style, you need to be responsible enough to carry it through... yourself. Asking a provider to deal with an AP parented child in group daycare is a set up for disaster.

[krnlvsus]

Their payment is due today, they are supposed to pay me the remaining amount by today. 3 weeks is the longest I will go without payment. They are military, I have informed them in my paper work that if they don't make payments I will contact their commander.
as for the baby crying situation, the advice you all have given me seems to be working. He is taking 2 one hour naps a day with little crying. When he wakes up, I do not carry him, I walk with him to the living room where I am able to separate him from me so when he cries he cant follow me around. This is helping too. He hasn't cried very much and actually seems pretty content in there. He can still see me, he has the tv and all of this things with him, I think that helps.
As for eating...he still wont eat for me. The only thing I can get him to eat is a half of a banana. Im not to concerned about this since he drinks his bottle just fine. Must be sort of like a security blanket for him.
I do hope he continues to improve but I worry that next week I will have to start all over again due to the four day weekend...and since his parents are not helping me transition him. I will continue to encourage his parents to get him a crib and not to give into his cries.

[krnlvsus]

Thank you!

[krnlvsus]

Some helpful Tags

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=crying+-+all+day

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=cio

Thank you!

[krnlvsus]

Update

We have made tremendous improvement! He doesnt cry anymore, he's on a great routine, he takes 2-3 hour naps with only a few minutes of fussing, he's eating..he even reaches for me when mom brings him over then waves bye to her. He is a wonderful, happy baby boy!

Thank you all for your advice, it really worked for us

~Karina

[Blackcat31]

We have made tremendous improvement! He doesnt cry anymore, he's on a great routine, he takes 2-3 hour naps with only a few minutes of fussing, he's eating..he even reaches for me when mom brings him over then waves bye to her. He is a wonderful, happy baby boy!

Thank you all for your advice, it really worked for us

~Karina

That is awesome to hear! happyface So happy to hear that things worked out for you and for the child! happyface