When Your Opinion On Safety Conflicts With Parents....

[CheekyChick]

You poor thing!!!

I would take immediate action with this very dysfunctional family. I would write them a letter that states:

Dear Joe and Jane,

After much thought, I need to address several issues that are of grave concern to me.

A) It is not safe to leave a two year old in the van unattended with the keys in the ignition while you retrieve your daughter. Beginning Monday, May 21st, I will require that you walk both children to the van at the same time while holding their hands. If you are not able to accomplish this on your own, it will leave me no choice but to terminate child care services.

B) Your son does not hit me or the other children while in my care. It is unacceptable that you allow him to hit you. It is also unacceptable that you attempt to blame me for this behavior. If you continue to allow him to hit you while in my presence, it will leave me no choice but to terminate child care services.

C) It is unacceptable for you (the parents) to bicker and verbally abuse one another at my home and in the presence of your children. If Joe chooses to call you a “moron” – please do so at your own home.

In closing… I adore your children and it has been a pleasure caring for them. Unfortunately, these issues are disturbing and will no longer be tolerated.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding,
Willow

[cheerfuldom]

I think you did the right thing. To be honest, with parents like this, you NEED a plan of action. They aren't going to care about letters or conversations on a topic that is pretty basic anyway. Taking control and just saying "this is the way it will be done" is the best way to do it.

[Meeko]

Progress!

You're right black cat, I am so non-confrontational it's not even funny and in the past that's bitten me in the butt. I do need to find a way to either get over that or work around it.

Tonight I did do the changing of the guard bit. I talked at length with the kids about the idea and we practiced it. We spent time decorating a spot for each of them on the steps leading up to the front door with chalk. They each had their name and little pictures. We talked about when we saw moms van running to those spots and holding my hand as mom pulled in. When we spotted her coming the two year old balked with his "I'm not sure I'm going to go along with this" smile that he always gives mom but a stern "NO, get to your spot or I'll pick you up and put you there" changed his mind and he toddled right there on his own. They sat happily as she pulled in. When she approached they were quiet as I explained the new process...woot! She laughed and said it wasn't going to work. I ignored her completely and asked them who was going first. 4 year old said 2 year old could start today and they'd take turns. I walked him down the steps and he wouldn't let go of my hand until I walked him all the way to her. She strapped him in, shut the door and asked the 4 year old to "come on." 4 year old instead took my hand and let me walk her all the way to mom at the van, hopped in and buckled right up. I fibbed and said after review of my insurance policy I can't have what happened last night ever happening again. That this is how we'll do pick up and drop off because it'll keep things more controlled and safe for everyone here. Rain or shine it'll work at pick up and drop off because they're the first ones dropped off and last ones picked up, and the entrance deck is covered. She looked uncomfortable (or put off) and mentioned defensively again how the two year old has never acted like this before coming to my house. Instead of being confrontational and nasty back (like I so wanted to) I told her it was my job to keep order at my house and during transition times and this was my solution for her. As long as he's never naughty anywhere else as she says then this should nip the only minor problem she's got with him. I also asked her if she wanted me to just pick up sunscreen for them on my own and stick it on her invoice this weekend. She wasn't at all happy with that idea and swore she'd have it for them tomorrow. I then waved goodbye to the kids, said see you in the morning to her with a sickening amount of cheery-ness in my voice and then went back in the house.

Was THE BEST pick up I've ever had with them

I will be waiting to snag them on the step one at a time in the morning whether she likes it or not. If she doesn't cooperate I'll meet them right at the van. That way if 2 year old starts to get bucky I can just pick him up and go inside. He can say his goodbyes at the van or wave goodbye through the living room window after he's got his shoes off. If he throws a fit he'll miss his chance and knowing him it'll only take once, at best. I think that'll be a good transition for him and it'll keep the chaos out of my house.

I feel like I've got my power back! I'm not sure if it'll last but it's a start. If this doesn't work then I'll go from there but for now at least I feel loads better about having a plan

Thanks again everyone! I cannot tell you all what it means to feel like I found my voice in regards to this woman. Scratching my head with no solutions left me so helpless, having something to do and try...I feel competent as a provider again HA!

Alright Willow!!!happyfacehappyfacehappyface

[Willow]

She rolled her eyes at me this morning when she got out and saw me waiting. She let the four year old out to run to the steps so when she went to let the two year old out I met her at the vehicle and took him by the hand not giving her the option to not comply. She kept delaying asking him to give her hugs, and bigger hugs, and kisses, and one more hug but then he asked to go to "his spot" so he could wave goodbye.

I was infinitely proud they both remembered the plan.

After they both waved for a minute with her just sitting there they turned to come in the house before she even restarted her vehicle. I'm glad they weren't influenced by her stall tactics. I'm pretty sure she was dragging it out *hoping* it would incite a regular round of bad behavior.

What kind of parent sits there and holds out for a break like that?? I'd have been thrilled, encouraging them, praising them to high heavens and then quickly driven away in the hopes of cementing in an excellent drop off that would hopefully repeat itself for mornings to come!

If I write that letter I'm very sure she'd up and leave on the spot. She's that sort of arrogant. Directly calling her out won't work. If this doesn't I'll just straight terminate them. I live in a very small town, there are only four licensed providers total, all of whom are filled to the brim. I'm the only one that lives about 5 minutes up the road out into the country and despite that I stopped collecting names for my wait list when I hit 25. I cannot imagine how filled up they must be. If she loses me she can about count on losing her job along with it. Not that I care about that aspect, my main concern would be uprooting these kids who have been bounced around to a ridiculous amount of daycares in the past. I also keep my numbers fairly small and have a couple of kiddos on the autism spectrum so I typically prefer to avoid turnover in my group if at all possible (I already had to terminate once this year, it completely turned everyone upside down for a time when I had to fill the spots with new kids). She's extremely lucky I care about her kids, call me the optimist, I'm still holding out hope she'll come to realize that eventually and change her tune.

If they weren't such fantastically behaved kids while they were here I wouldn't be trying near as hard. But consistent 45 hours a week, very good about paying on time, excellent kids that fit great into my crew are hard to turn away...even if it means putting up with a little bit of bull at pick up and drop off. I feel more sorry for *them* for what they undoubtedly put up with having her as their mother everyday for the rest of their lives


(She did NOT remember sunscreen, I will be buying some tonight and charging her for it on her regular invoice).

[sharlan]

It sounds like she's very passive/agressive. She does not like you being in control. SHE'S the MOM, not you. She wants them to behave the way she wants them to behave, not the way you want. She will fight you every step of the way because it's all about HER, not the kids.

You're doing great, be firm and stand your ground.

[Blackcat31]

She rolled her eyes at me this morning when she got out and saw me waiting. She let the four year old out to run to the steps so when she went to let the two year old out I met her at the vehicle and took him by the hand not giving her the option to not comply. She kept delaying asking him to give her hugs, and bigger hugs, and kisses, and one more hug but then he asked to go to "his spot" so he could wave goodbye.

I was infinitely proud they both remembered the plan.

After they both waved for a minute with her just sitting there they turned to come in the house before she even restarted her vehicle. I'm glad they weren't influenced by her stall tactics. I'm pretty sure she was dragging it out *hoping* it would incite a regular round of bad behavior.

What kind of parent sits there and holds out for a break like that?? I'd have been thrilled, encouraging them, praising them to high heavens and then quickly driven away in the hopes of cementing in an excellent drop off that would hopefully repeat itself for mornings to come!

If I write that letter I'm very sure she'd up and leave on the spot. She's that sort of arrogant. Directly calling her out won't work. If this doesn't I'll just straight terminate them. I live in a very small town, there are only four licensed providers total, all of whom are filled to the brim. I'm the only one that lives about 5 minutes up the road out into the country and despite that I stopped collecting names for my wait list when I hit 25. I cannot imagine how filled up they must be. If she loses me she can about count on losing her job along with it. Not that I care about that aspect, my main concern would be uprooting these kids who have been bounced around to a ridiculous amount of daycares in the past. I also keep my numbers fairly small and have a couple of kiddos on the autism spectrum so I typically prefer to avoid turnover in my group if at all possible (I already had to terminate once this year, it completely turned everyone upside down for a time when I had to fill the spots with new kids). She's extremely lucky I care about her kids, call me the optimist, I'm still holding out hope she'll come to realize that eventually and change her tune.

If they weren't such fantastically behaved kids while they were here I wouldn't be trying near as hard. But consistent 45 hours a week, very good about paying on time, excellent kids that fit great into my crew are hard to turn away...even if it means putting up with a little bit of bull at pick up and drop off. I feel more sorry for *them* for what they undoubtedly put up with having her as their mother everyday for the rest of their lives


(She did NOT remember sunscreen, I will be buying some tonight and charging her for it on her regular invoice).

Super happy you are seeing progress!!!! YAH!!! happyface

Sometimes it is MUCH MUCH easier to simply "train" the children than to try and get the parent to see the light.....

[Ariana]

This mom sounds like she thrives on the chaos!! I'm glad you found a solution FOR YOU!! Ignore her antics completely because you're in control now

[Christian Mother]

Willow!! So proud of you..and you said you where afraid of confrontation!! I think you are totally gaining a backbone and taking charge!! Keep up the hard work and keep strong in your dealings with dcm and the children....the children seem to really like the "Changing of the Guard" and it works!

I have to tell you...if I saw the "Rolling of the Eyes" from dcm...I would of gone off on her right there and then. I just don't put up with disrespect at all and I would of told her that right away. You have a lot of tolerance. She needs to learn respect and how to treat people. Otherwise she is going to have a long line of problems in her life due to her attitude.

[CheekyChick]

I wrote that letter without reading the responses. I think your new "plan" is perfect and I'd leave it at that as long as it's working.

On another note, calling out an arrogant parent isn't necssarily a bad thing. Maybe at some point you can give her your "input" on her parenting skills - or complete lack thereof.

[cheerfuldom]

Great job Willow!

You know, I am sure that these kids act bad for ONLY her and she needs the assurance that it is not her fault by seeing them act bad for others. She is encouraging the bad behavior for sure so that she can say "see its not me, they are bad for everyone, they are just bad kids and nothing I can do about it" Requiring good behavior in her presence is going to rock her world.