Just Stubborn Or Something Else? What Do You Think?

[daycare]

So some of you are aware of my DCK that has the eating issues.

Well I talked to DCM yesterday about our progress that we are having here. Which is very little. We have both realized that when DCK started here, that the issue was not as bad and that at least DCK would self feed. DCK would use the spoon, fork and hands. DCK is 27 months.

In the past two months or so, DCK has stopped self feeding. The screaming at meal times has always been there and is back and forth. Some days good and some days are really bad.

The family had a baby a few months ago and I was thinking maybe DCK is doing it for the attention?

Do you think that this child is just being stubborn or do you think that there is some kind of sensory issue or delay here? Do you think I should ask the parents to have him seen by his family doctor?

Another thing, some what not related, is that the child has major sleep issues. The parents tell me daily that the DCK wakes up 3-4 times a night. Here they want to sleep all day, but I don't allow for DCK to sleep all day.

[wahmof3]

Oh my goodness, I thought I was reading about one of my DCK!!

She is 30 months and this started this past fall. She eats enough to feed a mouse. Meal times can be awful and for a while they were. She would cry/scream at drop off, because she knew breakfast was next. She would cry at lunch. She doesn't eat and I was at the end of my rope with it. I was upset that for the 8-9 hours she was here, she wouldn't eat and she would be hungry all day. I was also upset that I was throwing away plates of food. I have come to the conclusion that she will eat when hungry and that she is CHOOSING not to eat. So I prepare smaller plates of food for her and if she is eating it I will ask her if she wants more and go from there. Its working. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she doesn't but its offered and that is all I can do. Do I think its a sensory issue, nope. Just her. Stubborn and wanting the junk food

Another interesting thought: She doesn't sleep well either, at home. Up several times during the night and very early to rise. I have never had a problem with her napping here (2hrs).

Another interesting thought: She is my DCG with the Gag reflex.

[daycare]

Oh my goodness, I thought I was reading about one of my DCK!!

She is 30 months and this started this past fall. She eats enough to feed a mouse. Meal times can be awful and for a while they were. She would cry/scream at drop off, because she knew breakfast was next. She would cry at lunch. She doesn't eat and I was at the end of my rope with it. I was upset that for the 8-9 hours she was here, she wouldn't eat and she would be hungry all day. I was also upset that I was throwing away plates of food. I have come to the conclusion that she will eat when hungry and that she is CHOOSING not to eat. So I prepare smaller plates of food for her and if she is eating it I will ask her if she wants more and go from there. Its working. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she doesn't but its offered and that is all I can do. Do I think its a sensory issue, nope. Just her. Stubborn and wanting the junk food

Another interesting thought: She doesn't sleep well either, at home. Up several times during the night and very early to rise. I have never had a problem with her napping here (2hrs).

Another interesting thought: She is my DCG with the Gag reflex.

wow sounds like my DCK long lost twin...

Yeah I think that the sleep issues have to do with the not eating part. The poor kid is so hungry that they cant sleep.

This child actually lost weight about 3lbs, but since the child grew in height, the doc did not seemed concerned.

I could care less if the child wants to eat or not, but when it affects the while group, then it is upsetting to me. The other kids are upset that the DCK screams at every meal and then get upset that the child has horrible behavior due to lack of food through out the day.

I hope we find something that works soon.....

thanks for responding

[morgan24]

So some of you are aware of my DCK that has the eating issues.

Well I talked to DCM yesterday about our progress that we are having here. Which is very little. We have both realized that when DCK started here, that the issue was not as bad and that at least DCK would self feed. DCK would use the spoon, fork and hands. DCK is 27 months.

In the past two months or so, DCK has stopped self feeding. The screaming at meal times has always been there and is back and forth. Some days good and some days are really bad.

The family had a baby a few months ago and I was thinking maybe DCK is doing it for the attention?

Do you think that this child is just being stubborn or do you think that there is some kind of sensory issue or delay here? Do you think I should ask the parents to have him seen by his family doctor?

Another thing, some what not related, is that the child has major sleep issues. The parents tell me daily that the DCK wakes up 3-4 times a night. Here they want to sleep all day, but I don't allow for DCK to sleep all day.

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy that is like that. He cries at drop off every day. I quit feeding him breakfast. He doesn't like to touch his food, he doesn't cry at the table but will sit there looking down instead of eating. Doesn't matter what we are having, but he would eat his own weight in snack if I would let him. I just found out this week that she brings home McDonalds or Burger King nuggets every day cause she knows he doesn't eat what I offer. I think he is being stubborn and holding out for junk food.

I know you have had problems for a while with this child, but I think I would offer it and if dck cries remove them from the table. I wouldn't make it an issue.

I have had a few with sleep issues and I keep them to my daily schedule, even if they are tired. I have one who just turned 2, she goes to bed when she wants and gets up during the night, a few nights ago she wanted ice cream and they got it for her. Their drop off time is 10:00 and sometimes they will say we had to wake her come this morning. I don't care noon rolls around she lays down for nap just like every one else.

[Willow]

Could be simple regression because of the baby, but could be something more too. Always good to error on the side of caution and get a second opinion if you're unsure.


Have you noticed if he has a specific aversion to different textures (mushy, crunchy, flaky) tastes (salty, sweet, savory) or colors? Or is it that he's just picky only wanting to eat a handful of foods like nuggets and cereal? Does he have a problem with touching his food, or getting his hands and face dirty in general?

Does he ask you to feed him or initiate that contact? Or does he just sit there and not care whether he eats or not unless you stick it in his mouth?

[daycare]

Could be simple regression because of the baby, but could be something more too. Always good to error on the side of caution and get a second opinion if you're unsure.


Have you noticed if he has a specific aversion to different textures (mushy, crunchy, flaky) tastes (salty, sweet, savory) or colors? Or is it that he's just picky only wanting to eat a handful of foods like nuggets and cereal? Does he have a problem with touching his food, or getting his hands and face dirty in general?

Does he ask you to feed him or initiate that contact? Or does he just sit there and not care whether he eats or not unless you stick it in his mouth?

he wants junk food because this is what he gets at home.
As soon as I say time to sit and eat the screaming begins. The dcm has been on board with me and has said that it is the same at home.

Most of the time even if I sit and try to spoon feed, the child will not eat. I have resorted to giving the child 15min to eat or should I say scream before I will say ok guess you are not eating and then let him down.

[itlw8]

yep years ago I had a picky eater but he did eat most food here.

at home mom would fix him a hot dog with cheese on it. often he refused to eat and he got to leave the table and play video games... but at bedtime his tummy growled so mom gave him pudding of a popsicle.

now as a 17 yr old he is a lazy boy only eats junk food and that brilliant kid may not graduate He stays up all hours playing video games.

[jojosmommy]

Oh my goodness, I thought I was reading about one of my DCK!!

She is 30 months and this started this past fall. She eats enough to feed a mouse. Meal times can be awful and for a while they were. She would cry/scream at drop off, because she knew breakfast was next. She would cry at lunch. She doesn't eat and I was at the end of my rope with it. I was upset that for the 8-9 hours she was here, she wouldn't eat and she would be hungry all day. I was also upset that I was throwing away plates of food. I have come to the conclusion that she will eat when hungry and that she is CHOOSING not to eat. So I prepare smaller plates of food for her and if she is eating it I will ask her if she wants more and go from there. Its working. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she doesn't but its offered and that is all I can do. Do I think its a sensory issue, nope. Just her. Stubborn and wanting the junk food

Another interesting thought: She doesn't sleep well either, at home. Up several times during the night and very early to rise. I have never had a problem with her napping here (2hrs).

Another interesting thought: She is my DCG with the Gag reflex.

So some of you are aware of my DCK that has the eating issues.

Well I talked to DCM yesterday about our progress that we are having here. Which is very little. We have both realized that when DCK started here, that the issue was not as bad and that at least DCK would self feed. DCK would use the spoon, fork and hands. DCK is 27 months.

In the past two months or so, DCK has stopped self feeding. The screaming at meal times has always been there and is back and forth. Some days good and some days are really bad.

The family had a baby a few months ago and I was thinking maybe DCK is doing it for the attention?

Do you think that this child is just being stubborn or do you think that there is some kind of sensory issue or delay here? Do you think I should ask the parents to have him seen by his family doctor?

Another thing, some what not related, is that the child has major sleep issues. The parents tell me daily that the DCK wakes up 3-4 times a night. Here they want to sleep all day, but I don't allow for DCK to sleep all day.

I have a 5 (almost 6) yr old who tried the same behaviors when arriving here over a yr ago. She would cry about what was for breakfast, then cry about what was going to be for lunch ( hours before we even ate lunch). I gave up. She either eats or doesn't. NO DISCUSSION. NO ATTENTION. Its there eat, if not tough. She hasn't made an issue of food/lunch/feeding etc since I made it clear I could care less. She is 36lbs and going to turn 6. YEP! Mom and dad give junk food/her choice every night for dinner.

Its all control. Once the control is gone they have nothing to barter for.

I think I posted before that I doubt this kid has sensory issues and it is more of a power struggle. Now that you say he was once eating and self feeding it seems even more like a control thing.

[wdmmom]

Don't most kids go through some form or another of not eating? I don't think this is related to the baby, its related to the parents!!!

You are fighting a losing battle. As long as the parents are giving in to demands for ice cream and fast food nuggets, he's never gonna eat. He ha figured not eating nets him what he wants...junk, fat and sweets!!

The sooner he figures out he's not in control and there is no gain, I can almost guarantee he'll eat. For the time being, he is assuming the nuggets, candy and cookies will be delivered.

[Willow]

he wants junk food because this is what he gets at home.
As soon as I say time to sit and eat the screaming begins. The dcm has been on board with me and has said that it is the same at home.

Most of the time even if I sit and try to spoon feed, the child will not eat. I have resorted to giving the child 15min to eat or should I say scream before I will say ok guess you are not eating and then let him down.

Ahhhh, so dcm actually ISN'T on board then! Tell her to quit causing all this and feed him better foods!

He sounds like a parent created picky eater.


The only things I'd suggest would be to try to create a new routine, maybe move his chair to a different spot at the table, use different dishes (think different colors or bigger or smaller plates/bowls), use different words (come up with something creative to call it ("let's go plop for grub time!") and/or put him up there for more than just meal times. Does he color at all? or play play-doh in the chair? Can you try to change his perception of meal time by desensitizing him to that general area?

Might help at least cut down on the screaming.

If mom is unwilling to change his eating habits at home unfortunately I bet you're not going to be able to help change his mind about good foods with you.

[Willow]

And I absolutely would NOT feed him anymore. He's plenty old enough to be doing that himself.

[Heidi]

Daycare, I really, really think you need to take all battle out of this.

When it's time to eat, set a place for him with a small amount of food on the plate, and that's all. Don't even invite him to the table. If he comes, say something like "oh, you're sitting with us...swell!"

When everyone is done, excuse the kids as usual, clear the table, etc. Clear his plate and say absolutly nada, zip, nothing, nichts! If he looks confused or points or indicates he wanted food, say "oh, I'm sorry, lunch is over. We will have snack at 3:00".

Rinse and repeat....if his parents are on board and do it at home, he will do it quicker though.

He may 2 weeks without eating at daycare. He may go 2 days. Right now, he associates eating with a big, heated, negative battle. Take that away, and he will eat when he's hungry. Stop catering to him, stop feeding him, stop giving him attention for not eating! Put a temporary shell around that big, soft heart of yours...you are doing what is right even if it's hard! tough love, baby!

Maybe you could keep a little log of what he does eat, and mom can too, and you can see how much he really injests. It really doesn't take that much!

Seriously, if he does go 2 weeks without eating, or becomes lethargic or dehydrated, by all means, refer him to medical help. Otherwise, he is playin' you all, IMO.

[daycare]

Daycare, I really, really think you need to take all battle out of this.

When it's time to eat, set a place for him with a small amount of food on the plate, and that's all. Don't even invite him to the table. If he comes, say something like "oh, you're sitting with us...swell!"

When everyone is done, excuse the kids as usual, clear the table, etc. Clear his plate and say absolutly nada, zip, nothing, nichts! If he looks confused or points or indicates he wanted food, say "oh, I'm sorry, lunch is over. We will have snack at 3:00".

Rinse and repeat....if his parents are on board and do it at home, he will do it quicker though.

He may 2 weeks without eating at daycare. He may go 2 days. Right now, he associates eating with a big, heated, negative battle. Take that away, and he will eat when he's hungry. Stop catering to him, stop feeding him, stop giving him attention for not eating! Put a temporary shell around that big, soft heart of yours...you are doing what is right even if it's hard! tough love, baby!

Maybe you could keep a little log of what he does eat, and mom can too, and you can see how much he really injests. It really doesn't take that much!

Seriously, if he does go 2 weeks without eating, or becomes lethargic or dehydrated, by all means, refer him to medical help. Otherwise, he is playin' you all, IMO.

the thing is, is that I have done this.....All I have to say is time to eat and he screams...so we all have to listen to the screaming.

I have to choose my battles yes....If I dont help him eat, then I deal with the bad behavior later in the day. If I can help him eat something at all, I battle him at meal time and later everything is ok.

I have him sit at the high chair it happens, the big table, the kids table. I am done with the musical tables because no matter where I put him this happens....

[Country Kids]

Have you tried and this may sound mean but not serving him? Have everyone but him come to the table? Call them one by one but him to the table. When everyone else is done or 1/2 done call him. If he screams, excuse him for nap and go about the day. That way at least hte others dont have to hear him screaming through their meal.

[daycare]

Have you tried and this may sound mean but not serving him? Have everyone but him come to the table? Call them one by one but him to the table. When everyone else is done or 1/2 done call him. If he screams, excuse him for nap and go about the day. That way at least hte others dont have to hear him screaming through their meal.

I have not tried that, but I have thought about it... I am on the food program, so I am supposed to have all the kids eat at the same time. But I will see if I can get an exception for thisw. I think that might be a way to not have it affect all the other kids..

thanks CK....but you still can't have a soda pop or coke or wahtever you call it....ll jk you know I love you....