Totally defiant during pick up time....

[jenny31052]

I have a 4 years old boy in care which I constantly have to discipline because he doesn't listen... The only thing I find that works with him it's using my firm voice... the more "sweet" I am, the less he listens... he is in time out at least 3 times a day, sometimes more if it is a bad day...
He is one of those kids that you have to tell him 10 times, with the 10th time being in his face, before he does what told...

He is definitely not used to be talked in an assertive way, his parents are pretty passive, and do a lot of negotiating, instead of saying "no", period.

At pick up times, when Mom is here, he totally gets out of control, and breaks every house rule he can...
The thing that makes me crazy is that when I tell him, for example, not to run in the house, he stops for a second, looks at me with a smile on his face, and go back to running... he definitely has that " my Mom is here, I do what I want now" kind of face...

I find myself having to use my firm voice again, and my "mean looking face" when Mom is here, so he doesn't get everyone else crazy... I don't like doing that when a parent is present, but if she can't keep him under control, I feel the need of doing it for her...

What do you do in this cases?

[Zoe]

If it's needed, I put my foot down, whether a parent is there or not. Not a single parent has questioned me on it. If anyone did, I'd simply say "little Johnny is breaking a rule, it's not ok during daycare and it's not ok at pick-up time. You are more than welcome to step in and stop him yourself."

[daycare]

not sure if is still on the home page, but i would look up the Nannyde bye bye outside program... I am not saying that this is what you have to do, but she explains very well why children do this. I believe that she calls it the changing of the guard.

I have done the bye bye outside program but I used it as a last resort.

Now I have a gate that blocks off the kids from being able to go anywhere but out the front door. They cant run or come back into the house area to break any rules. The parents have never questioned why I put the gate up.

I also have the rule that once your shoes are on, you cant come back on the carpet...For both parents and kids...

[Heidi]

Can you give mom a call and give the following suggestion?:

I know if you've probably noticed that xx has been a little squirely at pick up lately. I'd really like to nip this in the bud. You know, he's such fun the rest of the day, but when it seems like during the "changing of the guard" at the end of the day, he gets a little wired.

Would you consider giving me a quick call or text when you are almost here so that I can have him get ready for you? We can make exits a little quicker that way! We can catch up on what's new in the mornings or you can call me at nap time.

Make the transitions quicker, and they'll go better!

[DCP]

eeek I had one like that a few years back...

My clients know as well as the kids have learned...Mom here or not...if you break a rule that requires a time out...I will put you there and Mom will wait!! Mom's usually pick up the cue and step in as I am sure they want to get home!

I am guessing the child is this way at home and the Mom will have NO problem with you being firm as she most likely can not! She maybe at her wits end as well! However I would have a conversation with her about his behavior both during the day as well as at pick up time not only to get a feel of what she does at home (if anything) but also maybe to get suggestions.

Best of luck!

[cheerfuldom]

Have him ready to go and make him sit in one spot until mom is ready to leave (or meet mom at the door). Make the handoff super fast and get him out the door. If mom wants to discuss anything, let her know that you feel it is best to keep pick ups fast but she is welcome to call and discuss anything or send you a text or email.

[Kim]

My families all know that while the child is still here the rules apply and I will not hesitate to enforce the rules even if mom and dad are standing there. It usually only takes once or twice for the kid to understand that they aren't going to get away with anything just because mom and dad walk through the door.

I have one that requires a bit more work. He's fantastic all day but when mom comes he really tests the limits. I talked with mom about it and we agreed that she will let me know if she's ever earlier than the normal time. At his normal pick up time I have him ready shoes and all. He sits at the table with a puzzle while waiting. Before she gets here I remind him of what is expected when mom gets to the door. So far so good.

[temom]

Have him ready to go and make him sit in one spot until mom is ready to leave (or meet mom at the door). Make the handoff super fast and get him out the door. If mom wants to discuss anything, let her know that you feel it is best to keep pick ups fast but she is welcome to call and discuss anything or send you a text or email.

I agree with cheerfuldom, this is what i did with a dcb i had that would turn into the devil's spawn as soon as his mom showed up, sadly the mom only show the halo on his head and wouldn't say a word. I had him ready for her and would have him standing at the door as soon as the mum came. also would block the entrance back in the DC, so he couldn't get back. pretty soon dcm got the message and pick up became quick n easy.