Mad at my spineless self!!! :(

[SunshineMama]

Yesterday dcm said that she has been stressed tryin to make it to my home on time after work, and asked if it was okay to be 5-10 minutes late a couple of times a week. So spineless me of course says no problem, with a smile. I am so mad at myself. When I took them on they said pick up will be between 4:30 and 4:45, and now that is being extended to 5:10 some days!!! I'm sure I won't say anything either about it because I am just such a wimp! The worst is that her kids are behaviorally the most difficult kids and cause 99% of all of the problems. Yesterday her daughter was kickin my daughters train tracks down (after they were already late) and all I could think was that those kids should be gone by now and my daughter shouldn't even have to deal with their crap after day care hours. So irritated! Why am I do spineless? I want to provide good client service but no at the expense of my own family time... For free! And I know I don't have the kahunas to tell them they need to pay more.

Sorry for he bad typing- I'm using my phone

[Lilbutterflie]

Even though you told her yesterday it would be no problem to accommodate her; that doesn't mean you can't sit down with her in the near future and let her know you have changed your mind!

I assumed from your post you close at 5? And she is wanting to pick up after that?

If that's the case, decide whether you are willing to stay open later for more pay; or if you want to stick with your current closing time. Once you've decided, ask her if you could talk once more about pick up arrangements. Let her know that you have decided ______________. If she comes back with "Well, you said it was fine the other day!!" then tell her "Yes, I am sorry for that. I was a little caught off guard at that moment. I have had some time to think this through; and I have made my final decision regarding pickups."

You still have a chance to use your backbone! You can do it!!

[Beach Baby]

I hear ya. I HATE when I give in...especially with a smile...while in my head I'm thinking NO NO NO!!! I would not keep them late, or keep them late with an added fee. If you don't think you can ask for more money, I would tell her that after reviewing your schedule, late pick ups just aren't going to work. It's hard to speak up for what you want, but once you do, it feels so much better! Otherwise, you may find that she gets later and later and it will probably end up being every day of the week.

[lil angels]

So now today come back and say I am really sorry you caught me off guard yesterday. I will keep them but only if you really need it and on those days I will have to charge you x.

Good luck

[SunshineMama]

I'm reading your replies, and I know what I should do but I don't understand why I feel like it is so difficult to speak up. I honestly don't know WHY I am so hesitant. I am curious to know why it is about me that is causing me to be this way. I can't figure it out.

[Kaddidle Care]

I think a lot of us are that way. We are programmed to be nice. That's why we are care providers - because we care.

That said, you are being taken advantage of if she isn't paying you extra. I sure hope she is.

[Beach Baby]

I'm the same way and I blame it on my childhood. I was taught to do as I was told and don't talk back. So I never learned to speak up for what I wanted. I'm quickly learning that I NEED to speak up now, or I will never be happy. I will continually be taken advantage of and I will be miserable and mad at myself. I've learned that when parents present me with something they want, to always say "Let me get back to you about that." That way I do not say yes on an impulse and I can take the time to really think it through.

[Kiki]

I'm reading your replies, and I know what I should do but I don't understand why I feel like it is so difficult to speak up. I honestly don't know WHY I am so hesitant. I am curious to know why it is about me that is causing me to be this way. I can't figure it out.

It's not just you, it's me too!

This is my face after I do it to myself. :confused:

I think a lot of us are that way. We are programmed to be nice. That's why we are care providers - because we care.

This.. and sadly most parents might know it too.

I've learned that when parents present me with something they want, to always say "Let me get back to you about that." That way I do not say yes on an impulse and I can take the time to really think it through.

Ha. What a great idea! I'm going to try this.


I agree with other posters though, maybe just let her know tonight, 'Hey, you know after thinking about it a bit, I really would love to help you out, but I'm going to have to charge you a little extra for the added time to my day.' or something along those lines.

[JenNJ]

Email her.

DCM,

After further thought, I cannot accommodate the later hours as requested. I am sorry for the confusion, but I was caught off guard when we spoke this morning. My closing time is 5pm. If you cannot be here, you will need to arrange for someone else to pick up X & Y. I can grant you some leeway until *** (date) but after that my regular closing time and full late fees will apply.

Thank You,

Me

[cheerfuldom]

Email her.

DCM,

After further thought, I cannot accommodate the later hours as requested. I am sorry for the confusion, but I was caught off guard when we spoke this morning. My closing time is 5pm. If you cannot be here, you will need to arrange for someone else to pick up X & Y. I can grant you some leeway until *** (date) but after that my regular closing time and full late fees will apply.

Thank You,

Me

great!

or I would just pop in a movie for after hour kids. If they cant sit and behave, I would just put them in a booster seat so I can go on with my evenings plans, like making dinner. This is just for kids that cannot be trusted to entertain themselves and their parents are late.

[cheerfuldom]

Standing up for yourself is a learned behavior. You can't know how to do it until you actually start doing it.

[Mydaycare]

I totally understand you!!! It happend to me I'm stuck with a family who asked me if I could watch their two kids late on tuesdays and I said yes when I really didnt feel like it specially because one of them is very bad behaved

[countrymom]

thats almost a half hour, why is she getting to your house late. I'm nice too, I totally understand where your coming from.

[Nellie]

Like others said you can change your mind. When I first started I had a new family try to push every one of my important rules. The night before the first payday she call and was wondering if they could pay every 2 weeks when she got paid. I stupidly said yes. When they showed up that morning I told her that I'd let her pay next week for both weeks, but after that she would have to pay every week. Maybe tell her you can keep the child for 1 week until 5:10 then after that say he needs to be picked up by 5 or X amount late fees are charged.

[Blackcat31]

Standing up for yourself is a learned behavior. You can't know how to do it until you actually start doing it.

this is so true. Once you do it however, it becomes easier and easier.

I'm reading your replies, and I know what I should do but I don't understand why I feel like it is so difficult to speak up. I honestly don't know WHY I am so hesitant. I am curious to know why it is about me that is causing me to be this way. I can't figure it out.

Here are a few things to get yourself started on using that backbone:

Any time a parent asks you something (in regards to "special") immediately say, "Let me think it over and I will get back to you". This buys you some time to do the following;

Ask yourself:

• Is the request something I am personally ok with?
• Will it effect my family on a personal level?
• Am I going to do this one time or on a regular basis?
• Am I going to do this for free or for an additional charge?
• What is the worst thing that can happen if I say no?
• Can I live with those possibilities?
• What is in it for me?

I don't mean to imply that we only do things to get things but in an essence if there isn't something given in return such as more respect, building a 'golden family' relationship, the family is great otherwise to you or the kids are good for you, earning extra money etc etc.....then it isn't worth doing......kwim?

It helps if you simply take a step back and list the pros and cons of the situation.

When the request is for something that a parent asks for immediately, I always say "I am sorry I am unable to accommodate you with such short notice." (even if I can) because denying immediate requests helps parents understand that you have a life and obligations outside of child care as well as the fact that things need to be planned in advance in most situations in order for things to run smoothly.

Don't let yourself feel so overwhelmed or pressured. Like you said, you are already recognizing the fact that you need to do things differently (as far as a backbone goes) but change takes time which is why stepping back and thoroughly assessing the situation helps a ton!!!

As far as this situation goes now, I would tell this mom that you were caught off guard and that you will need to give the situation some thought before agreeing to her requests as PP said.