Letting Kids Go...

[WDW]

I am struggling with this today. I have done childcare for about 4 years and in that time, I have let a family go because the kid was super aggressive and there wasn't much in the way of a solution and I also let a family of two go, because the mom was a naughty word and said some very ugly, untrue things about my son in an email to me... cut her loose on the spot.

I have a DCB who is a little over 2. The last year has been very rough with him. He doesn't listen to what I tell him (but he understands) and he is always messing with the other kids. Things like walking up to the baby (13 mo) and ripping her paci out, taking a lovey from another child and just running in circles around them, just to torment them, sitting on other kids, etc. Also things like refusal to stay out of the kitchen even tho he knows better, and absolutely will not (can not?) sit down and play. When we read a story, he is up spinning in circles behind the group, which as you can imagine steals everyone's attention. I have told mom several times what kind of behaviors I'm seeing, and I'm exhausted of it. I want to let him go, but I've known his family for a long time, and I feel like I've let a lot of people go in a short time. I live in a small town, if that makes any difference. I just need some feedback please.

[WDW]

Anyone?

[DCP]

I have ALWAYS thought a few things..One: if the child becomes simply a paycheck it is time for them to go..period!!
Two: if the child is causing major stress to the other children as well as myself...said child must go.

If you have tried to talk to the child's parents about the behavior with no help...then it is clearly time for them to go. But try to discuss the behavior with the parent first. Sometimes having the parents helping at home and in front of you helps the child know..he is not getting away with it.

Letting a child go for any reason is not easy - but having the others kids stressed because of ONE child...is a big reason to let them go if it can not be resolved.

[WDW]

Thanks! I also have an infant coming fairly soon and I know that he is aware when he has my full attention, vs my partial attention. I'm sure that when I'm feeding the baby or have my hands full, that will just increase his behavior. Mom is getting a stern warning at pick up today.... and probably getting termed in a couple of weeks. We've had many conversations, and she tells me she feels bad and doesn't know what to do. A big solution at home is early bedtime, or babysitters. And knowing how hard this has been for me, this kid is still here open to close, every day, no matter what.

[temom]

I am struggling with this today. I have done childcare for about 4 years and in that time, I have let a family go because the kid was super aggressive and there wasn't much in the way of a solution and I also let a family of two go, because the mom was a naughty word and said some very ugly, untrue things about my son in an email to me... cut her loose on the spot.

I have a DCB who is a little over 2. The last year has been very rough with him. He doesn't listen to what I tell him (but he understands) and he is always messing with the other kids. Things like walking up to the baby (13 mo) and ripping her paci out, taking a lovey from another child and just running in circles around them, just to torment them, sitting on other kids, etc. Also things like refusal to stay out of the kitchen even tho he knows better, and absolutely will not (can not?) sit down and play. When we read a story, he is up spinning in circles behind the group, which as you can imagine steals everyone's attention. I have told mom several times what kind of behaviors I'm seeing, and I'm exhausted of it. I want to let him go, but I've known his family for a long time, and I feel like I've let a lot of people go in a short time. I live in a small town, if that makes any difference. I just need some feedback please.

I know what you mean by this, i am in some what a similar situation, but i think if u have spoken to the parents and the child and there has been no change, its time to say bubye.

[DCP]

My assumption is he acts this way at home as well and she just ignores it. Her response should of been to discuss the behavior with him in front of you! With constant reminders for him if need be. Sometimes if consistent behavior continues punishments at home as well!

With a new baby coming - this is surely the last thing you want. I think some parents just hope you stop telling them and in their mind the problem goes away.

[WDW]

My assumption is he acts this way at home as well and she just ignores it. Her response should of been to discuss the behavior with him in front of you! With constant reminders for him if need be. Sometimes if consistent behavior continues punishments at home as well!

With a new baby coming - this is surely the last thing you want. I think some parents just hope you stop telling them and in their mind the problem goes away.

I think you're exactly correct.... her solution is to tell him "be good today" in the mornings. :confused:

[WDW]

I know what you mean by this, i am in some what a similar situation, but i think if u have spoken to the parents and the child and there has been no change, its time to say bubye.

Right because I'm being paid to give a fun/safe/good experience to all the kids in my care, not just him. Not to mention my sanity.

[Blackcat31]

I am struggling with this today. I have done childcare for about 4 years and in that time, I have let a family go because the kid was super aggressive and there wasn't much in the way of a solution and I also let a family of two go, because the mom was a naughty word and said some very ugly, untrue things about my son in an email to me... cut her loose on the spot.

I have a DCB who is a little over 2. The last year has been very rough with him. He doesn't listen to what I tell him (but he understands) and he is always messing with the other kids. Things like walking up to the baby (13 mo) and ripping her paci out, taking a lovey from another child and just running in circles around them, just to torment them, sitting on other kids, etc. Also things like refusal to stay out of the kitchen even tho he knows better, and absolutely will not (can not?) sit down and play. When we read a story, he is up spinning in circles behind the group, which as you can imagine steals everyone's attention. I have told mom several times what kind of behaviors I'm seeing, and I'm exhausted of it. I want to let him go, but I've known his family for a long time, and I feel like I've let a lot of people go in a short time. I live in a small town, if that makes any difference. I just need some feedback please.

Sounds like a normal 2 year old to me. However, it may also be that your environment is just not the correct one for him. Not that that is a bad thing, just that he is not a good fit for what you have going on.

I would let the mom know that you are not able to provide him with the type of environment he needs and that seeking alternate care would be best for the child.

Personally I would never allow one child's needs to come before the needs of the group as a whole and would have no issues letting this family know that my place is not the "right" place for this little guy.

[Christian Mother]

Do we have the same kiddo? Mine is 3 yrs old..I've had him since he was 3 months. He's always been just as you've stated but it got really bad during moms pregnancy and also when she had him. I think when I saw the behavior lesson or corrected it was when the parents took something fun away from him at home as a punishment. I will say that his parents do work with me and with little guy on his behavior. That does help a lot but he still has his days. But I do work with him quiet a bit and I do see that when we take some one on one time away from the others he is much better. I think it's an attention thing with mine. He has to compete with everyone for one on one attention. There are times when dad will pick him up from daycare early for a movie or fun day out and he's great the following day. Maybe express to his mother to have her plan a fun activity just the 2 of them together and see how he does the next day with you. Maybe take 15min or so away from the others when things have slowed down and the others are playing nicely and do something with him just the 2 of you...I like to sit him down and read a book on the couch or on the floor in my lap talking where we can play with blocks or puzzles together. I would not term personally even though all the things you've mentioned he does or have done. I just stay on him on rules. Next yr he'll be in preschool and he needs to master these things before he goes in...I know it's not my responsibility to make sure he is up to pare but I just want to help him meet these goals. Try a sticker chart or sweet treat at the end of the day...that works really well for me two.

[WDW]

Do we have the same kiddo? Mine is 3 yrs old..I've had him since he was 3 months. He's always been just as you've stated but it got really bad during moms pregnancy and also when she had him. I think when I saw the behavior lesson or corrected it was when the parents took something fun away from him at home as a punishment. I will say that his parents do work with me and with little guy on his behavior. That does help a lot but he still has his days. But I do work with him quiet a bit and I do see that when we take some one on one time away from the others he is much better. I think it's an attention thing with mine. He has to compete with everyone for one on one attention. There are times when dad will pick him up from daycare early for a movie or fun day out and he's great the following day. Maybe express to his mother to have her plan a fun activity just the 2 of them together and see how he does the next day with you. Maybe take 15min or so away from the others when things have slowed down and the others are playing nicely and do something with him just the 2 of you...I like to sit him down and read a book on the couch or on the floor in my lap talking where we can play with blocks or puzzles together. I would not term personally even though all the things you've mentioned he does or have done. I just stay on him on rules. Next yr he'll be in preschool and he needs to master these things before he goes in...I know it's not my responsibility to make sure he is up to pare but I just want to help him meet these goals. Try a sticker chart or sweet treat at the end of the day...that works really well for me two.

I am on the fence. He won't start 2 day a week preschool until NEXT fall. And mom is one of those "I'm paying you" types... and honestly, it's been so exhausting for so long, I'm not sure this is the right fit anymore even if he changes.