Out Of Town Guests: How To Handle?

[SunshineMama]

How do you handle hosting out of town guests?

Right now, my MIL and 2 brother in laws are staying at our house for the next few days. (Both bil's are in college, and both are big, huge, guys- but really nice guys).

They are sleeping in the guest room (my daycare nap room) and the playroom right now, and have cars parked outside our house.

The frustrating part is that both of my bil's live in town, but want to stay at our house bc their mom is there. They left and came back over at 9pm last night just to sleep here (rrrugh- in my playroom).

I have no idea how to handle this, because I dont want to offend dh's family, but they are seriously inconveniencing my daycare business. I always put the baby to bed after breakfast when he arrives, but they are in the guest room. I can't take the other kids to the playroom because they are in there too. I had to rearrange the living room furniture back to its original position because they moved it last night to watch TV after I went to bed.

I just dont know how to have my needs met for the daycare and not offend anyone. I dont even know how long they are staying- they have not decided. Could be 2 or 3 more days.

[SunshineMama]

Vent

UGH! So the bil's just went to our basement, turned on some rap music, and starting lifting weights, clanging them all around. AND they left the basement door open!

I have crawling babies all around!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is wrong with these people. I am so mad! THIS IS OUR LIVLIHOOD!

[Sunshine44]

Ok, I don't want to come off as mean, but you need to stand up for yourself. You are WORKING. They have to play by YOUR rules or get out. Tell them nicely they cannot do that, you are working, it isn't safe or acceptable with OTHER PEOPLES kids in your home.

Also, don't they have to be finger printed?

I think it is time for you to stand up for yourself. Why won't your hubby say anything to them? Seriously, people are NOT mind readers, you have to tell them.

[MyAngels]

If you can't do it (since they are dh's family) your hubby needs to speak with them about the realities of your daycare business.

I've had a few overnight guests in the past couple of years, but they are super considerate and make sure that they don't inconvenience me in any way. Most of the time they help out where they can and stay out of my way when they can't .

[SunshineMama]

I told them to go outside and eat breakfast on the patio until drop offs are done. I also said that they absolutely cannot clang weights and listen to rap around the kids, or leave the basement door open. I said they need to have all their stuff out of the nap room before 8am so I could nap the baby. Of course, at 8:15 mil comes in and says, oh did u already put the baby down for a nap. Uhhh... Yeah! My frustration is that I told them (every time they come also) that they need to wait until drop off is over, then they can do whatever thy need to, because I will have the dcks outside all morning, they they will leave for the day. I am just so frustrated and stressed trying to be polite to them while making sure my daycare business is not compromised, and they just don't get it that they need to wait until 9am to start their day. How hard is that? Dh has said things too and they just don't get it.

[Creek]

Honestly, there is no way that I would have them there during your daycare hours. No one is allowed in my home during daycare hours. These people wouldn't come to your place of business and do these things. Your home is your place of business. I would put a stop to that ASAP.

As it is, my in-laws visit some weekends (5 hr drive away) and they have to be gone by 7:15am Monday morning before my daycare kids arrive.

[SunshineMama]

They are gone now for the day. They basically leave during the day and come back after daycare hours, but it is the mornings that I can't get them to understand.

There is no way they will be out of the house by 7am. I have told them that in the past and they get UP at 7am, then mill around, shower, and make all kinds of noise during drop off! But they wont sleep until 9am drop off is over either. I am so annoyed and irritated because DH doesnt seem to think it is a big deal. I was mad this morning and said loudly to him that they cannot leave the basement door open with a crawling baby in the house because if I didnt happen to catch the open door and he fell down the wood stairs onto the cement floor we would be totally liable and screwed, and we could lose everything. He was like, "shhhhh!" I dont care if they heard me- how rude!

At this point it is just blatent disrespect, but they all think I am over-reacting and dont think it is a big deal. DH's family are all reactive people, not proactive. They lack the mental ability to forsee situations ocurring, and are not able to prevent problems. I dont know how to deal with people like that.

[Blackcat31]

I dont know how to deal with people like that.

By speaking up and using clear words that say "You canNOT be here during daycare hours."

There is only one option in this situation, speak up or lose you daycare clients, should they choose to be offended, bothered or unhappy about the situation.

I am sorry and do not mean this in any way to be offensive but seriously, this isn't a hard situation....you run a child care business. You are not a hotel.

If the boys (men....BIL's) really want to spend some time with their mother than why isn't she staying at their houses/apartments and if that isn't possible, why is she not in a hotel where they CAN visit with her?

I would absolutely NOT be allowing these guys to be staying in your home when clearly it is not necessary.

[SunshineMama]

You're absolutely right. The thing I dislike about myself so much is that I worry too much about what other people think. I don't want dh's family to dislike me or come across as rude and mean- especially because they are from a different culture where family is welcome anytime, for as long as they want. Me telling them to get out, in their culture, would be basically making me this horrible, bad, witch of a person.

I need to get over it though, because I have to make sure my kids have an income and I dont allow anything to compromise that.

Sigh- I will talk to dh today and try to resolve this.

I already knew what I should do I guess... I suppose I just needed to hear it from you ladies too.

By speaking up and using clear words that say "You canNOT be here during daycare hours."

There is only one option in this situation, speak up or lose you daycare clients, should they choose to be offended, bothered or unhappy about the situation.

I am sorry and do not mean this in any way to be offensive but seriously, this isn't a hard situation....you run a child care business. You are not a hotel.

If the boys (men....BIL's) really want to spend some time with their mother than why isn't she staying at their houses/apartments and if that isn't possible, why is she not in a hotel where they CAN visit with her?

I would absolutely NOT be allowing these guys to be staying in your home when clearly it is not necessary.

[Blackcat31]

You're absolutely right. The thing I dislike about myself so much is that I worry too much about what other people think. I don't want dh's family to dislike me or come across as rude and mean- especially because they are from a different culture where family is welcome anytime, for as long as they want. Me telling them to get out, in their culture, would be basically making me this horrible, bad, witch of a person.

I need to get over it though, because I have to make sure my kids have an income and I dont allow anything to compromise that.

Sigh- I will talk to dh today and try to resolve this.

I already knew what I should do I guess... I suppose I just needed to hear it from you ladies too.

Sometimes, we all need that push.

Running a business from your home AND trying to deal with family (both immediate and extended) IS hard and often difficult for others to comprehend but hey, look at it this way....unless they want to pay you to close down while they are visiting so these issues are are not present when they are, you really have no choice but to make sure your income (ie food for your children/family bills) is your first priority.

If you approach things from that angle to them, I would think they will understand.

[itlw8]

You speak up... there is NO reason those boys are at your house.

You say this is not working for Me I run a business during the week. You boys sleep at your house.

I will cook dinner for everyone. Then you will leave at a decent hour. You may then come pick your mom up for the day at 9.

Then say to MIL I would really love some nice quiet time without all the men in the mornings. Give her the you know men you raised 3 boys. They just do not think. I am so glad to have another woman to help get the men in line.

[spud912]

Whenever I have family in town, I am up front clear with everyone. I let the family who are staying here know that if they will be sleeping in a daycare related room that they need to be up and their stuff cleared from the room by the time daycare starts. I also let them know that I won't be able to cater to them at all during daycare hours and they are on their own. They can only watch shows appropriate for young children, they have to be quiet during nap time, etc. I also let the dc families know that I will have family staying at my house (at least 2 weeks in advance so they may make other arrangements if they are uncomfortable with it).

[Unregistered]

I used to absolutely HATE when my dh's aunt and uncle came to town ...they always stayed here for at least 2 or 3 days and they were totally disruptive to my routine! They would hang around in the morning and 'chat" with the dsps who were dropping off...alriight in a way I suppose but the uncle was SO nosy and frequently asked inappropriate questions from the parents! GEEZZ!

The aunt was a teacher so of course she ALWAYS assumed that I was doing everything wrong... She would horn right into whatever we were doing and show the kids the "proper" way to do things...very annyoing and frustrating...to me and the kids! LOL!

They'd leave to go visiting but always came roaring in at nap time and would need something from the room where they were sleeping so I'd either have to sneak in to try to get it or end up with a kid who was awake too early...

They'd invite people over and they'd stay up half the night socalizing even though dh and I had to get up early for work...

Long story but they were the most annoying, inconsiderate people I have ever met! The aunt has since passed and the uncle doesn't come here anymore (that God) ...he is mad at us and since dh isn't close to him he hasn't made any effort at reconcilation which is perfect for me because I found him to be a repulsive person who I never wanted around in the first place...

[SunshineMama]

I used to absolutely HATE when my dh's aunt and uncle came to town ...they always stayed here for at least 2 or 3 days and they were totally disruptive to my routine! They would hang around in the morning and 'chat" with the dsps who were dropping off...alriight in a way I suppose but the uncle was SO nosy and frequently asked inappropriate questions from the parents! GEEZZ!

The aunt was a teacher so of course she ALWAYS assumed that I was doing everything wrong... She would horn right into whatever we were doing and show the kids the "proper" way to do things...very annyoing and frustrating...to me and the kids! LOL!

They'd leave to go visiting but always came roaring in at nap time and would need something from the room where they were sleeping so I'd either have to sneak in to try to get it or end up with a kid who was awake too early...

They'd invite people over and they'd stay up half the night socalizing even though dh and I had to get up early for work...

Long story but they were the most annoying, inconsiderate people I have ever met! The aunt has since passed and the uncle doesn't come here anymore (that God) ...he is mad at us and since dh isn't close to him he hasn't made any effort at reconcilation which is perfect for me because I found him to be a repulsive person who I never wanted around in the first place...

Wow I don't feel quite so bad after hearing about your story! That takes the cake!

[SunshineMama]

Do you all tell dcp's in advance when you have guests?

Whenever I have family in town, I am up front clear with everyone. I let the family who are staying here know that if they will be sleeping in a daycare related room that they need to be up and their stuff cleared from the room by the time daycare starts. I also let them know that I won't be able to cater to them at all during daycare hours and they are on their own. They can only watch shows appropriate for young children, they have to be quiet during nap time, etc. I also let the dc families know that I will have family staying at my house (at least 2 weeks in advance so they may make other arrangements if they are uncomfortable with it).

I wonder if I should have mentioned something to the families or not? :confused:

I didn't say anything to them because dh's family leaves for the day after they are ready for the day- it's just the mornings that are annoying.

One mom asked if I had guests and I told her yes, but other than that I didnt mention anything. Should I have?