My Daughter is the Bad Kid at my Daycare

[pigletsmommy]

Help...I'm at a loss.

I finally have a good group of kids that I enjoy being with and everything runs smoothly...except for my own DD. She is almost 19 months old and is turning into the mean kid at daycare.

I dont think this is just her age, because I have another dcg who is the same age (3 days apart) who does not act this way.

She goes up to random kids and takes the toys they are playing with. Even the babies. I have a 10 month dcg here and she just went up and snatched a book out of her hands. If the child doesnt give it up right away, she will smack them on the head. Even saw her pull hair once.

If a child is walking by her and lays their hand on the chair she is sitting at she pushed their hand off of it. If they are sitting infront of her on the floor she will lay down, lift her legs all the way to her head and slam them down on the other child. She does this to me when I change her diaper.

When she is done eating she throws her food on the floor. She is climbing on EVERYTHING. I'm so afraid she is going to get hurt. Dont even get me started about the temper tantrums already. Time outs don't work. She doesnt stay. I've tried sitting next to her, not giving her attention, but repetively putting her back. I just dont see it working. I only spank her when she is a danger to others or herself...but if I keep that up I would spank her all day long (On the diaper, I give her one swat to get her attention).

Is all of this normal? I'm so afraid she is going to really hurt a child here, then I will lose all of them. Honestly, she reminds me of my own brother so much when we were growing up...just doing little mean things to hurt other people. He and I don't get along now. I've been watching children almost all of my life... it almost seemed easier to deal with when they weren't mine. I don't want my kid being the mean or bratty kid in school.

How do I curb this now? She isnt even 2 yet. She has a check up tomorrow...should I mention this to her dr?

[momofboys]

Help...I'm at a loss.

I finally have a good group of kids that I enjoy being with and everything runs smoothly...except for my own DD. She is almost 19 months old and is turning into the mean kid at daycare.

I dont think this is just her age, because I have another dcg who is the same age (3 days apart) who does not act this way.

She goes up to random kids and takes the toys they are playing with. Even the babies. I have a 10 month dcg here and she just went up and snatched a book out of her hands. If the child doesnt give it up right away, she will smack them on the head. Even saw her pull hair once.

If a child is walking by her and lays their hand on the chair she is sitting at she pushed their hand off of it. If they are sitting infront of her on the floor she will lay down, lift her legs all the way to her head and slam them down on the other child. She does this to me when I change her diaper.

When she is done eating she throws her food on the floor. She is climbing on EVERYTHING. I'm so afraid she is going to get hurt. Dont even get me started about the temper tantrums already. Time outs don't work. She doesnt stay. I've tried sitting next to her, not giving her attention, but repetively putting her back. I just dont see it working. I only spank her when she is a danger to others or herself...but if I keep that up I would spank her all day long (On the diaper, I give her one swat to get her attention).

Is all of this normal? I'm so afraid she is going to really hurt a child here, then I will lose all of them. Honestly, she reminds me of my own brother so much when we were growing up...just doing little mean things to hurt other people. He and I don't get along now. I've been watching children almost all of my life... it almost seemed easier to deal with when they weren't mine. I don't want my kid being the mean or bratty kid in school.

How do I curb this now? She isnt even 2 yet. She has a check up tomorrow...should I mention this to her dr?

We went through this with my 2 1/2 year old DS. I think the child probably just wants extra attention from mom & dad. It's hard seeing mom help the other kids & give them the attention they want also. Try to make a habit of including your child & praising her for the good behavior while continuing to reprimand the bad. I know it's hard but it will pass. You just need to be extra diligent to make sure nothing bad happens.

[dice401]

My DD is similar to this as well. She is 13 months. I really do think its something the kids learn having to grow up with a daycare at home. Since they already know that Mom's attention is spread between all the children, that if she acts up more, she is going to get more attention from you. Like Janarae said, be extra diligent and I'm sure it'll pass

*All this being said, while one of my dcb is trying to 'toss' my dd hair with plastic salad turners

[QualiTcare]

make it 2 swats sans diaper.

[mamajennleigh]

I almost came on here early this morning to post this exact same issue ! My little man is going to be 2 in a few days, and in the past week his entire personality has done a 180 - he has all of a sudden become very aggressive with the dck's and since everyone here is between 12 and 36 months, you can imagine it doesn't go over too well.

Having 3 teenagers, I am sure I have dealt with this before, I just can't really remember what I did about it. Right now, I'm with QualiTcare - swats sans diaper is the only thing that really gets his attention.

[Unregistered]

I think all of us go threw this at one point or another. My oldest never did it but I only watched one other child at the time. My 2nd a boy was the meanest he would scratch, pull hair, bite the other daycare kids he was very aggressive and mean and threw aweful tantrums my daycare parents where very understanding about it as they knew he was punished for the crimes we did end up finding out when he was 5 that he is serve ADHD and we still struggle with anger and agression but no biting, hiting, and scratching other kids anymore. My 3rd a girl who is 2 now will be mean sometimes to the 1 year old she will tell him no, take toys from him, she even pushed him over once but I punish her everytime I first give a warning then if she does it again she goes to time out and I set the timer for 2 minutes and she knows she cant get up till it goes off I do also spank if she hurts someone or does something careless like climbing on tables, counters, etc. Hang in there and just be strict with her and she will get it I also recommend the timer for time outs it works great you can get one at the dollar store.

[MsKara]

I would also use a pack-n-play for time out. That way she is around everyone but she has to sit there and she can't get out. My daughter is almost two and went through the same thing. I think it's because they feel it is THEIR home and THEIR toys. I also think kids act up more for their own parents. She is getting better after 3-4 months of doing daycare. I'm just consistent and I highly recommend putting her in a pack-n-play. She is safe in there, you can keep an eye on her, without giving her the attention she wants.

[mamajennleigh]

I would have to second the fact that kids definitely act up more for their own parents. I have two dck's that hit their mother in the face, pull her hair, and whine and cry and hit each other trying to get up in her lap, but they would not/have not EVER do that to me. I think it's the "what if?" factor that keeps them from doing it to their caregivers .

I do believe it is a matter of being somewhat territorial for most kids. These are THEIR toys, and it is THEIR house, and you are THEIR mom! I think it's a matter of "showing" the other kids that she is the alpha child, so to speak. I do agree that consistency is the key. I called my mom, who told me that when my older boys were little I did the whole put them in the pack n play thing and I just kept doing it untl it sank in that the behavior was not going to be tolerated.

[pigletsmommy]

Thanks everyone. I will pullout an extra pack n play and use that. I get frustrated when putting her in time ou because i have stand right there with her.

I do try to make sure I give her exta attention, but it isnt always easy. My husband work 24 hr shifts so he only works 2-3 days a week. Any time he is home he takes her with him to go do his errands. Just so that she is not stuck here all day long, and gets some extra daddy time.

I can see that you guys are right...its territorial. Altho I have started seperating her things from DC things...she still sees it all as hers.

I just feel so bad, my 10 mo old dcg got Karate chopped for pulling herself up on an Elmo tool table. Its a fav of all the kids

Oh and I use our microwave timer for the time outs. I give DD a minute and half.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

You are not the only one! I wasn't doing daycare when my youngest girl was that age (she's 4 1/2 now), but she sure has been a difficult one...hitting, pushing, pulling hair...and was very busy at that age.

She has a lot more self control now, but it has been quite the ride..just last year when she was 3 was the worst...she went through the "I hate you's" (once in a while still says it now)..."you're stupid"..."shut up". And spent about 90% of her day whining because she couldn't get her own way.

I already have one daughter that has ADHD so I know from her experience that consistancy is a must with these more difficult children. If you tell them no one time and let it slide the next, the behavior won't get better....and believe me, I know what it is like to give in just to avoid the whole tantrum fight.

I was very persistant with my youngest at that age, I did not want to go through what I went through with my oldest who has ADHD. Bad behavior got her a short time out in the play pen...and it was certainly exhausting because the negative behavior happened over and over and over all day long.

She still can be difficult and I always think how much easier daycare would be if she was in school all day, which she will be next year.

I feel for you! I have been there and done that and it has been a LONG few years with her, but slowly getting better.

[Francine]

My daughter was the same way, she was wonderful at 2 but one night close to her 3rd birthday I put my angel to bed and the devil child woke up in the morning. Nothing we did made much of a difference in her behavior, it just took time......a long time! Every year she got a little bit easier to deal with, she is now almost 16 and can still be a handful but she has a wonderful personality, she is always happy and very social. Oh, she has the normal 16 year old drama, attitude etc. but that girl can make us laugh! Even when we would love to throddle her, she will do something and we just can't help ourselves. Her favorite saying is " Mom, is was just an accident"

Kaity, why isn't your room clean....." Oh Mom, it was just an accident"

Kaity, did you just put all of your dishes in the sink and not the dishwasher....." it was just an accident, gosh"

Sometimes we could just wring her neck but we gotta love her!

[mac60]

Good old fashioned discipline should do the trick, and not 1 1/2 min in time out. That is nothing to a child.

[pigletsmommy]

She's 18 months old... her attention span is almost nothing now, as it is.

How long should time outs be at this age?

[TGT09]

She's 18 months old... her attention span is almost nothing now, as it is.

How long should time outs be at this age?

I do about a minute and a half with my 18 month old. Anything longer than this and they forget why their there.

[Greenshadow]

Im so glad to read this! My son will be 3 in August and seems to be so mean at times with the other kids. When they pick up a toy, he takes it from them. Sometimes when he knows Im walking out of the room for a second, he will wait until I leave and snatch a toy out of someone's hand. He does alot of snatching toys away from the other kids. Everything is "Mine!" to him. I have separated his toys but sometimes his toys end up with the daycare toys and I have to remind him if he doesnt want to share to take his and put them away. Im just glad to hear that Im not the only one with a disobedient child. I do time-outs for him and it seems to work, mostly.