Input Regarding Difficult DCF...

[Angelwings36]

A little history...

I had a family start with me in the beginning of March 2012, so they have been here for 2 months now. Dcb was 10 months when he started with me and Dcg was 4 years. For March and April the family was part time (Wednesday - Friday). Their schedule starting in May will be Monday - Friday 7:30am - 4:00pm. Dcg only comes every second week as she is one week on with her mom and one week on with her dad.

So far I have had the following issues:

1) Dcb has a nasty bought of diarreah in March with no other symptoms. When I approached Dcm about it she said she thought it may have been because she just made the switch to homogenized milk. We had a discussion about trying her son on goats milk to see if the diarreah disappeared. Dcm agreed that it was a great idea but never made the attempt to try it. I made the MISTAKE of taking her word for it instead of sending her with her son to see the doctor and within days I ended up with the same thing as her son had with the same symptom for 5 days.

2) Dcm texted me in April at 10:00pm to inform me that he son had a fever and she wasn't sure if he would be attending daycare the next day. She said she would let me know how he was doing. My phone was already off for the night so I didn't get the text until the next morning. When I did I had to remind her that children need to be fever free before they can attend daycare, she came off kinda shocked as if she wasn't aware of this policy. MY ILLNESS POLICY IS 3 PAGES LONG!

3) When dcm returned with her son after the fever incident she made a comment that she couldn't afford to be taking time off work all the time when he was sick, that she may lose her job. The only comment I made back was it may be a good idea to find back up care. The following week she took Thursday and Friday off so they could go out of town for a holiday.

4) Dcd showed up late to pick up dcb twice since they have been here. The first time he was suppose to pick him up at 12:00pm for an appointment. I have in my contract that I do not accept pick ups and drop offs between 12:00pm - 3:00pm. I would never deny a family their child but I would term if this policy was not respected. At 12:30pm (30 mins after dcd was suppose to pick up dcb) I texted dcm to find out what was going on and she ended up picking up dcb. Turns out that dcd had no intentions of coming until 1:30pm and no intentions of informing me of this either. Then Dcd shows up at 4:10pm to pick up his son on Friday two weeks ago. Their contracted hours with me are from 7:30am - 4:00pm. Dcb was the last one in my care that day so I had him dressed with his bag in my hand ready to go. When dcd came my dad was in the kitchen chatting with me. I quickly handed dcb over to the dcd who looked totally stunned as to why his son was ready to go and why I had handed him over so quickly. I reminded him that their contracted hours with me were 7:30am - 4:00pm and that he was late. His response was, "Shutup (sarcasm), I thought you were open until 4:30pm on Fridays?" Um ya I am but not to you! That's why you have contracted hours duh! I did tell dcm that I would be attaching a $15.00 late fee to their May payment with me.

5) When dcm came to drop off dcb and dcg the following Wednesday she informed me that she didn't think she could trust dcd to be on time to pick up the children and that she was thinking about extending her contracted hours to 4:30pm. This caused me a bit of grief because the children really do not need to be here until 4:30pm and my last pick up on Mondays is at 4:00pm and sometimes on Friday I am done by 4:00pm as well. Dcm told me she would let me know what was going on. If she needs a change to her contracted hours they would start next Monday, it's Thursday dcb will not be with me today and I have not heard heads or tails as to what is going on.

6) Dcb came yesterday. In the morning when dcm dropped off dcb she commented that he didn't really eat much for breakfast but shrugged it off on the fact that he was too busy playing. I didn't think much of it at that time but later discovered that he had a goose bump like rash all over his entire body. I texted dcm and told her that her son had a rash all over his body and that she needed to pick him up immediately and take him to the doctor. She did show up within 20 minutes. About 2 hours later I texted dcm to find out what was going on. She told me dcb doctor was out of the office for the day but her assistant said that the rash was nothing to worry about and the doctor would call dcm the next day to confirm this. To me this is a bull face lie! Since when does a doctor make a diagnosis without even seeing the child? I insisted at that point that dcm get a written doctors note before she could return him to my care. She responded with yes I will TALK to his doctor tomorrow and let you know what is going on.

At this point I don't know what to do. At some point you just get sick of putting your foot down all the time with the same family especially numerous times in such a short time frame. I don't have any problems with any of my other current families like this and I like to keep my stress levels low.

Please input would be greatly appreciated.

[Angelwings36]

No one? :confused:

[Christian Mother]

Don't admit him back in care what so ever with out a Doctors note releasing. Him...i think you already have that stated in your phb so it won't be a surprised or maybe it will when you stop them at the door.

I think that if she does decide to extend the extra 1/2 hr charge her for it. Do you have anything in your phb for fees attached to schedule changes? I would charge $5 extra each day. That would be $25 extra for the week. "Sure, I can accommodate a schedule change however, I do charge $5 extra a day for that change".

[Blackcat31]

My honest opinion? You have two options:

• Put in the work (and it WILL be a lot) to teach this parent how to follow your rules and policies and accept the headache and stress that comes along with having to do the work of "training" (for lack of a better word) the parent to be a golden family or
  
• Term and let it go, as this family may require a lot of hard work and a tough backbone before they will ever see the light and see things from your perspective.

One option will take a ton of work but if it is successful, you will ahve a golden family. The other option is kind of an easy button, IMHO.

Daycare is a tough job but it definitely isn't all love and caring for the kids. It has a business side that can eat you up and spti you out if you aren't on top of things. So choose your battles and do what needs to be done with either option that you choose. You know what option I would choose, but being tough is easy for me so I can't tell you which one is the right choice for you....as only you know that answer.

Either way, good luck and if you need any help with either choice, let me know. Always glad to help!

[daycare]

keep doing what you are doing...ENFORCE, communicate, repeat!

Does the mom and dad share cost in the daycare?

I would sit with the mom and tell her what you are telling us. Express to her your concerns. Let her know that on Friday, you are not open until 4:30.

Communication is key in every relationship and this is the only advice that I can really offer you with this situation.

I have been a single parent dealing with this same situation and trust me every day I was a bit short of a nervous break down trying to get two kids out the door every morning and then fight the California, LA traffic and get to work on time. I always felt like I was a step behind the rest of the world and at that time my ex-husband was not as helpful as he is now.

Good Luck to you!!

[Ariana]

My initial reacton is why is she telling YOU what to do and how the hours will change? I think you need to start taking charge of the situation and let her know that if hours are going to be changed it is to your discretion since you've already agreed upon a certain time for pickup.

She is clearly being very disrespectful of your illness policies. I would not let him back into daycare unless he was accompnaied by a DR's note and the rash was gone. Assistants are well aware they cannot make a diagnosis so I suspect B.S. on her part as well. I would resend the illness policy and highlight various areas where they are not complying. I would tell them that this is part of the signed contract and they don't seem to be in understanding of some of the policies, then offer yourself to "gladly" go over the policies so they're more clear. Let them know that full compliance is needed otherwise immediate termination will take place. Do not elaborate anymore than this. Be assertive and direct and keep emotion out of it. No apologies etc. Tell it like it is!!

You are not THEIR employee!! You are providing a service within a limited context of rules and regulations to which they agreed to. They need to follow those rules or service will be terminated. Some parents view the caregiver relationship as an employee/employer type relationship and it's not.

[wdmmom]

Have you considered asking the family to meet with you.

I would have a copy of your handbook/contract with you and identify that over the course of 2 months, they have violated how many ever policies.

I would tell them that they are being placed on a 30 day probation period and if they can't follow the rules, they will be terminated. And, remind them of your cancellation policy in the event they choose to leave before those 30 days are up.

[Mrs. CC]

If this is all one family, I don't know why you have kept them. They do not respect you, your profession or your time.

I would term and I wouldn't look back.

[MarinaVanessa]

For the Diarreah: If you have a policy about sending a child home if they have more than X amount of incidents of them per day then enforce it. Every time that the child qualifies to be sent home then send him home. This will do one of two things ... a) they'll take the initiative to really figure out what's wrong with him and then try to prevent it or b) they'll find another child care provider. Either way you won't have that issue anymore eventually.

As for the rest of the illness policy: Just keep doing what you're doing and keep enforcing your policy. Keep turning them away if they are sick and stick to your guns. If I had a conversation with a parent like the one you had through text that ended with "yes I will TALK to his doctor tomorrow and let you know what is going on" I would have responded with "Ok great. I just wanted to make sure you understood that ____ can't come back to daycare without a NOTE from the DOCTOR telling me what ___ has and that it's not contageous." then I'd leave it at that. No matter what you want to make sure that the parent has no room so say that they didn't understand what you meant.

As far as changing their time from 4pm-4:30pm: If you charge a flat weekly rate to them and their schedule change doesn't impact their weekly fee then there really isn't anything that can keep you from denying them the change. That is unless of course you change your hours from 4:30pm - 4pm which you can deffinetely do. If you charge them based on the number of hours that they attend then just ask DCM today if she has any news about whether or not they need their schedule of hours changed. Really this is just an opening for you to be able to bring up that if they decide to change their hours that a new contract with the new hours will need to be signed and before that you will want to discuss the new rate change.

I personally charge for full hours whether they use the full hour or not. For example if one of my hourly (drop-in) familiesneeds me Monday through Friday 8am-4:30pm they get charged each day as if they were here until 5pm. So instead of charging them for 42 1/2 hours per week (the actual hours that they are scheduled for) I would charge them for 45 hours.

Also I would stick to their current contract until a new one is signed so even if she has verbally told you that she "might" change her hours it's not concrete until she signs a new one with the changes. If they continue to be late and they still havn't signed a new contract then continue to add their late fees. PS: I personally require that all penalty fees be paid immediately otherwise their childcare is suspended, I don't add it to their next invoice and "no pay, no stay" includes penalty fees too.


I know that it's difficult and irritating to have to keep repeating your policies to families and I know that there are a lot of parents that choose to push the envelope however I also believe that not everyone is like that. The the way that I see it is that we know our policies because they are OUR policies. We wrote them so of course we know them. Families however don't know them all even if they really do read them. It's a lot to remember especially for those of use that have multi-page policies and contracts. Is it the parent's responsibility to read and familiarize themselves with them ... of course, but sometimes you have to keep reminding them KWIM.

Personally I wouldn't term over this sort of thing ... yet. They are obviously testing their boundaries and you have to teach them where those lie. If they had a previous child care provider then more than likely that provider was more lax with her policies. If you are their first child care provider well then there's your answer ... they just don't know what to expect. I would however term them if they refused to pay any late fees. I suppose I am more lenient in the sense that I won't term if a family keeps bringing a sick child to my door ... I just keep turning him away. The same goes for any of my policies too. They can try to budge me all they want but chances are for situations like this that I'm not going to make exceptions.

[Angelwings36]

Good morning ******,

***** is doing good today, the doctor called this morning and said that his "rash" is nothing but a case of baby acne. So it's not contagious or anything. However, as ****** doctor confirmed the assistants diagnostic and didn't actually see him I can't give you a signed note until tomorrow afternoon. I know you said ***** cannot return to daycare without the note but I'd really like to have him go tomorrow. As he will be starting full time on Monday I would love to have him at daycare for more than a day to make the transition easier on Monday.

As for the kids starting full time, ***** and I talked about it and we are going to try the pickup at 4. I'm hoping that if the 4 o'clock pickup doesn't work for us then we will be able to change our hours when we know what will work best for us.

I feel that I need to apologize, this is both ***** and mine first time with daycare and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm not sure if I'm giving you a hard time dealing with late pickups, changing hours and this rash. I'm doing my best trying to keep everyone happy while I start back at work and I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I don't know, I guess I'm looking for your insight into how our first month or so of daycare is going? How do you feel about the fit between us?

Thanks *******!
****

The last 2 paragraphs of this letter is great but seriously do you think this mom thought I was going to buy the first paragraph?

[MarinaVanessa]

Yep see, ameteurs . She just really doesn't get how DC works. In referance to the first paragraph I'd explain that unless you yourself have an official guarantee from the Dr. and have the actual Dr. take a look at the child then you can't accept him or you might be exposing the other kids to a communicable disease.

You can also ask her for her Dr.'s number and offer to talk to him yourself and see if you can call her bluff. Chances are that if she doesn't know that a nurse can't make a diagnosis or that Dr. won't make one without seeing a patient then she won't know that a Dr doesn't give out patient information over the phone to just anybody

[Ariana]

Good morning ******,

***** is doing good today, the doctor called this morning and said that his "rash" is nothing but a case of baby acne. So it's not contagious or anything. However, as ****** doctor confirmed the assistants diagnostic and didn't actually see him I can't give you a signed note until tomorrow afternoon. I know you said ***** cannot return to daycare without the note but I'd really like to have him go tomorrow. As he will be starting full time on Monday I would love to have him at daycare for more than a day to make the transition easier on Monday.

As for the kids starting full time, ***** and I talked about it and we are going to try the pickup at 4. I'm hoping that if the 4 o'clock pickup doesn't work for us then we will be able to change our hours when we know what will work best for us.

I feel that I need to apologize, this is both ***** and mine first time with daycare and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm not sure if I'm giving you a hard time dealing with late pickups, changing hours and this rash. I'm doing my best trying to keep everyone happy while I start back at work and I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I don't know, I guess I'm looking for your insight into how our first month or so of daycare is going? How do you feel about the fit between us?

Thanks *******!
****

The last 2 paragraphs of this letter is great but seriously do you think this mom thought I was going to buy the first paragraph?

I would ask for the name and number for the DR so you can call him/her yourself. Let her know that you've never known a DR to make this type of unseen diagnosis and you'd like to speak wit them. A DR making a diagnosis without seeing someone is likely reportable to some medical association. This will call her bluff if she's lying. If she's lying I would term on the spot. If she's not lying I would report the DR!

I would also remind her that YOUR HANDBOOK provides all the information she needs to know if she wants this to be a "good fit".

[Angelwings36]

So I read up on baby acne and it's a condition that newborns - 6 months old can get. Mom either lied to me totally or her doctor doesn't know much of anything.

[Christian Mother]

As for the kids starting full time, ***** and I talked about it and we are going to try the pickup at 4. I'm hoping that if the 4 o'clock pickup doesn't work for us then we will be able to change our hours when we know what will work best for us.

I feel that I need to apologize, this is both ***** and mine first time with daycare and I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm not sure if I'm giving you a hard time dealing with late pickups, changing hours and this rash. I'm doing my best trying to keep everyone happy while I start back at work and I am feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I don't know, I guess I'm looking for your insight into how our first month or so of daycare is going? How do you feel about the fit between us?

Thanks *******!
****

The last 2 paragraphs of this letter is great but seriously do you think this mom thought I was going to buy the first paragraph? [/QUOTE]

I agree..last sentence really good. This where you take it from there and hold on to your policies. I always call at this point bc it's hard to communicate over text or emails. I like to be personable best...I would just tell her that your policy is set in place to protect all. You must have a Doctors not releasing her back into your care. Not even a nurse or assistant trumps a Doctor. Doesn't matter if that Doctor states that he agrees with the nurse or what have you. I would either ask to speak to the doctor or ask the parent to give authorization to talk in regards to the child. I have that with one of my daycare families. We share the same doctor but I still need parents authorization to discuss particulars with him. Also make sure he faxes or scans/emails you that release for your records.
Then after discussing then discuss how daycare is ran and how normal this is. I don't hold back if a parent questions my policies..I feel like for them they have the right to question but I have the right to defend them. I also tell the parents to think about viewing other daycare to compare. I know that sounds kind of weird to think that that might not be a good thing..But I am not worried bc I believe in my daycare/my self...I now that I'm worth it..so I don't feel weird telling the parents to try seeing what others are doing. None have taken me up on it. But now they are kind of forced to and they are finding it really hard.....