Suggestion please!

[Country Kids]

I have a child that for several months now is just being aggressive and I'm finally at a loss. History-a couple older siblings but the brother does football, basketball, wrestling, etc. Sports which is fine, we do them in my family. I think though the child sees all this and can't seperate not doing them from childcare. Just thinks that they can do what they see happening at the sports events. Child is just 3 and not a big talker but when they do its very loud. More like yelling.

I've tried talking to parents, writing quiet extensive notes home, time outs, missing activities, etc. They are a great family but its getting hard. Most of the time its "Well they see older boys doing this so....."

What would you tell the parents. I'm thinking when the child goes to school whats going happen when they see all those kids at school doing things!

[Country Kids]

Just bumping back up.

[Breezy]

I would bet they all rough house together at home too and that is why he doesn't understand that he can't do that there. Not sure what to suggest to tell the parents because I am sure they think its harmless!

[Christian Mother]

I agree with Breezy...what does the parents say about how they handle such behavior? I'm curious to see how they handle the behavior.

At daycare just be a stickler on your rules and continue to take away activities and do time out. Follow through ever time..Pretty soon he will realize it's no fun being in trouble all day long. Sometimes a couple days of continually taking things away and being reminded of how we act indoors or outdoors will eventually start to improve. I give a couple warnings...then when I hear the slightest improvement I compliment on it and then I notice him talking softly just after I comment on it.

[Country Kids]

Oh, I have done everything for quiete awhile now and nothing seems to work-thats the problem. Yesterday, was put in time out for being mean,got out and walked right over and hit two kids!

I will ask the parent what they do. Put it back in their court! Thanks for that-I don't know why I never thought of that. Thats why I love this forum!

[WImom]

I talk to all the kids here about what we can do at home and what we can do at school and how there are different rules at different places. It seems to work with most of mine, maybe would work in your situation? Maybe mom and dad doing the same?

[Country Kids]

We do and I know mom/dad do because they tell me how they are constently telling child to be nice, etc. Children are taught gentle hands, be nice, etc.

It just seems this child is aggressive and can't stop. I thought it would be better outside as we had lots of issues inside with free playtime. Nope, just has bad if not worse. I'm afraid it will get to the point the others won't want to play with him!

[Christian Mother]

I agree about putting it back on the parents.

I think the key thing here is getting the parents to get more involved in the behavior. I know you said that the parents are great and you've done your best informing them...but the behavior isn't changing and that is what concerns me. What are the parents doing about what is happening at daycare as well as at home. Is there any repercussions from bad behavior at daycare. Are there things being taken away at home bc of his bad behavior at daycare..etc. How are the parents working with you on it is what I really mean. I'll be honest...if the parents know there are issues and not following through or helping you change the behavior I'd give them 30 days and if there hasn't been any improvement then term. No one wants to term. But if the parents aren't making it a priority to get involved and help with this then your beating a dead horse so to speak..kwim?

[My3cents]

I agree about putting it back on the parents.

I think the key thing here is getting the parents to get more involved in the behavior. I know you said that the parents are great and you've done your best informing them...but the behavior isn't changing and that is what concerns me. What are the parents doing about what is happening at daycare as well as at home. Is there any repercussions from bad behavior at daycare. Are there things being taken away at home bc of his bad behavior at daycare..etc. How are the parents working with you on it is what I really mean. I'll be honest...if the parents know there are issues and not following through or helping you change the behavior I'd give them 30 days and if there hasn't been any improvement then term. No one wants to term. But if the parents aren't making it a priority to get involved and help with this then your beating a dead horse so to speak..kwim?

I think your heart is in a good place here but I don't agree....and here is why

I think behavior should be dealt with when it happens at daycare. When the child get's home, they don't understand why something is being taken away for something they did hours ago at daycare at that age. The only way I see the parents being of help is asking them to limit this ruff housing behavior at home but that is pushing it. They want siblings to play together "bond" and the boundaries at home are not the same as at daycare. I think you have to nip what is acceptable at care in the bud at care. It's not easy to do at all.

[Country Kids]

I have to say I don't know if this child would remember what happened here by the time they got home.

This child is one that I feel has to be retrained every day about the rules at daycare and they have been here close to two years.

[Christian Mother]

I think your heart is in a good place here but I don't agree....and here is why

I think behavior should be dealt with when it happens at daycare. When the child get's home, they don't understand why something is being taken away for something they did hours ago at daycare at that age. The only way I see the parents being of help is asking them to limit this ruff housing behavior at home but that is pushing it. They want siblings to play together "bond" and the boundaries at home are not the same as at daycare. I think you have to nip what is acceptable at care in the bud at care. It's not easy to do at all.

I understand what your saying..and I too believe that it first needs to be dealt with in daycare. If the behavior isn't getting better and you want to work as best as you can and not term. You need outside help...the parents. Sometimes getting parents involved and having them step in and start facilitating action on the bad behavior makes a big diff. at least that is what I've noticed pertaining to my dck's. For me, I tell the parents at the start that I am really stricked. I believe that parents need to be fully participates in their childs days here...just as if a teacher was asking for the parents to participate in school. I start them early. As a parent who had her son in daycare I always wanted to know how my child behaved and I was very on top of it on curbing that behavior. I guess I just believe it's part of my responsibility to work along side who ever is caring for my child. So when I interview I let the parents know that I except this of them and I only pick families that will comply. I am lucky that I do have really smart 3 yr olds. They can recall back to their parents that they did have a time out and why they where in time out. The parents take time to discuss it before they leave and they always ask their child to say that their sorry for the behavior which I must say I really like although don't ask for that in return. I am not sure if the children really do feel sorry but the courage to come up and give me a huge and say so means a LOT to me. Giving me the change to give them a hug in return...

Seeing them even trying to correct the behavior is huge here!! I just get tears when I see something we've talked about and they start participating in with each other or on their own...I understand that you might not think that the children understand at the day why they where in trouble but for me I haven't seen it be a issue. And it works for me. Just wanted to give a reason why I would say what I said.