Am I Wrong?

[Unregistered]

I have a very destructive 3year old in my care. He has broken a toy organizer, doors and knobs off the wooden kitchen, poked holes in 3 new pack in plays making them unusable and broke his new cot. I have replaced everything but have let his mom know about the issues. Yesterday I told her she would have to pay the 30 dollars to replace the cot and I couldn't buy 5th bed in the course of 6 months for the same child.

She was livid telling me she doesn't have the money to replace beds and when she took a break being mad at me she laid into the 3 year old. She asked him what happens when he jumps on bed at home, his reply was a butt whoopin, she followed that with what happens when you jump on beds here, he got really worried and looked at me with tears and said a butt whoopin. I had to remind him we don't hit at my house. I was not happy mom was implying he would get hurt here for that.

She left very very angry and both me and kiddo. How would you handle the situation? Was I wrong to ask her to purchase a bed for him?

[Blackcat31]

I do NOT mean this rudely or harshly, but if you were aware that he is destructive, how did he go unsupervised long enough to destroy a cot? If I knew he pulled and ripped and tore things, he would be under my constant watch and shadowing me all day, everyday until I knew it was ok to safely allow him to play without my eyes on him at all times. kwim?

I have had things like that happen before and have a clause in my contract concerning this topic. I have even gone so far as to bill a parent for the cost of repairs, but in my case it was a 9 yr old child who FULLY knew better.

I guess I would have been angry too and may possibly have billed the parent, but I can't say for sure. I do know though that I would have taken at least partial responsibility as this child is only 3 and IME, shouldn't be left to have the opportunity to be so destructive since he is young and he has already had destructive tendancies already.

After the repeated acts of destruction he has already exhibited, I think I might have termed long before it got this bad. Especially if I felt the parents were not supportive in trying to hinder this type of behavior.

I am very sorry this has happened to you and I do hope the mom steps up and pays for the replacement of the cot as I do think it is the right thing for her to do.

If you are unable to find some sort of resolution for this child's behavior I would consider terming him. I think the fact that he gets his "butt whooped" at home speaks volumes about how different his home life is compared to the discipline measures you take at your house are.

[Country Kids]

I have no words of advice but to term.

The one thing I do have to say though is I have found this true, time and time again. Most of my hardest children at childcare are spanked at home. I personally think the reason they are like this at childcare is because they know that we can't spank them and whoopdedo if they have to go to time out.

This week I had one spanked by a parent right at pickup. They were being very disrespectful to me then the parent so the parent popped them on the bottom. Child straightened right up because they thought they were going to get a time out from me but the parent took over (it was pick up) and disciplined the parents way.

[Unregistered]

He isn't unsupervised. He broke the new cot I got him by jumping on it. I sit in the same room with the while they nap. My infants are normally held and fed and played with at that time because they have already napped. I have the regalo My Cots and each child has their own. He waits until you are doing something like changing a baby or bottle feeding to act up. Simply telling him to lay down and not jump on the cot doesn't help. He continues until you stop what you are doing and physically lay him back down. It is frustrating.

As far as the other post goes, I have thought about terming. I have never had to do that before and I am not looking forward to it.

[cheerfuldom]

I dont think you did anything wrong in requiring the parent to pay for the replacement item (assuming that is outlined in your contract) HOWEVER I wouldnt expect that to change the kids behavior. He sounds out of control and anyone destroying that many things would have been asked to leave, permanently.

[Blackcat31]

He isn't unsupervised. He broke the new cot I got him by jumping on it. I sit in the same room with the while they nap. My infants are normally held and fed and played with at that time because they have already napped. I have the regalo My Cots and each child has their own. He waits until you are doing something like changing a baby or bottle feeding to act up. Simply telling him to lay down and not jump on the cot doesn't help. He continues until you stop what you are doing and physically lay him back down. It is frustrating.

As far as the other post goes, I have thought about terming. I have never had to do that before and I am not looking forward to it.

Please don't think I was implying that you weren't supervising him...I just am not aware of what your set up is like. Since you are in direct site of him, he is obviously sneaky enough to be doing this stuff right in front of you and smart enough to wait until he thinks you are not looking. THAT kind of behavior would NOT be tolerated here.

Breaking and destroying things does come with the territory...to a point, but to deliberately do what he is doing would get him termed here if his parents were not on board with curbing the behavior in other ways besides spanking him.

I think that if he isnt going to stop and you aren't able to stop him either, even with direct supervision, he may simply just not be a good fit for your program.

Have you tried maybe only giving him soft, non-destructible toys to play with and having him "earn" back the right to play with other things? Does time-out work at all with him? Is he remorseful about what he breaks or does he not really care? Is he on par with other developmental milestones such as speech and comprehension?