Sometimes I **** At Making Decisions...

**Blackcat31** · 04-18-2012, 08:15 AM

Family #1: You should OFFER to refund the money to the mother ONLY if she cannot make your early closing times. I say at least give her the opportunity to decide if she can or not. She may have family or someone else willing to pickup according to you closing times.
I think you are correct to NOT do anything extra beyond what times you close. If she can accommodate and still wants the spot then yah! If not, then on to the next family...

Family #2: YOU set the rules and policies. Tell them that you will NOT rock him to sleep (if you aren't able or willing...FWIW~ I wouldn't do it either) and they will need to make sure he is fully trnasistioned to self soothing and falling asleep without being rocked BEFORE August start date. Same goes with the walking him. he needs to be daycare trained before coming...they have plenty of time.

As far as the going outside thing...why can't they bring him outside when he is home with them? That request always makes me laugh.....what exactly do parents do with their kids if we are doing it all?

These are just my opinions and thoughts.

**Angelwings36** · 04-18-2012, 08:35 AM

Blackcat...

Do you think you would sign on family #2 even given the red flags and the extra 30 minutes on Monday?

**Blackcat31** · 04-18-2012, 08:41 AM

Originally posted by Angelwings36

Blackcat...

Do you think you would sign on family #2 even given the red flags and the extra 30 minutes on Monday?

I wouldn't do the extra 30 minutes. I would tell the family what MY hours are and let them figure it out. If they can't do it, then they aren't a good fit. If they can, then win-win for you both.

As far as red flags...those are all issues I would discuss ahead of time with them so they know what I am and am not willing to do.

Anytime I see red flags, I don't always shy away but rather take the opportunity to talk with the family so they are fully aware of what I will and won't do. I let them decide if they can meet my rules/policies and if they can't then, they aren't a good fit.

When I see red flags, it just makes it easier to know that these issues have been discussed which in my experience is a lot better then to find out AFTER you have enrolled that they expect "special"...kwim? This way you have an opportunity to correct before enrollment.

Preventative is much better than recovery.

**CheekyChick** · 04-18-2012, 09:29 AM

I would cancel care for family #1 and refund the entire amount she's paid in holding fees and deposit, as it is your choice to not care for this child.

I wouldn't take family #2 as they seem to be asking for things you are unwilling to do (i.e. rock baby to sleep, take child out when it's too cold, etc.) If they start out unhappy, it will probably only get worse.

**Crazy8** · 04-18-2012, 09:38 AM

I think your answer is right in your post..... You said "I do still have 3 months to fill the August space and I know if I'm patient I can find a family that is the perfect fit for both my daycare, my personality and the hours I'm open". I ABSOLUTELY believe this is what you should do.

I'd tell family #2 no - that's an easy one. Family #1 is harder because they've been paying to hold this spot - to them that is insurance that you will take them on in August. But unfortunately things do change and I would call ASAP and let them know. Sure you can give them the option to do the 7:30-4:30 but if mom was already saying she would be late to your initial closing time of 5:15 chances of her being willing to do 4:30 are pretty slim. But you never know. That is one I would really apologize for and of course refund all money paid.

I hate holding spots for people for this reason, I try not to hold anything more than a few weeks! When I have pregnant people looking for daycare I will meet with them once but then I tell them to contact me again after the baby is born.

**wdmmom** · 04-18-2012, 09:47 AM

Originally posted by CheekyChick

I would cancel care for family #1 and refund the entire amount she's paid in holding fees and deposit, as it is your choice to not care for this child.

I wouldn't take family #2 as they seem to be asking for things you are unwilling to do (i.e. rock baby to sleep, take child out when it's too cold, etc.) If they start out unhappy, it will probably only get worse.

I agree with Cheeky.

Talk to family 1 and if the new hours aren't something that they can accommodate, refund all of the money paid.

Given family 2 already knows what you will and won't do and still wants to sign on is a good sign, however, it could be bad if dcm has the idea that you are going to do what she wants you to do. If family 2 is ok with your rules, than I'd sign them on with the understanding that you are giving them a 3 week trial period to see if dcb can transition well.

If they aren't on board with your rules, find a new family.

**Angelwings36** · 04-19-2012, 06:44 AM

UPDATE...

Family #1 - Emailed me this morning and informed me that she could pick up by 4:30pm on Mondays and Fridays but can not make it until 5:15pm (or later) Tuesday - Thursday. I do not want to budge on my new closing time. I told dcm that I couldn't close any later than 5:00pm Tuesday - Thursday. I am waiting for her response back.

BUT now it's a TIME thing...

Family #2 - Text me twice last night and phoned once this morning to inform me that they want the space. I am feeling VERY pressured to answer them as my phone has been going off like crazy. I texted her and told her that I am in the middle of drop offs and am super busy and that I would email her when I had a moment with more information. (WHAT??? information I will email her with I'M NOT SURE!?!?)

I don't know what to do...

**Blackcat31** · 04-19-2012, 06:50 AM

If the first family canNOT make the closing times you want I would not take them. You are not needing to have this space filled immediatley so I wouldn't bend now. I would text her though and tell her you need her FINAL answer about being able to make the closing time by 5 P.M. tonight as you have someone else interested in the spot.

As far as family #2, tell them you are waiting on another family who interviewed before them and you will have an answer for them after 5 P.M. tonight.

If the family truley wants your spot, they will find a way to meet the requirements you have about closing times and such. Also like I said before, I would definitely address the concerns you have with the child's behavior BEFORE enrolling so the parents know full well what you expect from them.

That is what I would do. Hope that helps.

**saved4always** · 04-19-2012, 07:37 AM

I would not take that family. I would be patient and wait for a better fit. The mother already doesn not agree with your policies on outside play and rocking to sleep. I suspect she would have more "issues" with how you do things if you sign them.

As for the first family, if she is not going to be able to do your hours, I would not keep them, either. My hours were the big thing I did not compromise on because longer hours made me cranky.

It sounds like you have not had trouble in the past finding families that fit your hours so I would not compromise on that.

**Blackcat31** · 04-19-2012, 07:47 AM

Originally posted by saved4always

I would not take that family. I would be patient and wait for a better fit. The mother already doesn not agree with your policies on outside play and rocking to sleep. I suspect she would have more "issues" with how you do things if you sign them.

As for the first family, if she is not going to be able to do your hours, I would not keep them, either. My hours were the big thing I did not compromise on because longer hours made me cranky.

It sounds like you have not had trouble in the past finding families that fit your hours so I would not compromise on that.

I don't think it is a case of the mom NOT agreeing with the policies but more that she doesn't necessarily understand how child care in a group setting works. There is nothing wrong with asking about taking the kids outside as the provider can explain to her how it works and then if the mom doesn't agree, then I would say she is not agreeing. Asking about it and stating how she feels in my opinion is not disagreeing.

As far as the self-soothing and rocking to sleep thing, again I think the parent is simply just not understanding that itis impossible for providers to rock all the kids to sleep as we only have two arms and multiple children at one time. In my opinion, simply another issue to address and correct for the parent so they understand how things work at daycares.

They aren't looking for care until August so they too have plenty of time to get on board with what OP needs to have done. (teching child to self sooth and go to sleep without rocking) and they can also take the time and bring him outside themselves if the provider cannot.

Like I said before, red flags are opportunities to talk some more and find a way to be flexible and understanding and also a great way to lay down the foundation and ground rules for new families. I have had a ton of parents try ot "tell" me how they want things to be done, only to find that after a bit of explaination and further discussion with me end up seeing things from my perspective and enrolling and then staying on as some of the best families I have ever had.

I think good communication sets the stage from the very beginning. The hours though are somehting I NEVER compromise on.

**saved4always** · 04-19-2012, 08:05 AM

Originally posted by Blackcat31

I don't think it is a case of the mom NOT agreeing with the policies but more that she doesn't necessarily understand how child care in a group setting works. There is nothing wrong with asking about taking the kids outside as the provider can explain to her how it works and then if the mom doesn't agree, then I would say she is not agreeing. Asking about it and stating how she feels in my opinion is not disagreeing.

As far as the self-soothing and rocking to sleep thing, again I think the parent is simply just not understanding that itis impossible for providers to rock all the kids to sleep as we only have two arms and multiple children at one time. In my opinion, simply another issue to address and correct for the parent so they understand how things work at daycares.

They aren't looking for care until August so they too have plenty of time to get on board with what OP needs to have done. (teching child to self sooth and go to sleep without rocking) and they can also take the time and bring him outside themselves if the provider cannot.

Like I said before, red flags are opportunities to talk some more and find a way to be flexible and understanding and also a great way to lay down the foundation and ground rules for new families. I have had a ton of parents try ot "tell" me how they want things to be done, only to find that after a bit of explaination and further discussion with me end up seeing things from my perspective and enrolling and then staying on as some of the best families I have ever had.

I think good communication sets the stage from the very beginning. The hours though are somehting I NEVER compromise on.

You are right, Blackcat. Those things can be figured out over the summer, especially if the mom seems receptive to letting the little one self sooth. I think I have been tainted by one dcm who was going to "tell" me how I was going to do something and there was no way on earth she was going to see it from my perspective no matter what. It was a dealbreaker. I saw her kids on someones else's fb page this week so I am having flashbacks of thier family and it is coloring my opinions badly this week.

So, Angel, please ignore my hasty response on the policies part.

The hours for sure would be my biggest thing. That is not something I would want to give in on. My time off is precious to me and I never want to give up a second of it.

**Angelwings36** · 04-19-2012, 08:11 AM

Ok I drafted this letter for family #2 please let me know what you think. Also I did make the mistake of telling family #2 that I don't expect them to have their child "sleep trained" by the time he starts care with me but also told them I would not rock children to sleep. STUPID ON MY PART...I know! One contradicts the other, I do not know what I was thinking when I made that response.

Hey ********,

I wanted to take a couple of minutes and touch base with you. For the most part I am not usually available for business outside of my open and closed hours, I do reserve this time for my family and try very hard to keep business related activities within my business hours (with the exception of scheduled interviews). I am also not always able to answer my phone every time it rings inside of my business hours due to drop offs, picks ups, feedings, diapering, being in the middle of an activity with the children, etc... and this is why I suggest that families try to text verses call as it’s much easier to send a 10 second text then take a phone call. My first priority is always to the children in my care. I will always answer any texts, emails or missed phone calls as soon as I have an available moment to do so, so you never have to worry that I didn’t receive your lines of communication.

**I put this in the email because mom texted me twice and then called again at 7:30am and left me a voicemail to make sure I had got her texts and phone calls ::

With that being said the family that is suppose to be leaving me just informed me yesterday that there is a small chance that they might still need the space after all. She wasn’t 100% positive yesterday as to what was going on but told me she would let me know one way or another by 5:00pm today. So, I will not be able to give you an answer as to whether I can accommodate your family or not until after 5:00pm tonight.

Also, I just found out last night that I am going to have to change my closing time on Mondays from 5:00pm to 4:30pm due to unforeseen circumstances. I’m not sure if this would work for your family or not?

**I put this part in my email because in my contract my hours are still:

Monday - Thursday 7:30am - 5:00pm
Friday 7:30am - 4:30pm

I forgot to change my open and close hours in my contract before interviewing this time and I don't want to stay open until 5:00pm for this family.

I also have a few concerns I wanted to address:

1) During our interview you had asked me if I expected you to have your son “sleep trained” (able to self soothe to sleep) by the time he starts my care. Although I said I do not expect you to do this as I am capable of transitioning children into nap time at my daycare I do want to make sure that you to realize that I am not able to rock your little one to sleep. Because I run a group childcare I am not able to do the one on one activities such as cradling children to sleep as you would be able to do as a parent at home. There is only one of me and I have to be available to everyone of the children at all times, rocking a child to sleep limits this availability. With that being said, my nap time procedures are to read the children a book as a group, change all children in diapers and tuck the little guys into their playpen for naps and the big ones into their quiet time spots, the rest is up to the children. So, although I do not make it a requirement for parents to make sure their children can self soothe to sleep it would be a great advantage for your son if he was able to do this prior to starting.

2) During our interview you had expressed a concern to me about a previous daycare that you had interviewed. Your concern was that the lady informed you that she would not take the children outside in the winter if the temperature was below -10C, regardless of your request for her to do so. As per my contract:

In the winter months we will only go outside if the weather is -10C or warmer.

There are several reasons why I don’t take the children out in the winter when it is -10C or colder. The main reason being is that it can take upwards of 30 plus minutes to dress all the children properly to get outside and when it’s cooler than -10C the children don’t last long outside before they want to go back in, it then takes upwards of 30 plus minutes to undress all the children again. So we spend about an hour of time getting dressed and undressed for maybe 10-15 minutes of outdoor play.

Although we are outside as much as possible when it is warm, we are never outside when the temperature is below -10C. With that being said, families always have the opportunity to take their children outside in the evenings and weekends if they would like them to experience more outdoor play in the winter.

3) When you were here for your interview on Tuesday I noticed that when your son was cranky you would walk with him. Although I think it’s great that you are able to do this, this is a request that providers offering group child care would not be able to meet. This kinda falls hand in hand with rocking to sleep. Children who are going to be in daycare really do need to know how to self soothe and play independently without an adult at times. Although I do many activities with the children and I do hold the children from time to time this is not something that I can do on demand. Again it would be a great advantage for your son to learn these skills prior to starting group care. We spoke about transitioning children into care. Each child transitions in differently then other children as each child has their own unique personality. In my experience a child who is very dependent on an adult to entertain them for most of the day is the child who takes the longest to transition into childcare simply because there is only one provider and several children who’s needs need to be met and a provider can not be holding and entertaining one single child all day long. The only way this need could be met is if a family were to hire a nanny for direct one on one care.

If you could please take the time to get back to me about the 4:30pm closing time on Monday and the 3 concerns that I have touched in this email earlier today I would greatly appreciate that.

I will be in touch with you.

Thanks.

**Blackcat31** · 04-19-2012, 08:19 AM

Originally posted by saved4always

You are right, Blackcat. Those things can be figured out over the summer, especially if the mom seems receptive to letting the little one self sooth. I think I have been tainted by one dcm who was going to "tell" me how I was going to do something and there was no way on earth she was going to see it from my perspective no matter what. It was a dealbreaker. I saw her kids on someones else's fb page this week so I am having flashbacks of thier family and it is coloring my opinions badly this week.

So, Angel, please ignore my hasty response on the policies part.

The hours for sure would be my biggest thing. That is not something I would want to give in on. My time off is precious to me and I never want to give up a second of it.

It's all good!

It definitely only takes one bad seed to taint our thoughs and opinions. LOL!! I have been there myself many times. It is actually something I am working hard to not do lately.

So I completely understand.

I guess my thoughts were just that it is one thing to try and work things out in the beginning rather than trying to repair things later or to simply pass on what could be a golden family once they are "trained" by us...LOL!!:

:

**daycare** · 04-19-2012, 08:21 AM

I would be calling family 1 back and see if they can work with the new hours, if not, refund all money.

#2. I would just communicate back that you still have several interviews to do and you will be making your choice by XYZ date. Then thank them for their time and patience while you make this decision.

If family 1 does not work out, I would keep looking on.

Sometimes I **** At Making Decisions...

Sometimes I **** At Making Decisions...

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment