I Will Talk To DCM About Whatever I Want

[familyschoolcare]

I E-mailed DCD about summer school, DCD is out of town and is no longer with DCM. I got the following response back.


"Hi *****, i have discussed the summer school arrangements with DCM and have decided that DCB will be attending both sessions for summer school.

If you have any questions or concerns, please discuss them with me primarily.

DCM had mentioned she had been in discussions with you regarding this. In order to keep a communication loop simple please discuss with me and then i can talk to DCM about it.


Thank you."

I wrote back with some follow up questions and also, siad I was confussed about why I was not to talk to DCM about DCB summer school does she not have the same information.

Any way is it just me are is this a strange requeast. My first reaction was DCD does not get to tell me what to talk to DCM about.

[littlemisssunshine]

wow controlling much? what a creep trying to control you too. LOL crazy dad!

[familyschoolcare]

So DCD jusr e-mailed me back answered my questions and had this to say

As for communication with DCM, its not that I have a particular problem with it. I am not against you communicating with her at all. The reason I had asked is mainly to minimize any confusion about DCB's daycare situation between her and myself. This has nothing to do with you personally. I would just like to maintain a direct relationship between you and I without the possibility of complicating my relationship with you through DCM.


The thing that is funny is that I tried to talk to DCD about the situation before he whent out of town. I guess I did not try hard enougph I almost never see DCD so I asked his girlfriend who DCD has given me permission to talk to as a parent and she new nothing and on several days asked her to have DCD call me.

[frugalmama4]

Hott Mess ::

I would send them both the same questions/concerns via email...that way it's no confusion on either part.

Some people

[MNMum]

I would send both DCM and DCD same info/email. And I would talk to whichever one is doing the picking up/dropping off. However, I would not talk to girlfriend about anything important. That info should only be between actual parents.

[Kaddidle Care]

The thing that is funny is that I tried to talk to DCD about the situation before he whent out of town. I guess I did not try hard enougph I almost never see DCD so I asked his girlfriend who DCD has given me permission to talk to as a parent and she new nothing and on several days asked her to have DCD call me.

Hmmm - he likes to keep his women dumb, barefoot and in the kitchen. (and yeah, probably pregnant) ::

Until DC Mom concurs with this notion I would CC her any information that pertains to her child. Lack of communication is probably what ruined their marriage in the first place. If she tells you IN WRITING that this is what she wants, then so be it.

[Soupyszoo]

I would talk to both (whoever picks up or drops off), then I would send an email to both or to the one you didn't talk to, cc'ing the other with the information that you discussed with the other parent. This way both can see YOU are communicating and have nothing to hide from either (and it lets dcd know he doesnt get to control you). I would also not communicate too entirely with the girlfriend. As a mom I would be uncomfortable with the new girlfriend having a say in my kids life just yet

[SunshineMama]

wow controlling much? what a creep trying to control you too. LOL crazy dad!

[Blackcat31]

Who has primary custody? Is it shared jointly?

I would be speaking to whom ever had primary custody. If it is both of them, I would send out two of everything. One for each.

[Countrygal]

It is not strange at all if you are a controlling person. This is exactly how they operate.

I was going to ask exactly what Blackcat did. WHo has primary custody? It is primarily their responsibility and I would deal with them and them only. If the other one is paying for half or some such thing, then perhaps you would need to keep communication open with both, but it is a bad situation for you to be in. Do both parents bring the child most of the time? By your post it sounds like it is primarily the dcm that brings the boy, which would imply she has primary custody.

And like Blackcat said, if you must deal with both, do everything in triplicate (dcm,dcd, you). If you have a convo with one, type up a summary and send to both. This is to CYA. A controlling person will go to any length to control the person they want to control and they have no care of who they must step on to get there!

[familyschoolcare]

Thank you for all the info. Having been in a controlling realationship I need to make sure I was not being overly senative. So to answer some of the questions that have come up.

I have and will continue to talk to both parties about everything. I do not have an E-mail for DCM so I can not CC her howerver one thing I have done in the past is type up a letter give it to whome ever picks up (I make sure it is a mom day) and then send a copt to day via E-mail saying this whent out with the gardien that picked up today.

I do not know who has "primary" custody have never seen court papers they have split 50/50 time with the child Mon, Tues. with dad and Wed, Thurs with mom every other week end with each parent and weekend encludes friday.

I end up talking to DCM more then DCD because I see DCD about once a month so talking to him in person is not possible, despite having permissin to talk to girlfriend I am carefull what I do tell her. Besides girlfreind never knows anything.

[Blackcat31]

Thank you for all the info. Having been in a controlling realationship I need to make sure I was not being overly senative. So to answer some of the questions that have come up.

I have and will continue to talk to both parties about everything. I do not have an E-mail for DCM so I can not CC her howerver one thing I have done in the past is type up a letter give it to whome ever picks up (I make sure it is a mom day) and then send a copt to day via E-mail saying this whent out with the gardien that picked up today.

I do not know who has "primary" custody have never seen court papers they have split 50/50 time with the child Mon, Tues. with dad and Wed, Thurs with mom every other week end with each parent and weekend encludes friday.

I end up talking to DCM more then DCD because I see DCD about once a month so talking to him in person is not possible, despite having permissin to talk to girlfriend I am carefull what I do tell her. Besides girlfreind never knows anything.

I think you are handling it right then. Give copies to everyone and unless dad hands you papers saying he is actually the one in charge then too bad for him.

Everyone gets notified and talked to.

I am still going to assume he was just trying to make life easier for you (and not go the controlling route) but I would assure dad that you have it all under control and if there is ever an issue, you will be sure to let him know......right after you let mom know

[familyschoolcare]

I think you are handling it right then. Give copies to everyone and unless dad hands you papers saying he is actually the one in charge then too bad for him.

Everyone gets notified and talked to.

I am still going to assume he was just trying to make life easier for you (and not go the controlling route) but I would assure dad that you have it all under control and if there is ever an issue, you will be sure to let him know......right after you let mom know

No, I think it is him trying to be controlling. He has told me in the past please do not discuss with DCM what happens at your house on my days it is none of her bussiness. I told him if she ask I will tell her as DCB is her son, and if you ask I will tell you as DCB is your son. This came up after I told mom that the "bug bite like marks" (remember that) did not happen at my house.

However, I will let DCD think that I think he is trying to make my life easier because then I do not have to confront him and turn it into a big deal. The thing I find funny is DCD is asking me to comunicate primarily with him but will not comunicate with me untell I get DCM envovled. This is not the first time that DCD did not give me an answer untell after I asked DCM if she knew anything.

[Blackcat31]

You are probably spot on then about the control issue.

I would continue to notify BOTH parents, and even the girlfriend until legal court documents tell you to do otherwise.

If necessary, you can always tell the dad that licensing rules/regs state you MUST communicate with BOTH parents unless they have legal documents.

[familyschoolcare]

You are probably spot on then about the control issue.

I would continue to notify BOTH parents, and even the girlfriend until legal court documents tell you to do otherwise.

If necessary, you can always tell the dad that licensing rules/regs state you MUST communicate with BOTH parents unless they have legal documents.

I already did tell the DCD this he was clearly not happy as I had to tell it to him three times before he stopped trying to find a "lophole"