Own Kids VS Daycare Kids That Are Same Age

[Unregistered]

How to you avoid parent's thinking you are playing favorites? My children are nearly identical in age to the children that have recently interviewed with me. They are younger children. The mother was worried that because they are so close in age it will be more of a competition than friendship and my kids developmental needs will take precedence over hers so her kids won't get the right amount of attention.

My kids have always had the same rules as the daycare kids, in some ways I feel like I expect more out of them than the daycare kids.

It got me thinking about this subject and I was wondering how if anyone else deals with this and how you discuss it with parents.

[jojosmommy]

I don't discuss this issue with parents. I'm human. Of course my kids get some perks of having to share their house and mom with others everyday. They also give up a ton because of daycare. Anyone who makes this a big deal is over worried and not in the right place.

[frugalmama4]

Ok look please forgive me for this but really and I mean really tell them to

your (well you can fill it in from here) ::::::

What will this mom do when her kid is older and she has another one? Family Child Care is no different from a normally home setting (the reason why people chose family style over center). I have four kids of my own and there or things my 11yr old can do that my 8 and 5 yr old can not...

I'm finding that as a MOM and childcare provider your family gives up so much as it is...if anyone thinks I'm gonna stop talking/helping/playing with my own child because little Johnny's jealously bone just kicked in...well let's just say little Johnny will have a said face every day.

Now don't take this the wrong why I love all my dck's...but I love mine own MORE!


This mom needs a nanny...not a daycare home or center..better yet tell her to stay home with her kids. Man I'm mean...oh well growing a back bone...MY FAMILY FIRST ALWAYS!

Good Night much love lovethis

[Unregistered]

I've never had this question before, which is why I was wondering how other's deal with it in the moment. I totally agree with your responses, I said no thanks and recommended she get a nanny. It not only came out sounding like she thought her children should be above all other children but like I would be mistreating hers if I paid any attention at all to my own children.

[DaisyMamma]

I've never had that question before and I don't know what I would say, but I think that space might be filled when they call back to enroll

[Sunshine44]

I probably wouldn't pick a family that had that as a worry. None of my families have ever had an issue with this and our children are the same ages. I think that if they are already worried/making problems (like this one) that it will only get worse. Any thing they see you do will be taken wrong, they will probably want special or always feel you are giving special treatment.

[SunshineMama]

I don't discuss this issue with parents. I'm human. Of course my kids get some perks of having to share their house and mom with others everyday. They also give up a ton because of daycare. Anyone who makes this a big deal is over worried and not in the right place.

My kids always come first. I am their mother, and I am responsible for their development first and foremost. I will never sacrafice an opportunity to help my child learn and excel for the sake of someone else's child. Ever. If you want that kind of service, then stay home and start your own business and raise your own kids. No mother who has made the sacrafice to stay home with their own kids is going to put someone else's kids before their own. If you find a provider who says they will, they are probably lying.

That being said, all of my daycare kids get regular hugs, love, and praise. I teach them all valuable lessons, and do the best I can to be their support system and meet all of their individual needs. My daycare kids don't lack for anything. I genuinely care for them, and I show it. But my kids will always come first. I brought them into this world, and it's my job to make sure they succeed in life.

[cheerfuldom]

My kids ARE my favorites, I'm not going to lie about that. But I do have the same rules as far as routine and behavior with all the kids so to me it is a none issue. If a parent can't trust me on that, they need to go to a provider that they do trust, end of story.

[Blackcat31]

Seriously? You guys would not pick a family who had this worry?! Wow! Because based on the answers some of you gave, they should worry. I mean of course, your children are going to be your priority but as a parent leaving my child with you and your children, I have a right to wonder if my child is going to be treated as less than favorite.

I am NOT implying that any of you treat your dck's as second class but you yourself are saying that they have to give up so much for daycare and that of course they are your children and will always come first. What about those statments would make a daycare family feel comforted or sure that they are leaving their child in the right place?

This IS a subject and/or topic that absolutely should be discussed! I want my families to know that I live my children and will do what is right by them but when my children are at daycare they are daycare children just like everyone else. They get the same treatment, and in my case, I actually was a lot tougher on my kids because I knew they had been raised ot know better or to know what was right and wrong.

I was probably harder on my own kids and expected much more from them than any daycare kid so I know NONE of my dcf's ever had to worry that my kids were going to ever get "special" while theirs did not.

I am just saying this is a subject that absolutely should be discussed!
I would want to know that if your child and my child get into an scuffle, is your child always going to be sided with?
is you child's needs always going to be put before mine?
is my child going to have to wait for a hug because your is comforted first?
is my child going to get blamed for things because you know your child and doubt they would ever do something like that so it would have to be my child's fault?

This subject ABSOLUTELY should be discussed with parents if they have concerns. I don't think it should be avoided and I definitely don't think we should be chatising parents for asking or wanting to know.....seems to me it would be a common worry and all providers who have young children should be prepared to answer these concerns honestly and objectively.

If you were in the questioning parent's shoes....wouldn't you be concerned and wonder too?

[MsMe]

I am going to mostly stay out of this one (bc I don't have kids of my own) but I agree with Blackcat that it is at least a valid questions for a DCP to ask.

[JenNJ]

Seriously? You guys would not pick a family who had this worry?! Wow! Because based on the answers some of you gave, they should worry. I mean of course, your children are going to be your priority but as a parent leaving my child with you and your children, I have a right to wonder if my child is going to be treated as less than favorite.

I am NOT implying that any of you treat your dck's as second class but you yourself are saying that they have to give up so much for daycare and that of course they are your children and will always come first. What about those statments would make a daycare family feel comforted or sure that they are leaving their child in the right place?

This IS a subject and/or topic that absolutely should be discussed! I want my families to know that I live my children and will do what is right by them but when my children are at daycare they are daycare children just like everyone else. They get the same treatment, and in my case, I actually was a lot tougher on my kids because I knew they had been raised ot know better or to know what was right and wrong.

I was probably harder on my own kids and expected much more from them than any daycare kid so I know NONE of my dcf's ever had to worry that my kids were going to ever get "special" while theirs did not.

I am just saying this is a subject that absolutely should be discussed!
I would want to know that if your child and my child get into an scuffle, is your child always going to be sided with?
is you child's needs always going to be put before mine?
is my child going to have to wait for a hug because your is comforted first?
is my child going to get blamed for things because you know your child and doubt they would ever do something like that so it would have to be my child's fault?

This subject ABSOLUTELY should be discussed with parents if they have concerns. I don't think it should be avoided and I definitely don't think we should be chatising parents for asking or wanting to know.....seems to me it would be a common worry and all providers who have young children should be prepared to answer these concerns honestly and objectively.

If you were in the questioning parent's shoes....wouldn't you be concerned and wonder too?

I agree 100%.

My kids get some perks that I cannot give to the daycare kids. They are allowed outside without me out there with them. I cannot do that with the dcks because of liability issues. They are allowed into the bedrooms to play alone -- again dcks cannot because of liability/supervision. But I don't get my kids ice cream and have the dcks watch them eat it or anything like that. And I side with whoever is right in a scuffle -- my child or theirs.

[cheerfuldom]

Seriously? You guys would not pick a family who had this worry?! Wow! Because based on the answers some of you gave, they should worry. I mean of course, your children are going to be your priority but as a parent leaving my child with you and your children, I have a right to wonder if my child is going to be treated as less than favorite.

I am NOT implying that any of you treat your dck's as second class but you yourself are saying that they have to give up so much for daycare and that of course they are your children and will always come first. What about those statments would make a daycare family feel comforted or sure that they are leaving their child in the right place?

This IS a subject and/or topic that absolutely should be discussed! I want my families to know that I live my children and will do what is right by them but when my children are at daycare they are daycare children just like everyone else. They get the same treatment, and in my case, I actually was a lot tougher on my kids because I knew they had been raised ot know better or to know what was right and wrong.

I was probably harder on my own kids and expected much more from them than any daycare kid so I know NONE of my dcf's ever had to worry that my kids were going to ever get "special" while theirs did not.

I am just saying this is a subject that absolutely should be discussed!
I would want to know that if your child and my child get into an scuffle, is your child always going to be sided with?
is you child's needs always going to be put before mine?
is my child going to have to wait for a hug because your is comforted first?
is my child going to get blamed for things because you know your child and doubt they would ever do something like that so it would have to be my child's fault?

This subject ABSOLUTELY should be discussed with parents if they have concerns. I don't think it should be avoided and I definitely don't think we should be chatising parents for asking or wanting to know.....seems to me it would be a common worry and all providers who have young children should be prepared to answer these concerns honestly and objectively.

If you were in the questioning parent's shoes....wouldn't you be concerned and wonder too?

I get what you are saying. I do smooth things over with the parents but there is only so much I can do if a parent will not let this topic go (and I have had an interview like that). I am not going to promise something that I cant do or apologize for loving my own kids and being their mom. Of course I dont treat my daycare kids like second class citizens but I am not going to pretend to treat my own kids like second class citizens just to make a parent feel good. they either can trust that I will treat their kids fairly or they can't.

[Soupyszoo]

As a parent, if I was looking for a daycare... It would break my heart to think that my child might be treated less lovingly because they were a dck.

I don't think it's an unfair question for a parent to ask. Maybe a question that can't really be answered honestly. Most of you are saying that your family comes first, I agree. I always try to treat all the kids fairly, but let's be honest, if a dck hits or hurts my child I get a little more angry... Isn't that just human nature?!

I'm a mother and I'm protective! However I've always considered myself protective of all the kids when they're with me, just mine a little more.

Tough question I don't know if I wouldn't sign a family for this reason though. Seems like a valid concern.

Same reason why when looking for care I never called the ads that advertised "SAHM LOOKING TO MAKE SOME EXTRA CASH!" that to me says I just want our money!!

[Country Kids]

One the parents are worried about competition instead of friendships. That is a red flag to me. Why would you worry about that. In any situation where there are children this could happen. Childcare center, preschool, school, and if with teachers there are favorites!

What is going to happen if something does happen to their child (hurt wise) it was the providers child, the other child was at fault, but the parents want to blame the daycare providers child. What a mess that would be!

I totally understand where the parents are coming from because I had a child in childcare at one time. Seriously, I would have never thought about that. My first worries would have been safety, good food, playtime, amongst other things.

In the end I would be worried that this becoming a "special" parent.

[Ariana]

Kids are coming to me AWAY from their parents and it is the parents choice to do that. I treat them with dignity and respect (and give them cuddles when they need it) but I am NOT their mother or their 2nd mother. It will never happen and I will gladly tell any parent this at an interview. My child is my #1 priority. If there is competition and my kid is having problem adjusting to your kid then your kid will have to go. If the parent doesn't like that idea and want me to treat my child as a 2nd or an equal to their child then perhaps they should stay home and open a daycare. It's just not how I do things. I give my own child hugs and cuddles more freely and she's the only one allowed to call me "mommy". I also use terms of endearments for her that I don't use with the others. She's doesn't get special treats or special rules to follow. I suppose I tend to her as a mommy would, not as a daycare provider would. It sounds like this mom wants to work outside the home, not be with her child and have you be the 2nd mommy and cater to her as she "would". It's just not realistic.

I think people are misunderstanding that treating your own as number one means treating the others as less. Just this morning I had to discipline my own child for grabbing toys from another. I expect my child to follow simple social rules like the others but I'm not their mom. I also attended a caregiver workshop where it insists that you need to give your child special attention and make sure they know you're still their mom eventhough you take care of others. It's essential for their wellbeing and for them to adjust well to sharing their mom. It's a fine balance and it can be stressful.