Provider's Who are Moms Also...

[SunshineMama]

How do you find the time to give your own children "your best?" My kids are 4 and 1, and I feel like, since I "do kids" all day, I am just spent at the end of the day. I feel like the chores are never done. I think to myself, "I will spend time with dd1 reading a book... as soon as I finish these dishes... then the laundry, then make dinner, then etc etc." I could be doing stuff forever!

I get a lot of chores done during the day, but there is always more.

I feel like I am giving my kids 80% all the time, instead of taking a break, coming back refreshed, able to give 100%. I am always running on empty, and I am a very healthy, in shape person.

An assistant is not an option. Dropping daycare kids is not an option.

How do you do it? I try to sneak as many hugs and kisses in that I can. DH is always working, and he works late so I have to do most of this on my own.

[jojosmommy]

Accept defeat! LOL, .

I don't think any mom can give their kids all of what they (the mom not the kids) want all the time. I am always striving to do more, read more, give more snuggles etc but I realize there simply is no chance anyone will ever be perfect.

I figure my kids don't notice a dirty floor, but they do love an extra book at bedtime. Priorities.

[Breezy]

I had a huge issue with this recently. I dont really have an answer as I began neglecting chores that I need to do in the evening so I can have family time. And by the time family time is over and DS is in bed, despite telling myself I will finish chores I just go to bed.

I do as much as I can as I go and during naptime. The main rooms are usually taken care of but my bathrooms and master bedroom need some serious attention and deep cleaning. In fact I just told myself a bit ago that I am going to get everything done today that I have been neglecting. I dont know if it will happen but the things I dont do keep me up at night thinking about them.

Im sorry I wasnt more help!

On the Today Show today they were talking about what a stay at home mom is worth in 2012 and it was lile $113,000 a year though.

[blueclouds29]

i'm 8 months pregnant watching my 3 year old dd plus 4 other kids. I can't get on the floor anymore, its just too uncomfortable. My dd is always asking me to play with her.. ughhhh on the floor? I just can't do it, my heart breaks everytime. BUT I have HER help me! She loves when i bring the laundry up to fold it. She gets to be the BIG helper. Also since i can't sit on the floor reading at bedtime is HARD, so we read in mommy's (and Daddy's ) bed! She loves it! Now i don't have to UGhh after every book, i'm nice and comfy.
Sometimes you just have to change things or give up things and they LOVE that!!!
I know these might not help specially if your not preggo like me, but i tried

[lil angels]

I don't think there is a mom out there that wishes she could give more, do more, be more ect. You are probably doing just fine you are home and making thing work. There is only so much you can do. If you are feeling guilty mark a special time on the calendar for mommy days or pick out a certain 10 minutes in the evening that you sit only read or play with the kids. Close your eyes to everything else for those 10 or 15 minutes there is always going to be more that can be done.

I will often have the kids help me with things so they are close and we can chat but still be getting my work done and I am also teaching them the importance of getting the job done.

This is such a hard fine line I think for all of us with kids and daycare. Just think you could be dropping them off for 10 hrs a day and then you could be headed home to still do all of the chores. It's life do as best as you can and don't feel guilty.

[SunshineMama]

Accept defeat! LOL, .

I figure my kids don't notice a dirty floor, but they do love an extra book at bedtime. Priorities.

Good point. I am a bit of a cleaning machine when it comes to the shared household areas. Now my bathroom and bedroom.... just embarassing !

[AmyLeigh]

I don't think there is a mom out there that wishes she could give more, do more, be more ect. You are probably doing just fine you are home and making thing work. There is only so much you can do. If you are feeling guilty mark a special time on the calendar for mommy days or pick out a certain 10 minutes in the evening that you sit only read or play with the kids. Close your eyes to everything else for those 10 or 15 minutes there is always going to be more that can be done.

I will often have the kids help me with things so they are close and we can chat but still be getting my work done and I am also teaching them the importance of getting the job done.

This is such a hard fine line I think for all of us with kids and daycare. Just think you could be dropping them off for 10 hrs a day and then you could be headed home to still do all of the chores. It's life do as best as you can and don't feel guilty.

Exactly what goes through my mind.

We all have limitations and have to do what we can within them. Believe me, if I did everything I want to do, I would never sleep!

[AnythingsPossible]

For me, doing daycare so I could stay home with my kids was a good answer while they were young. I felt like I played with them and gave them individual attention during the day. My struggle has come as they have gotten older. They don't want to hand out with daycare when they are home(sometimes, but not frequently.) As the years have gone by, and I have gotten less enthusiastic about my days, I find I ignore everyone in the morning as I prep myself mentally for the day ahead. My middle pointed it out to me the other day, and I need to work hard to change that. She asked me why I say hardly two words to them in the morning, and when the first kid walks in I'm all smiles and "good mornings!!" didn't even realize I was doing it.
There is no easy solution. I'm sure if we worked out of the home, we would have guilt about things related to that as well. Unless you can be a SAHM, I think guilt and work go hand in hand.

[kathiemarie]

This is from a mom of three kids (21, 19 and 13). Let go of the guilt! Honestly your littles are NOT going to remember if you read them a book every night or played with them every minute of the day and it is OK. They will know they are loved. Even stay at home moms can't focus our thier kids 24/7. I know, I was one when my first 2 were little. I feel was a much better (fun) mom for my 3rd and I know it was because of DC. If you focus on what you are giving your kids and not what you feel you aren't giving them things will be better. Step back, take a deep breath, and have fun!!!

[itlw8]

It is not much different for moms that work outside of the home. unfortunately most moms need to work to make ends meet.

How do you make it work.... those chores are FAMILY chores including the kids and definately Dad. make a list and trade chores. It is the only way not to get overwhelmed

[MissK]

Good point. I am a bit of a cleaning machine when it comes to the shared household areas. Now my bathroom and bedroom.... just embarassing !

hahaha - same here! The whole house will look wonderful, but then you open the master bedroom door and its like a tornado hit! I wonder how well this will go over when the kids are older and I tell them they need to clean their rooms

[themoorethemerrier]

My own kids are 7, 6, 5 and almost 3. We have a farm, homeschool and started caring for other kids last year. I just last year felt my hormones regulate (first time in almost 8 years!!! happyface ) which helped immensely!

I decided that I was tired of feel guilty and stresses all the time so I organized and I started with my heart and brain first. I found a book that I LOVE, The Complete Guide to Getting and Staying Organized by Karen Ehman. I made myself a mission statement, "My Mission as a Mother: To create an atmosphere of love and fun in our home while teaching my children to work hard, play often, and love the Lord God with all their hearts…" Then I made a schedule that helps me keep to task but doesn't rule my life.

A few things that made me feel like I was getting more quality time with my family: Watch Mary Poppins as a family at least once a month. She's right on about work and we all like to "step in time". I read to each of the them individually a few times a week, and that's a big hit because we snuggle and read in mommy and daddy's bed. (It's about 15 mins per kiddo.) We have family radio night at least once a week, when we all have dessert and usually make a group effort to give the kitchen a good cleaning. Laundry is washed all throughout the week, but is folded and put away in one night when we watch a few episodes of Dr. Quinn - even a 4 yo can fold wash cloths and match socks. I make sure that once a month, I get a date night with my husband and at least one outing with a friend.

HTH!

[MNMum]

I hear you. I've had the opportunity to try several different ways of being a part-time working mom. Each has it's pros and cons. Now that I am settled in daycare...about 7 mos running and my full capacity, a year in the making...I'm to the point where I am not exhausted from the moment daycare closes to the time I'm in bed. I DO desire more child free time in the evenings than I did when I worked outside of the home. My husband has actually taken on a bigger role for dinner and bedtime than he did in the past. My older kids can help more now, they are 6 and 9.

When my children were 1 and 4 my husband was deployed for 18 mos. It was so hard because I was doing everything. Besides clearing dishes, and assisting with putting silverware away, the kids were not very helpful. Looking back, I wish someone had told me that this stage will pass! Now, if I feel like it, I eat dinner, then put my feet up while the kids clean up. AND I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY IN THE LEAST! I find that when I'm not doing everything, I can refocus on giving the kids a few more minutes of my time. I had my third child while my husband was still gone. I hired a babysitter to come to the house 2 nights per week for 5 weeks. Best money ever spent. She came a couple hours, gave them the attention I could not not find it in myself to do at the time, and the kids loved it! That was 2 years ago, they still ask about her.

Sometimes we as mothers and women think we should be able to do it all. And with a smile on our faces. It's okay not to be superwoman all the time. It's okay to admit to your children mommy's too tired right now. It's also okay for your bonding to happen over sock matching and wash cloth folding. And if the mess in the house doesn't bother you, it's okay to leave it (for me it just causes more stress...)

[frugalmama4]

Oh great topic..I adding a few more tags hope that's ok!

I have always had a hard time balancing work and family time...I thought if I stayed home and did daycare it would be much easier...I was so wrong. Yes, it is great being home when my kids walk through the door from school. However, I'm still 100% forces on the dck's. My kids will ask me for help w/home work or to go out and ride their bikes but again not able to help or let them out because of my reg's.

I wish I had all the answers for you, hek if I could only find them for myself! I will share what has been helping me later, I have (2) two out my (4) four kids home with me during the day. I keep them on different schedules from the dck's, my 5yr old dd sleeps in late so when she wakes at 9:00 I'll have breakfast with her (at this time my dck's are having free play). My 10mo old I get him up with me around 7:00 feed him breakfast with the dck's and then put him down for a am nap 10:30/11:00 or so...this way his up at 1:00 when dck's go down for nap and we eat lunch together and play...my 5yr old would be gone to school by this time. As far as my 8yr $ 11yr old I do try to get them to help me out as much as possible with the dck's...so by close all chores are done and its all about family. I hope this helps

[Heidi]

This is from a mom of three kids (21, 19 and 13). Let go of the guilt! Honestly your littles are NOT going to remember if you read them a book every night or played with them every minute of the day and it is OK. They will know they are loved. Even stay at home moms can't focus our thier kids 24/7. I know, I was one when my first 2 were little. I feel was a much better (fun) mom for my 3rd and I know it was because of DC. If you focus on what you are giving your kids and not what you feel you aren't giving them things will be better. Step back, take a deep breath, and have fun!!!

Totally agreeing with this!

My kids are 22, 19, 14, and 11.

Spend time when you can, drop something once in a while and do something spontaneous, but stop feeling guilty. Honestly, your children get more of you than most of our dck's get from their mommies. No offense to the working-out-of-home-moms, but my dck's see their parents 3 hours a day, and those parents are also cooking meals, cleaning up, etc.