What Does It Take To Get Excused From The Table?

[WImom]

He was screaming at the top of his 62 lb lungs. I am sure the children who were trying to eat in peace were happy to see him go. ::

Yeah, in that case they would be gone too. I don't have screamers, just a few kids who like to play with everything, fork, cup, food, and use potty talk so it works for them. Normally it starts when they are done eating anyways so I do take their plate. If it's right away when we sit down then they eat at a different spot by themselves. Screamers wouldn't be staying though.

[Blackcat31]

I see this as his way of gaining control over his life on a continuous basis. He likely comes from a home of negotiators and he gains control by whining and then getting his parents attention through negotiating. If you want to teach him coping skills then model them (which is sounds like you do already). He has very few resiliency skills and the best way to teach that is by modeling and talking about it. I would recommend doing a Google search on resiliency skills in kids (this is the course I took http://www.reachinginreachingout.com...resilience.htm)

I take care of an SA in the summers and this kid whines CONSTANTLY over everything. I simply state the answer ONCE and then ignore. I remember once when she whined because the cheese was white and she "only eats orange cheese". I simply stated "well thats what we're having today". Thats it thats all. I didn't make any remarks about how it's the same, or stop whining, or why don't you try it, or you'll be hungry later etc. I made a simple statement and stopped talking entirely. She ate it! I attached zero value to it and zero control to it by not engaging in the dialogue. These kids come to us with these messed up ideas of control and messed up ways to deal with the world. If she hadn't eaten it then that would've been fine too but at home this discussion would have likely gone on for 10-15 minutes with the end result being her having a crying meltdown and the mom making her the orange cheese. This in turn teaches her that this is how you deal with problems and gain control.

I think that is where so many parents and possibly daycare providers and/or teachers go wrong. I think that they will try to make the child stop whining by either focusing on it either negatively or positively but either way still assigning some sort of value to it so the child ultimately learns that behaving that way nets then attention.

I handle things that way too. Imake simple statements and allow the child to digest and deal with it. I will take the opportunity to talk with a child later about the situation so that they are able to learn about frustration and coping skills but never do I address it or give attention to it when it is happening.

[Heidi]

I see this as his way of gaining control over his life on a continuous basis. He likely comes from a home of negotiators and he gains control by whining and then getting his parents attention through negotiating. If you want to teach him coping skills then model them (which is sounds like you do already). He has very few resiliency skills and the best way to teach that is by modeling and talking about it. I would recommend doing a Google search on resiliency skills in kids (this is the course I took http://www.reachinginreachingout.com...resilience.htm)

I take care of an SA in the summers and this kid whines CONSTANTLY over everything. I simply state the answer ONCE and then ignore. I remember once when she whined because the cheese was white and she "only eats orange cheese". I simply stated "well thats what we're having today". Thats it thats all. I didn't make any remarks about how it's the same, or stop whining, or why don't you try it, or you'll be hungry later etc. I made a simple statement and stopped talking entirely. She ate it! I attached zero value to it and zero control to it by not engaging in the dialogue. These kids come to us with these messed up ideas of control and messed up ways to deal with the world. If she hadn't eaten it then that would've been fine too but at home this discussion would have likely gone on for 10-15 minutes with the end result being her having a crying meltdown and the mom making her the orange cheese. This in turn teaches her that this is how you deal with problems and gain control.

I looked at the website...thank you! I wish they had training in the U.S!

Have you heard of SEFEL training? Is it similar?