A Serious WWYD?

[booroo]

Also, I cannot for the life of me figure out why four families would just tell friends something that personal-but not tell police.

As a mom, I would not go and tell my closest friends, "Oh, BTW, DS was molested." and not tell police.

I just can't wrap my mind around that thinking.:confused:

because they needed to tell some one, it's hard to live with this guilt that you let someone hurt your child... Maybe they asked their child if the wanted to tell the police and the child said no!! Our son agreed to report or we would nit have!!!

Once it's reported to law enforcement, it's out of your hands as to how things are handled, and whether charges are brought up!! Once that happens your children are sent to doctor after doctor, tell the story more than they should have too and it's a very emtionalride for about 2 years!!

Don't think for one second that this couldn't happen!

[QualiTcare]

booroo, you said:

As far as being a mandated reporter, if he wasn't in law enforcement at the time he was told, then hate to tell you this, but he is under no obligation to REPORT!!!



not really. EVERYONE is a mandated reporter. they make it a point to let teachers, cops, daycare workers, etc. know that they must report - but ANYONE who suspects abuse or has been informed (if they believe it) is required to report it.

[booroo]

booroo, you said:

As far as being a mandated reporter, if he wasn't in law enforcement at the time he was told, then hate to tell you this, but he is under no obligation to REPORT!!!



not really. EVERYONE is a mandated reporter. they make it a point to let teachers, cops, daycare workers, etc. know that they must report - but ANYONE who suspects abuse or has been informed (if they believe it) is required to report it.

You better check your facts, because unless your a mandated reporter, you don't have to report and not everyone is a mandated reporter... Now should he have reported sure should have, but he better be sure of the alligations!! I have lived inlaw enforcement enough to now the law and rules, Not Everyone is a mandated reporter!!!

[MarinaVanessa]

So sad but true. Not everyone is required to report. Anyone that is a mandated reporter is required to report suspected abuse, neglect etc. by law. If there was a man and I saw him hitting his son and I did not report it and something happened to him (or not) and the law found out that I knew I could be held accountable to the fullest extend of the law and have my license revoked and not be allowed to do daycare ever again. However, if my neighbor who is not a mandated reporter saw the same thing and did not report and someone found out, I doubt anything would happen.

Only certain vocations and volunteers are required to report and we have to report SUSPECTED abuse and neglect. The only way that a regular citizen could be held accountable for not reporting abuse or neglect was if it was attrociously serious or ended with a death. I just recently heard about a case where an elderly woman who was being cared for by a daughter was reported by a nurse for suspected elderly abuse and the elderly woman's son had also suspected abuse by his sister but did not report it. Nothing happened to him even though his mother was noticably thin and had bruises and bad bed sores (which is why she ended up in the hospital) and only the sister was charged. So you see, not everyone is required to report.

[hcmom]

because they needed to tell some one, it's hard to live with this guilt that you let someone hurt your child... Maybe they asked their child if the wanted to tell the police and the child said no!! Our son agreed to report or we would nit have!!!

They needed to tell someone? Tell the police. My son would not have the option not to tell. WHY? Because I WOULD NOT WANT ANY OTHER CHILD TO BE ABUSED.
Once it's reported to law enforcement, it's out of your hands as to how things are handled, and whether charges are brought up!! Once that happens your children are sent to doctor after doctor, tell the story more than they should have too and it's a very emtionalride for about 2 years!!

I know what takes place. As I have stated, I was abused 20 years ago as a child.

Don't think for one second that this couldn't happen!

I don't.

I think we can just agree to disagree.

[Crystal]

I have to say, that I would never ask a child if he wants me to report it to the police.....children are naturally worried about police involvement in anything and would be scared to death to "tell" the police. It's not up to the child, it's the parent's responsibility to report it.

[Crystal]

I think we can just agree to disagree.

This has me ROFLMAO! That would be nice hcmom, but don't think that will EVER happen on this forum! LOL!

[Michael]

This has me ROFLMAO! That would be nice hcmom, but don't think that will EVER happen on this forum! LOL!

I do see many disagree on this forum but at least "most" are diplomatic.

[judytrickett]

I wouldn't send him back. I could never live with myself if something did happen and I had been given the heads up and still sent him.

But that's just me.

[HeatherB]

As a mother, a foster mother and a daycare provider... I find this also hard to swallow. why would the alleged parent not want to protect other children from becoming victims and speaking out? They child do not have to go to court and have the tramua of the abuse unfold.. They have a GIL to do all the talking for them.. even when they are teenager they do not have to court! I personally would think that the child would suffer more tramua from not getting the help that they so desperatly need and deserve when they are violated.

This can happen anywhere...unfortunatly we cannot keep out children in a plastic bubble protected all the time. If you feel safe that the daycare center is legal and doing the right things.. then by all means continue to take him there and be on high alert...just for the if so's.

I have seen and heard alot of abuse with children... and as what you have shared with is.. I would send my son back! JMHO!

[QualiTcare]

You better check your facts, because unless your a mandated reporter, you don't have to report and not everyone is a mandated reporter... Now should he have reported sure should have, but he better be sure of the alligations!! I have lived inlaw enforcement enough to now the law and rules, Not Everyone is a mandated reporter!!!

Any person, including, but not limited to, any:
• Physician, osteopathic physician, medical examiner,
chiropractor, nurse or hospital personnel engaged in the
admission, examination, care or treatment of persons
• Any other health or mental health professional;
• Practitioner who relies solely on spiritual means for healing;
• School teacher or other school official or personnel;
• Judge of any court of the state;
• Social worker, day care center worker, or other professional
child care, foster care, residential or institutional worker;
• Law enforcement officer; or
• Neighbor, relative, friend or any other person who knows or
has reasonable cause to suspect that a child has been sexually
abused.

maybe it's different in every state, but that's how it is in tennessee. if a neighbor, relative, friend, or ANY OTHER PERSON doesn't encompass "everyone" then i don't know what does.

thanks for the friendly reminder to check my facts. i like being reassured that i'm right.

[QualiTcare]

because they needed to tell some one, it's hard to live with this guilt that you let someone hurt your child... Maybe they asked their child if the wanted to tell the police and the child said no!! Our son agreed to report or we would nit have!!!

They needed to tell someone? Tell the police. My son would not have the option not to tell. WHY? Because I WOULD NOT WANT ANY OTHER CHILD TO BE ABUSED.
Once it's reported to law enforcement, it's out of your hands as to how things are handled, and whether charges are brought up!! Once that happens your children are sent to doctor after doctor, tell the story more than they should have too and it's a very emtionalride for about 2 years!!

I know what takes place. As I have stated, I was abused 20 years ago as a child.

Don't think for one second that this couldn't happen!

I don't.

I think we can just agree to disagree.

i have to say, it's easy to say what you would do until you're in the situation -that goes for anything. i was in a position when i was 12/13 where my mom wanted to call the cops on some freak, and i BEGGED her not to -for all the reasons booroo mentioned. i didn't want to have to tell people over and over, and then testify? no thanks. she listened to what i wanted since i was the one affected by it and all - and i'm glad she did. she didn't want to.

anyhow, karma is better justice than the court. the freak i encountered ended up blowing his brains out after his marriage was ruined as a result of what he did. not saying i'm glad it happened, but it is what it is.

[hcmom]

I guess the thing that gets me booroo, you say that if your son chose not to want to tell police, that you wouldn't report the crime to police.

Well, My question is, How would you be able to live with yourself knowing that this person is out molesting other children and not put away because your son didn't want to tell.

It just doesn't make sense.

My DH called my BIL this afternoon to ask a few more questions and my BIL is stumped. Which leads me to believe that BIL and SIL don't know what they are talking about.

[mamajennleigh]

hcmom, I think you are doing the right thing by pressing for answers from BIL and SIL, since they are the ones who felt the need to "bring" this information to you (but interestingly enough, no one in authority). Granted, it is entirely possible that something did happen at this daycare, as much as anything is possible, but considering the circumstances that brought you that information, I would say it is unlikely at best. It sounds to me like fear-mongering by your BIL and SIL simply because they do not agree with your choices. They are taking something they probably heard in the rumor mill and presenting it as fact, which is evidenced by the fact that he was "stumped" when you pressed for further details. If these families truly came to him with their stories, as he claimed, I am sure he would have all the information you are seeking.

If it were me, given the circumstances you have described, I would not pull my child from the center. I would keep my eyes and ears sharp, but I would do that with any place that had my child. You are right to ask the owner's - it may turn out to be a long-standing rumor that they have had to deal with before, and if so, they can put your mind at ease. Let us know what they say!

[DBug]

Definitely get these parents' phone numbers and talk to them directly. If your bil can provide them, you can go straight to the source. If he can't at least give you their names, it would be a pretty good indication that he's making it up.

But going to the daycare management, the police, the state, etc., won't get you anywhere if these cases haven't been reported ...