Really Need to Figure Out What To Do

[Breezy]

I know I have posted a million times about this DCG (8 months) but this is seriously getting ridiculous. I thought I cracked this crying thing last week but nope turns out I didn't.

The crying is constant. She has been crying for over an hour now unless I pick her up. Mom didn't feed her before bringing her this morning (she ate last at 4AM when she woke up for the day- dropped off at 7am) so she was hungry as soon as she got here. My DS was up and ready for breakfast so I got him in his highchair and gave him his food and then gave DCG a bottle. She was happy as can be while drinking her bottle and then while sitting on my lap for a few minutes after. But, then my DS needed more food so I put DCG in her swing so her tummy could settle before going on my floor (she spits up). She started screaming before I even put her in it because she knew she was going to be put down.

I was cutting up fruit for my DS and she was screaming the whole entire time. I got her out of the the swing, she stopped crying immediately until I motioned to put her on the floor with her toys. Screamed immediately. I went into the kitchen to wash up DS and she screamed even louder.

I have been trying to play with her when she is happy and not do anything when she is screaming. I don't give in and hold her constantly like she wants- if she is safe, clean, and fed I let her cry. If I make a motion to pick her up the crying stops on a DIME- everytime.Then I get the smiles and coos, but as soon as it looks like I am going to walk away or even move my EYES from her she screams. It's not a tiny fuss or a little cry... its a shrill scream.

Yesterday, she woke up from her nap every 10 minutes screaming because she was alone. She maybe slept 45 minutes in one stretch. At home, when she does this mom gets her up and doesn't make her nap. She says "Oh, she doesn't want to miss anything". Same with in the middle of the night. She gets up and stays up to play because she wakes up and doesn't want to be in her PNP (sleeps in mom and dads room).

This week she was here Tues, Wed, Thurs. The screaming is wearing on my nerves, waking my DS up from his naps prematurely, and bugging him (he walks around with his hands over his ears). It is ridiculous. I have mentioned it to mom and dad and they say yup she does it at home too. Mom said today that she just holds her and gives in to her.

Right now, she is playing nicely but then she will remember she wants to be held so she starts up again. Oops spoke too soon, she caught a glimpse of me and started again.

Any other suggestions? Should I just be letting her cry? She will lay in her PNP at nap time and cry for hours and not sleep.Yesterday I walked in and gave her the pacifier and rubbed her back and she fell asleep immediately until I stopped and then started screaming. I try swaddling her at nap time and she sleeps a little longer but always wakes up freaking out.

Yesterday the crying was literally 8 hours straight unless she was being held or asleep for those tiny cat naps. I am losing my MIND. I literally have to walk away for some deep breaths so I don't lose it!

[MarinaVanessa]

Listen. I had one of those and it is NOT fun. I think it's time to talk to DCM and let her know that you don't know what else to do and ask her for HER suggestions. Make sure you tell her that you can't possible carry her and give her 100% of your attention all of the time. You have group care and you aren't able to offer that at DC. Nothing is physically wrong with DCG, she just wants attention and that HARD to do all day.

Trust me when I tell you that if the situation doesn't start to get better soon that you will start to lose your mind and dread every day. I can't wait for that day that DCG gets sick (just a little sick ) or DCM keeps her home for some reason and you get to experience your DC day without constant stress.

I would really have a nice heart to heart with your DCM and ask her to give you suggestions on what she does at home to keep her from crying other than picking her up. If she tells you to do something that you can't possibly do or that won't work for you (like hold her every minute of the day) just explain why it won't work. You never know, there may be a special blanket at home that will comfort her at DC, or maybe DCM does a silly little dance to make her smile when she's on the floor and cries, or maybe there's a special CD that DCG loves to listen to that soothes her at home that DCM can make a copy of for you .... you just never know so ask DCM to come up with a solution for you.

If things don't improve soon I'd start calling DCM at work while DCG is screeching in the background so that she can hear for herself. Pull at her heart strings a little bit . If nothing changes still ... then maybe it's time to suggest that DCG needs a nanny instead of group care.

[Ariana]

I think it's GREAT that you can walk away without losing it so keep that up!! It sounds like a crazy stressful situation. We had a kid similar to this at a centre where I worked but he was 18 months!! We ignored him and after about 2 weeks of constant screaming it died down a bit. I'm not sure if this would be a good tactic for an infant though because they need that attachement.

Can you wear her? There might be some sort of carrier you can get and you could wear her on your back? Just for your own sanity until she grows out of this stage. I would also give her a soother or a blanket or ANYTHING that gives her comfort besides being in your arms. I would also encourage the mom strongly to start doing the same. If she can attach to a "lovey" instead of mom all the time it will help you both. This can't be fun for the mom either

[Breezy]

I know, I keep thinking that I should say something to her but I also know it is probably worse here because I am having to care for other children as well and she isn't getting the 1 on 1 care she gets at home. I laid her down for her nap just now and she screamed and is finally asleep. We will see how long that lasts.

I was telling DH last night that it would be SO much easier for me (and DCG probably) to work 5 days a week for 8 hours instead of this 3 on 4 off schedule. It makes things SO unpredictable, no routine at all for DCG. And sometimes she goes to bed at 6:30pm for the night and sometimes not until 11 or later. There is ZERO routine at home because of this stupid schedule mom works. But here, we do the same things every single day and I think it would be so much better.

BUT, they live an hour away from me so gas would be horrendous working 5 days per week I am sure.

[Breezy]

I think it's GREAT that you can walk away without losing it so keep that up!! It sounds like a crazy stressful situation. We had a kid similar to this at a centre where I worked but he was 18 months!! We ignored him and after about 2 weeks of constant screaming it died down a bit. I'm not sure if this would be a good tactic for an infant though because they need that attachement.

Can you wear her? There might be some sort of carrier you can get and you could wear her on your back? Just for your own sanity until she grows out of this stage. I would also give her a soother or a blanket or ANYTHING that gives her comfort besides being in your arms. I would also encourage the mom strongly to start doing the same. If she can attach to a "lovey" instead of mom all the time it will help you both. This can't be fun for the mom either

I honestly think it is easier for mom to hold her. Mom is very very heavy. I have seen her change DCG here at pick up into clothes more appropriate for where they are going and she struggles very much with it. I don't think she can get down on the floor with her for very long, if at all. I have tried wearing her and she hates it. Hates being restricted. She has very low muscle tone, she is extremely stiff and I think maybe its uncomfortable for her.

[countrymom]

seriously, you either need to term her or tell them that you need to do a schedual change. Why are you putting your ds thru this. First, you need to let her cry, don't pick her up at all. IT WILL WORK, I had one just like this, and it took a while, but they will learn that no matter how much they scream to be picked up that you will not pick them up. (oh, the crying girl, is now a happy child who right now stinks like poop) second, I would not watch this child past 5pm. the parents choose to work those stupid hours, they choose to have a child, knowing thier crazy schedual, why should you have to put up with their poor choices. You are heading towards burnout and resentment.

[cheerfuldom]

Honestly, I dont think you will ever get this solved.....part time infants (especially ones on random schedules) are jut the worst for daycare. Its not her fault. She clearly needs consistency. Either you can wait this out and hope sh out grows it....could take anywhere from a few months to maybe 18 months....or just start looking for a replacement. There is nothing you can do about this situation. There are a few things that might make it a little better but either you can deal with the crying or you cant because it is just who she is for now.

[Breezy]

I feel bad for being annoyed. And whenever I approach her I always take deep breaths and think about something exciting and HAPPY so she doesn't feel my annoyance. I am looking for a FT family so I can term. I have a mom with two little girls that is interested in possibly meeting for an interview but haven't heard back in a few days. It will more than double what I am making right now for this DCG and then I could STOP this crazy schedule.

[MarinaVanessa]

Sometimes you can fix the situation and sometimes you can't. If nothing changes at home then nothing will change in DC. The child that I had that was like this actually never got better and would cry for hours on end, no joke. All he did all day was scream and I never picked him up. I dealt with him for almost 2 months and didn't see much improvement. It to the point that I would keep him inside with me and sent all of the others outside to play so they could get a break from the wailing. After repeatedly talking to her DCM decided to pull him for which I was grateful, it felt soooo good to not have that constant screaming. The kids were happier and got a long better too.

Turns out that DCM got kicked out of her next DC and grandma had to step in and take care of him while DCM was at work. DCM's work was a client of my DH (he does IT work) and one day he went in and asked about her because he hadn't seen her in a while. Well apparently grandma quit on her too and DCM had to quit her job to take care of him herself . AT that point he was about 8 or 9 months old.

So, unless DCM is on board and makes some changes then I don't think it's going to end well for you

[Sunshine44]

I wouldn't pick her up at all. I would not hold her at all. I would only pick her up when absolutely necessary, like diaper changing and such. Let her play on her own all day, after a few days (maybe longer) she should get the hint. She's old enough to cio in my opinion. If you aren't up for that, term. ALSO, you should probably talk to mom and get on the same page about this stuff.

Had a crier before, it ****ed.

[cheerfuldom]

I wouldn't pick her up at all. I would not hold her at all. I would only pick her up when absolutely necessary, like diaper changing and such. Let her play on her own all day, after a few days (maybe longer) she should get the hint. She's old enough to cio in my opinion. If you aren't up for that, term. ALSO, you should probably talk to mom and get on the same page about this stuff.

Had a crier before, it ****ed.

The reason why I dont think this will work very well is because it was my understanding that the daycare girl was there at random days and time. I am all for CIO in certain situations but like anything else, you need consistency. That should be paired with a healthy diet, regular sleep schedule, etc. and from the sounds of it, this little one may not be getting any consistency in any area of her life. I just personally dont think this will work as well as if you have a kid that is at daycare every day during the same time period and gets the consistency needed to break the crying habit.

[Unregistered]

I wouldn't pick her up at all. I would not hold her at all. I would only pick her up when absolutely necessary, like diaper changing and such. Let her play on her own all day, after a few days (maybe longer) she should get the hint. She's old enough to cio in my opinion. If you aren't up for that, term. ALSO, you should probably talk to mom and get on the same page about this stuff.

Had a crier before, it ****ed.

I really feel for you...I've been in your shoes. I'm glad you're able to step away from her for a bit to calm yourself and that you're trying to not let her feel your stress. Good for you

Now the part everyone will hate me for...but it's how I feel so here goes.
This is an 8 MONTH OLD BABY (not yelling, just emphasizing ) and the only way babies can communicate their needs is by crying. I see nothing wrong with holding her extra WHEN YOU CAN to build the bond between you. I think it's wrong to leave an infant without physical affection except when absolutely necessary. She needs that affection to build that bond of trust that will allow her to actually be OK when she is put down. She needs that physical affection in order to develop and grow healthy physically and emotionally.
In my experiences some babies crave physical touch more than others. It's the way they are, and innate part of their personality. They need the touch to be secure. They DO grow out of it-though they still may be more affectionate then other children. What you can do is help them learn that even when you're not physically touching them you are still there for them.

I also agree with those that advise talking to mom to see what she says.

To be clear, I am not saying that you're NOT giving her any physical affection-just that you're being advised not to.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I really feel for you...I've been in your shoes. I'm glad you're able to step away from her for a bit to calm yourself and that you're trying to not let her feel your stress. Good for you

Now the part everyone will hate me for...but it's how I feel so here goes.
This is an 8 MONTH OLD BABY (not yelling, just emphasizing ) and the only way babies can communicate their needs is by crying. I see nothing wrong with holding her extra WHEN YOU CAN to build the bond between you. I think it's wrong to leave an infant without physical affection except when absolutely necessary. She needs that affection to build that bond of trust that will allow her to actually be OK when she is put down. She needs that physical affection in order to develop and grow healthy physically and emotionally.
In my experiences some babies crave physical touch more than others. It's the way they are, and innate part of their personality. They need the touch to be secure. They DO grow out of it-though they still may be more affectionate then other children. What you can do is help them learn that even when you're not physically touching them you are still there for them.

I also agree with those that advise talking to mom to see what she says.

To be clear, I am not saying that you're NOT giving her any physical affection-just that you're being advised not to.

I agree with this.

From the inconsistency, I don't know that much will change to be honest.

[Breezy]

I just laid on my bed with her for two hours so she would sleep. Ds is napping now so I laid her down and read a book next to her. She woke up a few times but fell right back asleep.

[My3cents]

hugs to you-

either hang on and hold on.... I suggest this idea the most. If you can. Think of her as a challenge

or term and suggest a Nanny or more one on one then what you can give.

good advise from all..... do what is best for you-

one more idea- have her ears been looked at well. Once had a baby like this that ended up needing tubes in her ears.........just another avenue to ponder upon.