Termination Gone Wrong

[MsKara]

So I wrote the following letter after realizing that this kid was not doing well in my care. He hardly ever showed up when he was supposed to, the parents keep him up till 9:30 at night and wanted me to have a much later schedule here. Feeding him and napping him at completely different times than the other children. This child was almost 2 yrs old. I'm so mad right now because i've never been talked to like this in my life. Please let me know if I did something wrong. I'm open to constructive critisicm. The following is the termination letter and than the correspondent e-mails that followed. I need you all's input as i'm very upset!!

Termination Notice

Dear Someone and Someone,

Please accept this letter as notice of termination of care for daycare kid.

Care is terminated effective today, ______.

Reason Given:

As a small home daycare provider, I am allowed only 5 children in my care at once. I assumed that it would be easy scheduling a part time child like Daycare Kid for only 2 days a week, as long as I received advanced notice of days and times. However, Daycare Kid has been more of a drop-in with days and times constantly changing at the spur of the moment or with “late” notice. I understand your situation completely and how you need a lot of flexibility, however, I am not able to give you that kind of flexibility. I have been unable to schedule an assistant appropriately with such late notice and I’ve either scheduled her too much or too little. I try to plan our meal schedule according to what each child likes on the days they are here, however this has also been difficult. Depending on the kids I have each day and their ages, we plan field trips, walks, crafts, activities and play-dates within the neighborhood accordingly. However, I have been unable to do any of these things while waiting to find out whether Daycare Kid will show up.
The last concern I have is for Daycare Kid. Though I understand there is an adjustment period and you all have moved around quite a bit recently, I believe the lack of a regular schedule is making it extremely difficult for Daycare Kid to adjust to being here. He cries most of the day even after lots of comforting and individualized attention. I had spoken with mom briefly about his schedule at home, and understand it changes from day to day and is VERY different from our schedule here.

I believe it is in our best interest to part ways. I hope you are able to find a daycare that will be a better fit for your needs as well as Daycare Kid's.

Please let me know should you have trouble finding care and need an additional day or two here. I'd be more than happy to help.

I wish you and your family all the best.

Sincerely,


Provider

Between Me and the Mom:

ME:
Dear Mom, I hope Daycare Kid is doing well and I guess you were able to find new care quickly as I didn't hear back from you. Once again, I'm sorry I couldn't be as flexible as you all needed but I knew there were others out there who could be! As a reminder, we didn't receive payment for his last day in care. I didn't expect the full $60 as he was not here but once that week. However, you owe $30 for the one day. I'm sure it was just overlooked and I understand that. If you all wouldn't mind sending the $30 as soon as possible, I'd appreciate it. Please let me know what your plans are regarding payment. Thank you! My address is ________________.

MOM:
You really left us in a bind. You expected us to give you two weeks notice if we weren't bringing Daycare Kid back, but we weren't afforded the same courtesy. We didn't bring Daycare Kid back since you didn't want him there and it was too difficult for you to give him two naps a day. We couldn't find daycare and my husband had to take vacation time that week to help me when I had a doctor's appointment. That is time he won't get to spend with me when the new baby comes. I will be in your neighborhood Thursday or Friday. I will deliver the money to your house and leave it for you if it is that important. .

ME:
I did not leave you in a bind. I told your husband that I would help you out until you found something if you needed it, but you all never called me. Ask him about that. My contract stated that I be given advanced notice of Daycare Kid's schedule. Unfortunately I was always told the very last minute of changes and alot of times I was called "after" Daycare Kid was supposed to have arrived. I can't operate like that. That is why I said "advanced" notice in the contract. I paid an assistant to be at my house every time Daycare Kid was supposed to come, as we were going to be full that day. However, when Daycare Kid didn't show up I ended up paying her needlessly and than having to schedule her again when Daycare Kid was rescheduled. I was losing more money than I was making. It was never too difficult to give him two naps a day. I never said that. You never discussed this with me, and I just went ahead and stuck to the schedule I gave you when you interviewed me. Like most daycares, naptime for an 18 month old and older is after lunch. Had you wanted me to change that, you should have talked to me. However it sounds like Daycare Kid's schedule at home is extremely different than the schedule I had for the children in my care. The issue you brought up with me was that you needed his nap to be much later in the day so you could keep him up till 9:30. I couldn't accomodate that and I'm sorry. A smaller daycare with less children would be better able to accomodate different schedules and I knew Daycare Kid would be better off with something different. I'm sorry you feel I left you in a bind, however, I did offer to help if you needed it a little longer. Rather than calling and discussing it with me, you chose to have your husband take vacation time. That was your choice. I do wish you the best of luck in your pregnancy. Yes, I do feel payment is important as I took good care of your son while he was in my care, and those were my rates. It's the principal of being honest.

MOM:
You did leave us in a bind. Why would I bring my child back to someone's house who did not want to watch him there. Daycare Kid is perceptive when people do not want him around so why would I bring him to you.
Whenever I filled out the paperwork for Daycare Kid to go to daycare, I filled out that Daycare Kid took two naps. Plus, we did discuss it the Friday before you expelled him from your daycare. We did give you advance warning that Daycare Kid was coming. I might have brought him later than 7:30 am, because I was throwing up all morning, but we did bring him on those days (they brought him at 11am some days without calling until 10 minutes before). The week I was sick, I know we changed the days, but we gave you at least a days notice (it was 9pm the night before or morning of). I thought that you were a small daycare that would be more concerned with the welfare of the children and their schedules instead of your own schedule.
I can't believe you are insinuating that we are not honest. If the money was that important, then you should have mentioned it when you cancelled your services with us instead of waiting a few weeks and then cowardly sending an e-mail instead of picking up the phone and calling. I would like all of the paperwork we filled out mailed to us along with the documents we need for our taxes. Our new address will be _________________.
This is our last conversation. I will leave the money on your doorstep later this week. .

ME:
Where could you possibly get the idea that I didn't "want" Daycare Kid. Daycare Kid was not doing well here and I couldn't accomodate the constant changing of drop off days. I wasn't mad about it, I wasn't even mad at Daycare Kid nor could I be. He is an adorable little boy and I was disappointed it wasn't going to work. I didn't want to give you all two weeks notice because than you would have been stuck with me for two weeks even if you found other arrangements. I thought I was helping you out by allowing you off the hook if you found something, while letting your husband know I could help if you needed it a little longer.

The schedule I have and try to stick to was built with the help of a pediatricians recommendation for kids and every parent I currently have in care. I have changed it slightly here and there to make it work for the group as a whole, however, I cannot have every child on a completely different schedule because it would be unsafe. I'd have to leave some of them downstairs, some of them outiside or some of them eating/sleeping by themselves. It didn't make any sense, so that is why I stick to a schedule that is best for the kids and not "my own" schedule. It had nothing to do with what I wanted. I'm very hurt that you would say these things. I didn't mention the money because I thought you guys seemed like the type of people who would pay and I figured you'd send it in the mail. I gave you a little while longer thinking you might have forgotten or it was taken a while to get here in the mail. I even left off the late fees.

If you would like me to call you I can. I'm not being a coward and I'm very hurt that you swould say such awful things to me. You stated that you didn't think paying me was important and I said it was because it was the principal of being honest. I didn't call you dishonest, just stating that you should pay when you have services given.

I'm really sad that you have found such hatred towards me. I never meant to hurt any of you and I was actually looking out for Daycare Kid when I let him go, as well as the other children in my daycare. I'm sorry if this hurt you or if you assumed that I didn't "like" daycare kid, but those are all assumptions and not the truth. I even said in my letter that someone else will probably better suit your schedules than I can. I'm running on very strict guidelines from social services and having to have an assistant as well as a minimum number of children in care make it a little more difficult to accomodate part timers, especially if the schedule constantly changes. I also stated that Daycare Kid was crying ALOT here, and didn't seem like he was adjusting. I was trying to be very honest.

I wish you all the best of luck, despite the horrible things you have said to me and hope you can find it in your heart to understand I was not trying to be mean when I let Daycare Kid go or terminated immediately. I was letting you out of the contract immediately and told your husband I'd help if you needed it. I should have called and discussed this with you, not just your husband, and i'm sorry I didn't. I figured you'd call me if you had any questions or needed me further.

As for the paperwork, I have to keep the paperwork on file for a year by law. If it's copies you need, please let me know which pages and I will fax or mail them to you. We don't do tax forms until tax season. I am able to put your new address on file and I can get that document to you as soon as it is prepared later this year. Let me know if you need anything else.

MOM:
I don't hate you. I just think this is a messed up situation. You will get your money. Now please leave me alone.

[mac60]

Your original letter and responses were excellent. Some people will never be happy, think they know it all, and will continue to cause issues, even when the issue is "closed". They are going to have a very hard time finding a provider who will cater to their every whim.

[emosks]

Personally I prefer email over phone calls because it is all documented for you to keep...which I would for a very long time just in case. My one family we had issues with I was SO glad that I had kept emails. Her complaint was that I left the house too much and left the kids with my assistant. I had emails stating I had to drive to her work for the payments she neglected to pay us on time, drive out to get formula and diapers because they didn't bring any etc.

I think no matter what the mom doesn't want to hear anything negative about her child...who would though?

****s all around!!

[QualiTcare]

wow.

i would've been shocked to see all of that in a letter. also, from the sound of the letter, it doesn't seem like you were willing to keep him until they found someone. a day or two? i can see how they were put in a bind.

you can do what you want, and it's already done. i'm just sayin - i see how they'd be upset getting a loaded letter with short notice. i wouldn't expect to get that $30, and i'd be surprised if she brought it.

[MsKara]

wow.

i would've been shocked to see all of that in a letter. also, from the sound of the letter, it doesn't seem like you were willing to keep him until they found someone. a day or two? i can see how they were put in a bind.

you can do what you want, and it's already done. i'm just sayin - i see how they'd be upset getting a loaded letter with short notice. i wouldn't expect to get that $30, and i'd be surprised if she brought it.

However, they had not given me this little boy's schedule yet even though they were supposed to have given it to me well in advance. So he wasn't even scheduled to come again. He was only 2 days a week and mom doesn't work. So I don't see how this put them in a bind. Had they given me his schedule in advance like my contract states, I might have kept him through that schedule, but they gave me nothing, which was a big part of the problem. It was all last minute.

[QualiTcare]

However, they had not given me this little boy's schedule yet even though they were supposed to have given it to me well in advance. So he wasn't even scheduled to come again. He was only 2 days a week and mom doesn't work. So I don't see how this put them in a bind. Had they given me his schedule in advance like my contract states, I might have kept him through that schedule, but they gave me nothing, which was a big part of the problem. It was all last minute.

oh, well, that makes sense. i mean, i don't see how it put them in a bind if she doesn't work. i guess she's not used to having to take her kid with her to appointments or whatever.

i still think it was a lot to put in writing. did you talk to them about the scheduling problem before this? i mean, really tell them they had to do x,y,z or you weren't going to be able to keep him anymore.

[momofboys]

However, they had not given me this little boy's schedule yet even though they were supposed to have given it to me well in advance. So he wasn't even scheduled to come again. He was only 2 days a week and mom doesn't work. So I don't see how this put them in a bind. Had they given me his schedule in advance like my contract states, I might have kept him through that schedule, but they gave me nothing, which was a big part of the problem. It was all last minute.

You did the RIGHT thing! Don't feel bad & I am sorry that the DCM made you feel so bad. Shrug it off, she's an idiot!!! These sorts of things bug me to NO end. Why is it okay for the parents to not be courteous & give you advance notice but it's wrong for us as a provider to only give a short notice when terminating? Calling the morning of or late the evening before IMO is NOT advance notice so what she is saying is it's ok for us to give you one day notice but when you terminate & give little notice it is not okay. She honestly doesn't see the irony in than she has serious problems. I think you did fine with offering to care for the child for a longer timeframe if needed, it is not your problem that they did not take you up on it. Chin up, Ms. Kara, let it go & hopefully you can get a better client soon!

[MsKara]

However, they had not given me this little boy's schedule yet even though they were supposed to have given it to me well in advance. So he wasn't even scheduled to come again. He was only 2 days a week and mom doesn't work. So I don't see how this put them in a bind. Had they given me his schedule in advance like my contract states, I might have kept him through that schedule, but they gave me nothing, which was a big part of the problem. It was all last minute.

oh, well, that makes sense. i mean, i don't see how it put them in a bind if she doesn't work. i guess she's not used to having to take her kid with her to appointments or whatever.

i still think it was a lot to put in writing. did you talk to them about the scheduling problem before this? i mean, really tell them they had to do x,y,z or you weren't going to be able to keep him anymore.

Your right, I would have sat down and talked to them about it, except that the scheduling wasn't the only problem. Mom kept her kid up till 9:30 every night and when he DID arrive early in the morning the kid was a mess. He cried ALL day long, and acted over tired ALL the time. Unfortunately, she wanted me to stick to an entirely different nap schedule (REALLY REALLY different) and feeding schedule than I could have done. He was eating lunch at 1 and 2 pm at home and napping till 4 or 5 in the evening. It just didn't make sense to try and solve all the MANY problems. She even tried to bring him at 11am one day and lay him down for a nap upstairs (which would have been through lunch) and have me feed him later in the day than all the other children. Just didn't make sense to "work it out". She also was VERY angry with me one day when she had to pick her child up because he was sick. She literally stormed out, barely looking at me.

WORST PART THOUGH: They are moving into MY neighborhood. I will have to see them again and again and they will meet all my friends. It's an awful situation....

[nannyde]

I can give you a great bit of advice for the future.

You don't have to explain ANYTHING to parents regarding giving them notice. This whole thing could have been avoided by you giving them notice once they paid up for what they have used and you simply telling them that you made a change in your business structure that does not include the schedule they need for their family. You don't have to be specific to what that change is. You don't have to get personal. Just a business decision. Offer them a two week notice which they will rarely ever use because they are pissed. If they take you up on it.. get thru it with a big fat smile on your face.

End.

McDonalds doesn't EXPLAIN to customers why they their BBQ pork sandwiches off of their menu. It's none of our business. They offer what they offer. Day care is the same.

Providers get into these kinds of discussions with parents because they feel they NEED to explain... need to clarify... need to justify... need to give the parent the life experience of having a consequence for their behavior... need to FINALLY be in the one up position... need to get even... need to tell THEM what you are going to do as opposed to THEM telling YOU what THEY are going to do... etc. etc.

None of that is EVER necessary. Once they move on they won't give you a second thought. They don't care what you think. They don't care how you felt. They don't care about you in ANY way. They want a YES today and your worth is ONLY for that YES today.

Once you give them a NO they have NO use for you. Why discuss it? Why do anything BUT give them the NO?

When a parent is getting away with what you have allowed them to get away with they are going to be SUPER mad when they get the NO. They know that it's going to be really hard to find someone to just let them come whenever they want and only pay for the days they do decide to come. They know that it's going to be EXTREMELY difficult to find someone with an open slot that they can have access to any day of the week any time of the week. They KNOW they aren't going to be able to have that schedule AND be able to pick and choose a routine and schedule for their child while they are there.

You have given them the DREAM situation. They get to do what they want AND be jerks about it while they are getting the great deal. Now who would want that to end? Of course they are going to act out. They've been acting out with you from the begining and they want that to continue. They are going to have a hard time finding someone who will let them behave badly and they know it.

I would advise NOT allowing less than three day a week schedules that are FIXED schedules. If the parent chooses not to bring the child on the fixed days then any other days they use must be paid for in ADDITION to the fixed days AND they must call to confirm that they can HAVE those additional days on a day to day basis. Make sure you say NO to them for the additional days quite a bit in the begining so they get the message that if there is any chance they DO need additional days they need to pay for that weekly in advance and scheduled.

Don't ever allow a parent to decide your schedule with the kid in your house. You tell them what you offer and if they don't like it they can hurry on down the street. I would never be able to get my clients to agree on a schedule for the kids. I couldn't get them to agree on what kind of paper towels I should use. I would NEVER allow them to tell me what I was going to do with their kids in my house. They don't care for their child in a group. They couldn't POSSIBLY know what you MUST do for the group, your children, and YOU during the day to make this whole thing work. The parents would be the last people on the planet I would allow to decide their kids schedule. This is MY house and I decide what we do in MY house.

Lesson learned. Take the 30 dollar hit if you have to and have them be gone from your life and your mind.

[jen]

I don't think that you were at all wrong for terminating. The one thing I have learned (the hard way) is it is best not to get in to these conversations with parents. They are hurt and upset and you just can't win.

Short and sweet!

For termination: Due to incompatible schedules I will no longer be able to care for your child as of (two weeks). If you find alternative care prior to that date, please feel free to begin that care immediately. For the remainder of his time with me I will need a schedule for each week by Sunday evening. If you have not arrived within 30 minutes of your scheduled arrival time I will need to send home my assistant home and I will no longer be able to accomodate you for that day.

In response to the other stuff: "I am sorry that you feel that way. It was certainly not my intention. We think dcb is a wonderful child and will thrive in the appropriate setting.

[MsKara]

Thanks guys! From now on: Short and Sweet and businesslike. I guess I get too caught up in wanting everyone to like me and understand my decisions. This is tough stuff.

[misol]

I think you were well within your right to terminate this family but I would have given them two weeks notice though. Especially since they weren't expected to be there anyway.

I am on the same page with nannyde and jen and agree that the original termination letter had too much information. Short and to the point works best.

At the mom's request, I would suggest that you not contact her again. If she doesn't pay you the $30, you have to just chalk that one up as a cost of doing business. You might want to consider having parents pay in advance of care so that you don't get stuck again.

I think you handled yourself professionally.

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Thanks guys! From now on: Short and Sweet and businesslike. I guess I get too caught up in wanting everyone to like me and understand my decisions. This is tough stuff.

This is EXACTLY it!! Short and sweet. I am a softie too, I like letters/Emails, I HATE confrontation...but I like my rules to be followed....and one needs to be realistic on us daycare providers that have more than one child to tend to. We NEED a schedule. I would have been upset at the sparatic drop off times too, I had one of those a few months ago..said daycare boy would be here at 8 and never showed until 10 or 10:30 sometimes..meanwhile, would if I could have been doing something else with the kids..sometimes I do take them places.

I like to explain myself and would have LOVED to explain to a couple parents I let go a few things and give them my mind, but I knew it would be worse off, so I just kept my mouth shut, let them go quietly. From now on, that's what you have to do.....I have learned that you can't please everyone and when terminating, it makes parents EXTREEMLY defensive.

[professionalmom]

Thanks guys! From now on: Short and Sweet and businesslike. I guess I get too caught up in wanting everyone to like me and understand my decisions. This is tough stuff.

I am exactly the same way. I spend so much time trying to accommodate everyone and it really offends me when they turn hostile the second I say "no". I guess we both need to get over "wanting everyone to like us" and "understand our decisions", **** it up, get a backbone, and thicken our skins a little.

[MarinaVanessa]

After reading your letter, emails and her responses I don't see anything wrong other than you did not give them 2 weeks notice. The notice itself looks like you're leaving them in the lurch and terminating immediately. I would have added your offer of being available in case they needed you or given them a two weeks notice with the choice to opt not to use it with no additional cost.

Everything else was well worded and explanitory. You explained your conversation with her husband to make sure that she understood that you did in fact offer.

One thing that I do different however when I am terming a child is not to give a real explination in the termination letter itself. I simply say something like "I am unable to provide the services that your child/family needs". That way I'm letting them go and there is no real reason. If they want to discuss the reasons why I am terming them then I will e-mail so that I have a paper trail but even in that explination I am vague. Either way she's gone and soon so will your headache.