Advice Needed

[Ariana]

I have a 3.5 yr old DCG who is very intelligent BUT she cannot answer simple questions about something that happened in the past. I'll ask her what she had for breakfast and she can barely answer me. Her thoughts go all over the place and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Today she told me "I had a tummy ache before I came over to your house" so I of course wanted to know more and prodded her for info. By the end of our convo, which lasted about 5 min, I gathered she ate something her mom didn't want her to eat....but I can't be sure of what she said because she can barely form sentences and her thoughts are disjointed. During her play she talks perfectly fine and when trying to tell me something and talking about things in the present moment (ex, I just saw a robin eating a worm) she makes sense 90% of the time so this is very odd. She can't answer questions about what she did on the weekend or what she had for dinner or anything. I don't feel it's normal but I could be wrong.

Her mom asks her everyday at pick up if she's napped and she's never able to answer correctly!

Any advice about this or experience? Should I be practicing this stuff with her in some way? The mom doesn't care about anything I bring up about her kid so I won't talk to the mom about it, but something tells me it's anxiety related since she does exhibit a lot of anxious behavior.

[Blackcat31]

It does sound a bit like anxiety is playing a role in her ability to answer, however this is the age where they do start putting together things like past, present and future so I wouldn't worry too much about it but would take advantage of every teachable moment in regards to timeframes every chance you get.

[Ariana]

It does sound a bit like anxiety is playing a role in her ability to answer, however this is the age where they do start putting together things like past, present and future so I wouldn't worry too much about it but would take advantage of every teachable moment in regards to timeframes every chance you get.

I will for sure! Sometimes when I start asking questions I'm not sure how to phrase them and often her anxiety gets so bad she begins to cry. I have no idea why I have a feeling that she watches a ton of TV and there isn't a lot of dialogue going on at her house besides talking during play with her sister so I definately want to practice but am not sure how to go about it. My own DD who is 2.5 has no problem answering these questions so it's odd to me that she's so far behind in this area. Do you think it's comprehension? Maybe I should try talking about the different tenses?

[wdmmom]

I was the same way when I was a kid but mine lasted until I was about 12 years old! I wasn't exposed to many men aside my dad, my grandpa and a couple of uncles. I also knew my dad had a temper so anytime I had to ask him something it always came out, "Ummm, Uhhh, ...... " and I would hee haw around the point because I was scared of him. He didn't have much patience when it came to kids. Boy has that ever changed since I've had kids of my own!!!

[Solandia]

I would have her help with writing her daily activity sheet after nap. Start out with thinking out loud & reading the different sections...maybe she will pipe in with some comments to write down. The "concerns/comments" section tends to be more tattling on other kids, . And then I trace hands on the back of the paper.

I also have done a board, when I had lots of kids. The kids and I all filled in the day, date, today's weather, our meals, and exciting activities, books we read. We review yesterday's, before we move on to the current day's.

[permanentvacation]

As soon as I read that she talks just fine while playing, that sent a red flag! I could be wrong. But since she speaks fine on her own or with other children talking, but can't respond to you, the adult well, that says to me that she has not had good experiences or has not had much of any experience speaking to adults. I get the impression that she's been more yelled at/demanded to answer from an impatient adult OR that she really just isn't used to adults speaking with her/interacting with her or asking her questions.

Either way, since she can speak correctly while by herself playing or with friends playing, it sounds like it only happens when talking to adults. So, I would suggest that you talk with her ALOT. I would have conversations with her throughout the day where you say something about what you like, did yesterday, etc. and ask her open ended questions throughout your conversation to get her comfortable with speaking to and answering questions from an adult.

[Ariana]

Thanks everyone! Great suggestions. Although we do talk about what we did "last night" at circle this is usually where she freezes and ends up saying "I dunno" so I stopped doing it to help ease her tension. Maybe I will start again and perhaps use pictures or something and she can pick a picture? I'll think about it some more.

permanentvacation you are bang on with that I think! She gets very little interation at home and is essentially being raised by her 6 yr old sister and the tv (in my estimation). Even the interaction between her and her mom at the door is fake and very weird. the mom talks to her in a baby voice and even when the kid says something that makes absolutely no sense she just laughs at her. Never corrects her incorrect grammar either. I also know the dad is very gruff and loses his temper a lot

[MrsB]

I have a picture schedule that I refer to alot that tends to help with sequence of events. A few times a day, I will say okay we did story time and point to the picture of the book, then what do we do next? or okay we are getting ready to eat, what did we do before, or a kid will ask to eat (between meals) and I will point to the lunch and prompt them what we had for lunch then go through what else we have done since then and how many more activities we have to go until snack.

Some kids have a really difficult time with relating times and events with words. She may get better at it if she has visuals she can relate the experience to. Then the details of the experience come after that.

Could it be a confidence thing with this little girl? Like she is so anxious about saying it wrong, she will make up something random or not say anything at all? If this is the case, maybe asking her questions that you know for sure she will answer correctly and praiser her for them. Boost her ego a little to get her to open up a little. KWIM?

[Ariana]

Could it be a confidence thing with this little girl? Like she is so anxious about saying it wrong, she will make up something random or not say anything at all? If this is the case, maybe asking her questions that you know for sure she will answer correctly and praiser her for them. Boost her ego a little to get her to open up a little. KWIM?

I asked her today what she did with grandma yesterday and she was able to answer that they watched tv. I had my back turned to her while I was making lunch and it seemed to help. Maybe me getting down to her level and looking at her is uncomfortable for her? She even told me the channel they watched Maybe that is literally all she does when she leaves my house? It seems as though she's unable to relay anything other than "watching tv". I will keep trying though