Aggressive 18 Month Old..Looking for Advice

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

I'm looking for suggestions and advice on how to handle my new daycare boy, he's 18 months old. I have had him just about 2 months and recently he's becoming very agressive.

He's very careless with his motions, and highly hyper, climbs over and on my 2 year old daycare boy without care of hurting him (he's young yet and doesn't get it but jut explaining the personanality)..he gets highly excited and throws objects, climbs on the back of my couch...basically he's fearless and I get so nervous he's going to hurt himself. He also goes up to my cat and pulls the hair out just because. I can't take my eyes off him for a second, this is how busy he is.

My concern is when I have to remove him from the other kids because he's throwing or pulling hair, I put him in one of those plastic fold up gates I have set up in my living room (the kind that you take outside for younger kids) and he gets so aggressive in anger and starts pushing it hard in anger and any toy inside he throws out in anger. When his mom picks him up he pulls her hair hard and starts swatting at her in anger and cries a fit because he doesn't want to leave...she had to hold him down to buckle him in the seat and when she was leaving I seen her hand him a blanket and he threw it back at her.

He's younger than the other kids here, but I can't seem to do much with them because when we get involved he comes through and ruines what we are doing. He's a little stinker :-)

So anyway, I'm not looking to get rid of him because my hours with him are awesome, he comes at 12:15p.m. M, Th, and Friday which is at naptime, he takes a nap and then I only have a couple more hours with him...Tuesday is the only day he comes early, at 10a.m. and leaves by 3:30p.m.

I'm just wondering how you all would handle a child like this? Looking for suggestions or helpful ways to deal with this. Right now I remove him when he is misbehaving..I distract his attention when I notice he might do something bad..I have just noticed this aggressive behavior esculating the past couple of days and I want to stop it before it gets worse. Thanks :-)

[Crystal]

He's behaving this way with you because Mom has given him the impression that is acceptable. By her not disciplining him for his abuse of her, he thinks it is okay to treat others the same.

The first thing I would do is have a talk with Mom and let her know you both need to be on the same page here. She needs to enforce consequences for hitting/throwing, etc. with her. Let her know that this is a good age (should have been sooner) to set realistic expectations for his behavior or he will only get worse if she doesn't.

As for what you can do.....continue to put him in the playyard when he behaves this way, but first remove any toys, etc. in it. He doesn't get ANYTHING that he can throw. Every time you place him in it, tell him, "hitting/pulling the cat's hair, (whatever the behavior) is not okay. I cannot let you do _________. If you are going to do ____________ you will have to sit by yourself until you decide not to _____________" then matter of factly place in him the playyard and walk away. The only way I would turn around and go back to him is if he is going to hurt himself. Otherwise, do not give him any attention until the fit ends. Then, when he is done, go to him, pick him up and tell him "okay, I am going to let you play, but if you __________agian, I will not be able to let you play anymore. Be sure to repeat the behavior several times, so that he is fully aware of what he cannot do. BE CONSISTENT....every single time the undesirable behavior occurs, follow through. It won't take long for him to come around and realize that even though he gets away with it at home, he won't at your house, and he'll quit.

Good luck!

[DBug]

Crystal said exactly what I would have said! Great advice :-)

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

Thank you Crystal for that...He is her first child and I know he runs the roost at home from stories I've heard from his grandma..I do like the mom, she is a nice lady and does have respect...yesterday at pick up she was firm with him (first time I heard her, maybe she's realizing) and told him "stop, that is not allowed" when he pulled her hair and hit her over the head.

Sometimes when it's your first you don't really realize how bad the behavior can esculate if you are not firm and follow through. Believe me, I went through it..my first who has ADHD....it's VERY tough to parent and follow through each and every time because there are so many occurances and some days you just don't want the fight. But it is important to stick with it and follow through.

I will keep using the playyard for short time outs like you suggested. And positive praise so he understands the good from the bad.