Let My First Family Go Today...

[tmcp2001]

Hi all, I'm new here. I've been doing daycare since last fall and had to let a family go today for the first time. It was incredibly hard, they were very upset and even though I gave a (written) two week notice they chose not to bring their child back at all.

Honestly, this mom has been driving me CRAZY. She has complained about the food I feed her child, the TV that she watches (we watch one show during lunch prep but she complained that her dd knew EVERY TV show...), the fact that I had to close for a day due to illness (I know not everyone does this but I have four young children of my own and needed the day to deal with pukiness - and it states very clearly in my contract that it is not my responsibility to provide back up in the event that I need to close unexpectedly). She also started getting off work at 3:30 two months ago and yet the dad was still picking up their dd at 5:20 (???). The last straw was a few weeks ago when she texted me at 5:10 to tell me that dad was going to be late. Uh, where are you and why can't you come get your child??? I realize that 10.5 hours is fairly normal for running a daycare, but if you only work 8.5, why should I work so much more???

Plus, she has been incredibly rude to me on a few occasions and twice in the last 6 weeks she has threatened to pull her dd from daycare. First was when I closed for the sick day and second was when I decided to start closing at 5 (this was after the last late day and I called her out on the fact that she's off at 3:30 yet expects me to care for her child for an additional two hours, plus, she's my ONLY dck after 4:30) so I had given them a written two week notice of the change and mom was immediately nasty and threatening to leave. I'm only open to 5:30 if you are working until 5. I'm not here to take care of your child while you take a nap or run errands - no one does that for me!

Also on my list of complaints: paying me late (happened several times, only a few days late but still super annoying and not even an apology), NEVER bringing an extra pair of clothes and then not returning the clothes I had to lend them when dcg's were dirty, not bringing more diapers in a timely manner so that I had to run and pick up a pack for her, not brining wipes for TWO MONTHS even though I had asked for them twice, bring their dd MISERABLY sick and even telling me at drop off one morning that she was "feverin" last night (I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't even respond appropriately and ended up keeping her for the day).

UGH. I could go on and on!!! I just want someone to tell me that I wasn't crazy for making the decision to let them go. I know I couldn't have dealt with the stress any longer. Plus, I have 7 other dck's and none of my other families have EVER made me feel so bad!

Just feeling pretty horrible about this tonight. I hate that someone out there absolutely hates me right now...

[Daycare Mommy]

You made an excellent call there. I'd have done the same. I had to term. one of those last year. The lack of trust and constant disapproval of every aspect of my daycare right down to my own children had me a shaking wreck every drop off and pick up time. It took me a while to get up the courage to do it, but after she was gone? NICE. It was like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders and it's been like that ever since... I interviewed another mom just like her last fall and through my experience with mom #1 I was able to tell during the interview and told her up front that I didn't think they'd be a good fit for my daycare. So I know it's hard, but there are benefits to going through this. You live and learn and hopefully don't make the same mistakes twice.

[nannyde]

It looks like you tried everything to make it work. It's very stressful to have clients that don't abide by the rules and treat you with disrespect. You are always going to run into this in child care. The more experience you get the more you can weed that out in the begiining.

I don't offer 10.5 hour days. It's WAY too many hours of care for me. I know some providers live in areas with long transport times for parents but I specifically go for the families who have half hour lunch breaks and work close. The parent who goes to work last drops off and the parent who gets off of work first picks up. I keep the hours under nine if possible. Did they originally need you 10.5 hours?

I also don't have "hours of operation". I base my hours on a day to day basis on who is first to drop off and who is last to be picked up. I don't allow an open window of time when kids can come. It's all based on what the parents actually NEED for child care not open hours.

Don't be suprised if you get a licensing visitor from the State. Often parents will retaliate by making claims to your State when they have been booted out. It's a way to get even and it's VERY common. If you are registered or licensed you have a very good chance for this so make sure you have all your paperwork up to date and you are within capacity.

One thing I have seen before is that parents who have never had anyone ever "work" for them can get high handed when they are finally in that position. They believe they are your employers and you have THEIR kid so those two together make them believe you work FOR them. They can get all kinds of ideas of what you will and won't do because they are the boss of you. You have to be clear that they are NOT your employers but rather clients who are accessing YOUR business services. That doesn't give them the right to decide things like TV time, food for the kids, when payment is due etc. All those decisions are YOUR decisions. You tell them what you offer and they choose to use that service or not. If they don't abide by your rules then they must go elsewhere for services.

You did really well. I don't think I would have been able to do that when I first started out. Good job and get ready for an inspection.

[tmcp2001]

Thanks for the support!! I'm feeling MUCH better this morning! Just knowing that I won't have to deal with them again is a great feeling!

Yes, they did originally need me 10.5 hours, which was fine when they were both working those hours. It was really frustrating to me when mom started getting off at 3:30 but my hours never changed... I mostly felt bad for their dd because her mom was basically choosing not to spend available time with her. Sad. I felt completely justified in changing my hours at that point and gave a proper notice, I think the mom was just upset that I called her out on it!

I forgot to mention that I did contact my licensor yesterday morning to let her know what was going on and tell her my side of the story. I guess I feel like the best defense is a good offense! I know that the only thing I did wrong here was to let it go on for so long!

I'm hoping to have her spot filled by the end of the week. I just had a part time parent tell me that they have an interview for a full-time position this week and if she gets the job I'll have her son (who is currently only 1 day/week) full time! It would be great because his parents are WONDERFUL! I so appreciate the rest of my families!

Thanks again!!!

[momma2girls]

Hi all, I'm new here. I've been doing daycare since last fall and had to let a family go today for the first time. It was incredibly hard, they were very upset and even though I gave a (written) two week notice they chose not to bring their child back at all.

Honestly, this mom has been driving me CRAZY. She has complained about the food I feed her child, the TV that she watches (we watch one show during lunch prep but she complained that her dd knew EVERY TV show...), the fact that I had to close for a day due to illness (I know not everyone does this but I have four young children of my own and needed the day to deal with pukiness - and it states very clearly in my contract that it is not my responsibility to provide back up in the event that I need to close unexpectedly). She also started getting off work at 3:30 two months ago and yet the dad was still picking up their dd at 5:20 (???). The last straw was a few weeks ago when she texted me at 5:10 to tell me that dad was going to be late. Uh, where are you and why can't you come get your child??? I realize that 10.5 hours is fairly normal for running a daycare, but if you only work 8.5, why should I work so much more???

Plus, she has been incredibly rude to me on a few occasions and twice in the last 6 weeks she has threatened to pull her dd from daycare. First was when I closed for the sick day and second was when I decided to start closing at 5 (this was after the last late day and I called her out on the fact that she's off at 3:30 yet expects me to care for her child for an additional two hours, plus, she's my ONLY dck after 4:30) so I had given them a written two week notice of the change and mom was immediately nasty and threatening to leave. I'm only open to 5:30 if you are working until 5. I'm not here to take care of your child while you take a nap or run errands - no one does that for me!

Also on my list of complaints: paying me late (happened several times, only a few days late but still super annoying and not even an apology), NEVER bringing an extra pair of clothes and then not returning the clothes I had to lend them when dcg's were dirty, not bringing more diapers in a timely manner so that I had to run and pick up a pack for her, not brining wipes for TWO MONTHS even though I had asked for them twice, bring their dd MISERABLY sick and even telling me at drop off one morning that she was "feverin" last night (I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't even respond appropriately and ended up keeping her for the day).

UGH. I could go on and on!!! I just want someone to tell me that I wasn't crazy for making the decision to let them go. I know I couldn't have dealt with the stress any longer. Plus, I have 7 other dck's and none of my other families have EVER made me feel so bad!

Just feeling pretty horrible about this tonight. I hate that someone out there absolutely hates me right now...

What did she say when you terminated the child???

[momma2girls]

It looks like you tried everything to make it work. It's very stressful to have clients that don't abide by the rules and treat you with disrespect. You are always going to run into this in child care. The more experience you get the more you can weed that out in the begiining.

I don't offer 10.5 hour days. It's WAY too many hours of care for me. I know some providers live in areas with long transport times for parents but I specifically go for the families who have half hour lunch breaks and work close. The parent who goes to work last drops off and the parent who gets off of work first picks up. I keep the hours under nine if possible. Did they originally need you 10.5 hours?

I also don't have "hours of operation". I base my hours on a day to day basis on who is first to drop off and who is last to be picked up. I don't allow an open window of time when kids can come. It's all based on what the parents actually NEED for child care not open hours.

Don't be suprised if you get a licensing visitor from the State. Often parents will retaliate by making claims to your State when they have been booted out. It's a way to get even and it's VERY common. If you are registered or licensed you have a very good chance for this so make sure you have all your paperwork up to date and you are within capacity.

One thing I have seen before is that parents who have never had anyone ever "work" for them can get high handed when they are finally in that position. They believe they are your employers and you have THEIR kid so those two together make them believe you work FOR them. They can get all kinds of ideas of what you will and won't do because they are the boss of you. You have to be clear that they are NOT your employers but rather clients who are accessing YOUR business services. That doesn't give them the right to decide things like TV time, food for the kids, when payment is due etc. All those decisions are YOUR decisions. You tell them what you offer and they choose to use that service or not. If they don't abide by your rules then they must go elsewhere for services.

You did really well. I don't think I would have been able to do that when I first started out. Good job and get ready for an inspection.

I feel the same, if you have hrs. of operation, families abuse it to the max!!!!! THey even go over your times, just because. I have ran only on work and commute times for a yr. now, and it is so much better!!! Totally the way to do it!!

[emosks]

You did the right thing! :::HUGS:::

[My4SunshineGirlsNY]

You DEFINITELY did the right thing...I have let 2 families go and even though I knew I was in the right, I felt bad. But once they were gone, my stress reduced immensely.

That is a peeve of mine too...when a parent gets off from work and doesn't come get their child. I don't have any like that now, but I have in the past. Or those that will bring their child/ren to daycare and stay home because they are sick, yet if I'm sick they don't seem to hesitate to bring them..I know I have to power to close when I'm sick, but I just tough it out because I get no paid sick days.

You will feel less stressed now, all those things would eat at me too and I would also terminate.

[jen]

Good for you! You will not regret having to deal with the constant stress!!!

Enjoy your drama free day!

[misol]

Way to go tmcp2001! You did the right thing. Nobody has the right to take advantage of you and it sounds like that's what this mom was doing.

I think that if and when a parent threatens to remove a child from my care I will begin looking to replace them immediately and then fill the spot as soon as I can. I don't take kindly to threats.

[momofboys]

You did the right thing! Don't feel guilty! We live & learn.

[happykidschildcare]

letting kids go

Sometimes its just what we have to do, whether its a parent that cant abide by our rules or abuses our hours of a kid that we just can not deal with.

I had to send out letters last week stating: Parents dont get your contracted hours confused with my daycare hours... also pointing out that I have a 10 hr a day max, anything over 10 hrs is an extra charge of $10 per every 15 minutes after that 10th hour... That usually gets thier attn..

Important thing is you will be less stressed and happier without them...
Ive finally after many years have gotten to that point, overall you need to be good to YOU. If DCP are really abusing the policies, I type up a letter stating what needs to changes and if they dont make noticible changes right away I will let them go.

I think we have one of the most stressfull jobs, and even though on most days its very rewarding. There are always those days you say god I dont know if I want to do this anymore LOL...we all have them! Good Luck and dont feel bad doing whats best for you is most important and overall better for the kids in your care!