Storage vs Husband

[melskids]

I don't think its selfish. We ALL sacrifice alot in this family for me to work from home and pull this off. Daycare takes up alot of space with alot of stuff. We ALL deserve a space to call our own. Heck, even the DC kids are required to have a "cozy" spot....why can't the people who actually LIVE here have one too?!?!?!?

[daycare]

I guess I don't understand the need for a ' man cave' I mean he can always go to the bathroom if he needs privacy. Or the kitchen if he needs some time away. I guarantee if he does all cooking & cleaning for a month noone will bug him in there. Saying " I need a man cave" , I feel , says " I don't want to share". I think it's selfish to expect a room to yourself if you are married with children. I would suggest him to rent a storage unit with electric and let him use that.

I have no sympathy or compassion for selfish people. Sorry if I offend but I feel adults give up the private domain option when they share their life with someone.

As I see it, yes, the house is my woman cave. I picked out just about everything in it all the way down to the color of paint on the walls. I chose all of the dining and living room furniture, I decorated the entire place. I took over part of the dining room as my office and so on. My husband does not have a spot to hang his football pics, his wanted items and what not. So he got the garage.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I guess I don't understand the need for a ' man cave' I mean he can always go to the bathroom if he needs privacy. Or the kitchen if he needs some time away. I guarantee if he does all cooking & cleaning for a month noone will bug him in there. Saying " I need a man cave" , I feel , says " I don't want to share". I think it's selfish to expect a room to yourself if you are married with children. I would suggest him to rent a storage unit with electric and let him use that.

I have no sympathy or compassion for selfish people. Sorry if I offend but I feel adults give up the private domain option when they share their life with someone.

You made me laugh. I totally go into my closet for alone time at night/on weekends as needed. Mine is larger than my husbands and no one looks for me in there. ::

[youretooloud]

I would give him a man cave. Depending on how the house is set up. If there was space, and it was reasonable, I'd let him have it.

I'd sit down with him, and discuss how we can give him a space. See what his ideas are. If that means moving the playroom around and making some space, I'd give it a try. I'd even be willing to do without swings and baby equipment. (within reason)

I have one daycare room. But, every morning, I drag everything out to the rest of the house, and every evening I drag it back into this room. So, by 5:00, you can't tell I have a daycare.

(I also have a really big house though)

If he REALLLLLY wanted me to quit doing daycare, I'd talk about that too. Either no daycare, and be a stay at home mom... or I'd get a job outside the home, and I'd need him to split the work inside the house. Including baths, and laundry and all of those things. Then, i'd find out what a good daycare will cost us to put our kids in daycare, and we'd try to see if it would work out better for us. (it never does, he'll change his attitude, but it's nice to see him realize that it's not your dream job, and you do it for the betterment of the family)

[AmyLeigh]

Dh's former man cave is a playroom now! ::

OP, if I were in your situation, I would take dh house hunting. Specifically look for a house big enough to have a man cave, a separate daycare space, room for the kids and their personal equipment, and a space for whatever you are into (exercise, crafting, etc). Then let him see how expensive that size of a house is.

There's lots of things we want. We just can't have all of them at the time we want them.

[Crystal]

I'd turn it around on him. What are HIS ideas for how to create this space that you clealry do not have? If he is being practical and can really do it, let him do it. If he's being unrealistic, let him know that you are all making sacrifices (including your own children) for you to be able to stay home and also provide income for the family. Then tell him what the alternatives are - bigger house, or you don't work.

[AnneCordelia]

In my house "mancave" was speak for "space to hide from kids and chores".

I wish we had room for DH and I to each have our own space to decorate and do as we please with. But, we don't, and so neither of us get to complain about it because we are doing the best we can with what we have. This isn't for forever, and so we don't complain because there is no need...it changes nothing. All we can change is our attitudes about our space/time and that has helped my DH and I.

[SilverSabre25]

::I'm actually desperate to get my DH his own space someday--someplace where I don't have to listen to him watch ESPN quite so much. ESPN is too noisy for my tastes and DH gets veeerrrry unpleasant while watching sports. He also has all sorts of Star Wars and sports stuff he wants to put up that I refuse to have on the walls anywhere else.

Also, I keep reading the titles of this thread as "Storage OF Husband"

[Michael]

Ok, "man" speaking here. A man cave can be as simple as computer with headphones in a corner. Sometimes a guy just needs time to escape. We need a place to zone out. It actually recharges our batteries.

Many would think we don't appreciate our home lives but is not the case. A man cave is just a place to dream and be creative. I find that I cannot write songs anymore because there is so much going on in the general space of our home. My wife doesn't understand this.

Sometimes she is telling me a story of her day and my mind goes into cinematic mode. I am "watching" the story in my mind. We ARE listening but my wife always has to say "are you listening to me" which totally takes me out of my creative "visual mind" mode. Oh well, men are from Mars and women from Venus. That's a book that would help in this situation.

[littlemissmuffet]

Ok, "man" speaking here. A man cave can be as simple as computer with headphones in a corner. Sometimes a guy just needs time to escape. We need a place to zone out. It actually recharges our batteries.

I totally agree with this. My husband is always awesome... but after even 15 minutes of some alone time he is EVEN BETTER! My husband is very artistic and he needs to have the time/space to work on his projects... he gets that after he helps around the house - which also provides me with some quiet alone time for my own projects. When we meet up again later we're so happy to be in each other's company and talk about what we worked on. Obviously, we don't have the interuptions of a child... but when we do, we'll just take "quiet/alone time" in shifts

[AnneCordelia]

I don't think needing time to recharge is exclusive to the male sex.

To toss my own interpretation on the OP, I think that part of the problem is not just the space to recharge but more valuably the time. I think it becomes an issue when he needs 15 minutes right after work to recharge but what does she get? Where is her cave and rejuvination? This is the general undertone I feel from these statements of frustration with husbands...its often deeper than just not having the space for a cave.

[Blackcat31]

Speaking from the perspective of a new "empty nester".....try to let the little things slide and not stress so much about them.....your kids will be grown and gone quicker than you think and all these things that drive you crazy will be something you will wish were an issue now, at least once in a while.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Ok, "man" speaking here. A man cave can be as simple as computer with headphones in a corner. Sometimes a guy just needs time to escape. We need a place to zone out. It actually recharges our batteries.

Many would think we don't appreciate our home lives but is not the case. A man cave is just a place to dream and be creative. I find that I cannot write songs anymore because there is so much going on in the general space of our home. My wife doesn't understand this.

Sometimes she is telling me a story of her day and my mind goes into cinematic mode. I am "watching" the story in my mind. We ARE listening but my wife always has to say "are you listening to me" which totally takes me out of my creative "visual mind" mode. Oh well, men are from Mars and women from Venus. That's a book that would help in this situation.

I must be a man. I could have written this verbatim. ::

[DCMom]

Speaking from the perspective of a new "empty nester".....try to let the little things slide and not stress so much about them.....your kids will be grown and gone quicker than you think and all these things that drive you crazy will be something you will wish were an issue now, at least once in a while.

Yep. What she said!

My dh is just now getting his 'man cave' only we are calling it the 'media room'. In reality, it used to be our formal living room. For his 50th birthday, I am redecorating to his taste. He chose the sofa, the area rug and the big ol' plasma tv. I'm doing the painting and the accessories, but it's HIS room. I'll post pics when it's done.

The rest of the house it MINE! ::

In reality, he deserves it. He's put up with 25 years of daycare, scrapbooking, girl scouts, boy scouts, cookie exchanges, Lia Sophia and PartyLite parties, etc, etc, etc. with rarely a complaint. If he wants a space to flip around 1000 channels and surf the net, than he can have it now that our life has slowed down a bit.

[Springdaze]

Just from reading the title, I say storage!