Storage vs Husband

[jojosmommy]

Husband got on my case again this weekend about his need for a "man cave":confused: and how our entire house is a daycare. He will never have a man cave unless we win the lottery, this house is too small for that no matter what job I do.

I am so ready to throw in the towel and go back to teaching simply to teach him a lesson. I love my kids, both own and dck, and do a ridiculous amount for the family during daycare which means he needs to do much less when he gets home. His hours at work **** so he would never be able to pick up our kids from a real daycare if I was a working mom.

How do I make it clear that our house is not a daycare. We have two small kids and THEIR toys and baby swings etc are taking up this entire house, anyone with little ones knows what I mean.

I am ready to make a date night where his mom watches the kids and I secretly drive his whiney behind to marriage counseling so I can unload on him and tell him he needs to appreciate that this job brings in income to support us and has taught my son basically everything he knows thus far in his life (he is only 3).

Suggestions for how to prove to him I am doing my best to keep the daycare stuff under control? And a place to get storage ottomans---leather/fabric ones that open to stash toys in or amish made wooden ones for the same purpose but look like real adult furniture? I think I asked for suggestions on this before but didnt get much response.

[melskids]

My DH and I have the same arguement. Usually it includes a gripe about how much I spend on the daycare as well.

Our arguement is never ending...he hoards tractors like I hoard daycare stuff. So, I'm not much help, sorry! Just know you're not alone.

Do you have a garage, or even a shed, you can turn into his "Man Cave"? Maybe even a corner of your bedroom will keep him happy?

[SilverSabre25]

My husband and I go through similar problems periodically. If you honestly think that you need marriage counseling, talk to your DH about it first. Even if he doesn't want to go, you can go by yourself. Now, I haven't done this yet *either* but I'm working on it. And I am working on getting DH to the place where he feels comfortable with the idea of going. Dragging your DH there under false pretenses is not going to help anything in the long run--he'll just be resentful. But maybe you need to get a date night anyway, a REAL date night, to reconnect as a couple and have some time to talk without interruptions.

Try Ikea for storage solutions. Also, try limiting the number of toys that are out on a daily basis; do you have even a closet that you can dedicate to storing toys and other daycare stuff?

[DBug]

We have a tiny house with no living room, because it's the daycare playroom. We have an unfinished basement where we have family movie nights and so on, but we're pretty much in the same boat: the house is all daycare.

But, ever since we got married, hubby has always had a cave. Right now it's an 8' x 10' room with a locking door, and I'm sure it's saved our marriage on more than one occasion . The rule is that no one goes in there without his permission, and I never, ever, ever clean in there (he's a messy, I'm a tidy). That's his safe place where he can get away from the dc kids or our own kids if they start driving him crazy.

Usually if he's had a bit of time to himself after work or whenever, he's MUCH easier to get along with, he's happy to help the kids with homework, do the laundry, play with the kids, get things done around the house, etc, etc.

So I would say that giving your hubby a space of his own will make YOUR life much easier. Even if it's not much to look at, it will make a difference.

I just know that I would hate to come home to a place that looks like his office (he's a computer guy -- computers and parts and tools everywhere!), so I totally get it when he gets annoyed tripping over both high chairs in the kitchen or not having a place to sit down with a buddy because we have no living room.

Just make sure to lay the ground rules first, so that there's less chance of him hibernating in said cave

[laundrymom]

I guess I don't understand the need for a ' man cave' I mean he can always go to the bathroom if he needs privacy. Or the kitchen if he needs some time away. I guarantee if he does all cooking & cleaning for a month noone will bug him in there. Saying " I need a man cave" , I feel , says " I don't want to share". I think it's selfish to expect a room to yourself if you are married with children. I would suggest him to rent a storage unit with electric and let him use that.

I have no sympathy or compassion for selfish people. Sorry if I offend but I feel adults give up the private domain option when they share their life with someone.

[itlw8]

I think this man cave idea has gotten out of hand. Like do people have a room just for the lady of the house.. no the kitchen is supposed to be her place or anywhere the kids are while the man is hiding in his cave.

but the toys and baby stuff does not need to be in his face either
do you have a closet you can put bins of toys when you are closed. under a coffee table

stacked bins with a cloth over it to be an end table

put the swing in babies room when not in use

rotate toys keep bins in the garage

Have less toys. this is my weakness. Do you have any stairs to make storage under? If need be buy a storage shed... or a bigger one for a man cave if you can have a loft in it for storage that helps

[itlw8]

what ever happened to the master bedroom being the adult santuary? no kids allowed. and nothing girly


This is why we have that ugly reliner in front a a large tv. That is his man space

[littlemissmuffet]

My hubs has a man cave. And quite honestly, our marriage benifitted hugely from him having his own little space! I don't think it's selfish at all - I think it's important for everyone to have their own space. The office is mine - where I work on all my various projects and crafting, the basement is his. We are welcome in eachother's spaces - we're just not allowed to tell eachother how to keep them

[MarinaVanessa]

My hubs has a man cave. And quite honestly, our marriage benifitted hugely from him having his own little space! I don't think it's selfish at all - I think it's important for everyone to have their own space. The office is mine - where I work on all my various projects and crafting, the basement is his. We are welcome in eachother's spaces - we're just not allowed to tell eachother how to keep them

That's so awesome that you have your own space, I'm so jealous . We don't have room for a "man cave" and although I agree that a DH having his own private space would benefit a marriage I also agree that it has to be both ways and the wife of the household should have her own space too. And not one shared by the DC kids or their own kids.

We don't have a "man cave" but my DH and I both have our desks in the bedroom (for lack of space) and when he comes home he goes there to unwind and to get some extra work done etc. but while he gets his private work time in there I'm with our kids. I can't even take a 30 minute private bath without little fists pounding on the door and DH asking me how much longer I'm going to be every 5 minutes because the kids are driving him crazy ... really? After 30 minutes .

I have always brought up the idea of relationship counseling to my DH but he has always shot down the idea until I finally gave up. So I stopped doing stuff that I used to do and started doing things that interest me like participating more in our local child care association and attending trainings etc. Now that he has the kids more often he has seen that it's not so easy afterall to keep the house tidy and the kids pleased. Maybe you should try that . Last night my DH brought up couples therapy again and now he wants to go ::. It's amazing what a few short months of me doing "Me" time will get ya . Maybe if your DH is asking you for a private space for him you should ask him for private space also. I think that couples therapy is a good idea and if he doesn't want to go with you then perhaps you can benefit from it yourself ... maybe that can be the "you" time that you need to vent and your DH can see for himself what it takes to keep the house maintained while watching kids during the time that you're away.

[littlemissmuffet]

That's so awesome that you have your own space, I'm so jealous . We don't have room for a "man cave" and although I agree that a DH having his own private space would benefit a marriage I also agree that it has to be both ways and the wife of the household should have her own space too. And not one shared by the DC kids or their own kids.

We don't have a "man cave" but my DH and I both have our desks in the bedroom (for lack of space) and when he comes home he goes there to unwind and to get some extra work done etc. but while he gets his private work time in there I'm with our kids. I can't even take a 30 minute private bath without little fists pounding on the door and DH asking me how much longer I'm going to be every 5 minutes because the kids are driving him crazy ... really? After 30 minutes .

I have always brought up the idea of relationship counseling to my DH but he has always shot down the idea until I finally gave up. So I stopped doing stuff that I used to do and started doing things that interest me like participating more in our local child care association and attending trainings etc. Now that he has the kids more often he has seen that it's not so easy afterall to keep the house tidy and the kids pleased. Maybe you should try that . Last night my DH brought up couples therapy again and now he wants to go ::. It's amazing what a few short months of me doing "Me" time will get ya . Maybe if your DH is asking you for a private space for him you should ask him for private space also. I think that couples therapy is a good idea and if he doesn't want to go with you then perhaps you can benefit from it yourself ... maybe that can be the "you" time that you need to vent and your DH can see for himself what it takes to keep the house maintained while watching kids during the time that you're away.

Well, in your case, because you don't have the space - it's a matter of TIME. Schedule 1 hour each day - 30 minutes of which is your time to do whatever you like where he needs to keep the kids occupied and away from you. The other 30 minutes is his where you keep the kids occupied and away from him. If he can't do that for you... then quite honestly, why bother being with him?

I have VERY high expectations of my husband. Granted, he's spoiled rotten... but he spoils me too. We are a very give and take couple, very balanced and I think that's the only way a HAPPY marriage works.

We have been to marriage councelling on and off our whole relationship... not because we have any particular issues, but to learn new techniques to handle diffrent marital aspects and gain new relationship skills. It's worked wonders. I hear about a lot of men who refuse to go to councelling and I think that's outrageous. I think many men act and react in certain ways because women don't call them on it. I don't mess around - if my hubs can't put in the time, effort and heart I do - I'd rather be alone. Thankfully, he's in this 100%.

[MarinaVanessa]

Well, in your case, because you don't have the space - it's a matter of TIME. Schedule 1 hour each day - 30 minutes of which is your time to do whatever you like where he needs to keep the kids occupied and away from you. The other 30 minutes is his where you keep the kids occupied and away from him.

Are you kidding?? Did you not read the part where I can't even take a 30 minute bath with out being interrupted ::::::. And then there are times when he keeps the kids downstairs while I am upstairs trying to relax and all I hear are my 2 kids screaming . No relaxation there either ... I have to physically leave the house to get my R&R .

If he can't do that for you... then quite honestly, why bother being with him?

The truth is that I am not perfect and so I don't expect him to be. He loves me, faults and all, and I do the same for him. He may not know how to keep the kids occupied and pacified the way that I do but it's still a give and take with everything else. He's still a good man and a great partner and I wouldn't split up only because of this one thing when there's so many other good things to take into consideration .

[jojosmommy]

Let me clarify.... First I wouldn't actually bring hubs to marriage counseling without letting him know. And this issue isn't marriage counseling material really. Just annoyed that this is the issue brought up as if its my fault.

Second, the ONLY toys out in common living spaces are our own kids toys. Our living room has one small decorative wooden box of books next to the couch, one decorative storage box of baby toys (under the end table), our babys swing and bumbo seat. Thats it!!! All the dc toys are in the basement bedroom which neither of our kids currently use, simply because they are too small to sleep alone downstairs. Our bedroom, bathroom and office are kid free also. Kids toys are in two wooden toy boxes- out of sight really.

My hubs already has the office for his personal keepsakes (jerseys from college, kids baseball cards etc). And he doesn't keep the garage clean enough to do what he wants in there, HIS problem, I am a tidy individual so the garge drives me nuts. He could do as he wishes in the garage- if he had me to clean it up like he does in the house.

I am just wondering if other people has this issue too and looking for the right words to say dude I am raising the kids for 11.5 hrs a day while you are at work AND keeping this house from falling apart, dc or no dc. (without sounding so harsh :.

And to whom ever said hubs is being selfish, I agree 100%. Where is my "woman cave", I havent been able to locate that for years either ::::????????

[daycare]

My husband and I came to a compromise a few months back.

We got a storage for about $30.00 a month and we took all of my daycare stuff and put it in there. It's great. the storage site is less than a mile from my home and I go there about 3 times a month. I don't mind it.

He has full use of the garage to do as he pleases. Lucky for me he turned it into an entertainment room/gym that he does not mind sharing with the rest of the family if needed.

Sometimes I hate having to go to the storage to put stuff away and lucky for me too my husband has no problem taking it back for me and putting it away. Normally this is what happens, because I am too tired to take it all back.

Also to make it easier, I get what I need for at least a few weeks, so that I don't have to keep going back and forth. It took awhile to find a system, but it works and everyone is happy....

[Soupyszoo]

I guess I don't understand the need for a ' man cave' I mean he can always go to the bathroom if he needs privacy. Or the kitchen if he needs some time away. I guarantee if he does all cooking & cleaning for a month noone will bug him in there. Saying " I need a man cave" , I feel , says " I don't want to share". I think it's selfish to expect a room to yourself if you are married with children. I would suggest him to rent a storage unit with electric and let him use that.

I have no sympathy or compassion for selfish people. Sorry if I offend but I feel adults give up the private domain option when they share their life with someone.

I tend to agree. Where's my woman cave?? And don't say the whole house because that's not true at all! Where do I get to go to escape?? Sometimes it feels like all we do is try to make everything ok for everyone else all. The. Time. When do I get to go to my private room and "escape"?!

[Meeko]

I made my own space in our home by converting a closet under the stairs in the basement into a little office! It's tiny, and it's not fancy but it's all mine! I just painted the water pipes to match the walls. The sewer pipe from the bathroom is behind the bookcase and I get to hear rushing water every time someone uses the bathroom LOL! But I escape in there to use my computer, write in my journal etc. I don't need a whole big room.

Does your hubby need a whole room? Maybe just a space that's all his. Some guys convert their garages into space for themselves. Maybe he could that? Who needs the space more...him or the car?