2 Issues: 17 M/O Hitting And Only Wants Mom

[SunshineMama]

17 month old dd has recently started hitting and throwing toys out of frustration. She is not very verbal.

Last night we went to a friends house to dye eggs and dd lost it! They set up a bunch of egg dye on a coffee table and gave all the kids spoons. I knew dd would want to play with all the pretty colors and eggs, but the dye would get all over the place if she did, and we were inside. She threw the eggs. She screamed. She whacked me in the face with her ladle while flailing all around. Its my fault- we are 2 to 1 nap transitioning and she was having difficulty with that, it was too close to bedtime, and the set up was not age appropriate. That being said- I still dont want her to hit me.

How do I make it stop?

The other problem, is that DD only wants me. Not even DH. I love her but I am getting exhausted. I feel like I can only give her 80% of my efforts because I am doing it 100% of the time. I am just so exhausted and need a break. I feel guilty for saying that even but I do need a break. I need time to miss her so I can come back refreshed and ready to be her #1. A few hours alone would be great!

How do you socialize your little ones with the world while in a daycare setting? I feel like shes's with me only, 24/7 and its causing problems..

Ideas? Thoughts?

[cheerfuldom]

okay so this is your own child? start off with leaving her with dad on a regular basis and you leave the house if you have to or just do your thing and let hubby take care of her. I know you feel like you are helping her by letting her choose only you but trust me, its not helping. Take her out running errands, to walks, to parks and just be patient and consistent with her behavior. Whats the nap situation? You might consider an hour nap in the morning and then a longer one in the afternoon. I know a lot of moms/providers transition to one nap at around a year or 15 months but for my kids and daycare kids, if I see any escalation of meltdowns, back to two naps they go. Even if she is just getting down time and not actually sleeping, that could be what she needs. I think the important things is not to get tempted to feed into this....she needs the right kind of attention, no more attention for negative behavior. Dont be worried about letting her cry if she gets mad or frustrated either. Thats a normal part of learning boundaries. Is this your first child?

[Country Kids]

Time to go back to nap 2 times a day. Let her outgrow the two times a day nap, because it sounds like she really still needs it.

If possibly take her for a walk after everyone leaves. Get her away from the childcare for even just a few minutes everyday.

Do you have any special mommy and me time with her? Even just a special reading time each and everyday. Maybe like at nap or something. She may just be having childcare burnout with the kids around all the time.

Have daddy watch her while you go for a quick walk around the block maybe after you take her for a walk.

Also, when our kids where little we were very careful about doing things in the evening. We stayed home quiet a bit so we could keep a very good schedule with them in the evening and then did alot of family things on the weekends.

We have tons of responsiblities with our jobs and our kids can sense that. I have teenagers and alot of times they just want mom because they want some special time for them still, not the childcare. They need to know mom still cares for them and not just the childcare children.

[MrsB]

I agree with cheerfuldom.

My own 17 mos old daughter hit me yesterday. And hitting means losing access to me. Same thing I would do for a daycare child. For a good 2 or 3 hours where she couldnt just come up and sit on my lap when she wanted to and explaining to her every time she tried, you sit over here cause you hit mommy, I dont want to get hurt. She came up to me and put her hand on my cheek and gently stroked it and said "ahhhh mamma" That gave me the clue that she knew what i meant and weve been good ever since.

Remember too at this stage they are developing their verbal skills but they understand SOOOO much more than they can actual speak.

Try to ignore the fit as much as possible. Put her in a safe place and let her fit away. My DH has a really rough time with this one. Because of this she has about 5 times more fits than I get and they last about 3 or 4 times as long.

Make sure you take time for yourself. Breaks away from all your duties is very healthy. I have never heard of a child growing up saying that they were traumatized because their mom went to get pedicures once a month. You deserve it!

Do like others suggested, take her for more outings to socialize her more. I never realized it but had another provider point out to me, that this job is very isolated for the provider, it can be the same for a child of a provider. They are only used to the rules of the daycare. Then if you subject her to many different social situations she can learn how to make proper decisions in different situations.


Best of luck!

[SunshineMama]

Thank you ladies!

This is not my first child, but I worked outside the home with my first. My first was also unusually verbal, so I did not have these issues. It feels like my first sometimes bc the two are so different!

Nap situation: We are transitioning to one nap this week. I am struggling with whether or not to put her back to two, or to ride it out and give her some adjustment time. I dont know if one week is enough time to adjust or not?? :confused: The transition was so easy for dd1 and all my daycare kids.

I think dh is going to have step in. He tries but gives up within seconds of her calling and reaching out for mama he gives her back to me.

For hitting- I have recently been putting her in the same place, on a rug. I guess consistency is the key here and hope she will get it?

Last night was so embarassing when she flipped out. We were with all of our friends kids, and here I am, the only one with multiple kids, and I run a daycare, and my child was the one who could not be controlled. Yes, there wre many factors that led up to it, but I just was mortified. We had to leave early.

[Country Kids]

She may have been on kid overload for the day. If she was tired and then there were more kids during the evening it may have just been to much for her. That would be a long day for her age to be around kids all day long. Just because she's a child doesn't mean she likes to be around children all day.

Just because we do childcare doesn't mean perfection from our own children. We are still moms, they are still children.

[SunshineMama]

She may have been on kid overload for the day. If she was tired and then there were more kids during the evening it may have just been to much for her. That would be a long day for her age to be around kids all day long. Just because she's a child doesn't mean she likes to be around children all day.

Just because we do childcare doesn't mean perfection from our own children. We are still moms, they are still children.

Do you think I should put her down for 2 naps today or try to stick to the 1?

[Country Kids]

Do you think I should put her down for 2 naps today or try to stick to the 1?

I would go back to 2 and let her outgrow them. Her little body will know when she's not needing to naps a day. Go by what her little body says, not what "the books" say.

[SunshineMama]

I would go back to 2 and let her outgrow them. Her little body will know when she's not needing to naps a day. Go by what her little body says, not what "the books" say.

I'm going to give it a try and put her down in a few. I felt like she was overtired but I kept reading that they usually make the transition now. Thank you for your advice!

[safechner]

17 month old dd has recently started hitting and throwing toys out of frustration. She is not very verbal.

Last night we went to a friends house to dye eggs and dd lost it! They set up a bunch of egg dye on a coffee table and gave all the kids spoons. I knew dd would want to play with all the pretty colors and eggs, but the dye would get all over the place if she did, and we were inside. She threw the eggs. She screamed. She whacked me in the face with her ladle while flailing all around. Its my fault- we are 2 to 1 nap transitioning and she was having difficulty with that, it was too close to bedtime, and the set up was not age appropriate. That being said- I still dont want her to hit me.

How do I make it stop?

The other problem, is that DD only wants me. Not even DH. I love her but I am getting exhausted. I feel like I can only give her 80% of my efforts because I am doing it 100% of the time. I am just so exhausted and need a break. I feel guilty for saying that even but I do need a break. I need time to miss her so I can come back refreshed and ready to be her #1. A few hours alone would be great!

How do you socialize your little ones with the world while in a daycare setting? I feel like shes's with me only, 24/7 and its causing problems..

Ideas? Thoughts?

I understand what you went through. My youngest daughter was the same thing when she was your daughter's ages (mommy's little girl). She doesn't like to spend time with her daddy at all! I have decided that she needs to spend a little more time with her daddy while I gone to college for part time at night time for 2-3 hours a day because I do not want to see my husband feel hurt a bit or anything like that. At first, my daughter was not take it very well when I first time left her to be with her daddy. She cried and run to me while I drove off once for a while. My husband tried to spend time with her as much as he can. About 4 months later, she gets idea and she accepted it. Now my daughter is 9 1/2 years old and her daddy are not getting along for some reason but I know my husband loves her so much. Sometimes, I hate to see my husband get hurt by her saying that she don't like him at all. I have tried to get them to work out and it works out for a little while but it goes back to the same old way. Grr... I am still figure it out what makes it work.

I would say u need to get out and leave your daughter with her dad while you run some errands or something like to get her used to it. Don't feel guilty but it is good for her to be with her daddy for a while.

About hitting, it is not ok for her to hit you like that. My oldest daughter slap my face only once when she was 19 months old while I was pregnant with my second daughter. I slap her hand (not hard) and she was shocked but I told her with my firm voice: It is not ok to hit like that and she never do it again. What I have learned is that, there are so many parents put their children in time out or send to their rooms when they hit their parents but most likely it won't work. They will still hit their parents and the parents can put it stop if they slap their hands to make it stop. I have seen like that in the mall but the kids keep hit their mothers because they didn't do anything with them. I remembered my brother was 5 years old and he keeps hit my mom since he was 15 months old and my mom put him time out but he thinks it was so funny and she told her it is not ok to hit. He keeps doing it. I fed up to see my brother like that when I was 13 years old. I decided I slap him with his hand but it was so hard. I told him "Stop hit mom all the time and it is NOT ok to hit and if you do this again and I will hit you more harder!" He was so shocked but he stopped it right away. My mom was shocked too but she was glad I put it stop. I know it sounds mean but it works.

I also have a dcg who always hit her mother since she was 20 months old and she put her time out and it never works. Now she is almost 3 years old and she still hit her mom front of me all the time and I didn't say anything. Her mother asked me if she hits me and I told her she never hits me but she knows I will firm with her if she does that to me. If she asks me some advice and I will tell her but she hasn't just yet.

Hopefully she won't hit you any longer.

[SunshineMama]

I just put her down and she was rubbing her eyes. I think 1:00 was too long for her to go without an am nap. I think I will put her down again at 2:30 or 3:00, depending on when she wakes up.

Thanks again for your input- it was exactly what I needed!

[cheerfuldom]

oh yeah, 1:00 is too long. Even my kids on one nap are in bed for sure by 12:00. When I transition to one nap, I don't just take out the first nap. I shorten the first nap and then down the road, move the first nap later and later in the morning (moving the second nap accordingly). then when I get the first nap to about 11:00, we go to one nap and see how that goes. THEN down the road I move to noon, like the rest of my kids. The whole transition can take up to 6 months (usually not). I know that may seem drawn out to some people but this absolutely works for me and all of my kids and daycare kids are good, good nappers. I know a few daycares that right at a year, the move the kids to one nap at noon and just suffer a few months of whiney tired baby but that is just not cool to me. I have a smaller group and I spend the time to make sure the transitions are smooooooooth!

[SunshineMama]

oh yeah, 1:00 is too long. Even my kids on one nap are in bed for sure by 12:00. When I transition to one nap, I don't just take out the first nap. I shorten the first nap and then down the road, move the first nap later and later in the morning (moving the second nap accordingly). then when I get the first nap to about 11:00, we go to one nap and see how that goes. THEN down the road I move to noon, like the rest of my kids. The whole transition can take up to 6 months (usually not). I know that may seem drawn out to some people but this absolutely works for me and all of my kids and daycare kids are good, good nappers. I know a few daycares that right at a year, the move the kids to one nap at noon and just suffer a few months of whiney tired baby but that is just not cool to me. I have a smaller group and I spend the time to make sure the transitions are smooooooooth!

[MrsB]

My DD just transitioned from 2 naps to 1 in the last month. I adjusted her nap time by an hour each week until her 1 nap coincided with the other dcKs naps.

What time does she wake up in the morning?

[SunshineMama]

My DD just transitioned from 2 naps to 1 in the last month. I adjusted her nap time by an hour each week until her 1 nap coincided with the other dcKs naps.

What time does she wake up in the morning?

She sleeps 7:30pm - 7:15 am on average.

I did put her down today at 10. She slept for 30 mins. Hopefully that was enough sleep time for her. DCK's are down at 1:00, so I think since she only slept 30 mins maybe 1:45??? I need the break of all kids asleep at the same time but I want to meet dd's needs first.