Advice And Opinions Greatly Appreciated

[godiva83]

Hi everyone,

I have a little situation on my hands that is completely stressing me out and I am not sure how to approach it or what I should do, as something like this has never happened to me.

The background -
I have a DCB whom has always been a little difficult. He doesn't communicate, would cry at the drop of a hat, scream and occasionally his drop offs were hard. This boy took about 2 months to get used to daycare life when he started at 11 months. He has been here for over a year now and although improved greatly still has his intense crying/screaming fits.
This DCB is also constantly sick, had a very nasty diaper rash for the first year of his life, until I insisted he been seen by a doctor it turned out he was lactose intolerant, he has very strange BM's and is simply not a ' well' child. Dad constantly reeks of cigarette smoke and I am sure has something to do with his son always being Ill -

Anyway, a few weeks ago his Mum brought him in underwear and didn't mention it, I didn't realize until there was urine all over the place. DCM insists DCB start the training process even though I have said he is not ready in the least, doesn't communicate, will sit in a dirty diaper, not physically ready.
Well this past week he had SCREAMED and cried at drop off umcontrollably. I explained to mum that this could be because he is going thru a new transition with potty training and asked if anything else was new or different at home - she said no.
Anyway, this DCB is not here today and in the email the DCM said, " there has to be something going on at your house that DCB doesn't like, something is just not right with this situation and I am keeping him home until I can better figure things out.'
What is this supossed to mean? I am so taken back by this, and hurt. I feel as if she is accusing me for something but I don't know what.

I am also 7.5 months pregnant and hormonal so I am overly emotional and may be reading too much in to this.
I appologize for the rambling I am writing this quickly on my phone as I have a wee break. Hope it makes sense
Opinions and advice please

[Crystal]

I would ask her specifically what she means by that. It sounds like an accusation to me and I would not take that lightly.

I'd ask her what she means, and then let her know that if she truly feels that " there has to be something going on at your house that DCB doesn't like, something is just not right with this situation and I am keeping him home until I can better figure things out." then she needs to find alternate care,as I could not live with that "threat" hanging over my head.

[Blackcat31]

(((hugs))) Please don't take offense to what she said. It is natural for parents to assume that anything "off" with their child's behavior HAS to be from somewhere other than them because after all, they are the parents...kwim?

I would simply respond to mom that if she has any issues she wants to discuss with you to let you know and you two can talk but as far as anything being wrong at your house, it just might not be the type of care environment the child needs. You may be allowing him too much independence or maybe the atmosphere is noisier than home or you don't hold him as much or a million other little things. DOES NOT mean any of those things are wrong, just that the child isn't a good fit for your program. That is ok, don't take it personal.

If mom wants to seek other care arrangements, it is probably better as nothing you do is making it any better so it is easier for mom to "blame" you because she surely isn't thinking it is anything she does or doesn't do.

Don't let her comments affect you. You can only do so much and still sometimes that is not enough for some people/children. I also think with the forced toilet training there may be other issues and if mom is pointing the finger at you, then I would let her go and she will find out soon enough that SHE needs to work with the caregiver or her child will have issues everywhere he goes.

Hang in there.....

[familyschoolcare]

I agree with Crystal and Blackcat31.

If the mom truely believes "there has to be something going on at your house that DCB doesn't like, something is just not right with this situation" Then the

only responsible parental choice is to find other care for her child. That does not mean that you are doing something wrong, just that it is not a good fit.

[MrsB]

(((hugs))) Please don't take offense to what she said. It is natural for parents to assume that anything "off" with their child's behavior HAS to be from somewhere other than them because after all, they are the parents...kwim?

I would simply respond to mom that if she has any issues she wants to discuss with you to let you know and you two can talk but as far as anything being wrong at your house, it just might not be the type of care environment the child needs. You may be allowing him too much independence or maybe the atmosphere is noisier than home or you don't hold him as much or a million other little things. DOES NOT mean any of those things are wrong, just that the child isn't a good fit for your program. That is ok, don't take it personal.

If mom wants to seek other care arrangements, it is probably better as nothing you do is making it any better so it is easier for mom to "blame" you because she surely isn't thinking it is anything she does or doesn't do.

Don't let her comments affect you. You can only do so much and still sometimes that is not enough for some people/children. I also think with the forced toilet training there may be other issues and if mom is pointing the finger at you, then I would let her go and she will find out soon enough that SHE needs to work with the caregiver or her child will have issues everywhere he goes.

Hang in there.....

Totally agree with everything that Blackcat said.

One time I had a mom fight with me on my whole toilet training procedures. She left, after a year, I ran into her at the store and asked her how she was doing and her son. She made chit chat at first and then she said, I have to come clean. You were right all along, it took me 2 more daycares to figure out my way just wasn't going to work. I really wanted to call you and tell you, but I was too scared.

Things worked out, and since he is now in a mentesorri preschool, he does an occasional drop in on non school days.

H****! You are doing the right thing.

[JenNJ]

I would ask her specifically what she means by that. It sounds like an accusation to me and I would not take that lightly.

I'd ask her what she means, and then let her know that if she truly feels that " there has to be something going on at your house that DCB doesn't like, something is just not right with this situation and I am keeping him home until I can better figure things out." then she needs to find alternate care,as I could not live with that "threat" hanging over my head.

I agree with Crystal. I would mail termination papers immediately. Kids don't like about 50% of things around them. My daughter hates wind gusts. Doesn't mean I wont take her outside.

[SunshineMama]

Hi everyone,

I have a little situation on my hands that is completely stressing me out and I am not sure how to approach it or what I should do, as something like this has never happened to me.

The background -
I have a DCB whom has always been a little difficult. He doesn't communicate, would cry at the drop of a hat, scream and occasionally his drop offs were hard. This boy took about 2 months to get used to daycare life when he started at 11 months. He has been here for over a year now and although improved greatly still has his intense crying/screaming fits.
This DCB is also constantly sick, had a very nasty diaper rash for the first year of his life, until I insisted he been seen by a doctor it turned out he was lactose intolerant, he has very strange BM's and is simply not a ' well' child. Dad constantly reeks of cigarette smoke and I am sure has something to do with his son always being Ill -

Anyway, a few weeks ago his Mum brought him in underwear and didn't mention it, I didn't realize until there was urine all over the place. DCM insists DCB start the training process even though I have said he is not ready in the least, doesn't communicate, will sit in a dirty diaper, not physically ready.
Well this past week he had SCREAMED and cried at drop off umcontrollably. I explained to mum that this could be because he is going thru a new transition with potty training and asked if anything else was new or different at home - she said no.
Anyway, this DCB is not here today and in the email the DCM said, " there has to be something going on at your house that DCB doesn't like, something is just not right with this situation and I am keeping him home until I can better figure things out.'
What is this supossed to mean? I am so taken back by this, and hurt. I feel as if she is accusing me for something but I don't know what.

I am also 7.5 months pregnant and hormonal so I am overly emotional and may be reading too much in to this.
I appologize for the rambling I am writing this quickly on my phone as I have a wee break. Hope it makes sense
Opinions and advice please

OMG please dont listen to DCM! How awful! Of course potty training at daycare is hard. DD was pottytrained for a year, went to daycare, and had consistent accidents. Of course a newly potty trained kid will. And she brought the child in underwear and didnt even TELL you? Oh heck no!

Are you able to term? She sounds like a nutcase.

[godiva83]

Thanks for everyone's support and advice... I am definitely will speak to this DCM and tell her that if she feels, " something is not right," I suggest she find another daycare. I will however, stand my ground that nothing in my day home is out of ordinary and perhaps X is just not a good fit. We wish you all the best - see ya
I wish I did term a long time ago! But I never had the strength too. Now I am clOsing in June, but it's not worth it to keep her around for the added stress.

I just hope she doesn't tarnish my reputation or spread things around involving my daycare or name

[Blackcat31]

Thanks for everyone's support and advice... I am definitely will speak to this DCM and tell her that if she feels, " something is not right," I suggest she find another daycare. I will however, stand my ground that nothing in my day home is out of ordinary and perhaps X is just not a good fit. We wish you all the best - see ya
I wish I did term a long time ago! But I never had the strength too. Now I am clOsing in June, but it's not worth it to keep her around for the added stress.

I just hope she doesn't tarnish my reputation or spread things around involving my daycare or name

What is it Dr. Suess says? "Those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter?" Something to that effect anyways.

If she bad mouths you the only people who will listen are the ones who are just like her and in that case, who cares? and the others who actually know you, know better than to believe one trash talking termed daycare momma....kwim?

Hang in there. YOU know you do a great job and that is really all that matters.

[sharlan]

If you feel in your heart that you did everything possible for this child, it's time to term and let the family move on.

Since you are closing in a few months, I would tell the mom, "I'm sorry things didn't work out here for you. Best luck with your new provider."

Not every child is right for every home provider and likewise, not every provider is right for every child.

[cheerfuldom]

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this and at the end of a pregnancy too. I would respond with

"I am happy to answer any questions you have about (kids) care. I want you to be 100% confident in your childs care and in their daycare provider. If you feel that for some reason you no longer have that with me, then please look for another daycare because it is important that you feel comfortable with where you child is during the day. I will assure that he/she has had the best care possible and has only ever been treated with love and gentleness and with his best interests in mind. Please let me know by (date) what your final decision is. If I do not hear back from you, I will assume that you have terminated care but please remember that per our contract, (insert your termination rules). Thank you and again, please feel free to contact me about this issue"

[MissK]

(((hugs))) Please don't take offense to what she said. It is natural for parents to assume that anything "off" with their child's behavior HAS to be from somewhere other than them because after all, they are the parents...kwim?

I would simply respond to mom that if she has any issues she wants to discuss with you to let you know and you two can talk but as far as anything being wrong at your house, it just might not be the type of care environment the child needs. You may be allowing him too much independence or maybe the atmosphere is noisier than home or you don't hold him as much or a million other little things. DOES NOT mean any of those things are wrong, just that the child isn't a good fit for your program. That is ok, don't take it personal.

If mom wants to seek other care arrangements, it is probably better as nothing you do is making it any better so it is easier for mom to "blame" you because she surely isn't thinking it is anything she does or doesn't do.

Don't let her comments affect you. You can only do so much and still sometimes that is not enough for some people/children. I also think with the forced toilet training there may be other issues and if mom is pointing the finger at you, then I would let her go and she will find out soon enough that SHE needs to work with the caregiver or her child will have issues everywhere he goes.

Hang in there.....

If you feel in your heart that you did everything possible for this child, it's time to term and let the family move on.

Since you are closing in a few months, I would tell the mom, "I'm sorry things didn't work out here for you. Best luck with your new provider."

Not every child is right for every home provider and likewise, not every provider is right for every child.

yes!! Both of these! Maybe your daycare or a home daycare setting isn't the best option for him. I agree that she is making it sound very accusatory and I would of course defend myself and my daycare as well. Sounds like things would be a lot less stressful if she wasn't with you anymore...

[My3cents]

I wouldn't term until I found out more details. What did she mean by that statement? Should have asked her right then and there. Parents have a million things going on in their heads too, work, juggling, same stuff we do basically. She might have been reacting to a bad a day that has nothing to do with you, her son etc...or just tired. You should call her out on potty training and have a sit down with her so that you can be working as a team. If he is not ready, he is not ready. He can be ready at home, but at daycare he can't be wizzing all over the place- gross. Turn it around and tell her what your needs are. We need to have better communication, how can we achieve this? When your being intimidated by a parent, turn it around back on them. Answer a question with a question. If she has her mind set on leaving you- let her, she will be doing you a favor, if not keep on a keepin on. Cherish your pregnancy hormones, they are only around for a season